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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMisogyny 101
Posted by Erin Nanasi on Friday, January 17, 2014
If you want to know what a misogynist is, listen to what Bob has to say
Misogyny, according to Merriam-Webster, is a hatred of women. Thats it. Nothing subtle, just a hatred of women. Unfortunately, the word is often applied in situations where its not really warranted. People may confuse chauvinism (an attitude of superiority toward members of the opposite sex) with misogyny, or simply not understand it means a person who hates, not just a person who thinks theyre better than someone else.
Learning the difference was important to me as a survivor of rape and domestic violence, because of how misogyny typically presents itself. The most frequent topic for misogynists is victim blaming, especially victims of sexual and/or domestic violence. Weve seen examples of misogyny from conservative men and women, but I had never met anyone who claimed to be a liberal exhibit pure, unadulterated misogyny. Until this past week.
On Wednesday, my friend Christopher Warren posted an astonishing question to his Facebook page. He asked his friends who among us had ever been raped, and if we had reported it or not. What you have to understand is Chris does this a lot; he is a student of the world around him, and he often pushes his friends to think and react in a way they may not have before. Many friends responded truthfully, sometimes posting very short answers (like mine), others posting heartbreaking and powerful comments. It was an incredibly frightening thread, and yet, Chris made sure everyone participating felt safe.
My guess is, some time between the end of Wednesdays conversation and Thursday morning, Chris realized the Facebook post may have triggered some unpleasant memories for the people who participated. Thursday, he shared another status, and began putting links to resources on his page. It was a very empathetic reaction to what might have been traumatic for someone on Wednesday. And it was on this post, the post thanking the people who answered so honestly, and pointing out that blaming or judging is never the right thing to do, that Bob appeared.
Bobs first comment was As insensitive as I know I sound, people that do not report an alleged sexual assault but whine and feel guilt about it 20 years later are very much part of the problem. This rang warning bells not only in my head, but in the heads of other women on the thread. This sounded like misogyny. Was it? Or would Bobs future comments clarify his language and choice of words (whine, alleged)?
more
http://quietmike.org/2014/01/17/misogyny-101/
Cha
(297,196 posts)Triana
(22,666 posts)Well said. Great article.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)those people had a lot of guts to post about their experience. it is a shame someone had to shit all over it like that.
Response to sheshe2 (Original post)
hfojvt This message was self-deleted by its author.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)for speaking out? Or, do you think that is not misogynistic? Most people agree victim blaming is beyond the pale, but you? What do you think of it?
Response to bettyellen (Reply #5)
hfojvt This message was self-deleted by its author.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)women".
Blaming and shaming rape victims is hateful behavior, repulse to see it defended here.
Horrified.
And no, just because you complain about being paid too little, it doesn't give you rape victim status, even though it appears you'd like to believe that. Wow, that is a weird leap.
Horrified to read this crap here. Ick.
Response to bettyellen (Reply #10)
hfojvt This message was self-deleted by its author.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)no exceptions.
and making this about poor you and your crappy job? that's just bizarre and truly callous.
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)Really?
Have you ever been raped, abused physically or verbally? Have you?
You have no clue what you are talking about. The shame and blame of the victim is overwhelming. They are the ones that are on trial, when they come forward. The perp, not so much. He was such a good boy!
The bells turned to tornado sirens as the conversation continued. Bob proceeded to blame the mother of the Steubenville rape victim for not wanting to subject her daughter to everything she knew would happen if they went public. He wrote pfft in regards to asking men to change; in other words, men rape, deal with it. Bob also blamed rape culture on radical feminism in America. And there it was. Feminism is toxic to a misogynist; women are horrible, and deserve to be treated as badly as possible.
Pretzel_Warrior
(8,361 posts)bettyellen
(47,209 posts)incredible.
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)No one deserves to have their home broken into but we can help the situation by at least locking the door. There needs to be a respectable balance found between victim blaming and just being a man blaming.
Its our fault, ladies, because we didnt lock our vaginas. Welcome to Misogyny 101.
Stop blaming the victim.
