So, What's It Going To Be? By Bashar Al-Assad

[NCTraveler]

Well, here we are. It’s been two years of fighting, over 100,000 people are dead, there are no signs of this war ending, and a week ago I used chemical weapons on my own people. If you don’t do anything about it, thousands of Syrians are going to die. If you do something about it, thousands of Syrians are going to die. Morally speaking, you’re on the hook for those deaths no matter how you look at it.

So, it’s your move, America. What’s it going to be?

I’ve looked at your options, and I’m going to be honest here, I feel for you. Not exactly an embarrassment of riches you’ve got to choose from, strategy-wise. I mean, my God, there are just so many variables to consider, so many possible paths to choose, each fraught with incredible peril, and each leading back to the very real, very likely possibility that no matter what you do it’s going to backfire in a big, big way. It’s a good old-fashioned mess, is what this is! And now, you have to make some sort of decision that you can live with.

So, where do I begin? Well, this is just the tip of the iceberg, but let’s start with the fact that my alliance with Russia and China means that nothing you decide to do will have the official support of the UN Security Council. So, right off the bat, I’ve already eliminated the possibility of a legally sound united coalition like in Libya or the First Gulf War. Boom. Gone. Off the table.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/so-whats-it-going-to-be,33662/

[Autumn]

1. That's really the Onion? Damn

rec

[NCTraveler]

6. Pretty well thought out piece.

The situation is amazingly complex. It seems as though no action taken will provide a positive result. I am very glad I am not making any decisions on an issue like this.

[joshcryer]

2. Pretty much.

Fuck.

edit: I feel it's already played out. It's over. It's done. And, fucked up though it may be, the goddamn Onion, of all places, reflects the outcome. Fucking shit.

[winter is coming]

3. As "real" news becomes more like the Onion, the Onion becomes more like real news.

Except, as always, more honest.

[joshcryer]

4. The onion predicted 9/11.

I am not kidding.

[11 Bravo]

5. I remember that piece! Thanks for letting me re-visit it.

[freshwest]

7. Onion posts some scary shit sometimes:

Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kitten-thinks-of-nothing-but-murder-all-day,9783/

[NCTraveler]

8. Good laugh to start the day. Thanks. nt.

[freshwest]

9. Your OP could have used this picture: