Most mothers should feel a sense of obligation to breastfeed their children.

[Just Saying]

Just heard a woman discussing the obesity epidemic make this statement on MSNBC.

I can understand encouraging mothers to breastfeed, but it always irks me when people try to guilt mothers into what they must do. My experiences with breast feeding went more like this:

I'd had this child in my life for three short days, and instead of eagerly waiting for him to open his eye so we could spend precious time together, I was dreading it. Like Pavlov's dogs, I was beginning to equate feeding my baby with nerve jangling pain that made my eyes water and my joints clench. Even in my exhausted state, I knew that this was not the way to begin a great bonding experience. The lactation consultant glared at me accusingly as she watched my eyes well anew with pain-induced tears. It was as if she was daring me to give up.

http://jezebel.com/5934750/sorry--you-cant-guilt-trip-me-about-bottle-feeding-my-kids

And still I tried with my first even while recovering from a c-section and on my own. Eventually, I gave up the fight to latch, something he fought me on endlessly and pumped for 6 weeks, every 2 hours day and night and supplemented with formula.

After a rough 2nd pregnancy and c-section #2, I decided I wasn't going through it all again. My pediatrician arrived to meet my son and holding him, asked whether I was breast or bottle feeding. I told him he would get formula as I'd had a lot of trouble breast feeding my first and his response surprised me. He said people will tell you breast feeding is best and it is, but formula is good too. And that what ultimately is best for the baby is what's best for his mom. Particularly recovering from a c-section sometimes it's just so challenging to breast feed.

I know some women feel very strongly about breast feeding and hey, more power to ya! But this is a personal choice and I think each mom has to make her own choices.

[liberal_at_heart]

1. guilting and shaming have become the latest tool in converting people to whatever cause someone is

fighting for. I've seen it on this website when it comes to voting, eating, religion, procreation, you name it. People think they can bully others and force them to do what they want them to do. Sure it gives them a sense of superiority, but it does little to actually convert people to their way of thinking.

[RebelOne]

2. Bravo. Well said.

Never breastfed either of my two kids, and I have no guilt.

[CTyankee]

3. I failed at nursing my firstborn but was wildly successful with my second and third babies...

My secret: I gave up on the whole concept of "feeding schedules" and simply fed the 2nd and 3rd whenever they woke and cried. And guess what? they all arrived at a schedule at approximately the same time. I told my kids when they were having their kids: forget schedules, just feed them when they're hungry.

Having said that I did not have the complications that the author of this piece had. I had perfectly uneventful births and I was in my early 20s so I had LOTS of youthful energy. That is why I judge no one on their own decisions about breastfeeding.

[srican69]

4. women aren't cows ... and breastfeeding isn't quite as natural as breathing ...

My wife had a C-Section too ... she was constantly sleep deprived ...

so she supplemented breast milk with formula every now and then ...so if some boob nazi ( sponsored by your friendly local lactation consultant) wants to make us feel bad about it - well - fuck them ...we'll do what is right for us - and that is all there is to it

[Just Saying]

7. She ever had any of them question her?

More than once I had women ask me in public if I was breastfeeding my baby and when I said no (not sure why I answered a personal question that was none of their damn business.) they proceeded to lecture me. Now older and wiser, I would have out them in their place.

[Worried senior]

5. I tried with my 2nd and 3rd child

wasn't working for either of us and I do not feel the least bit guilty for switching to formula.

[Warpy]

6. It's not for everybody, that's for certain

I know some women who couldn't stand it but who used a pump to express the milk and bottle fed the baby mother's milk. I know other women who couldn't stand it at all and their kids grew up healthy and normal.

I don't think you can tie obesity to baby formula because the pattern of obesity has spread from the Gulf of Mexico outward and exists in Central America, also, where bottle feeding is expensive and rare.

Shamers need to concentrate on their own rotten lives instead of picking on women who are just not OK with breast feeding.

[Aristus]

8. I agree.

I think mothers should want to breastfeed their babies. But they shouldn't feel an obligation to...

[Cairycat]

9. Shaming doesn't accomplish what's intended

but with the exception of very rare genetic diseases, breastfeeding is best for every baby. (Every baby, not necessarily every mother.) Breastfeeding is also healthier for mothers. The health differences are enough to take it beyond the realm of personal, coke-or-pepsi choice to being a public health concern.

There are many, many barriers in American culture to make breastfeeding difficult. And I believe breaking down those barriers would be the best use of everyone's energy when it comes to breastfeeding. Birthing practices, maternity leaves, attitudes toward public breastfeeding, laws regarding marketing of breast milk substitutes, are all things that need change.