Response to sheshe2 (Reply #7)
hfojvt This message was self-deleted by its author.
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)you blame the girl. why is that?
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)if my 15 year old daughter said to me "I'm going to a party at some boys house to get drunk and their parents are not home."
I'd say "the hell you are."
Doesn't mean I am cool with the boys. I'd like to beat the crap out of them. I don't really understand what is wrong with them. Are they really normal kids, or psychopaths?
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)So if you don't mind, I'll apprehend it to yours, with modifications, of course.
Like his analogy was supposed to be taken literally. Instead of meaning something fairly sensible that most people would not disagree with like "15 year old girls should not go to parties and get drunk with 14 year old boys under no adult supervision".
Is that a bad thing to think? Is it anti-women?
What this is saying is that women should not get drunk in the presence of men, right? They talk about adult supervision, but in the Steubenville case, they did have adult supervision, only the coaches took the side of the boys, so adult supervision is no guarantee that a woman won't be raped if she gets drunk. And the age of the woman is really immaterial when we know that women from the ages of infant to 98 years old get raped. Women of pretty much any age can get drunk, and they do it in the presence of men of any age. Whenever you drink, you don't know with 100% certainty how the alcohol will affect you - if you're tired, if you haven eaten, if you don't drink often - so there's no guarantee that you won't get drunk from even one drink (and that's not getting into the chance that the drink will be doctored) so better not to drink at all. And parties aren't the only places where you drink, of course, and women are raped everywhere, but most often by men they know, so not going to parties will hardly keep those vaginas locked.
In other words: Women of any age should not go anywhere with men, nor ingest any liquids in the presence of men of any age, lest the men cannot help themselves and rape them - in which case it is the women's own fault for not keeping their vaginas locked."
What you are saying, hfojvt, is that guys, ooops, got to say some guys, cannot help themselves from raping women - and I challenge you then - isn't it more productive to instead focus on the gender who makes up the majority of rapists, rather than the victims. After all, we don't expect a potential robbery victim to give away all their belonging to make them secure. How about instead of limiting the movements and actions of women, we instead limit the movements and actions of the possible perpetrators? After all, according to RAINN, 50% of all rapes happened within a mile from the victim's home, and 1/3 of rapists had drunk alcohol - let's stop men from going to parties, and let's ban their alcohol consumption. It is only fair, don't you think?
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)It is indeed fair, and I thank KitSileya.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)but not the perpetrators. Rich people aren't made to give away their riches to avoid being robbed. They're told not to "flaunt their wallets" and that is used as an analogy for rape, but when only 1 out of 12 rapes are 'jump out of the bushes' rapes, and only 1/3 are stranger rapes, women are never safe. They have to not "flaunt their wallets" everywhere - at home, with friends, at cafes, with their male friends, relatives, at work... Why should the onus be on the victims? Why not just cut straight through and say, that as long as 98% of all rapists are men, men have to bear that burden? Isn't that fairer. After all, the restrictions would hit more guilty people if put on men, than if they are put on women.
Spider Jerusalem
(21,786 posts)http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/misogyny
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)his behavior is contemptuous of women. even if he loves his mom, he appears to be a full blown misogynist.
Spider Jerusalem
(21,786 posts)bettyellen
(47,209 posts)and it appears a few here do not recognize misogyny when it bites them on the ass.
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)that Bob spewed.
And that is indeed ingrained prejudice against women.
Major Nikon
(36,827 posts)noun \mə-ˈsä-jə-nē\
Definition of MISOGYNY
: a hatred of women
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misogyny
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Pretzel_Warrior
(8,361 posts)Does a disservice to accurate discussion about legitimate feelings of hatred and bitterness toward women.
Bonobo
(29,257 posts)It makes writing and speaking more effective.
sheshe2
(83,754 posts)So good to see you back.
I love Quiet Mike, indeed there are some great articles there.This one was spectacular!
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Chauvinism is a manifestation of misogyny.
http://www.afr.com/p/national/macquarie_dictionary_has_last_word_NzrQFdWcPJG6G8qLRRiZtK