"Woody Allen Is Not a Monster. He Is a Person. Like My Father." An abuse survivor's perspective.

[WilliamPitt]

Last edited Sat Feb 8, 2014, 05:19 PM - Edit history (1)

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Woody Allen Is Not a Monster. He Is a Person. Like My Father.
By William Warwick
Gawker

Last week, an impassioned letter from a sexual abuse survivor surfaced online. Its author had been at the center a scandal that attracted national media attention. The letter's vulnerability, and its bravery, gave me chills.

Dylan Farrow didn't write it. It was the suicide note of Jesse Ryan Loskarn, a Republican congressional aide arrested last year on charges of distributing child pornography. Loskarn wrote it before hanging himself in his parents' basement while awaiting trial. It made no excuses for his decision to view and distribute child pornography, and told his own history of sexual abuse.

Loskarn's letter is a painful account of life within the hermetically sealed world of a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a shocking illustration of how most pedophiles reproduce in our culture. In his alienation, Loskarn discovered images that externalized the very memories that he had worked for decades to push out of his consciousness. And then he got hooked, as if the images were some sort of talisman of his fractured self made whole again.

I understand this. I have never viewed child pornography in my life, but I recall telling my therapist several years ago that part of me desperately wanted to see it, not out of any prurience or titillation, but a deep desire to see a world into which I had been forced at a young age.

The rest: http://gawker.com/woody-allen-is-not-a-monster-he-is-a-person-like-my-f-1518291644/

Heavy read, but worth it.

[lostincalifornia]

1. Woody Allen is not a victim of abuse, he is the abuser

[progressoid]

5. How do you know that he too was not abused?

[seabeyond]

2. he is a molester. and many other things. nt

[redqueen]

4. This is the worst thing yet.

I thought the bottom of the barrel had been scraped long ago.

I was so very sadly mistaken.

[redqueen]

3. "part of me desperately wanted to see it, not out of any prurience or titillation, but a deep desire

to see a world into which I had been forced at a young age."

WTF

No. Just no.

A million billion trillion times NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Fucking fuck how I wish I hadn't read that far.

[closeupready]

23. +1. That was a major WTF moment for me, too.

[Upward]

33. Criminals Aren't The Only Ones Who Return to the Scene of a Crime

The desire for understanding is a strong call.

[redqueen]

34. I've talked to many other survivors. I've never met one who looked at kiddie porn.

Not ONE.

The ONLY instances I've heard of that happening is when they're becoming the MONSTERS their abusers were.

How the fuck is looking at kiddie porn going to further any @understanding"?

What vile, utter bullshit.

[TheMathieu]

6. Child molesters are monsters.

No one is interested in their lame justifications of their monstrous actions.

And if we travel down that road of 'forgive them because they're only human,' we invite attacks on more of our children.

[Z_I_Peevey]

7. Thanks for that. n/t

[sufrommich]

17. This. All humans are human,including serial killers. nt

[redqueen]

29. Exactly. This stinking, putrid pile of shit is nothing but an idiotic strawman. nt

[Puzzledtraveller]

31. +1

[reusrename]

8. That was a very worthwhile read.

A lot of ground was covered in a relatively short essay.

Judging from some of the replies, I don't think everyone is reading this thing correctly, which is understandable in that the writer makes the reader work a little to try and sort out the meaning of the different ideas that are being presented. It isn't just laying there with a bow wrapped around it.

Personally, I really like that style of writing because I know it also takes a considerable amount of work to express yourself that way.

It seems like a lot of posters upthread are stumbling over his idea that pedophiles are not monsters. What he's getting at is objectively true in most cases, in that these people don't have reptile heads or purple fur. Sure they act like monsters some of the time, but MOST OF THE TIME they blend right in with everyone else in their social structure.

This objective fact makes things especially difficult for young victims. They assume everyone knows what they know, sees exactly what they see.

It's a good piece and it definitely changed the way I'll look at this stuff with kids from now on.

