I was just Slammed today by a "friend"

[wrenken]

Hi Everyone,

I have several conditions that preclude my working. I am not proud of it. In fact, I hate how I am. I am doing everything I can to get better, but my doctors think that my attempting to work could be really bad for me.
So I have been recommended for Social Security Disability, something I am not proud of, but I need help. I started my application and am working on sending it in. I had to take a break, so I asked a friend if he would like to get an iced tea or something at someplace convenient.

So we meet up, and I tell him what is going on, what I have been doing, and he just goes off on me. He starts telling me that people like me are the reason the country is falling apart. I am just a taker, I do not do anything good. How the hell can I afford the drink I just purchased if I am so "disabled" and "retarded". He also recommended that my drivers license should be taken away. He threw his drink down and left. He sped out of the lot and left me sitting in there with about 10 people just staring.

I felt terrible. I never wanted this to happen to me, but if my doctors say it is what I need, it is what I need. I feel really terrible about all this. I feel like I lost a friend I had for years, and what are others going to say when they find out. Thankfully my wife is %100 behind me. I still worry about my other friends. Sorry to bother you guys, I just had to vent. Thanks.

[quinnox]

1. Sorry about that, this person doesn't sound like any sort of

"friend" to me.

[wrenken]

7. We had been Friends,

for a while. We went through a lot together. I helped him through some "problems" he was having that could have cost him a lot.

"

[quinnox]

9. Ok, then if he is truly a friend he should know to apologize

to you. This was unacceptable behavior for a friend, what he did. If he doesn't offer an apology on his own, I would directly ask him for one.

That is, if you still want him as a friend.

[wrenken]

19. No

I do not think I do. It is not worth it. I will not forget all he said.

[quinnox]

21. I can certainly understand that

Those were some terrible things he said.

[bluestate10]

127. You helped him when he was down and he turned on you when you needed moral support?

Have you ever heard the tail of the woman that nursed a freezing, poisonous snake back to health, only to be bitten by it? A true friend would have listened to you and tried to work through solutions with you, solutions that would help you.

[RKP5637]

12. That kind of friend is a "taker" not a "giver" like you. IMO you're

better with them gone. I've dumped friends like that, 'casue they will eat one up emotionally. ... and often in my experience they are users.

[TeamPooka]

135. and that's how you find out a friend is a sociopath. Sorry for your loss.

but your better off in the long run.

[JI7]

2. that piece of shit was never your friend

[LumosMaxima]

3. I'm sorry that happened to you. nt

[NuclearDem]

4. Don't hate yourself. Things happen, and it's not your fault.

"Friends" who treat you like that aren't friends at all. I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

[dionysus]

5. that guy isn't your friend

[freshwest]

20. Agreed. Or else a fair weather friend. Best to find out ASAP.

[Make7]

6. People that have never had a setback in life are few and far between...

... at some point most people could use a helping hand - if someone doesn't understand that now, odds are at some point in their life they will.

If you are trying to do the best you can for yourself and those around you, nothing more needs be asked of you.

[wrenken]

11. It is hard

especially when one comes from a blue collar, union family. I have always tried to work hard. This whole thing just has me down. I may have to listen to some "Beatles" to make me feel better. I appreciate all you guys have to say.

I have been a lurker here for years and always found you guys to be so supportive, that is why I brought this here. I will get over it, but losing a long, long friendship is hard. I had no idea he was like that. My mind is still blown.

[Make7]

28. Losing friends is never easy.

Although in my experience, when you're going through rough patches in life is when you find out who your true friends are. Don't anticipate how others will react based on what one person said or did. My prediction is that many more will be understanding and supportive.

Good luck on getting the Social Security Disability approved - I've known people who have tried and succeeded as well as some who never got approved. Either way, it is usually a long and tedious process - so don't get discouraged and don't give up.

And maybe your friend will come to their senses and still be a friend sometime soon.

[freshwest]

44. Wrenken, this is the kind of thing that makes people more sick, sometimes they commit suicide.

Last edited Sat Sep 14, 2013, 11:46 AM - Edit history (1)

It's best to learn who your real friends are. You do not need 'friends' like that in your life. Those who reject you for being disabled, are also not your friends. I hope strangers will not abuse you for your condition, I'm sorry that happened.

It was an incredibly vicious thing, to leave someone in public after verbally abusing them. Those were code words from hate radio, nothing to do with him or you. What if you'd had a heart attack, heat stroke or a stroke from panic and died? Would that suffice for this jerk?

I'm glad you have a spouse to give you the love and emotional support that you need during this process. And remember, your firm is forcing early retirement on you. It's not your choice at all. Would these people like to argue with your boss?

I had a friend who dealt in criminal and civil rights cases, particularly of disabled persons. I asked him what is a person to do with the hateful attitude of some in society. This is what he said to me and it was a relief to hear it. I hope it will help you:

Disability (not being able to work) is a natural part of the human condition.

No one is exempt.

It's all about timing.

Children are not able to work. People usually retire from work when not able to work. They are disabled by age or health. This is a part of life that is normal.

That is the way I recall what he said. This is how I would say it, sadly, I am not as brief as a lawyer:

A child needs total help to live and grow up. They are not expected to pay their way. Eventually, they might be working. They are part of the human family and it is our responsibility.

An elderly person may need help, for the same reason a child has. They may or may not be able to pay when they need the help. But they paid in at another time in their life. They are human and it's our responsibility.

No one begrudges them. But others need help at times some don't want to understand.

A child born disabled or becomes disabled early in life and may never be able to have a regular job, or pay taxes. But they are still part of the human family.

A person that has worked but due to injury or other health mishap, can no longer to pay their way. They didn't want to stop working, but employers can't afford them. They are still part of the human family.