[Tree-Hugger]

16. +1 nt

[NickB79]

20. "Breastfeeding is also healthier for mothers"

As the OP and several other posters here pointed out, that's not true in ALL cases. There are always exceptions to the rule.

If a mother is to the point they dread breastfeeding, or the stress and difficulty of trying to get the baby to latch is taking a toll on the mother's emotional well-being, that is clearly not best for her. And when the mother's emotions and nerves are beyond shot, that's also not best for the baby or the rest of the family.

Been there with my wife, never again. She couldn't breast-feed our daughter successfully due to latching issues, and the guilt of if is partially what drove her into a deep post-partum depression that almost destroyed our marriage. After 3 YEARS, she's finally coming back to her old self, but her bond with our daughter has been stunted since I took over the roll as primary care-giver for our daughter when she could no longer find the energy to get out of bed some days.

[Dash87]

10. I was intolerant of breast milk

What do the "all real mothers breast feed!" people suggest for that situation?

[REP]

11. I couldn't agree more; what works best for the woman and her child is not my business.

There is almost a cult-like aura around the "lactivists;" breast feed or face eternal damnation for both mother and child. It's not helpful.

This pertains to developed countries; not formula dumping on developing and under developed countries and those women.

[kiva]

12. I remember reading about a father at a grocery store

buying formula who said a woman came up to him and began telling him how much better it would be if his wife nursed instead of buying evil formula. He wrote that he looked her deep in the eyes and in a sad tone of voice that his wife had died giving birth; he said the woman looked suitably mortified and when he got home and told his wife what happened she thought he did well. I think so too.

[Just Saying]

13. That's awesome!

And the point is that at the end of the day, we don't have to explain our personal life choices to strangers. Bet that ruined nosy-lady's day.

[Hekate]

24. Beautiful. I did something similar once, and it felt good.

It was about my kids' ethnic and religious heritage, because in context it was clear they were not my husband's bio-kids. Still makes me mad -- but this old biddy kept at me about our private business until I fixed her with a very mournful gaze, sighed, and said, "God did not bless us with children of our own." Which was true, but none of her damned business. She looked like I had slapped her across the face.

There are circumstances and decisions in life that are deeply personal.

[kiva]

25. !

[pipi_k]

27. Ordinarily I don't

like being rude to people, but there are some who totally deserve it, like that woman who took it upon herself to give someone else a lecture on something that was none of her goddamned business.

Thumbs up to that guy for possibly teaching a busybody a valuable lesson.

[KittyWampus]

14. Well, let's consider the context: breast feeding is best for the kid & for years

formula was pushed on new mothers.

Societal pressure has been a part of the increase in breastfeeding, cessation of cigarette smoking and reductions in drunk driving.

So while it's too bad some women feel they are being set upon… it's still beneficial to advocate for breastfeeding in general.

Here's a link to a short history of breastfeeding.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1448139/

[SoCalDem]

19. For my daughter-in-law & my son it's also an economic issue

Our grand-daughter is probably the ONLY child they will ever have and is certainly the only one they can afford. Mom is an awesome first-time Mom. She is certainly sleep-deprived, but that little rascal of theirs is healthy, lean and dearly loved by all....even the family doggie & kitty

They also chose cloth diapers, so of course I stocked them up with a big supply of various new all-in-ones, pocket diapers and about 6 dozen unbleached organic prefolds as well..to save them the expense of buying them.

At 7 months now, they have settled into a schedule of sorts.. when baby wants to eat, Mom feeds her.. simple as that.. ..and they have saved a TON of money not spent on formulas. The baby-weight left Mom right away, and she's thinner now than before she got pregnant.

Right now, Mom is not working outside the home, but when she does go back to work, there will be bottles for a while..and no guilt for stopping..

Nature provides free food that's been designed for that particular baby, so why not use it?..BUT if for some reason that cannot be done, it's a personal decision....and is no one else's business

[pipi_k]

28. Kudos on

They also chose cloth diapers, so of course I stocked them up with a big supply of various new all-in-ones, pocket diapers and about 6 dozen unbleached organic prefolds as well..to save them the expense of buying them.

The cloth diapers!

I saw a news item a week or two ago stating that many poor women have taken to re-using disposable diapers...drying the ones that are only wet...or leaving their kids in them too long...because they're so expensive.

So the discussion went in this direction...A: So why don't women use cloth diapers instead?

B: Well, they do cost more at the start, but over the long run they are cheaper....HOWEVER...many women don't have washers and dryers, and laundromats don't allow the washing of dirty diapers in their machines.

Which sounds like we should pity the women for their "plight" except for this...

I asked my mom last week how she dealt with my dirty diapers when I was a baby, some 60 years ago. She and my dad lived in a crummy two room apartment...no washer or dryer.