[Jefferson23]

9. Excellent in it's candor, poignant and brave. I don't recall reading an account from a sexual abuse

victim that conveyed the depths of the complexity, not like this one.

snip*The confrontation is a blur now. But I remember saying, "If you hurt my mother, I will have you prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law." And then his tone grows more rapid, more furtive – trying to contain all of this, as it happens in the front yard of his house, before it spills over into the neighborhood, risking witnesses. He spits: "This is what you do, you blame other people for your problems." In my dissociated state, he may as well be a serpent, and I a wounded mouse. I am fighting for my life.

snip*A few days after confronting my father, I asked my still-stunned mother what he said when I left. She told me: "I knew it, I knew someone planted those memories in his head." This is a predictable dime-store script of a defense these days, and it's available to all.

snip* Those of us who were abused by a family member, or a family friend, have shared banal time and space with the sort of people who molest kids. We have sat in their cars in traffic and gone to diners with them, watched them scarf cheeseburgers or try to quit smoking, need an aspirin. And mostly, they are not utter sociopaths or sadists.

If Woody Allen is now written into history as a monstrous child molester, child abuse is more likely to continue. Because if we are unable to stomach the fact that Woody is not a monster but a human being who did something monstrous, we will continue to stoke the fires of archetype, perpetuating the notion of the picture-perfect pedophile, the one whose evil shines through like a 100-watt black lightbulb.

snip* Yet I know too that Dylan Farrow is telling the truth. And it makes me sick to witness the vile double standard by which our society measures abuse survivors – questioning their credibility based on their behavior, when that behavior is likely the result of the trauma they have endured. Who in the world finds it plausible that Dylan was an emotionally disturbed kid who concocted a false memory from her inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality, rather than a kid who had been systematically traumatized within the sanctity of an otherwise reasonably stable home and so could not fully integrate the experience?


I hope people think about it.


K&R

[Ms. Toad]

20. Those last two paragraphs were the ones I snipped to post here, before I scanned this thread.

Although my own experience as a survivor of sexual abuse and rape was with a sibling, a date, and two strangers, I spent ten years as a peer counselor for rape and sexual assault survivors.

The experience rings true for me. I have spent countless hours listening to survivors try to make sense of their mixed emotions toward their rapists, stemming in part from times they spent with them which were enjoyable. And, here on DU, much of the resistance seems to stem from being unable to reconcile two apparently irreconcilable views of an person - accomplished and respected artist and perpetrator of sexual abuse.

Acknowledging that people who sexually abuse children are multi-faceted - and that some of those facets are positive - does not diminish the evil they have perpetrated. But as long as we insist that people who sexually abuse children are, pure and simple, monsters, our communal reaction to an accusation that someone we have grown to respect has abused a child will continue to be to paint the abuser as a liar because we feel forced to choose between the good we see publicly, and the evil which was not witnessed except by the abused. We don't have to reject the good in order to believe the bad - they can, and often do, reside in the same person.

[Jefferson23]

21. Exactly, it is muddled and it does not help when others, even those well intentioned, miss

how complicated a process it can be...many obstacles. I am, thankfully, not a victim of any
level of abuse. I do have a family relative, dear to us, who was primed and then sexually abused.
He also has the disadvantage of a developmental disability which, as you would know as a
counselor, more vulnerable as a result. The predator is female, attractive, young and "sweet"
looking.......no one would label her as a potential predator/monster. She did great damage, breaking all
kinds of levels of trust, she went beyond the circles she was suppose to adhere to. She does
not have a development disorder, she is neurotypical., and not a family relative.

Some of the commentary on DU has been more than disappointing..some of it, appalling.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. It is a vicious cycle. Of monsters and men. Great Find. DU Rec.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

11. Kicking Because As Long As The Other Threads are on The First Page - this one needs reading, too.

I would urge everyone to click on the link and read the entire essay.
Some Pertinent Paragraphs here:

If Woody Allen is now written into history as a monstrous child molester, child abuse is more likely to continue. Because if we are unable to stomach the fact that Woody is not a monster but a human being who did something monstrous, we will continue to stoke the fires of archetype, perpetuating the notion of the picture-perfect pedophile, the one whose evil shines through like a 100-watt black light bulb.

<snip>

Yet I know too that Dylan Farrow is telling the truth. And it makes me sick to witness the vile double standard by which our society measures abuse survivors – questioning their credibility based on their behavior, when that behavior is likely the result of the trauma they have endured. Who in the world finds it plausible that Dylan was an emotionally disturbed kid who concocted a false memory from her inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality, rather than a kid who had been systematically traumatized within the sanctity of an otherwise reasonably stable home and so could not fully integrate the experience?

