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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWho In Their Right Mind Would Throw Away An Empty Box Of Staples??!!!!!
Last edited Thu Jul 18, 2013, 09:54 PM - Edit history (1)
My house is full of mementos of the dead.
It's true. I had to admit that yesterday when my partner tried to throw away the empty box of staples. I've been making a catio for our deaf cat and have been using the big hand stapler that I have. After almost 20 years I'd finally used up the box of staples and my dear hubby thought throwing away the box was OK.
It was not.
You see, that was my dad's stapler. One of the tools in the box of dad's tools my mom thrust at me when she had to sell the family farm and move out in just a few weeks. Down at the bottom of the box was his shiny chrome stapler and a box of arrow staples. My dad bought those staples. He used up half the box. He went to the store and bought that box on some morning after he had his coffee and fed some cows.
The rag I just cleaned up the sink with was, in 1990, my dear friend David's beach towel. I have pictures of him sitting on it, poolside, in Palm Springs. Then AIDS took him and I was left with a house full of good quality housewares from David. So his beach towel was my beach towel til it got a hole. Then it was a dog towel until it sort of ripped in half...so my mom used her surger and surged me up a bunch of kitchen rags out of it. And so now when I do things like scrub my sink, I think of my dear friend David. He was handsome and suave and drove a convertible and now he is reduced to scrubbing sinks, but, what the hell. It makes me think of him and, it honestly hurts when another of those rags is reduced to strings and fray and must be thrown away. I'm down to two of them...from beach towel to two little 8" squares of material.
So, my poor husband fears throwing anything away, and I freak out over things like rags and stapler boxes. At least I'm practical about what I keep!
But these thoughts are in my head right now because we are about to go on vacation and my partner is, as usual, freaking out about our domestic partnership papers. His family populates the South, so our last trip to Florida was kind of scary. Knowing he could be barred from my hospital room makes him lose sleep at night. A few months after Florida I had a heart attack so this is our first trip since that rather unpleasant event. But this year his family is in a bluer state that recognizes Domestic Partnerships.
And the difference in how we feel is amazing. I think of my mother, sleeping for weeks at the hospital with my dad when he became ill in the 1970s. And then I think of my gay friends dying of AIDS whose partners were thrown out of their hospital rooms because they weren't "family". Those things still happen in red states. Those things are terrifying when you are a gay guy with heart issues.
Those things can really wreck how you feel going into a Florida vacation or a Texas getaway. They are a black cloud. You have to make a choice before you get on the plane, "I am accepting, if something terrible happens to me, I may have to die alone while my husband waits down the hall". Or, the flipside of that is thinking: "If something happens to my hubby they had better be prepared to shoot me to get him away from the side of that bed." Yes, part of visiting Florida last year was thinking, "I'll go to jail here if my partner is in the hospital...because I already know I won't leave his room on my own accord."
But this year it is a blue state reunion. We aren't snippy getting ready, he isn't fuming about the Domestic Partnership rules (I don't get mad but he isn't as mellow about such things as I am). Basically, this whole trip just feels better.
I don't have to fear my fellow Americans.
We just get to be.
Thank you DU for all the support you have given to gay marriage and domestic partnerships. This is how the issue plays out in one DUer's life. Peace out all. :0)
(and, P.S. .... see, the new staples go into my dad's old box and you recycle the new box. :0) My poor hubby, he is a Saint).
And please feel free to tell us about one of your mementos. :0) I personally would love to hear about them.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)it's real, it's genuine, thanks
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)hootinholler
(26,449 posts)Find a few more from other friends and have a quilt made.
I have a box of Tshirts, each with sentimental value, that are destined for a quilt. Hopefully I can get it done before I'm on my deathbed.
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)bvar22
(39,909 posts)Thank You.
nolabear
(41,991 posts)And that day we'll all feel much better.
Have a good trip, and hug that hubby. He sounds like a keeper.
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)That doesn't happen to too many people.
Trailrider1951
(3,414 posts)find this weird situation. Thank you so much for giving us your perspective. It is one I had not considered.
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)Crazy to have to be so afraid! But that is their point isn't it? Frighten us enough so we'll shut up and go away?
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)A patch of cloth and a picture of the person and a brief description in the same frame.
Here's an example:
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)Sad to lose a baby. :0(
I don't know if I'd want to see them every day. I like just running across them every once in a while.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)Mother's hospital tag. Fetal heartbeat strip. First outgrown jumper...
People bronzed booties.
A wall devoted to mementos all framed and protected that you can add to as time goes on. It's nice to reflect.
Otherwise it's just a rag you used to clean the sink.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)I've been of the opinion that they may possibly multiply inside the box (kind of like wire hangers do) which is why I don't believe I have ever used up an entire box of staples in my life. And I'm 64.
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)SheilaT
(23,156 posts)to actually use up a box of staples. I swear, I've never emptied one. Sometimes they disappear, so I have to buy a new one, but the staples seem to reproduce inside.