In those two examples, the timing in their life is considered to be 'off.'

Everyone who is honest knows these things are possibilities. They just are betting their timing will work in their favor. Then they cannot be accused by the ignorant.

Additionally, those who are not wealthy endure these attacks. Rosemary Kennedy of the Kennedy family was disabled but her family was wealthy. The Kennedys didn't pull up the ladder and look after themselves only.

Instead, her needs inspired her sister, Eunice Shriver, to found the Special Olympics. She lived many years with state care. The Kennedys advocated for all to receive government healthcare.

You have enough challenges and have a right to an early retirement. I was proud at one time in my life to be able to pay taxes to care for people I did not know and would never meet. Do not feel ashamed, we built this country to take care of each other. Your island libertarian ex-friend has no right to abuse you for any reason.

Anyway, hope that helps.

[Mnemosyne]

60. Very compassionate post, freshwest. nt

[freshwest]

92. I hope he feels better. No one should be insulted and degraded for being human.

[msanthrope]

94. You are a very good person. nt

[Mnemosyne]

148. No one should be, but many in this country have turned degradation into an art form. nt

[JustAnotherGen]

134. This is so lovely

[RKP5637]

8. Your friend was never a friend, but just a fair weather jerk IMO! n/t

[An_enlightened_soul]

10. Curious..

What's wrong with you? Maybe we can help.

[wrenken]

14. If you want to know,

and it is hard to talk about after what happened. I have depression, very serious, with suicidal thoughts. I have anxiety, which, among other things makes me sick constantly. I have frontal lobe seizures which cause black outs quite often and I have autism, which, jeez, what do you want to know? Just put it this way, it is really hard to deal with people in person. There is more to say, but is that not enough?

[hedgehog]

22. Your job right now is to work with your doctor(s) to get back on your feet.

Going out for a glass of iced tea with a friend can be part of that! There are a lot of us out here with invisible chronic diseases. I'm very lucky to be able to work from home and set my own hours. There is no way I could handle 40 hours a week, every week. Some days are OK, others not so good. Anyone can be disabled at any time despite their best efforts. Maybe your friend was scared that if you couldn't control your situation, maybe someday he wouldn't be able to control his! It's too bad he took out his fear on you.

[An_enlightened_soul]

24. I can't imagine

It must be incredibly difficult to have to deal with both mental and medical troubles; you are not alone and you will have all the support you could need here. We are friends. The person you met with is not.

Keep your chin up. It will get better.

[pnwmom]

63. Welcome to DU! n/t

[blue14u]

116. Welcome to DU An_enlightened_soul

You are a bright light much appreciated here at DU.

[rug]

34. Don't forget to check out this Group.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1141

[Marrah_G]

36. please check out the mental health group here

I am betting you can find some people who know exactly what you are going through

[nashville_brook]

42. first thing...you have to do that which is going to improve your situation

i have physical issues, and have had adjust my expectations of what i'm able to do. i have flares that require serious rest (off your feet, no phone, just chill and work out the pain), but i feel guilty. i have to be doing something b/c i've internalized that negative judgement. of course, this makes me sicker, and recovery takes longer, and i'm likely causing things to get worse longterm.

so that's number one. number two, is that even decent people can have shitty frames that they see the world through. people you trust can really hurt you when they impose their shitty frame on you. i've had this happen a lot. been hurt more by this than anything, truly.

the thing is, they've internalized that shitty outlook the same way i internalized my shitty self-care skills. we're reacting to the same slavish mentality that says our worth is derived from making money. your buddy has a really twisted notion of this. i tend to measure worth as productivity, but had that confused with money for quite some time.

it's hard but you just have to "walk around" those people, and find ways to satisfy your sense of worth. don't even waste the energy on being mad or sad about the jerky people. just walk around them. but also find that thing that makes you happy. no work for a while? f'n great! what is it, in addition to getting better that you've been wanting to do? play music? read Moby Dick? spend more time outdoors?

do this and be well

[pnwmom]

62. You have every right to SSI and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

That "friend" might have some of his own issues now which kept him from reacting as a friend should.

I'm glad your wife is supportive. I hope you have other supportive people in your life, too.

[GeoWilliam750]

119. I wish you a speedy recovery

and very good luck.

[Morning Dew]

139. If you're having seizures and black outs, you should not be driving.

Last edited Sun Sep 15, 2013, 06:39 PM - Edit history (1)

Seriously.

[Barack_America]

13. There are still things you can do.

Even if working is not among them. If all you can do is type at a keyboard, there are volunteer opportunities you can contribute to, once you get everything else settled.

A true friend would have pointed this out to you.

[wrenken]

16. Thank you

I may try volunteering at a cat shelter, but I would still have to deal with people.

Are you from Detroit? I am from Dearborn!

[Barack_America]

26. Sounds like a great idea.

The cat shelter idea. Best of luck to you.

Used to live in Detroit. Lifelong Tigers fan though! (Well-done JV tonight!)

[Warpy]

30. Yes and no

If you volunteer for things like cleaning cages, feeding, watering, and generally caring for the kitties, it should be OK. There will be people around but my guess is that any bosses would be in the office or out front where it smells better.

I'd love to do something like that but my disabilities are physical.

[abelenkpe]

38. One of my cousins volunteers for an animal shelter

She keeps up a blog that helps place animals with families for the shelter. She doesnt need to deal with people too much but the job has brought her much joy and satisfaction. She's also on disability and has suffered with severe depression. Good luck!

[ohheckyeah]

59. I volunteered at the local Humane Society

to do their newsletter. I only had to communicate once on the phone and the rest was done via email.

[Freddie]

82. Maybe you could volunteer

As a foster home for cats and kittens waiting for adoption. Less human and more furry, nonjudgmental interaction. Rescue groups always need loving foster homes.

