American men’s hidden crisis: They need more friends!

[Courtesy Flush]

http://www.salon.com/2013/12/08/american_mens_hidden_crisis_they_need_more_friends/


I see a lot of this. Most of the men I know don't have a single close friend. I'm 54 years old, and have never had a close friend.

To be honest, I don't even want one anymore. I've wasted too much of my life thinking I need people to accept me.

Of all people in America, adult, white, heterosexual men have the fewest friends. Moreover, the friendships they have, if they’re with other men, provide less emotional support and involve lower levels of self-disclosure and trust than other types of friendships. When men get together, they’re more likely to do stuff than have a conversation. Friendship scholar Geoffrey Greif calls these “shoulder-to-shoulder” friendships, contrasting them to the “face-to-face” friendships that many women enjoy. If a man does have a confidant, three-quarters of the time it’s a woman, and there’s a good chance she’s his wife or girlfriend.

When I first began researching this topic I thought, surely this is too stereotypical to be true. Or, if it is true, I wondered, perhaps the research is biased in favor of female-type friendships. In other words, maybe we’re measuring male friendships with a female yardstick. It’s possible that men don’t want as many or the same kinds of friendships as women.

But they do. When asked about what they desire from their friendships, men are just as likely as women to say that they want intimacy. And, just like women, their satisfaction with their friendships is strongly correlated with the level of self-disclosure. Moreover, when asked to describe what they mean by intimacy, men say the same thing as women: emotional support, disclosure and having someone to take care of them.

[JimboBillyBubbaBob]

1. Yeah, good points here.

My best friend is my older brother and I am nearing 60. My other best friend is one I have known since 1968 in the beginning of 9th grade. It doesn't go much beyond this.

[BlueJazz]

2. Perhaps a large share of American men do not want to divulge their feelings for fear of the emotions

....being used against them.

I also think the more intelligent men are capable of sharing while the less intelligent are more like the first sentence of this post.
I'm lucky to have two close friends that I feel open enough to share my feelings with.

[CFLDem]

74. I wonder how this correlates

with the recent study about how Americans don't trust each other.

[BlueJazz]

77. Seems like the media is constantly trying to start a war between Americans, even if the ...

.... difference is an extremely minor one.
No wonder we don't trust. We've been told that we hate each other.

[dionysus]

3. i have a few close guy friends but my closest friends are women. huh.

[NuclearDem]

8. Not surprising. It's the same with me.

Virtually all of really good friends are women. I can name maybe two real good guy friends I have, but that's about it.

[silverweb]

4. Trust.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]I think some people, both men and women, stop having intimate friendships because of betrayals of trust.

When confidences are not honored and trust is betrayed, not once but repeatedly, the message is loud and clear that "doing stuff" together is a whole lot safer than sharing anything deeper.

[kcr]

5. I think it just seems to get harder to make friends, especially the older you get

I had friends growing up, and in my twenties. They gradually faded out of my life it seems. Now, middle aged and with a family, and especially since I've relocated to an area where I know no one, I really have no friends at all. I feel bad coming into this thread because I'm a woman so I don't want to derail the OP, but I just wanted to say I think there's definitely something to what you say.

[silverweb]

15. I think you're onto something.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]My two closest friends left the state years ago and we haven't seen each other in years, although we stay in touch on line. Since I moved to NorCal, I've met a good number of people and now have several "friendly acquaintances," but I really don't feel that close to anyone.

There was one person I met who immediately started acting like we were best friends; she was quite intrusive and I withdrew very quickly. I've always been mostly a loner, anyway, but this has become more pronounced in the last decade or so -- and I don't regret it at all. It's nice to have friends to do things with, but I'm very wary about people who want to get too close or spend too much time together.

[tofuandbeer]

13. I think you're right....

Maybe it's just me, but I think men are less likely to forgive than women.

[silverweb]

17. That could be.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]Or maybe not. I might be atypical of other women, but I've been known to completely cut off people who betrayed my trust.

Once the damage is done, there's no going back and no way to restore it.

Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never.

[LWolf]

49. I have to second that.

I struggle to forgive. I've never forgotten anything.

Never.

That's not atypical; or, if it is, then we are both atypical women.

[MuseRider]

67. Me too.

Once you screw me over it is done. I may tolerate you being around me, I may be around you a lot but I will never trust again and most likely never forgive.

