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2014-03-14T23:43:11+00:00

In an unexpected turn of international events, the Nigerian Congregation of the People of Tradition for Proselytism and Jihad , not be confused with the Congregation of People for Tradition and Summary Execution , announced today that they are officially at war with the Kenyan infidel Barack Obama who occupies Satan's White House in Washington, DC. Members of the Congregation celebrate at the home of Motor City madman Ted Nugent during his 2013 summer barbecue bash. The Congregation, also known as Boko Haram, has dispatched their outreach director, Dr. Ben Carson, to urge all freedom loving brothers and sisters to join the fight by arming themselves before marching on liberal arts universities, the United States post office, yoga studios, and the homes of civil service employees. "We must join with Ted Nugent now. The world is on the threshold of complete Nazi domination. It's time to destroy liberal civility for all time," said Dr. Carson. Unshaven doctor, Ben Carson News spread quickly in conservative circles. Grass roots activists (seen below) were breathless with excitement when the call for action reached them during a fashion show hosted by former vice-Presidential candidate and Guns n Ammo centerfold, Sarah Palin. The attendees are seen here pledging allegiance during the Deer Shootin' for Jesus portion of the show. Conservative Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni who recently signed a law making homosexuality illegal in his country was overjoyed at the prospect of Godly people recapturing the world stage. President Yoweri Museveni after his morning shit and a shave Pat Buchanan and Phyllis Schlafly, seen below discussing Russian President Vladamir Putin's re-establishment of the traditional church as the moral compass of his nation after their seduction by atheists and pagans, were similarly encouraged. Pat and Phyllis deeply thinking "We're with the Congregation, to the ends of the earth," they said in a joint statement. Putin, ever the conciliatory and peaceful statesman, publicly extended a welcoming hand to anyone who may feel uncomfortable with the Lord's global uprising. "You can feel relaxed and calm in Russia, but leave children alone please," Putin said just before lifting this boy's shirt for an impromptu hicky.