[Ohio Joe]

17. If only teabagger fools got 1/10th as mad about corporate welfare

Your 'friend' is an idiot who buys into the bullshit that the poor and disabled are the problem and not the corporations that bleed us dry.

[abelenkpe]

40. I know right?

[lunasun]

47. +1

and does he even know what SSD is for????
Or that only individuals who have a disability and meet medical criteria may qualify for benefits?
You shouldn't be able to ever have an ice tea out somewhere ??
What does he want - all disabled eating bread and water wearing sacks and straw sandals???

I bet he does

I am not on SSD, but it is nice to know that I have contributed to a group program that if something happened , I have the assurance I would get some help via SSD and that others around me would too, if they needed it.

[LondonReign2]

18. I hope you start to feel better and take care of yourself

I also hope your asshole former friend gets to experience what it's like to have your set of conditions. I will bet everything I have his opinion will change so fast it will leave you spinning.

Repukes are charaterized by a complete lack of empathy. They don't give a shit--until it happens to them. Then, somehow, they are entilted to help but they still think you aren't. They are utter assholes.

So kick this jackass to the curb, and know that you are a better person.

[rl6214]

23. I know how you feel, I am on disability after two years trying

Only my close family knows, as far as friends it's just easier to tell them I was able to retire early.

Best of luck to you.

[Iris]

25. wtf is wrong with people?

Your friend needs anger management training.

[Warpy]

27. He'd have been wearing it if it had been me

Not all disabilities are obvious to untrained people. In fact, untrained people can't spot them unless there is a wheel chair, white cane or seeing eye dog, preferably all three.

I'm sorry your friend turned out to be such a shithead. At some point in his life, he is going to become too old and/or too sick to work. Social Security will be there for him, too, and I sincerely hope he remembers today with deep shame.

He's wrong. You're not. I hope your application goes smoothly.

[DebJ]

70. "Untrained" is too polite for some people.

As the mother of a bipolar son, people refuse to be 'trained'.
More enjoyable for them to heap scorn.

[TheDebbieDee]

29. I almost feel sorry for your friend. He has no idea how deeply

he's bought into the great, republican givers/takers lie!

[emsimon33]

31. That person is not your friend

We have a safety net in place for people who need it. I willingly pay my taxes NOT for military intervention all over the globe or for bailing out Wall Street and banks but to help my country be a better place for everyone and to help my fellow citizens in need. Please do not feel ashamed and please take care of yourself.

[madamesilverspurs]

32. I've had "friends" like that.

When I was going through the disability application process I was amazed at how many people offered the benefit of their diagnosis of what was "really" wrong with me. It did get to be a bit much. I mentioned this to my doctor, and he handed me a stack of his business cards. He told me to hand one to any person who made such comments, asking them to give him a call so that he, too, could benefit from their "expertise". Funny thing is, none of them ever took him up on that.

The good news is that with such people out of my life I have abundant room for those who have a clue about treating others with respect. You've already taken a big step in the right direction, by respecting yourself enough to give yourself permission to vent. Good for you!

[mountain grammy]

39. Good for your doctor. Sounds like he had experience with the "know everything" people.

[demwing]

33. You wrote that Social Security Disability was not something you were proud of

Are you ashamed? Maybe just a little?

Why?

Social Security Disability Insurance pays your disability benefit. You earned that benefit because you worked long enough and paid Social Security taxes.

Why wouldn't you be proud of that?

[lunasun]

53. another person mentioned they were hiding it also up thread

Is there that much scorn out there in this cruel time for the disabled and SSDI? Sad and wrong
It is a benefit you have a right to if you meet medical criteria and qualify
plain and simple
no bad or good about it
just is and should be

who thinks they can pass judgement on that??? Stupid assholes

[JI7]

66. there is, and it is not always wealthy people, i have heard it from others who struggle financially

and blame is almost always on those who have less than them.

the more i think about the OP and this "friend". i wonder if that friend ended up in some bad situation. maybe couldn't get a job or something. but instead of seeing who was really at fault he blames those who have less.

you see how people like the owners of papa johns and other ceos blame obamacare ? people actually end up falling for this crap.

[demwing]

83. It's an Insurance benefit!

We PAY for this.

Would anyone feel guilty using their Health Insurance benefits? How about our Auto Insurance benefits? If we die, would we not want our survivors to use the life insurance benefits we paid for each month?

The people that want us to feel shame do so because somehow they think that disabled hands are taking money out of healthy pockets. These people are damned un-American. They don't want to form a more perfect union, or promote the general welfare. They only self promote, see overt need as weakness, and overt desire as strength.

They're not mad at the system for helping the disabled, if they were, then there would be ZERO conservatives accepting disability benefits. They're mad at the disabled for having a disability.

Why else would the OP's (so called) friend react so personally?

[CrispyQ]

99. I would have told this 'friend,'

"It's easy to judge someone from the context of your own comfortable life."

That is why it is wrong to judge people - you can never know the full context of their lives, only your own. Such a mean spirited country we've become.

[wrenken]

84. I am ashamed,

because my family worked for a living. They got mad when I went into the military, they said that I just had another mother. My family is not the best, but what can you do.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

102. Wait, what?

Your family thinks the military isn't noble enough for them?

Boy, you've had some awful people around you. I'm sorry.

[Triana]

35. That's not a friend, sorry.

If it was (s)he would have your best interests at heart and they obviously do not.

[idwiyo]

37. First: you have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about. Depressive illness is a serious condition,

it's an illness, not a damn "character flaw".

Second: your "friend" is an ignorant arsehole, pure and simple. You are better off without him or anyone like him.