[sibelian]

71. Yes.... yes.

Several people have been completely removed from my life. It can be painful. But sometimes it has to be done.

[tofuandbeer]

86. I'm a male, and my wife cheated on me. I agree: forgive, maybe. Forget, never. I 100% understand.

Everything's changed.

[FrodosPet]

21. It must be just you

Guys fight and next thing you know, you are knocking back a cold one laughing about how stupid the fight was. Meanwhile, (SOME) women will try to wring every last possible drop of pain they can from you. Then discard you, say "I can't accept you", and months later guess who is calling looking for money and a place to stay?

Or maybe it is just me! After all, I AM a perennial outsider!

[sibelian]

72. .... uhhh

I dunno about that. I've known several fights between guys end up VERY badly in terms of sustaining the friendship...

I don't know, from my experience, if I could call forgiveness a particularly gendered trait.

[Marr]

85. That hasn't been my experience.

My experience has been that you have to truly *try* to step on a man before he takes offense. At that point, yes-- he may well cut you loose and never think about you again.

But not forgiving perceived or imagined slights? I'd have to give the edge to women on that one.

[onestepforward]

59. I heard a thought about trust many years ago.

It was basically "how much you trust others is a reflection of how much you trust yourself."

I've personally found this to be true. We've all been burned by liars, thieves and other manipulative people. One reaction is to build a wall around yourself for protection. The only bad thing about that is that you block out the good folks too.

The older I get, the better I am at recognizing negative types of people and I keep my distance. I trust myself more now that I can handle those types of people.

I do try hard not to start off with a wall when I met someone new. I try to start the relationship with a clean slate, just as I would hope others would do with me.

[CTyankee]

73. My husband has one very good friend who I count as a friend too. But it is different.

He and his friend hang out for a couple of hours once a week (both retired) and occasionally we all go to brunch together. I love his friend a lot...he is a very nice guy. But my husband likes to have his male buddy and I'm glad he does. They talk about sports, politics and I don't know what else, but I think it is beneficial for both of them. I kid him gently about the "male bonding" thing but they have a nice friendship that doesn't in the least intrude upon our marriage...if anything, it helps for him to get out of the house now that he is retired. He goes out on a Friday afternoon for a beer with his buddy and other buddies who happen to be at the pub. I do my Friday Afternoon art Challenge. It all works out just fine...

[Major Nikon]

6. Seems to draw a lot of conclusions that have alternate explanations

The idea that men want the same level of intimacy from their friends doesn't necessarily mean they want that from their male friends. As the author pointed out, "If a man does have a confidant, three-quarters of the time it’s a woman, and there’s a good chance she’s his wife or girlfriend." A far more simpler explanation is that men have different expectations from male friends as opposed to female friends.

The author also was either unaware or failed to point out that depression is most common in middle aged women and is 70% more common with women in general. So the idea that more intimate friendships pays women more mental health dividends later in life doesn't seem to jive with the available data.

[Lex]

7. Maybe that's why women are depressed.

"If a man does have a confidant, three-quarters of the time it’s a woman, and there’s a good chance she’s his wife or girlfriend."

[NoOneMan]

57. LOL

Or that its one-sided


Men have a female confident and the women just have a man yapping at them about things they don't care about

[Nikia]

38. Or maybe women are more likely to get depressed when they don't have close friends

Like their former friends or aquaintences. It's no fun to be left out when, when you used to be included. It's hard when you used to have confidants and you don't any more.

[lumberjack_jeff]

9. Agree.

Although I think I'm pretty fortunate in that I have two good male friends whom I can count on.

[bhikkhu]

10. Very true. I'm close with my extended family, but no real close friends

I was just thinking the other day when I'd left the lights on in my car and ran the battery down - would most ordinary people have someone to call and give a hand? Probably...but I didn't have anyone to call, and my extended family lives pretty far away. I walked home and got my jumper cables, then drove our spare car to the lot and jumped mine. Drove it home, then walked back again to bring the second car home. A bunch of unplanned exercise, an evening spent, and kind of ridiculous in general. I have casual friends, but not the kind I'd ask for their phone numbers and ask for help.

I was always taught that to have a friend you need to be a friend, and I've always had so many things going on (and raising two kids) that I tend to be very protective of my time. So I avoid entanglements that would require me to be a friend, and the other part follows. Maybe I'll make a new years resolution to loosen things up a little.

[tblue37]

11. I have a number of close friends--both male and female.

Most of my friends are much younger than I am, for a number of reasons not relevant to my point here.

