Somewhere in all of this, I don't know exactly where, you got the impression that I'm making this about you in particular. Now, why that's the case, I'd like you to explain it to me where I singled you out for for criticism. Because, what I wrote there, was written in general terms.
Now, I want to point out one thing, I didn't write that to be liked, or even to jump on any kind of bandwagon. As a matter of fact, I have some differences with some of the folks who agreed with my OP when it comes to other issues, like about porn, BDSM, consensual sex, what's offensive and maybe one or two other things. So when it comes to this so-called "Gender War," I want to be clear, I'm only speaking for myself and I'm only speaking for myself in addressing OTHER MEN in the matter of unwelcome, non-mutually consensual, harassment and intimidation of women.
And that was written as a way for me to inform other men, and ONLY those men, who would use their own male privilege in order to treat women disrespectfully and harass them, that I, as another man, find that conduct objectionable. It was not addressed to all men everywhere, only a certain sub-segment of bad actors.
This is NOT what I was doing:
- I was NOT demanding that all men apologize for being men
- I do NOT believe that being a man is bad or wrong
- I was NOT asking all men to be ashamed of being men
- I was NOT asking all men to feel guilty for being men
Now, I may have been blunt about it… But frankly, I care very little about beating around the bush when addressing bad and enabling behavior against women.
Instead, I was using my own male privilege as a backdrop to other men, whom either engaged in bad behavior or inserted themselves into the conversation in a way that enables bad behavior to do one thing: Check that privilege at the door.
So, what does that mean?
- When men, from their position of male privilege, are inserting themselves into a conversation where they shouldn’t be, simply because they are going out of their way to justify and enable bad behavior by other men… They should recognize that the correct stance is to simply acknowledge what they are doing, apologize and stop it.
- These men should NOT be making the pain of women suffering from harassment about themselves, especially when they are NOT being directly accused of doing that... They should acknowledge what they are doing, apologize and stop it.
- When men, from their position of male privilege, justify and enable bad behavior of other men, they are belittling the pain of women who have to suffer because of that behavior... They should acknowledge what they are doing, apologize and stop it.
- Lastly, when men, from their position of male privilege, are making the fears, concerns and troubles of women who suffer from harassment less important than their own annoyance about them talking about their experiences... They should acknowledge what they are doing, apologize and stop it.
If you think that I was accusing you in particular of harassing women, well, you are wrong. I was not. I really don't know where you got that idea. Do I want all men to apologize for having male privilege? No, I never asked that either.
Do I want the guilt of having male privilege? No, not that either. None of these things are going to help matters.
Instead, it's quite clear what the problem of male privilege is, it blinds those who have it from understanding the extent of the effects that has on others who do not have it… But ONLY if they CHOOSE to be blinded in that way.
I choose not to be blinded. My choice should NOT infer that you are using your own in a bad way. Only YOU can make that declaration.
AS I said, I don't want your guilt. It does no good… As a matter of fact, the guilt only makes things worse, because it creates a reaction that does nothing except enable and justify bad behavior. It simply makes things worse.
Also, as to what you wrote to me; my advice to you is to not make it about yourself. It's not about you, your name wasn't called, no one's name was called. If you never engaged or enabled in the harassment of women, where are you exactly IN this conversation? I'm a bit confused by that, I have to say. You can insert your own self into the conversation, but I was very clear when I said that men, from their position of privilege, who inserted themselves into the conversation in order to enable and justify bad behavior were doing nothing more than whining and ONLY those men should shut the fuck up and listen to what the women were telling them.
It's not about me thinking that I'm smarter than you or anyone else. Frankly, I really don't care about that at all. I know for a fact that there are many other DUers who are smarter than myself and more educated, so for me, I am ill-equipped to engage in any kind of brainy pissing contest. I wouldn't even know where to start. Yes, I can be harsh… But I'm harsh because I want to cut through the crap. I don't have the patience to coddle people who should have no justification for their own actions.
Lastly, again, this is not about you. But you can make it about yourself. You can also stand up with the women who are being harassed and abused by other men. You can say that that is wrong and that there's absolutely no excuse for it. You can stand with others whom you may not always agree with, but agree with them on the issue that harassment and enabling behavior is bad and shouldn't happen. You can add quality to women's lives, in spite of the fact that they have to live everyday under the weight of a world bound by male privilege. Even if other men and society itself creates excuses to say otherwise.
If you really want to make it about yourself, you can make it about what's right and not about feeling guilty, because you think that someone is else accusing you in particular of making it wrong.
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I don't belief in material gifts representing Xmas...
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