[grilled onions]

41. Hang In There

As a person on disability I have seen attitudes with my "free ticket", disabled handicapped placard and those who feel they don't have the time for me or might "catch something. Through the years you develop a rain gutter approach. What the ignorant say or do has little to do with my health. I will not risk my health by those who point or squawk or simply don't have the time to understand my problems.
You will find gems among the fools gold and when you do hang on to them. They will do you a world of good.
Good luck with your S.S.D "try outs". I flunked my first attempt and had to write even more of a bio the second time. It went through and continual "re-exams" have also continued. I do not feel that I am abusing the system. I would much rather be working but you have to work with the hand you are dealt with. I will never get rich. It will never be much to live with but, of course, the fools don't see that. They may be earning double the wages my monthly check is but all they see is I am on vacation year around. I sure am. I spend more time going to doctors and hospital exam rooms than they do on their trips to some exotic beach. The main thing is you know this is best for you. Don't let them get you down.

[Half-Century Man]

43. Your friend was trained to think that way,

By people paid to deliver a message in a certain way to further the position of the very few far above the general population. It is hard to ignore the lesson, pounded out all day, every day. You are displaying the same symptoms, the self loathing, etc.

Remember that the original name of the program was "Disability Insurance"; you paid your premiums to the federal insurance and had to, for health reasons, to cash in your policy. The system worked exactly as it was suppose to.

I was on disability, got well enough to go back to work for 9 years and had to be reassessed. I am back on disability today. There are programs (ie Ticket to Work) that help you find employment that you are capable of performing. There are programs to get you training to do jobs that match physical abilities.

[abelenkpe]

45. Last year when the company I worked for went bankrupt

And hundreds of my friends and coworkers lost their job my tea bigger mother sniffed: "I suppose they'll all go on unemployment." She wasn't upset I lost my job of 15 years, or worried about how I'd do caring for my kids. She was just upset more of her tax dollars might go towards unemployment. Literally, that was the first thing out of her mouth. Teabaggers suck.

I am so sorry your friend made you feel bad. Please know that most people do not share his extreme and inhumane opinions.

[woo me with science]

46. Your friend is brainwashed by corporate propaganda.

This country is steeped in it, the hateful voices demonizing the poor, the disabled, and anyone else who does not produce sufficiently for the profit margins of the One Percent. It is ubiquitous now; there are ugly voices sending messages like that even on this board. The malignant propaganda we marinate in every day wants you to accept as a law of nature that your worth as a human being is determined by how fast you run in the corporate hamster wheel.

Did you ever see this Jon Stewart segment? I recommend watching the whole thing, but the end, especially, will enrage you. It is a compilation of dehumanizing comments about the poor by our mainstream media. Human beings compared to vermin:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-august-18-2011/world-of-class-warfare---the-poor-s-free-ride-is-over

The dehumanization is taught. This is why we need to get these vultures out of power in our elections, our government and our media. I am so sorry that happened to you, and so sorry for what your friend has become.

[Control-Z]

49. I am so sorry.

And I understand. I really do. My husband, along with and at the advise of my doctor, called a lawyer and put me on disability. I was not for it at the time. They were. My husband was all for it and loved that little extra coming in. Now, my future ex calls me a taker.

All I can offer is that you remind anyone giving you a hard time that you've paid into disability "insurance" with every pay check you've worked for up until now. Otherwise you would not qualify for the benefits.

Do not feel terrible. They are the ones who should feel terrible for you - that you are suffering an illness or injury.

[LaydeeBug]

50. Your friend conflates "givers and takers" with "earners and gainers". Oh, and he's an asshole.

Last edited Sat Sep 14, 2013, 10:42 AM - Edit history (1)

You should never feel terrible about yourself.

You are *here*. Yay you. You matter, and if you need help, I am glad I live in a country where my contribution can help you to get back on your feet.

If you are permanently disabled, I hope you get the help you need.

And don't let him bother you sweets, because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

[pnwmom]

64. +1. nt

[polichick]

51. I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like your "friend" has...

listened to too much talk radio and Faux News.

[airplaneman]

52. I have a saying

Find yourself a couple of good friends and call yourself lucky. Like me it sounds as if your wife is one of those good friends. I also keep a lot of things to myself as I have some "friends" who are libertarians - they love to talk about their ideology but have no interest in mine or would otherwise put me down so I simply don't tell them much. I do not tolerate people who betray me such as your friend making a scene and showing no compassion in the name of what appears to be right wing ideology. I do not give those type of people a second chance and I would write them off permanently if they treated me cruelly. Life is too short to be bothered by such people. There are good people out there and I hope you already have those good friends.
-Airplane

[WCGreen]

54. The same thing happened to me in 2002...

Why do you care about what people who do not know what is going on with you?

Disability is there for people who are in trouble to health issues.

Think about this, the disability payments to you aren't the issue but the fact you will be on Medicare so you do not have to worry about what the future brings.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

55. This says way more about him

than you.

[gtar100]

56. You have friends here who will understand. It sounds like your former "friend"

is too wrapped up in his ideology to see you for who you really are. Frankly, people like him scare me. The world view he's taken on is harsh and full of resentment and anger and no room for understanding. From my perspective, his attitude is part of the problem in our culture. You didn't deserve to go through that with what you've got going on. But at least there are no illusions about his "friendship" now. Or maybe he'll come around and realize what a jerk he was. But you have nothing to apologize about.

[Cha]

57. What the heck! How deeply is your

friend brainwashed that he can't even get a clue what he's ignorantly done to a longstanding friendship!?

Mistakenly thinking that his warped since of superiority is more important than standing by a friend with moral support!

wrenken

[Liberal_in_LA]

58. you shouldnt feel terrible. it's ur friend who behaved like an ass

[vadermike]

61. so-called "friend"

Actually, do not feel bad at all........ this douche bag that did this to you is the reason why our country is jacked up and these people do not seem to get it and it doesn't look like they ever will.. I sometimes wonder if country is going to break up, god I hope not, but these crazies are getting crazier and they don't listen to reason!! Hang in there!!