Many of my male friends (not my female friends) tell me that I am their only close friend, the only one they confide in. My female friends always have a number of other close friends to confide in, so I am never their only one.

I am 63 years old, so I assure you that their feeling of closeness is not associated with sexual attraction, as might be the case with a younger woman.

My experience does suggest that when they need a friend to confide in, many men in our society find such friendship with a woman, not with another man. I wonder how much of this is related to pervasive homophobia.

My friends are not homophobes (if they were I would not be friends with them), but I bet they fear that other men would reject any attempt to be close friends because those other men would worry they were trying to hit on them.

[Heather MC]

12. I've noticed my Hubby

has less and less of a desire to make new friends. I am a social butterfly, but my hubby is perfectly content with just Me and our boys. He works with a bunch of men but only calls about 3 of them friends. 2 of them have retired, and he makes no attempt to see them, he just calls them friends, but never talks to them on the phone.

He hates social media of any kind. And when we went to his 25th high school reunion, I am the one who made lasting connections with his school mates via facebook.

we went on a 6 day cruise with a group of people I know last year, and are planning another cruise with the same group this year. I was surprized when we were at a party with them, they were stunned to hear my hubby speak. They said they didn't think he ever talked.
Which is funny because he and I are chatty patties but in a group of Adults, he would rather be in the childrens room watching the kids.

he does tell me he doesn't have a need for friends often. And on the rare occasions he may need a favor from someone at work like a ride to work because his car is in the shop, he is very very reluctant to ask.

But he is a very giving person, he gives blood every two weeks, runs for charities particularly ones that help children, he vonlunteers at the local spup kitchen and not just forthe holidays, we both love habitat for humanity builds, and everything he has gets donated, clothes, shoes, cars, everything.

but connecting with people on a personal level is not something he cares to do. except for with me and Our Children.

I am kinda happy to know it's normal.

[Phentex]

43. Very similar to my husband...

he works hard and would just rather relax at home, go out with me, or do something with the teens rather than go out with friends. There are a couple of former coworkers that he'll try to get together with for drinks maybe once a year but that's pretty much it. He was a pretty big partier in his younger years but he's not at all interested now. We will get together with neighbors and such and he's talkative there but outside of that, most people think he is very shy - which I guess he is.

[SoCalDem]

44. My husband is the same..

I gave up long ago, trying to create friendships as a couple.

We moved a LOT during our younger years, and friendships take time to develop. He has also always worked in very small companies, and has had long commutes, so the people he came into contact with were usually living a long way from us.

When our boys were in soccer and school, he had casual game-day acquaintances.

He has hobbies, but never saw the new to join any club or meet fellow devotees.

Luckily for our sons, they all took my lead, and all have long-lasting friendships with guys & couples they met as they grew up.

I have no idea why my husband feels no need for friends.. I have asked him & his response is always a version of ..:I don't have time"

[Katashi_itto]

14. Whoa. I fall right into this category. No family, and with the car accident and associated

after effects to recovering. I've one friend. Been so busy getting over the various humps recovering not to mention school, sort of left where I am

[Skittles]

16. someone is always here for you Katashi_itto

lots of loners here, myself included

[Katashi_itto]

18. Thanks

That means alot

[sendero]

19. IMHO..

.... men a just not wired for these kinds of friendships once they are past college age or so.

My best friend is my younger brother. We talk several times a week and we see most things in the same way.

I have a couple of other friends that I can talk to about this and that, but I think in general grown men feel uneasy about "face to face" relationships. I really don't know why.

[Victor_c3]

20. I think a lot of it has to do with our mobile society

you grow up in one town, go to college in another town, start your first job in a third town, move to a fourth town when you're married and ready to start a family, retire in a fifth town - not to mention all of the moves that someone usually does during the course of their working careers. All the while, everyone you've made connections with is doing the same thing.

[polichick]

26. Very true.

[NickB79]

47. Very astute observation

I had a very solid circle of friends, both male and female, as a college student. It was amazing. We were all there for each other, within a few minutes drive of one another (or even roommates), and able to talk about anything. I had guy friends who's shoulders I literally cried upon at times, and vice versa.

10 years later, those friends have scattered to the winds. One is in Japan, one in Australia, one in Seattle, one in Texas. Some are still here in Minnesota, but even they've scattered across the state.

