The Top 8 Ways To Be 'Traditionally Married,' According To The Bible

[FourScore]

Faith is a very important part in many people's lives, and some people are very adamant about the government keeping "traditional marriage" alive. However, I don't think "traditional marriage" means what they think it means. Maybe instead of "traditional marriage" we can focus on two loving people being committed to one another?



http://www.upworthy.com/the-top-8-ways-to-be-traditionally-married-according-to-the-bible?c=ufb1

[FiveGoodMen]

1. K&R

[theHandpuppet]

2. I need a poster-sized image for our window

Though we could end with a few more bullet holes in the house.

[Token Republican]

3. The Bible gives lots of guidance

Such as when a man must marry his sister in law and what she must do if he doesn't.

Here are the details

When to Marry your sister-in-law by the brick testament

[jmowreader]

4. Problem in the Polygamy one

Solomon didn't have 700 wives; he had 300 wives and 700 concubines. So the correct number is either 300 or 1000.

Assuming he was a real man and not a fable, a magical king with an even more magical penis that caused women to ripen and ovulate when it was within ten feet of them, can you imagine the brigade of doctors he needed to monitor each of his harem's menses? When you're running a puppy mill like Solomon was, you have to be assured of a pregnancy from every sex act.

[theHandpuppet]

6. a "magical penis that caused women to ripen and ovulate when it was within ten feet of them"

I have this same effect on women and I don't even have a penis. Amuses my wife to no end. My 1 wife, that is.

[Blue_Tires]

5. So did Solomon marry all of his 700 wives in separate ceremonies?

Or was there a bulk rate deal on a some of them?

Didn't the wedding venues need to get bigger and bigger? It's not like he couldn't invite his current wives to the next wedding...

And what about his friends? How do friends react when you invite them to wedding number 447? "Oh, and you still need to bring a gift this time, too!"

And with 700 wives how do you find the time to even find, much less play around with 300 mistresses?

And how was his wealth split up when he died??

[cinnabonbon]

7. Now that is bound to piss some rightwingers off.

Last edited Fri Feb 21, 2014, 10:38 PM - Edit history (1)

I saw a similiar list on youtube. (warning: lots of misogynistic language! But otherwise fun.)

Much better to simply let people who love each other marry, regardless of sex. This whole 'protect traditional marriage' thing is dumb.

[theHandpuppet]

8. That was freakin' hilarious!!

[FourScore]

9. I've seen Betty Bowers before. She's hysterical and this is one of her best! n/t

[cinnabonbon]

10. She is VERY good at getting her point across. I liked her abortion video as well. nt

[theHandpuppet]

11. Do you have a link for a collection of her videos?

I'd like to see more.

[cinnabonbon]

12. She has a whole youtube channel, actually.

And she's done a lot of cool stuff. Here you go!

https://www.youtube.com/user/MrsBettyBowers/videos?shelf_id=1&view=0&sort=dd

[theHandpuppet]

13. Thanks! You've made my day!