[SheilaT]

65. Oh, lord, where to begin?

Several years ago I was working part time as a paralegal for an attorney who did Social Security Disability Appeals cases. Her clients were people who'd been turned down the first time for SSDI, and were now using her to appeal. She only took those cases she knew from experience should be able to be approved on the second go-around. I learned a lot.

Probably the most important thing I learned was how very little money anyone on disability got. Mainly because those people hadn't worked terribly long and only had so much money in the system. (As an aside here, I was out of the work force for about twenty years while raising children. When I returned, each year my Social Security statement told me I was not eligible for disability because I did not have enough recent work credits to qualify)

The second thing I learned was how just about invariably those people would prefer to be working, even at a crappy rate of pay. One of my attorney's clients kept on undermining her own case because she'd take a job, then because of her circumstances, her disability, would lose it. But it would look sort of like she could work if she really put her mind to it.

The third thing, which is connected to the first thing, is in what terrible straits most of these people were. They'd usually been out of work for years. If there was a spouse, at least they weren't starving in the streets, but many of them were pretty close to that. I believe one of her clients actually was homeless, and when his appeal was granted, she had to track him down to get his money to him.

I'm not myself a conventionally religious person, but if there is a purpose to life it's that we're here to help each other out. Some of us need more help, or more help at certain times.

I am myself astonishingly healthy. I basically never get sick. Every so often I've managed to break a bone, and I did need to have C-sections when my two kids were born. But the older I get (and I just turned 65) and given that I work the information desk at a hospital, I become more and more appreciative of my excellent health. It's a gift. Oh, I've done a small amount to deserve it -- chose my parents well. Never smoked. Keep my weight reasonable. But so much of what can go wrong is a roll of the dice. Only we're not the ones rolling it. Something else outside us is.

Your "friend" is an idiot. Sadly, someone like that will never get it, even if he himself becomes disabled.

[DebJ]

71. And a fourth thing to know:

Those people will be confined to poverty for forever if there disability is permanent.
That's how the system is set up.

If you are able to work part-time, combining the part-time income with the SS
means you likely won't starve to death, and you might be able to stay clothed
on a Walmart budget. That's about it. Earn any more, and you are left
totally on your own, with insufficient income to pay your medical costs or
to afford insurance and also pay rent. Stuck. Trapped. Takes a lot of luck
a genius or a cure to get out of that hell. I know. My son is battling that now.

[woo me with science]

72. This is a wonderful post.

[DesertFlower]

67. sorry to hear that.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

68. We can thank Republicans for this....

I just recently wrote off someone for blowing up one time too many.

Seems since Romney played the "givers and takers" and Rove did the "you're either with us or against us" that there are some brainwashed people who really believe you have to be an asshole to be a "real American" as Palin put it.

I'm convinced that FOX "News" is a danger to civilized society.

What's really sad is that guy actually believes he earned points with Saint Ronnie talking to you like that.

[concreteblue]

69. iF THIS PERSON WAS A REAL FRIEND

He would have asked what he could do to help. Totally Brainwashed, he is. Empathy he has not. Kick his ass Karma will.
I have a Wealthy friend who used to spout RWNJ talking points. He even de-friended me on FB for a while because I routinely shot down and/or questioned the Orthodoxy. That being said, When he sees someone in a spot like you find yourself in, the first thing out of his mouth is "how can I help you?"...and now, after watching the CONservatives lie, cheat and steal to the detriment of our country, he no longer identifies with them.

[Cleita]

73. Loving you, but don't feel ashamed for needing help.

We all do at one time in our lives or forever. You remind me of a friend of mine, who refused to get help until I dragged him kicking and screaming for help from the govt. He really was going to curl up and lie in a ditch when the time came. He was also a WWII vet although he never did combat and was ashamed to get help. We are a community regardless of what the bankers want you to think.

[JesterCS]

74. one word for your friend, "Douchebag" n/t

[Theyletmeeatcake2]

75. That's not being a good friend. Everyone has problems

Be they temporary or permanent. No compassion or simpatico seems to be encouraged by the status quo when a person's worth is based on their production.Pity you weren't rich then it probably wouldn't hurt your actual production if you have a layoff...they seem to have no problem with Riding the backs of the working classes .Is there a safety net that can adequately attend to your needs? Good luck and don't let it get you down...seems odd your friend doesn't reciprocate with support for you after you've helped him out.i reckon society puts people on a knife edge so any threat to how little they have puts them on the defensive and only looking out for themselves. There is power in the union'Good luck mate!!

[mahina]

76. My .02 for healing

When you find yourself playing this out in your head over and over, as is natural, try to think of it from the perspective of an observer, not from your own point of view. You'll see it a little more objectively and stop the hurt from heaping on every time you think about it.

Thank him, in prayers or thoughts or whatever form you feel right, for his friendship to date, and for leaving your life now. He's doing you a kindness rather than being a fake friend. If you can forgive him, and let him be out of your life, you'll be free from your emotions being connected to that very nasty being. You can think of strings being cut between you, if it helps.

/There really are strings, from heart to heart

/hope you don't mind my chiming in

[freshwest]

109. Excellent points. That's why I say that goodbye is a gift. Well said, mahina.

[mahina]

122. Exactly~ aloha also means 'goodbye'!

[dkf]

77. That is just uncalled for. He should have shut up just out of common decency.

Shake on him.

[marew]

78. I am so very sorry you had to experience this.

So many times when people behave like this it is something within them and not about you at all. He may be fighting his own demons of some kind. If he is really a good friend then he knows your true character. But I know it hurts just the same.
I believe we are here to help and assist each other.
Good luck and best wishes.
PS: Asking for a bit of support is never a bother, NEVER!

