THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD PAUL RYAN

[Mass]

Once again, Charlie Pierce gets Paul Ryan perfectly.

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/paul-ryan-reboot-030414??src=rss

THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD PAUL RYAN


The courtier press is almost finished with its reboot of Paul Ryan, the zombie-eyed granny starver from Wisconsin and recent first runner-up in our national vice-presidential pageant. They always have had a sweet-tooth for the oh-so-sincere numbers "genius," even while he was crashing and burning and failing to carry his home precinct on behalf of the 2012 ticket. Put simply, there is not now a bigger fake in national politics than Paul Ryan, who went to high school and college on my dime -- You're welcome, dickhead. -- who's never had a real adult job outside of government and/or wingnut welfare, and who nonetheless believes that government money blunts the work ethic of everybody except him.

The reboot centers on Ryan's casting himself as "The Conservative Who Cares About The Poor."... This, he says, stems from his deeply held Catholic faith -- except that, when he tried to run that riff past the Jesuits at Georgetown during the campaign, they handed him his head, and even the National Council of Catholic Bishops wasn't buying this codswollop. Now, though, he's back again, and with a 200-page report about government anti-poverty programs that comes to the unsurprising conclusion that Paul Ryan is right about anything. Nonetheless, because the report has been produced by Paul Ryan, there has been a positive scramble to announce that a new actual "debate" about poverty has been opened, and that the Republicans now have a "chance" to come up with their own solution to the problem afflicting millions of people who wouldn't vote for them even if they could, and who the Republicans have no intention of allowing to vote anyway.

...

[BrotherIvan]

1. Insufferable Prick

I knew so many like him in my corp exec days. The up and coming "genius" whose sole true talent was stabbing you in the back and smiling as he used you for a ladder. But all the other stuff was just smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that he was absolutely incompetent and had no grasp whatsoever of the situation. Always promising big, yucking it up with the big boys. Never a hair out of place and perfect GQ Patrick Bateman suits. He was going places, FAST.

Then he gets put in charge of a big project. Time to prove himself. But he still leaves early to go to the gym every day. His people are going nuts, pulling 14-16 hour days so they don't get fired; they give him death looks as he strolls out the door at 4pm. There's no leadership, no one understands what's going on or what they're supposed to do. Some of the experienced people try to warn upper management that things aren't going well, but they are scoffed at and dismissed. Paul Ryan doubles down on his promises for even more praise and hand shakes.

And then it explodes. Paul Ryan has been lying. And it takes one of those experienced, non-flashy people to fix it, at double the cost and triple the man hours. Paul Ryan doesn't get invited to lunches anymore. That flashy smile and winks are gone. And every single one of his people do whatever they can to take a bite out of him. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Long story short, if they haven't figured Ryan out yet, the current crop of Repubs are even stupider than I thought.

[Enthusiast]

2. I like the term Insufferable Prick for Ryan.