To save the government time,we should send them detailed info about our activities on a daily basis

[kpete]

To save the government time,we should send them detailed information about our activities on a daily basis:

Hi Dave,

Hope all is well. I had a Twix at about 11am this morning. As you might have noticed, I only ate half. This was due to a time issue. The second piece will be eaten around 5pm. You'll notice that Alan in Accounting has been stopping by my desk a lot. As you might have heard, he's been going through rough times recently. I put the majority of the blame on his new haircut. He says it's not a bowl cut. But it is, Dave. It surely is. Anyway, I'm headed out later to the pub. I'll put two shirts up to the window. Send me a signal as to which one you prefer and I'll wear it.

All my love,
Mark.

https://id.guardian.co.uk/profile/cantonaldo/public

[Savannahmann]

1. I think many of us already do that.

[dixiegrrrrl]

9. Damn! that is funny stuff....

[Fumesucker]

2. Isn't that what Facebook and Twitter are for?

Not to mention texting and emails..

[clarice]

4. You beat me to it. lol nt

[JoePhilly]

10. And DU as well?

And every other political site?

If you say it on-line, assume its public.

[clarice]

3. Isn't it called Twitter ? nt

[NuclearDem]

5. Hi NSA Frank! I just took a dump.

You already know if I wiped or not.

[LiberalEsto]

6. Dear Agent Mike,

I hate to bother you, since you've been so very busy lately, but could you please keep an eye on the house? We are going out of town for the weekend (to visit relatives, as you already know) and we suspect our daughter is planning a party. (Would you be able to confirm her plans?) She finally cleared the rec room yesterday, only 8 months after we started asking her to, and that looks suspicious. She's 26, so she's allowed to drink, but could you and your cohorts just make sure her friends don't leave cigarette butts all over the back patio? I hate when they do that. Maybe you could text her friends to let them know you're on it.

If you detect the cat peeing on the carpet, could you order a drone hit on her? Or would the cat need to be outdoors? She's an indoor cat, so maybe someone can just slip in during the party and zap her with a taser to teach her a lesson.

Finally, could you please pick up the mail? Our daughter will forget. You can toss out anything you know we don't want, like the form letters from home remodeling companies, credit card offers and appeals to the charities you know we don't contribute to.

Thanks, Mike. And try to take it easy.

[Yo_Mama]

7. Daily Log, Unit # 173,479,038

Had a good bowel movement this morning. Was regrettably inefficient with power by leaving the coffee maker on too long. I am preparing and filing Form 082-697 (I Made the EPA Cry) to explain my terroristic lapse as soon as I can finish the 40 pages. Short explanation: unscheduled morning run to the bathroom due to high vegetable fiber consumption interfered with proper execution of National Security Energy Policy directive #178732501. Or was that 502? But in my defense, I was fully in compliance with HHS policy # 182761 (Food Pyramid Standards for Full National Health Coverage and No Consumption of Sugared Beverages Over 16 Ounces).

Upon reviewing email I find that I accidentally PM'd a DUer not on the NSA-approved list. I am preparing and filing Form 032-872-1003 (Enhanced Monitoring Necessity Disclosure Requirement) to explain the lapse and fulfill the requirement to disclose a list of all my email contacts over the last year. Can U advise the length of the prison term if I should warn some of them first? Also, what do I do if my email crashed and my contact list was purged? Pls advise soonest. It was just to express my condolences on the loss of her mother. Is that really terrorism?

Was fired from my job due to sleeping on the job due to staying up three nights in a row to finish filling out forms # 102-703-31 (Inadvertent Expression of Possible Dissent From NSA Standard) and # 29-373-482 (Failure to Fully Support My Elected Representatives in Their Fight Against Terror and Primary Challenges). Thus I should have these fully completed and filed soon. Can you advise if I can use the IRS to obtain the required 20 years of tax filings? I have not been keeping them more than 10 years. I can prepare and file IRS form # 1040_I_AM_An_ASS (Regrettable Personal Inefficiency in Record-keeping Impairing National Efficiency in the War Against Terror) with the request.

Please advise of required forms for the following current National Security violations:

Smiled at pedestrian at bus stop without NSA-approved sticker. I SWEAR I DID NOT SPEAK A WORD. It was reflex only.
Read free local advertising circular without confirming NSA approved standard publication. The only things in there were advertisements for apartments and used cars, I swear, but I am afraid I dozed off on the bus and forgot to bring it with me so that I could scan it in and send it with this log. Pls advise as to procedure. I know the security camera caught me, and I don't want to have to fill out that 130 page monstrosity # 108 (Failure to Comply With NSA Self-Reporting Standard) again. I have hopes of getting another job as soon as I catch up with my forms backlog.

Regarding my habit of reading the Electronic Frontier Foundation's website:
https://www.eff.org/
As required, I have copied last week's form and updated the dates. Would it be okay, considering National Efficiency in the War On Terror, if I just filed these out monthly from now on? I could send them in for each month in advance, if you like.

I received notification of Detection of NSA-Unapproved Encrypted Public Communications with mandate to report to my local TSA office for the required strip search. Look, I'm begging you. I wouldn't mind so much if they just changed the gloves between genital examinations, but they don't, and last time I was there at 3:30 AM and the 28th person in line. I have not yet recovered from the infections on that go-round, and my doctor tells me that the genital warts will never really go away. THE ONLY THING I DID this time was use AMESLAN to assist a hearing-impaired senior citizen to buy a new cable router. It was an accidental encounter, I swear. He didn't look like a terrorist at all - he just needed to maintain his internet connection to send in his required monthly # 179-038-22 (I'm an Old Geezer Whose Mind May Be Wandering But I Swear I'm Not A National Security Risk) so that his SS benefit wouldn't be cut again. I had NO IDEA that American Sign Language was considered a sign of terrorist affiliations. I learned it when I was kid because of my deaf cousin. Can terroristic affiliation sign determinations really be made retroactively. Is that constitutional?

As required due to that last, I am attaching Form # 783-481-O-SHIT (Harassment of Public Official By Mention of Constitution). I am also sending it to the ACLU, just so you know. Is there a form for that?

Have a great day!
Loyal Unit # 173,497,038

[kestrel91316]

8. + 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000

[kpete]

11. too much info

LOL!!!

peace, kp

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. Wish I could rec indiv. posts.

[hughee99]

12. Don't worry, once the NSA get's their data center up and running, they'll probably start renting

it out as the "back end" of the cloud. Anyone who does anything on the cloud will have their data end up inside an NSA building, which they'll be PAYING for the privileged of doing. That's why the NSA needs that much storage. The data they don't get from you willingly, they'll take from you using other "mechanisms".