Study: Americans Safe from Gun Violence...

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

...Except in Schools, Malls, Airports, Movie Theatres, Workplaces, Streets, Own Homes.

Posted by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new study released today indicates that Americans are safe from the threat of gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, movie theatres, workplaces, streets, and their own homes.

Also: highways, turnpikes, libraries, places of worship, parks, universities, restaurants, post offices, and cars.

Plus: driveways, garages, gyms, stores, military bases—and a host of other buildings, structures, and sites.


National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre applauded the study, saying that it reinforced his organization’s long-held position that the United States does not need additional gun laws. “This study makes it abundantly clear that Americans are in no danger of gun violence except in these isolated four hundred and thirteen places,” he said.

-more-

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/11/study-americans-safe-from-gun-violence-except-in-schools-malls-airports-movie-theatres-workplaces-st.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(194)

[pitbullgirl1965]

1. I feel so reassured now! Thanks Wayne. :D

Are you #^@^@ kidding me? Also, IIRC, guns are banned at NRA conferences. What a sick little man.

[Tippy]

2. wonder if lack of ammo might have played a part....

There is a shortage in some areas..

[B Calm]

3. LOL

[Scuba]

4. Yet people here argue gun violence isn't a big deal, 'cause you know, drowning.

[progressoid]

5. And throwing rocks.

[Vashta Nerada]

6. And car accidents.