With a 40-hr workweek, a 3-yr old to care for, a wife to spend time with, a fixer-upper house to work on, and a budding mini-farm business I'm trying to start up, I have no time to drive 1-2 hrs to visit my old college buddies.

And Facebook is NOT a suitable substitute for actual face-to-face meetings.

[uponit7771]

61. +1

[meaculpa2011]

22. I have a nice circle of friends, but...

when I say that we're there for each other it means that I can call any of them for help with a plumbing project.

I cannot imagine sitting around spilling the beans about our innermost thoughts.

I guess that make me a dunce.

[Courtesy Flush]

24. I think the story over-played that part of it

Most men aren't looking for that kind of Lifetime Movie Channel friendship.

But we're loners, and don't even have many casual friendships.

Just having someone to go sailing with, or help each other with projects around the house, or bowling would be much much more than most people can hope for these days.

[bettyellen]

33. "Lifetime Movie Channel friendship" Um, maybe comments like that -about people who have true friend

ships are the reason you do not. Who needs that "girly shit", right?

[Courtesy Flush]

68. You really don't get it.

They're saying that close relationships have to fit some kind of pre-conceived mold. They're pushing a feminine model, while other push a macho model. Why can't a friendship just be a friendship?

[bettyellen]

69. because the "feminine model" is actually the "macho" one plus other stuff? stuff that is good for

healthy people to have? I believe that is the reasoning.

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

23. Here's what I've experienced...

I'm a single, 47 y/o, heterosexual, white male, never been married or had kids. I had a decent number of male friends up to my mid-30s. I was closest to my gay friend. Some were strictly friends I got together with around sporting events. Others, I met at dog park, and we hung out for years; I consider them "face-to-face" relationships. Only one male friend, Steve, is my intellectual/political counterpart.

Then my male friends got married. I don't understand the dynamics, but we never could get together after that. Steve included. Before long, they moved away. So about all I have is Steve, but we only get together a few times a year and exchange email once in a while. And now, we only talk about his interests (which interest me) because he doesn't have the free time to follow much of anything else.

Like others, I enjoy the "face-to-face" time I spend with women. I like to talk about relationships and psychology. I could do this with Steve, but not any of my other male friends.

aside: I've always wondered why my buddies couldn't(?) hang out with me after they got married... :dunno:


Btw, I like the topic

[bettyellen]

34. same happens to women when they have kids, they still do the bulk of the domestic, social duties

and when they have kids, they start to bond with women going through the same thing for utilitarian purposes, and support. Or their kids's friend's parents. An old friend I just see 1-2 a year confessed to me she was having a rough time because she didn't like a few of the Mom's she was hanging out with. I was like, "I'm still here." But I'm not a Mom, so even though I love spending time with her and her kid, there's no kid for him to play with- I am not enough.

[SoCalDem]

45. and women are more eager to share their failings.

I think many men are afraid of having a failure revealed. They can accept a "sports" failure, because it happens to every guy.

and I think that during childbearing/rearing years, Mother Nature may have built in a resistance to "over-socializing". There may be a built-in "feature" in our brains that enhances "nesting with our own families" instead of introducing "competitors" into the mix

[bettyellen]

52. I think you hit it on the head, I know my brother has had deep troubles with his wife

and he has basically checked out of the family, because he is mortified by her behavior, and feeling very stuck in that situation. He would never ask for any help or support- or even show up lest anyone witness the abuse he puts up with.
It is bizarre, because we would never judge or second guess or give him unsolicited advice. I feel very sad he never learned to cope with things, and instead does that stoic thing. It is not serving him well.

[99Forever]

25. Fascinating article.

Personally, for me, the element of time is a large factor in limiting how many "friendships" I am able to have. The struggle to just keep our heads above water just doesn't seem to allow us enough of it that is required to for the sort of "intimate face to face" friendship the article speaks of. For me, when I finally do have some "free time," I tend to take it and use it for "doing" rather than "feeling."

Do I wish it were different and that I had the time to form deeper friendships with other guys? Sure, but the nature of our society today makes that almost impossible.

[Shankapotomus]

27. People just don't need friends

I'm pretty sure these guys were all friends:



Some people are worse trouble when they get together with their friends.

People need friends who are a productive, not destructive, influence:

[ronnie624]

28. Good read. Thanks. n/t

[A-Schwarzenegger]

29. I got friends, just about all in recovery,

12-step fellows. Course I had to join a damn cult.