[yuiyoshida]

79. This kind of reminds me of a video

I saw a while back of an US Veteran, being harassed by tea party individuals. Telling him he needs to get off his back side and go to work and stop sucking up money from the government. It made me angry. None of those guys were probably ever serving in the military, and they have the nerve to pick on someone disabled. One guy even threw a dollar in his face.

I really don't understand how some people can be so stupid and cruel. There will come a time when some of these nasty people will need help and support and will demand and beg for it..either that or they will be bitter and refuse the help.

[DRoseDARs]

80. "He sped out of the lot," crashed less than a mile away and died of his injuries...

...in a just world. Fuck him.

The only thing you should feel terrible about in all this is putting the % sign in front of the 100.

[fadedrose]

81. A family member just started getting Disability..

They put you thru such a wringer that it seems impossible to get approved. I think that anybody who is approved should be because it is a long tough road to getting benefits. Your first stop should be a visit to your SS office.

Unless the Social Security office advises you NOT to because approval is apparent, don't waste any more time working on your case by yourself. Get a lawyer, you'll need one. Write down any incidences and dates, all details, employment history, doctors' or anything pertinent like causes, medications, etc.

Ignore ignorant people like your friend. Someday he may be "blessed" with a disability.

You might get other suggestions, which is fine, but the people I know who just got their first check went to All Sup. There might be better places so check around and see who looks easy to work with and will pay attention to your claim.

https://www.allsup.com/apply/social-security-disability-alt.aspx?SessionCode=1288&gkw=allsup&mkwid=eq1lIwbiw&pcrid=381649621&pkw=allsup&pmt=e

[mick063]

85. Adversity will redefine your friends

It is a brutally honest way of finding out who your true friends are.


Never call this "friend" again. Never accept any help from this friend. There will be preconditions attached.

Meet some new people. Expose your self perceived weaknesses to them and make a quick judgment on their reaction. You will be able to quickly discern compassion from a self centered persona. Understand that some folks feel compelled to elevate themselves and it often comes in the form of diminishing others. Find out if they seize upon your weaknesses and are critical of you in an effort to elevate themselves. Alternatively, find out if they attempt to alter the conversation to minimize your weaknesses. It is the quickest way to find out if a person can potentially be a true friend.

[otohara]

86. Dissing The Sick & Disabled Is In Vogue

amongst the wingnuts I had a guy at Red Rocks yell at me for asking for a chair. "I'm so sick of you people and your problems".
I got polio when I was a toddler and my mom always said kids could be mean and things would get better. HA, not so, not these days anyway.

"you don't look disabled" - Yeah I know, I spent a lifetime trying to hide it.

Your ex-friend hasn't a clue as to who the real takers are - Koch Bros., Monsanto, Wall St.

Hang in there, working while sick or disabled makes you sicker. Don't feel guilty

Sorry you had to suffer such verbal abuse from someone you thought was a friend.

[LeftishBrit]

87. I am so sorry that he did this to you

Unfortunately, there is at the moment a lot of right-wing media propaganda against people who receive disability benefits (it is one of their latest hate-campaigns) and it enables this sort of attitude.

But it is absolutely disgusting that someone who claims to be a 'friend' would act like this. He certainly has his own problems if he can act like this. I think what others will say if they find out is that this person is incredibly rude and an unreliable friend. It reflects on him, not on you.

[happyslug]

88. Some people do NOT want to believe that people need help

And if you attack they belief system, they will attack. Just accept it and get on with your life.

I also advised you check the Disability forum, It has several good thread on the Social Security process that will help you understand the Social Security system.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1141

here is a thread that goes into some details on how Social Security decides if you are disabled:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/114127#post1

Some advice on your application:

1. Get it is as soon as possible, the sooner you get it it, the sooner it will be reviewed,

2. If you are denied, file an appeal (it is a one page form you can get from the Social Security Office), then look for an attorney. You do NOT need an attorney to file the appeal, but I believe the Judges at a Social Security Hearing asks more questions and do a better job of deciding a case if you have an attorney (i.e. I believe you will do better with an attorney).

3. Attorney will take on a SS claim on a contingency basis, taking 25% of any arrears you may be entitled to, but nothing if you lose. So you can pay for an attorney.

4. Legal Services can provide an Attorney for free,.

[rl6214]

145. 25% up to $6000 max

That's the amount taken from my back pay.

[Vanje]

146. I wish I could rec a post. +1! nt

[eShirl]

89. What the hell is wrong with him?

Seriously.

[OutNow]

90. Just One More Disabled Guy

I have an auto-immune condition that caused me to lose my job after 30 years in the IT industry. It is VERY possible that the 60 hour weeks, impossible deadlines, and very high stress over many years is what ruined my health. I applied and was approved for SS Disability.

To the untrained observer, I might look fine. The first time I saw a neurologist when I was trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, she said she could tell in the first 30 seconds what my condition was. So I had several of those "you don't look sick to me" conversations.

My advice (1) the person that left you at the table is not your friend. You don't need people like that in your life. (2) I contributed to SS via payroll deductions for many years and the benefit I now receive is not a gift. It was earned. The same is true in your case. (3) A couple of folks recommended that you get a lawyer to help with your application. Allow me to add one more vote. The attorneys that work on disability claims know all the right things to say and what not to say.

Hang in there.

[B Calm]

91. The people I know who are on the take, are all republicans.

You on the other hand are not on the take. Your doctors agree that work is bad for you, then I would listen to them. You will always find new friends!

[Safetykitten]

93. You deserve better than that. Try not to let it get to you. Take it from me, Mr. Unpopular himself..

There are better people than him. Really there are. People see inner goodness, and you are one and one will see you.