We don't really just condemn the sexualization of children. Instead, we condemn the very existence of child abuse altogether. It's as if the crime includes being victimized by it, or responsible for bringing it into the light. We take an ontological roach spray to the whole event, either denying its status in reality altogether, or competing with one another to proclaim the most exquisite forms of torture for the perpetrators. I can't count how many times I've seen the most strident liberal break character to loudly call for the prison rape of perpetrators.

This sounds like a truly healed person who has gone past surviving and has learned to Live Life Fully.

Forgiveness. Really is The Heart of The Matter.

Be healed and Go Forward in Peace.

[reddread]

12. If Allen is truly that way, there HAVE TO BE OTHERS

so far, and with the bait of money or retribution, anyone?
any corroborating victims?
They would have stepped forward in one way or another.
Shame on people for not thinking more clearly about this.
hot button hatreds.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

13. I disagree. Abusers can and do choose one child over others in a family unit.

Also refuse to argue the Soon-Yi aspect in all of this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_Likens

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Pelzer

[reddread]

14. argue what? his longest marriage?

those links have no bearing on Allen.
if he is guilty of abusing children, it certainly wasnt just the one.
you are formulating a convenient, illogical rationale.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. You are trying to shove words in my mouth. Peace Out. DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

[reddread]

16. oh my goodness

did you respond to the wrong post?
I recognize that this is a topic that touches on many personal tragedies for almost everyone.
I feel terrible for those who cannot see past their own experience to question the motivations
of a possibly manipulative and unscrupulous mother.
If this were just another claim, I would certainly be receptive.
If ANY of the things said about Mia Farrow are true, then almost anything is possible here.
Some things are just flat out likely, and they shouldnt be disregarded in guessing and speculation.
Unfortunately, some of those factors could be misconstrued and most certainly would be seen as sexist
or stereotypical.
Human behavior is not always funny, sometimes its a bitch.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

18. oh my goodness. Where Are My Manners?

Welcome to DU. See You Around. Enjoy your stay.

[gollygee]

26. Some abusers do only abuse one child

usually one of their own children then because he/she is accessible. And they might choose just one of their children. Abusers are not all the same.

[kickysnana]

19. ???

[catrose]

22. here's another take from an abuse survivor

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/02/samantha_geimer_to_dylan_farrow_and_other_victims_the_only_thing_you_have.html

Samantha Geimer was raped by Roman Polanski at age 13.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

24. Thank you for posting the link. Herewith are a few lines from the link =

The most important thing is to try to begin recovering from within. I don’t think you can heal from outside events happening. Waiting for the actions of others— be it the courts, your family, the opinions of those you care about, or the words of strangers—places you in a situation that you cannot control. And despite what was done to you, you do still have control.

We place too many “musts” on victims. You must come forward, you must display your damage, you must behave in a certain way, you must prove what you say is true. You must not be silent or you are responsible for the actions of a predator in the future. Only rapists cause rape—not the way you dress or behave, and certainly not how you choose to recover from being assaulted. It is time we allow ourselves “cans” instead of “musts.” We can heal and recover under any circumstances. We can accept whatever has happened to us and however we have handled it. We can own our own truths and disregard the skepticism or disbelief of others. We can recover even if there is no punishment for the abuser. We can come forward or we can heal privately. The only thing we can’t do is change what has already happened.

Bitterness and retribution, regret and anger are things that poison you; they do not heal you. We are surrounded by people who may have suffered less or have suffered in ways we cannot imagine. Accept yourself, accept what has happened and how you have handled it. Give no one the authority to judge you and do not judge others in how they have chosen to recover. The last and perhaps most difficult thing: Refrain from jumping to conclusions about the guilt of a person who is accused but not charged with or convicted of a crime. I think we all have a lot of work to do.

[catrose]

28. thanks for posting excerpts

Those paragraphs stuck out for me too. Samantha is a wise young woman,, but oh at such a price.

[TeeYiYi]

25. Interesting, difficult read...

...including and especially the comments at the link.

That said, pedophiles and child sexual abusers of every stripe are still monsters!

TYY

[hedgehog]

27. A good essay.

[countryjake]

30. I wish that I'd seen this when you first posted...

That person truly knows of which he speaks and aside from the Samantha Geimer article from last week, it's the only thing I've read recently on the subject of child sexual abuse which actually addresses the problem in a tangible manner.

Thank you for posting it!

[In_The_Wind]

32. Kick