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)l'd forgotten I'd wrapped it in a rag so I missed it when I was hunting.
I was pretty upset at the idea of having to get a new one. My dad's is this old chrome one from...gosh, the early 60s, I'd guess. Maybe even the 50's. It is a great design, whatever it is.
Oh, duh, its the internet machine....
two seconds on google and...
bunnies
(15,859 posts)Sorry, Don. I couldnt help myself.
Beautiful post as usual. I just love it. Youre a good soul for certain. Enjoy your vacation!
trof
(54,256 posts)Our daughter was visiting a few years ago.
She was in her mid 30s.
Not 5 or 6, her mid 30s.
Sitting at the kitchen counter and chatting, she began to toy with the red wax covering from a ball of Gouda we had eaten.
She rolled it into little balls and made a kind of red wax snowman.
And sat it aside.
Later I saw it sitting on the counter backsplash.
A week after she left I was going to toss it.
"NO!" said Miz t. "Our sweet daughter made that. You can't throw it away!"
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)They might look good at Christmas time. Make them a little diorama to live in!
calimary
(81,466 posts)I love your slices-of-life!
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)Have a lovely week calimary :0)
calimary
(81,466 posts)Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)I have a baseball that I caught (well, it was flying around in the seats and I'm the one who grabbed it) at an Angels' game in 1989. Chili Davis fouled it off, but that is not as cool as who pitched it: Nolan Ryan. Who he is now (re politics) is of no matter when it comes to this ball. The Ryan Express is the strikeout king; his record will never be surpassed. And I doubt that anyone will even get close to his record of seven no-hitters. And he is my favorite player ever. I have a lot of favorites, but he's the top.
Also, that baseball has become something of a talisman since I left home -- California. I moved to Maryland for love, which was and remains the right move; I am deeply in love with my wife and I love our life here together. But I miss home desperately, and the Angels are one of the things that I miss the most. I've been to one -- one! -- Angels' game in Anaheim since I moved. That's not enough. We go to see them as often as I can when they play the Orioles, but that's not enough. I wept when they won the World Series in '02, not only out of sheer joy but from sadness that I wasn't there to see it.
I love my baseball. It's just a thing, but it means a lot to me.
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)That was wonderful!
You and your hubs have yourself a GREAT vacation! Relax and have fun! Please bring back pics!
Mementos: Like you, I am a great saver of things that, while they have little value to others, are very important to me. When my dad passed away 20 years ago last month, I took my mother aside, and told her that I would like to have something of Daddy's. She says "What is it"? I said, "I would like to have Daddy's pajama pants". I was, at that time, a 35 year old mother of two. She smiled, walked to her dresser, and pulled out about 10 pair of pajama pants, folded them neatly, and gave them to me.
The pair that I wore to bed last night has a big gash on one knee, and the elastic is totally shot. But I still wear the 5 pair that I have left.
BensMom
(713 posts)When my Dad passed I stayed away from all the talk about dividing up the antiques, and other things that would fetch a good price.
But I drink out of Dads coffee cup. I start every day that way.
Quiet, Calm and Reflecting.
cate94
(2,813 posts)Thoughtful, true and sweet all at the same time. Thanks for writing it.
I'm glad for you both that this year's reunion is in a blue state. It is so much easier.
Betsy Ross
(3,147 posts)But my husband has taken control of most of my tools. I still know where to find them when I need them. He does keep everything neatly arranged though.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)Just cannot throw it away. She starved herself because an unobtainable image was forced on her when she was young.
and I can either find the staples or the stapler, thanks to my daughter always "borrowing" them. I have bought too many staples, and too many staplers, too many times.
I am so glad your vacation will be relaxing! Thank you for sharing, brought a couple tears...
ChazInAz
(2,572 posts)I know exactly how you feel. Patty and I were married for 33 years before she was suddenly taken from me a bit over two years ago. There are still landmines around the house.
We used to leave love notes to one another in our books...just short little appreciations written on index cards and stashed at random in a volume. I'm still finding them.
She had just finished a scrapbook of mementos covering my whole acting career when she died. It was to be a Christmas present for me. I had no idea it existed till I found it a few weeks ago.
Her yoga mat is still where she left it in our closet.
So, yeah...this straight guy knows.
Love you, love one another, and have a GREAT time!
Bette Noir
(3,581 posts)It's not my size, so I don't wear it, but I'm glad to have it in my bottom drawer.
gtar100
(4,192 posts)Seriously, how often does that happen... unless you've got a staple fetish.
Beautiful post. I hope you have an awesome vacation!
Blue_In_AK
(46,436 posts)mounted and framed on a piece of velvet that were in my early childhood home 60+ years ago. They were either made by my mother who was killed in a car wreck in 1954 or my grandma, I'm not sure which, but I do remember them being on our furniture when I was very small. They mean a lot to me.
And I inherited my dad and stepmom's furniture, china, silver, etc., which totally doesn't go with the rest of my stuff, but I would never let it out of the family.