[FarCenter]

30. Most men have friends that they work with

Men do less "over sharing" and get into fewer emotional entanglements than women.

[bettyellen]

36. they get into entanglements- they just don't sort them out in their minds. they often brood and

fight instead, or just close off everyone.

[tabasco]

31. I don't need a friend to blah blah blah about feelings and stupid crap

That's what my ol' lady is for.

I just need somebody to come help me with plumbing and stuff.

[Aerows]

70. "Not that I have friends, or an old lady"

That's pretty much what that statement is for your future, no offense.

[tabasco]

88. LOL!

And your present. No offense.

[Aerows]

89. *smirk*

I don't think you want to know about my present, because it truly is a gift!

[Jesus Malverde]

32. In America, when young poor male friends hang out together...they are called a GANG...nt

[doc03]

35. My best friend went back to school and became a lawyer now he

is rich Teabagging asshole. My older brother was also a best friend up until
about 8 years ago when he retired now he is an alcoholic asshole. I was close to my younger brother
and he passed away this spring. It is extremely hard to make a friend around here because
of their right wing political views.

[LittleBlue]

37. Only got 2 really close friends myself

The rest are coworkers or old college buddies, really just acquaintances.

Sharing intimate stuff with male friends is just uncomfortable. I don't want them knowing me in that way. That kind of talk is between me and my wife only.

Not a crisis at all, it's just the way we are.

[ohheckyeah]

39. My husband must be the exception to the rule

because he has a LOT of friends. He still gets together with friends he made in elementary school and he talks on the phone to friends more than I do.

I'm the one that could use more friends.

[HappyMe]

40. I don't know if it's only men.

I have noticed that the older I get, the less I need to blather on to somebody about every little goofy thing. Maybe it's because there's less omg! type drama than when I was younger.

I have a female friend I'm kind of close with. We still don't go on about all intimate details of our lives. Neither of us really feel the need unless there is a genuine crisis type situation.

I think that people move more now than they used to, and people seem busier also.

[Egalitarian Thug]

41. Very Insightful. K&R

The American Male has been so twisted that it is nearly impossible to have a relationship with one. The only emotions that are acceptable for display are rage, anger, greed, and lust. It is no wonder that we have become so perverse.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

42. This is something I have been thinking about lately

A girl I dated in college sent me a bunch of photos she had scanned from negatives and it struck me that with one exception (with whom I have professional contact) I hadn't talked to a single one of these "friends" in nearly twenty years. I didn't have a falling out with any of them, we just graduated and went on with our lives that went in their own direction and it doesn't take long until people who once had a ton in common are alien to one another and the complexity just compounds in time as people become inherently more complicated and particularistic, by the time you're middle aged it might be very difficult for you to relate to someone who doesn't share your traits. I don't know many women who are so granular.

[NoOneMan]

46. My wife is my best friend

And sometimes, my only friend it seems. If I'm not doing something with her, I'm alone in the forest where she wont go. Frankly, I've tried to take other guys with me, but in the end its more of a hassle than its worth. I doubt Ill ever get to the point of feeling as comfortable with a friend than I feel with my wife or alone, so why bother?

[retread]

50. Same here. While not my only friend, certainly my best friend.

[Populist_Prole]

48. Pretty much sounds like me too

My main "group A" type friends I've known for 20+ years and with either or both of them we enjoyed each other's company enjoying activities of our common interests. Each of them has become steadily more conservative over the past half-dozen years to the point where they're both damn near wingnuts now. We exchange emails and phone calls comparing notes on our common interests, but see each other less and less due to how we don't see eye to eye politically. Ironically, way back when, say 15 years ago, it was I who was more conservative then they.

The rest are "group B" type friends ( coworkers, mutual friends of the group A's and such ) and acquaintances.

[RedCappedBandit]

51. I question the validity of her assertion that men want the same thing

out of friendship as women.

[bettyellen]

54. but- do you question that having close friendships is a good thing?

[RedCappedBandit]

64. No

I have a number of very intimate male friends. A very small number, and it's perfect for me.

[sibelian]

63. I agree.

I suspect men have different emotions.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

53. A couple guys I work with retired recently and I was surprised at stories of what buddies they were.

The first one to retire came back to attend the retirement party of the second one and I found out that outside of work they had gotten quite close, helping each other out on home projects and just doing stuff.
And part of me had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of guys having active guy friends. I mean, as adults. Sure, I had buddies in school and for a while after college but since then it's been a gradual decline to where I'm barely in touch with old male friends anymore.