[lumberjack_jeff]

95. I work with people with developmental disabilities.

My response is in two parts;
Part 1) everything that everyone said upthread about your friend is correct. He's an asshole that has been emboldened by a culture of cruelty.
Part 2) work is important to people for more than simple monetary reasons. One of the things that my state is doing right in the field of developmental disabilities is putting resources into job development and job coaching. The job coach and his or her client will come to the client's workplace, and do their job in a supervised fashion. Many of those people transition to real employment and become assets to their organization as well as derive the kind of self esteem and community engagement that is impossible if you never leave the house.
You can work and still get the social security benefits you deserve. Ask the SS office about a benefits analysis, it is widely recognized that the benefits of work are important enough that benefits should not be taken away if you work (within limits).

SSDI is insurance, for which you paid your premiums and are now entitled to the benefit for which your insurance indemnified you.

[LWolf]

96. That was no friend. nt

[etherealtruth]

97. sadly, there are a$$ holes and idiots everywhere

Some masquerade as friends.

This is why there needs to be a strong safety net. Bad things happen, things out of anyone's control.

What is wrong with this country is that we don't provide enough for the welfare of our "fellow' citizens ... certainly, not that we provide too much.

your "friend" is what is wrong with this country ... NOT YOU

[MH1]

98. Very sad that you have to deal with that.

It may seem like a platitude, and maybe it is, but it sounds like that a**hole just gave you some room in your life for someone more deserving.

I'm glad your wife is on your side. Between you and her hopefully you will find a real friend to replace the dipshit who obviously wasn't.

Good luck with the other issues. Has your doc considered anxiety disorder? I sometimes wonder if anxiety is underrated as a cause of a whole host of issues, and an exacerbating factor in others. I'm not a doc myself, but someone who was eventually freed of a lot of crap when some doc decided maybe I should try an anti-anxiety med. (I don't even have to take that anymore, either.) Anyway, good luck, and don't let the bastards get you down.

[Jim Lane]

100. Some people have said this guy was never your friend. I disagree.

Based on what you wrote about your past with him, I'd say he was indeed your friend at one point. The problem arose because he fell for the propaganda. Several people upthread have noted this factor.

I suggest you try to remember positively what your friend was like in the old days, before the pods got him -- before this ignorant person was walking around in your old friend's body.

Also, you don't need to apologize for venting. Your thread title made it clear that a personal vent or rant or the like was forthcoming. Anyone who doesn't want to read doesn't click, simple enough.

[BlueToTheBone]

101. Take care of yourself.

Be compassionate with yourself and know that your "friend" is only trying to take care of himself (if in a selfish way). His not understanding that you aren't well is sad; may he learn compassion; someday it may just be him who is not able to care for himself and he will then see the other side. But meanwhile, I wouldn't let his bigotry touch you. They are just words that are gone in the wind. If it were me, I'd let him be gone in the wind too.

Be prepared for a long drawn out process in the SSI land. Often it's helpful to get an attorney who specializes. The sooner you file, the more you will collect in back payments, so don't delay.

[bvar22]

103. WOW. You had coffee with Mitt Romney??!!!

Don't listen to that asshole.

[freedom fighter jh]

132. good one nt

[handmade34]

104. so sorry...

[fredamae]

105. Focus upon those

who proudly Pay taxes for this very need and don't resent those who use these benefits.

These benefits are a collective effort to help those who need it. Go for them, I hope you get them. These very benefits are there For you --- and understand it is a kind of "sickness" your "friend" suffers from-it isn't your "cross/burden to bear"...
My best and Good luck!

[AngryOldDem]

106. You've had this friend for years and he has no idea how much you've suffered?

You really can't be worrying about what others may think of you right now. Take care of yourself and cut such toxic people out of your life immediately. If after all this time "your friend" has no idea about what's going on with you, then he really hasn't been much of a friend.

[dhill926]

107. fuck 'im.....

not worth the energy you're expending. I wish you all the best.

[kestrel91316]

108. I gladly pay taxes so that people in your situation can be helped. Your "friend"

is a complete and utter asswipe. And that's being generous.

[Lifelong Protester]

110. That is awful

and here I was feeling bad that I had no friends to go get a cup of coffee with (if you are a school administrator, it is pretty impossible in a small town to have a "hey, let's just go get a coffee" kind of pal, just is)

So, I am sorry you are in that spot, and sorry your 'friend' treated you so horribly. He (I assume you said "he" ) is a jerk. A plain old jerk. Can't come up with anything more original than that...

[stupidicus]

111. tell them to kiss your buttocks

and call it a love story

you're better off without them

[Pakid]

112. I say good riddance to him

You don't need a friend like that. Among my circle of friends I have 2 friend who are on SS disability I see nothing wrong with it and can't help but wonder what kind of idiot would!!!!!!

[Todays_Illusion]

113. This story just seems too hypothetical and pat to me. Too much is left to speculation and

as I read I felt it to be insincere and not believable.

Am I the only skeptic?

[hrmjustin]

118. Your first post here is to cast doubt on this poster's story. Poor choice for a first post.

[wrenken]

143. Why?

Please tell me why I am not telling the truth?

[hrmjustin]

150. You responded to the wrong poster. The one above me cast doubt on your story.

[gopiscrap]

121. Welcome to DU

[polichick]

124. "Friend," is that you?

[Todays_Illusion]

141. Prbabbly not, this is my first time here.

[polichick]

152. I meant the "friend" described in the op.

[JBoy]

126. Quite a first post.

[wrenken]

144. WOW!

Please tell me what is wrong with this! Did I do something wrong here, is my life too hard for you to believe?

