I was just thinking...why are male virgins portrayed as losers in society?

[Jamaal510]

This is the question that I have on V-Day. I don't understand why guys who have had sex before are deserving of more respect than guys who have not. Despite virgins being safe from STDs, it seems like they (particularly males) are the butt of some sitcom and movie jokes (the movie "40 year old Virgin" is a prime example of this). And if you're in school, other guys laugh at you when you tell them that you haven't had sex before. Meanwhile, while women who have a ton of sex are generally seen as trashy, the men who have a ton of sex are seen as "studs".
Why is it like this?

[shenmue]

1. It's a shame

Over time, I have come to believe people should live the way they want, long as they don't hurt anyone, and that's that.

If a person chooses to stay a virgin because that's what makes them healthy and happy, so be it.

[seabeyond]

2. the whole definition of masculinity is sex?

[Rex]

4. Male dominated culture?

It is not considered virtuous for a man to keep his virginity over 18 (gotta take my son to a brothel to become a MAN) meanwhile, it is considered virtuous for a woman to keep her virginity till she is married (whenever that may be). Can't get anymore of a double standard than that imo.

[lunamagica]

16. It is considered virtous for a woman to keep her virginity till she's married? Really?

All I see is that if an adult woman is a virgin, she's seen as having something terribly wrong with her, be it some trauma, being a religious nut, or all kinds of negative connotations.

Nowadays, a woman is not seen as "normal" unless she has a "healthy" sex life (meaning having sex often)

[Rex]

19. Well not to me, I mean in the context of what I was brought up to believe

as being 'right' and 'wrong'. Of course I feel like you do. I didn't believe what I was told as a young kid. I immediately saw the double standard.

[Rex]

3. The Great Double Standard.

IE..men that sleep with a lot of women are called 'studs', while women that sleep with a lot of men are called 'whores'. Women that are virgins in their later years are 'prudes', while men that are still virgins are considered 'losers'. I believe this is the result of a male dominated culture.

[AtheistCrusader]

12. Yep, came here to post the female label: prudes.

If you're male, you're a loser, a female, a prude.

Why?


Fuck if I know. All I know is, it's vicious, hurtful bullshit, and it needs to stop. Need to stop telling each other, and even ourselves, that we aren't fast enough, or strong enough, or sexy enough, or thin enough... you name it.

No more tearing each other, or ourselves down.

[City Lights]

23. Yup.nt

[raccoon]

5. ITA. And IME it's hard for a woman to be sexual and not be perceived as a slut. nt

[grahamhgreen]

6. Core is men don't get pregnant.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. Because Society has been Overtaken with Teh Stupid Famous who are leading The Unwitting Masses

Last edited Sat Feb 15, 2014, 02:28 AM - Edit history (1)

[Warren Stupidity]

8. So are women virgins, a difference is the age

at which virginity is a liability. For men that age is shortly after puberty, for women "old maid" status sets in later.

There are obviously other differences too. For men virginity, while perhaps not a liability, is rarely an asset.

[JNinWB]

9. Watch the BBC series "Sherlock"

This series portrays the iconic character as asexual---The Virgin.

Virginity has never been hotter!

[Lost_Count]

15. Didn't he end up with Mary's friend?

Jenny I believe...

[JNinWB]

17. Yes, but

...he and Janine were saving it until they got married.

I missed that detail, too. Watched the episode again.

Brainy is the new sexy.

[Vashta Nerada]

22. Sherlock isn't asexual.

He calls himself "a brain" and the rest of his body as "the appendix". He is very capable of sexual attraction, but attraction is emotion, which gets in the way of his logic, so he doesn't allow himself to be sexual to people.

[trublu992]

28. So smart I'm going to try that.

[Vashta Nerada]

29. Me too.

Erm, I have been doing that this semester while I have been writing my thesis.

[JNinWB]

30. All the rest is transport.

[pnwmom]

10. Perhaps it is assumed that men are overwhelmingly driven by a need to have sex

so that men who haven't had sex failed at achieving what they must have wanted.

On the other hand, women are assumed to have much more controllable sexual desire, so if they are sexually active, then they are sluts.

[LadyHawkAZ]

11. Cultural standards

We're taught that male sexuality must be hyperagressive in order to be valid and socially acceptable, while females are supposed to be completely nonsexual (until under proper ownership via marriage) in order to do the same. Outliers are shamed and shunned.

It's a method of mass mind control, keeping the genders in a perpetual state of aggression towards each other no matter what they do. It keeps the masses busy.

[The2ndWheel]

13. Few people choose virginity

Obviously nobody does at first, but certainly not as you get older. For a high percentage of the human population, sex is something they want to do. 7+ billion people on the planet, so you'll have those choosing celibacy, even for non-religious reasons, but such a choice will be rare. The longer you stay a virgin, the longer you've gone losing in social competition, because most people will not choose to not ever have sex.

Sex is a pretty basic drive for life on the planet, so it's an easy button to push.

[Boom Sound 416]

14. In all seriousness

It may have begun with war.

Men off to fight, don't want to die a Virgin, yadda, yadda.

The OP references "40 year old Virgin"

Mine would be "Biloxi Blues"

[LittleBlue]

18. It's evolutionary. Our purpose is to pass on

as much of our genetic material as many times as possibly.

If you aren't doing that.... well it's pretty self-explanatory.

[malaise]

20. We had a saying in our group that we used for both male and female virgins

Better to be a has been than a never was - I mean good grief, you are born with several parts - use them.
Sure people have choices but FFS sex is a genuine part of a living.

[d_r]

21. evolution

There are multiple pathways to evolutionary success
But primary way to maximize genetic offspring for men who produce gazillions sperm is to make as many babies as possible and invest in them as little as possible
For women who have a Mich higher biological investment it is to have fewer babies and invest in them highly. Not saying this is "right." Our biology does not always fit with modern society.

[panader0]

24. I'm thinking about becoming a "born again virgin".

How long do I have to wait?
On edit: Does wanking count?

[one_voice]

25. Double standard...

just like a man can have all the sex he wants and isn't treated the way a woman is when she's out there getting hers.

I think both are wrong. I don't think men that are virgins are losers and I think if a woman enjoys sex then more power to her. As long as everyone is safe...

[KentuckyWoman]

26. so are women.

The age for men is lower before the judgementalism starts but if a woman gets past a certain age there is still a stigma. Good thing is as some point most everyone matures to the point whatever goes on in someone else's bedroom is a non-issue.

[raven mad]

27. I'm sorry, I don't know.

My husband was a virgin when we started dating. He wasn't after about 8 dates. I wasn't considered a "slut", "whore" or anything else - this in 1969 - and he wasn't considered a "wuss", "pussy" or whatever.

You is who you is! At least I got him first (and last).

[Quayblue]

31. people are weird

Rather I am.

a man is a virgin and people are tripping? He will have sex when he's ready... People and their goddamn stereotypes.

[Jamaal510]

32. .