Her answer...she washed them BY HAND in the bathtub with detergent, bleach, and a washboard.

If women did that even half the time, their kids wouldn't have to sit around in recycled, pissy diapers

[SoCalDem]

29. and we used washcloths..not disposable wipes..

I used the old long rectangular Curity diapers..(I had 3 in diapers at one time)
and went through a LOT of bleach ..and spent half my time folding, rinsing, washing diapers...but there is nothing better than having clean folded diapers, all stacked up ready to go... I also pre-washed them in the bathtub.. we used a laundromat for a time..

I also made my own "baby-food", way before this modern crop thought of it

Necessity IS the mother of invention..and when you are poor-ish, you do whatever you need to do to save money..

Those old diapers lasted 20 more years as rags for car washing & window cleaning..

[Butterbean]

15. I frigging hate the mommy wars. Mothers need to quit fighting

each other and instead band together and support each other, in whatever choices we make. Damn people. SMDH. Sigh. It took me getting my ass kicked hard by life about a year after having my first child to FINALLY figure out: what works for me and mine doesn't always work best for every one else. People need to get a grip.

[Sheldon Cooper]

17. Good post.

I bottle fed both of my kids and I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks of it. Don't let the Nipple Nazis get you down. A healthy kid AND mom is the only outcome that matters.

[TorchTheWitch]

18. people should mind their own damn business

We guilt and shame women for all kinds of reasons in this world. Enough already.

[Hekate]

21. My daughter was born in 1975, my son in 1978

Out of a sense of what was in their best interests I nursed them on-demand each for a bit over a year. It was lovely when it was lovely, but...

I had a nearly endless succession of clogged ducts and cracked nipples both times.

My diet was excellent, as was my base health. My desire to have these babies and nurse them was 100%. My then-husband was not exactly on-board and I was exhausted, but that's not so unusual. My breasts just did not want to co-operate.

At this moment I look back and wonder: Why in the name of the Great Mother did I allow myself to suffer so?

Hekate

[Autumn]

22. It is a personal choice. I never felt an obligation or the desire to

breastfeed my children.

[AngryOldDem]

23. Your experience exactly mirrors mine.

I could not breastfeed, because of physiological issues. But I tried with my first, oh how I tried. She would not latch on properly; I was not producing enough milk (think barely enough to cover the bottom of a cup); and I would keep at it to the point of utter exhaustion, frustration, and tears. I remember the hospital sent around a "lactation consultant" who was dead set on my breastfeeding -- said ALL women can breastfeed; it just takes time and the right combination of baby position, etc., etc. She would not let up -- she hooked me up to a mechanical breast pump that nearly ripped me apart and made me physically ill. At that point we told the woman that we were done, and to please get out and never come back. (I had flashbacks to that last weekend -- I kid you not -- when I watched a milking demonstration at the state fair, with the machinery they hook up to cows.)

Undaunted, the hospital sent me home with a manual pump, so I spent nearly an hour to get next to no milk out of my body. All that got me, in the end, were very sore nipples.I supplemented my pathetic attempts at feeding the "right" way with formula, so my daughter's nutrition wasn't at the mercy of my body. After about two weeks of this, we decided I had been through enough and went entirely to formula. My three other kids were formula fed, too.

Bottom line: It is nobody's damn business how a baby is fed, if that baby is healthy, happy, and thriving. People who pass judgment on non-breastfeeding women have no idea of the backstories as to why they are not. In fact, over the years, I have come to view this argument as one way some women try to "one up" other women. Sorry, but I don't buy the guilt and shame trip that they try to lay on the rest of us, who gave it our best shot but could not do it.

K&R.

[hunter]

26. My mom was always breastfeeding some kid.

Pretty embarrassing to me, as a thirteen year old bringing friends home, and there's my mom letting it all hang out with a baby or little kid attached to her.

My wife nursed our kids at school and at work. I'd bring 'em by whenever they were hungry.

Our society ought to be restructured so that any mom who wants to nurse her baby anywhere at anytime, even when the kids are toddlers, ought to have the opportunity.

I think most moms would choose to nurse their kids if it was easy and encouraged. Guilt and shame shouldn't have anything to do with that choice.

[REP]

30. Many women in this very thread have said it was painful and unpleasant

It wasn't the ease or lack thereof of doing it whenever, where ever; it was the horrible pain of doing it at all. Others have said they wanted the child's father to share in the bonding that comes with feeding an infant.

There's nothing wrong with making it easier for those who want to nurse and who can do it. Not everyone can, or even wants to, and that's fine. Really, it's fine! As long as the baby is fed and parent(s) are bonding with the child, and woman is allowing her body to recover on her schedule, and everyone is healthy, it's fine. You may choose something else, but what another chooses will be fine for her and her child