Police find treasure trove in teen’s bum

[Jesus Malverde]

Pennsylvania police found something else when they took a suspected teenaged drunk driver into custody: buried treasure.

Back in December, Christopher Scheller, 18, appeared intoxicated after he crashed into a tree in southern York County, Harrisburg’s WHTM-TV reports.

After being taken to a hospital, X-rays discovered something odd in Scheller’s rectum. A closer look uncovered the following:

– Four bracelets
– Four necklaces
– 11 ladies rings
– A socket wrench
– A bag of synthetic marijuana

http://blog.sfgate.com/hottopics/2014/01/10/police-find-treasure-trove-in-teens-bum/

[NYC_SKP]

1. "And a Partri-age in a Pear Tree!"

[jberryhill]

6. One post win!

You gotta be quick around here to get the best line.

[Katashi_itto]

21. Brings new meaning to "fanny pack"

[Initech]

27. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

[Kaleva]

2. The socket wrench I can understand but...

From the article:

"Investigators believe he stole those items and quickly stashed them in his bum when officers first approached him."

Quickly shoved those items up his ass?

[Skittles]

12. no doubt he has had lots of practice

[jberryhill]

17. Or the cops were slow movers

[Kaleva]

25. He must have. There's no way I could do that quickly!

I think I'd rather be arrested with the stolen goods and dope in my hands.

[Journeyman]

3. Most of us wear pants with pockets or carry a tote bag . . .

[jberryhill]

16. Oddly enough...

...his pockets were full of turds.

[CFLDem]

24. Lol

[Coyotl]

32. DUzy!

[Historic NY]

4. Wait a minute a socket wrench...

whats that for, to tighten his nuts.

[jberryhill]

5. "If you help me find my motorcycle, we can ride out!"

Ah, dumb jokes from long ago never get old.

[Ghost in the Machine]

10. LOL! I remember that one from 35 years ago.....

also a version with "drive my Semi truck out of here"....

Hope all is well with you and yours, and that you had a safe and happy Holiday Season

Peace,

Ghost

[jberryhill]

11. I heard Merle Haggard sing it on the radio

Always good to see you're alive and kicking.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

7. My guess is the bag of synthetic marijuana was stashed up there....

..... and the rest was the result of his friends trying to retrieve it.

This why I don't work with any jewelry on my person.

[Jesus Malverde]

8. .

[Segami]

9. Rats! I thought they found

The Ark Of The Covenant...........

[Archae]

13. Well, I've had farts that did that much damage...

[MannyGoldstein]

14. No tool box?

http://www.well.com/~cynsa/newbutt.html

[Oilwellian]

15. If it were my jewelry...

I'm not sure I would want it back.

[El_Johns]

18. I find this unbelievable.

[Nevernose]

19. Why not?

People in prison manage to keister, simultaneously, cell phones and the chargers for cell phones, and extra goodies for good measure. If you can shove a cell phone charger up your ass, you can shove in a few bracelets.

The only thing questionable to me is the rapidity in which he allegedly keistered half a jewelry store; it would seem to me that some of it had to be up there beforehand.

[icymist]

20. Wow! Give a whole new meaning to hard ass.

A socket wrench? Wonder what size socket drive...

[Ken Burch]

22. Worst "CSI" episide EVER!

(or best...depending on how you look at it).

[BobUp]

23. Where did he hide the 3 French hens and two turtle doves?

[KG]

26. He'd be DAMNED if any slope's gonna put his greasy yellow hands on his son's birthright.

so he hid it in one place he knew he can hide something: his ass

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

28. At least it wasn't a live Artillery round

http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newpiles.html#shell

From melanie Mon May 1 13:39:24 1995

To: [e-mail]
Subject: Live Artillery Shell

I have a butt page story for you, but, unfortunately, no documentary evidence. The story was told me by my brother, who used to lodge with a nurse. It is the nurse's story. About five years ago an old WW2 veteran used to come into a hospital clinic in the east end of London suffering from bad haemorroids (piles). The clinic did what they could, but they could never relieve the most painful pile, which would hang down and get stuck on the seam of the man's underpants. To rid himself of the nuisance of this pile, the old man used to push it back up into his rectum using the artillery shell from an anti-aircraft gun he used to man in the war. One day the shell got stuck and the man was forced to hobble down to the hospital to get it removed. As the doctor was about to insert his fingers into the old man's rectum to remove the shell he said 'Of course, this shell is spent, isn't it?' 'Oh no,' said the old man 'There's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt (sp?) out of the sky.' So the doctor called in the army bomb squad, who built a lead box around the old man's asshole and defused the shell in situ, before removing it.
A good little story for VE day, I thought. --
Melanie McGrath

[RadleyJ]

29. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

[kairos12]

33. Long live Major Kong.

[JVS]

30. Did he crash due to intoxication or was he unable to concentrate because of discomfort while...

sitting behind the wheel?

[Coyotl]

31. I hope everything works out for this guy, especially the psychiatric interview.

He's going to have a difficult time explaining the socket wrench

[kairos12]

34. I wonder if his medical assistance will be Nurse Ratchet

[Coyotl]

35. His proctologist has never seen so many diamonds in one ass.