I think part of it is that the women in our lives get the task of handling socializing and as we get married there's a tendency to look for 'couple friends' that naturally are centered on the women. I've never gotten married while my old male friends have.

[ismnotwasm]

55. Huh

My husband has tons of friends. His friends have friends. I'm the one who reticent about socializing.

As a trend this is very sad.

[NoOneMan]

56. "As a trend this is very sad."

I don't think it can be cast as good or bad until we really look at the why and happiness levels.


Are men simply becoming isolated and alone? Or do they not have time or an urge to have male friends because they are busy and fulfilled with their family (that's sort of where I am)?


If I ever get a free hour, I'd rather take a walk on the beach with my family than "bro" it up with near strangers (and compared to how I know my wife, everyone is a near-strange--extended family included).

[ismnotwasm]

58. Maybe it's an age thing

Men in their 50's are usually busy with work and family, as you say and when I think about it, my husband and I were (very) early starters, kids are out of the house. He is disabled with MS and so does volunteer work-- which had brought him into contact with lots of different people.


I'm wondering if men in their 20's have the same problem?

[NoOneMan]

60. I've been this way since college

Anecdotally speaking, the world just seems to fade away and become unimportant and uninteresting and unfulfilling when you find a partner that fulfills you (and that you fulfill).

[ismnotwasm]

62. Yeah

I know the 'partner as best friend' sounds trite to some people, but my husband and I have always been that way.

I had a long talk about it with one of my daughters and found out she tells people "the honeymoon never ended"-- which is by no means true, we have our moments of course, but it was interesting that that was her perception.

[sibelian]

65. I got tired of explaining and talking about drama

And decided to work on making it go away instead.

Slowly I realised that a number of my friends were too differentiated from me, on their own paths, for us to benefit much further from each other's company.

I'm a little lonely. But I'd be more lonely pretending to be interested in the same things I was when I was in my 20s. Very often that's what brings men together when they're young.

[Initech]

66. This thread isn't complete without the sad Hulk music.

[Courtesy Flush]

75. This is the kind of thing the article was talking about.

Make the mistake of opening up, and guys will belittle you for it. This is why I don't even bother.

[Initech]

78. I wasn't belittling anybody.

Last edited Sun Dec 8, 2013, 11:50 PM - Edit history (1)

I was just saying that the music was appropriate for the thread. Not making fun of the situation at all. I know all too well what this article is talking about.

[Marr]

84. HAHAHAHA

That actually made me literally l-o-l.

[kestrel91316]

76. I have a new male friend who happens to be one of my closest friends' BF.

He likes having intelligent discourse with two different women, and he also happens to like to take it a bit farther, lol. Which she knows about.

Hey, it could keep him from dying young of stress-related problems, so I'm game.

[WCGreen]

79. I always hung around the women simply because they were more interesting...

I remember at my 15th class reunion, the women I was talking with just whoosttt me into the ladies room to keep that chatty chat chat keep going.

My best friends, confidential buddy's have always been women...

[seveneyes]

80. A true friend is good to find and to keep for life

A friend is someone who understands you more than yourself.

[Blue_Tires]

81. my input:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4151241

[Munificence]

82. Guys have a lot more

acquaintances and "buddies" vs. real true friends.

From my 43 years on this earth I've seen/ think it's more likely for a guy to have a "best friend" vs our counterpart females to have best friends...face it ladies you are just down right evil in the way you treat each other...one minute you are BFF and next out comes the knife to the back.

Guys know what a best friend means and know what "buddies or acquaintances" mean...you ladies will typically only accept someone being a "best friend".

[Marr]

83. I'm 41 now, and I've noticed that as I've aged, more and more of my friends are female.

Women tend to actually make more of an effort to extend invitations, touch base on social media or email, etc. The couple of male friends I still have are lifelong friends-- we've known each other since gradeschool.

It seems to me like men tend to keep one or two friends their entire lives, while women have more friends, but they come and go. I can't imagine every calling someone a "best friend" and then having no idea where they are five years later-- but that seems common with the women I know.

[Sognefjord]

87. I notice as I age that my old friends are dying off. These were irreplaceable individuals.

I still am close to a few but they don't live very near us. So we go visit them now and then. "No truce with Time/Nor Time's accomplice, Death."