[LongTomH]

114. Welcome to Democratic Underground to both wrenken and An_enlightened_soul

I hope to hear more from both of you.

Wrenken, when you're feeling down: come here to talk about it. Most of us have had reversals in our personal and professional lives in the last few years; I think we can empathize.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

115. Fire him. Nobody needs 'toxic' friends. There are plenty more better people for you.

Be brave and fire your friend. It will help give you strength and more self-respect.

Of course, accept an abject apology and welcome him back if you can.

Nobody needs toxic people in their lives.

[cantbeserious]

117. In Other Countries - Your Situation Is Understood - In America We Brainwash Citizens To Believe Otherwise

eom

[LeftishBrit]

136. Sadly, exactly the same attitude is being promoted in the UK at the moment.

[SammyWinstonJack]

120. What's it to him anyway? You earned those benefits or else you wouldn't be getting them.

A 'taker'?

Yeah, taking what you haved earned.

Your 'friend' is an a$$.

[TheKentuckian]

123. Your plate is too full to deal with assholery of that magnitude

and your health too great a weight to have an anchor like that pulling you down.

Be well and I hope you'll be blessed with real friends that will seek to lift you up or at least be a safe harbor in the stormy seas of life.

[bluestate10]

125. Any person who treats you like that "friend" treated you isn't a friend.

Did that friend even attempt to ask details of your physical condition? The man likely was never a friend, you need to understand that.

[get the red out]

128. He is no friend

He is someone who abandons human empathy for unfeeling, and untrue ideologgy.

I am sorry he was so verbally abusive to you.

[DUgosh]

129. Contrary to what the tea bags believe

It is very very very hard to get Sociaal Security disability. They test you. The test is pretty much you breathing on a mirror and if it fogs up you don't qualify. I am very sorry you are sick. You need to reduce as much stress in your life as possible. Including contacts with ignorant folks like these. You must do what's best for you and your family now. All the best and welcome to DU.

[drynberg]

130. You just made a small mistake, this blanketyblank wasn't even close to being a friend.

Just focus on getting better and wipe your slate totally clean of this "friend". Good luck dude.

[freedom fighter jh]

131. It's his problem.

We all do irrational, unkind things at times, because of issues that we still have to resolve within our own minds. Life is hard, not least because of these mental challenges. It's when people fail at those challenges that they become miserable in themselves and do inappropriate things to others.

Sorry this happened to you. Soc sec disability is for people like you. Why in the world should you have to be unable to afford a cup of tea?

It's his problem.

[DonCoquixote]

133. An ugly truth from a Fellow SS member

I nearly slit my wrists because I was ashamed of going on disability. I am Hispanic, and when my Anglo friends seemed surprised that I was middle class, I would exclaim "we never went on Welfare!" yes, i was younger and dumber, especially after realizing that my disability managed to make a joke out of all the hard work I tried to do in my life.

I went through the process, and found two things:

One: there were many people like me who had done the right things, got their degress, worked like dogs, until they just ran into their limits. They then found a lot of 'friends' would judge them, not realizing that, contrary to the American Mythos, a lot of affluence really is controlled by things you cannot control,now matter how much you work. I saw people that in their heyday could have bought and sold me ten times over.

I also saw some that were not humble, people who thought "this would never happen to them", people whose Ministers told them this was because they did not give enough money to the church, that this was God's punishment. I know this because I was in this group, much to my regret. If I did not have family who would tell my relatives and friends to shut up, I would not be here.

And to those that say "you should not afford this", I offer the following: Many of my relatives are in retail, a job which, in it's own way, is one of the dirtiest, nastiest jobs in the nation. The hours are the worst, and the customers the rudest. Lo and behold, many of these diehard GOP types in my family were telling me that their profits were down...why..because people did not feel they could spend anything. You see, every economy, but especially ours, depends on people being able to buy things, from a cup of tea, to a car or home. When people do not spend, even those at the top feel it, but of course, our hyper rich manages to spread the punishment down. Of course, all those upper middle class/lower upper class-millionaires need to remember something, when the 1% are finished bleeding the working class for all they are worth, they will still be hungry, and next on the menu will be those same upper class people they used to need to hide behind. Already there are many people that used to drive a Cadillac now having to ride the bus, and they are still blaming themselves and minorities for their state, not realizing that all along, they were the geese whose livers were fattened to make Pate.

[roamer65]

137. I want you to know that...

you were in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon after reading your post. Be strong and do not feel bad about applying. I hope you feel better soon.

[hatrack]

138. Scrape him off your shoes and move on

He never was your friend, he's just another hate-pustule, and he just can't help blowing his creamy center of right-wing venom over any target he thinks suitable, like you, for instance.

[wrenken]

140. His Wife called today

She apologized profusely for his behavior. She said they are separating and he is going through a lot. I feel bad about their marriage, but taking it out on others does not help the problem. He could have talked to me about it. I told her I cannot/will not talk to him ever again. He can apologize all he wants, it is not going to change things. Oh, she told me how bad he feels that he did this in a public place!

I appreciate all of your support. You guys are great. Thanks so much!

[Vanje]

142. Be well, Wrenken

I lost a friend , a little like that 2 years ago.
I'm still grieving for the loss of a friendship that probably wasn't nearly as good as I thought it was.

[TorchTheWitch]

147. Lord, protect me from my friends

From my enemies I can protect myself.

~ Maréchal Villars (1653-1734)


This dude is not your friend. He's not even fit to kiss the hem of your garment. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his most personal and private of nether regions... and throw in a handful of deer ticks and mosquitoes for good measure.

[Mr Dixon]

151. SMH

IMO your Wife should be your BFF, stop worrying about so-called friends and do what is required for you to live. SSN is a program we pay into all our working lives stands to reason you should be able to use it when needed.