My mid-sixties sister-in-law is on her deathbed...

[PCIntern]

Eight months ago she experienced some disturbing symptoms and went straight to her doctor. Several tests were quickly performed and a hysterectomy was indicated which she had performed within two weeks. Upon biopsy, endometrial cancer was discovered but serendipitously, the pathologist noted another type of cellular presence which indicated that she had clear cell carcinoma. Upon her consultation with her female physician, the doctor put her arms around her shoulders and said to her, "I'm so sorry I have to tell you this, but..." and went on to discuss the ramifications of the diagnosis. My sister-in-law, who is ever-practical, asked her what would honestly be the best adjective to describe her chances of beating this, and the doctor, after some hesitation replied, "dismal", since it had spread to the lymph nodes.

Over the next few months, chemotherapy was attempted but to no avail. The tumor has invaded many of her organs including her digestive system and she cannot receive nutrition of any type and is wasting away on IV fluids. She is very brave and has come to terms in many ways with her life and her existence which is now measured in days. She is deeply concerned for my brother, who is in remission himself from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (the 'bad one' as Larry David termed it on Curb Your Enthusiasm) and cannot withstand too many insults to his immune system. She is facing oblivion with resolve and calm.

I speak with her everyday between 6 and 7 A.M. and we talk at length about the past and the future as it relates to the family. She did not have children and her family of origin is quite small so it has fallen to me to act as a sounding board and confidante, a labor which I willingly accept. Each day her voice diminishes in intensity and volume. I have no real sense how much longer this will continue but having been through similar situations before the phone call indicating finality is always a shock.

I post this not to seek sympathy from strangers, but to put her imminent death in context with the six people murdered by the latest miscreant in California. The parents, siblings, extended family, friends, teachers and acquaintances did not have an instant of rationalization or preparedness for the horror. It is an indescribable manner in which to lose someone and is in stark contrast to what my family is enduring at this very moment. I actually wept when I saw that father up on that podium and was just so appreciative of his anger and his courage to say what he said about the NRA and their toadies in Congress. I only wish I could be more optimistic about the direction of the nation but I am not.

[Liberal_in_LA]

1. many powerful posts today on du

[shenmue]

2. ...

[Little Star]

3. I'm so sorry.

[KT2000]

4. Righteous Indignation

is definitely called for and I am glad that Mr. Martinez has shown us this must not continue.
I am sorry about your sister-in-law. Being about the same age, we realize how precious this life really is. She has honored you as her confidante.

[LiberalLoner]

5. I'm so sorry. What a blessing you are to her and I'm sure to your brother.

May her passing be as gentle as possible.

[LoisB]

6. I am so sorry about your sister-in-law; she is very fortunate to have such a

caring relative as you.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

7. I've lost too many friend's and family to cancer.

An old high school friend was just diagnosed with terminal brain cancer - the really bad aggressive one.

I lost my mom to cancer. It took a year. And in the end, she really didn't suffer. We were lucky.

But sometimes I think it would be worse to have a loved one just drop dead as happened to parents of some of my friends.

[sheshe2]

8. My heart goes out to you and yours, PCIntern.

Your generosity in spirit that reaches out to others suffering at the same time you are is beautiful.

[PeaceNikki]

9. peace and comfort to you, her and all who love her.

[Triana]

10. I'm so sorry about your SIL

You're an angel to be with her now. I hope her passing is peaceful and as painless as it can be when the time comes -- and I wish you and your brother and all your family peace.

[monmouth3]

11. I am so sorry for both your SIL and brother. She is fortunate she has you as a friend and confi-

dante. Wishing your immediate family much love in the coming days...

[ancianita]

12. Loss is scarring, and how we share that loss together can deepen remaining relationships.

I wish you both much strength and love.

Your being with her during her death makes you a great spirit.

Not many people can step up to do what you're doing.

[Gormy Cuss]

13. I agree -- it's a horrible, shocking way to lose a loved one.

Your s-i-l is of an age where death is not common but not unexpected either. We understand that with each decade our chances of making it out alive for the next one diminishes. She was given the grace of time to settle her affairs as it were, to reassure those she loves that she's accepted her fate, to give you all opportunities to extend your love to her in her dying.

Those killed were young and lost instantly.

[AAO]

14. I'm so sorry for your sister-in-law, and for you and your family.

[LiberalEsto]

15. Vibes of blessing and peace to your sister-in-law

and to your brother and you.

May love and peace surround you.

[heaven05]

16. peace to all

in this difficult time.

[onecaliberal]

17. I'm so sorry

Sending peaceful vibes to your SIL and family.

[Jefferson23]

18. You are both fortunate to have each other, and I am sorry to hear of the dire consequences to come.

But you are thoughtful to share this at a time when young people have been taken away
in a moment when they were finishing school, and looking ahead...all gone now.

If we don't demand the changes we know we need, we won't see them.

Peace to your sister in law.

[malaise]

19. Yes as hard as it is for families and friends

knowing that someone is fading away is less shocking than these gun slaughters.

Still for the person suffering and wasting away it is no picnic. She must so look forward to your calls.
We recently went to two funerals in three days. Both were friends in their sixties.

[PCIntern]

20. Thank you all...for those who have replied and those who will...

I have to retire for the evening...I get up at 4 A.M. and am unusually worn out. But there are many who grieve much more than I tonight.

PC

[TexasTowelie]

21. I'm certain that your sister appreciates everything that you are doing.

It's good to know that there are caring people in this world.

[democrank]

22. What a blessing you must be to your sister-in-law

and what a powerful post you wrote.

The preparedness you spoke of in your last paragraph left me nodding in profound understanding. My long-time companion, a Vietnam veteran, has terminal cancer which recently spread to his brain. I absolutely cherish every single second we have together and can not imagine facing the instant finality forced on the loved ones of those killed in California this weekend. How heartbreakingly awful.

It saddens me to say I agree with your lack of optimism about the direction of our nation. As hard as I try to recognize and honor all the good I see, I can not overlook the flagrant disregard for life exhibited by more than a few members of Congress. I`m sick of their photo ops, I`m sick of their flag pins, I`m sick of their lack of courage, I`m sick of their willingness to sell out. And, quite frankly, I`m sick of the voters who make excuses for their unfathomable lack of leadership....day after day after day.

Many folks facing serious difficulties in their lives understand the importance of a single day, yet Congress wastes days like they don`t even matter, like they don`t even count. It`s truly awful and we MUST stop enabling them. I`m as disgusted as that father you mentioned on the podium.

~PEACE~

[roguevalley]

23. your sister-in-law is all our sister. I wish you all peace

What a graceful woman.

[FailureToCommunicate]

24. Cancer sucks. Violent death by crazed shooter sucks. Both are so random as to

shake one's faith in God, or Natural Order, the Universe or whatever...

As one who lost a younger brother to random cancer (pancreatic) I wish you didn't have to go thru the tribulations and loss...

Hospice care helped our family a LOT. Think about it if you are able to use their invaluable services

May you find some peace where ever you can.

[tavalon]

40. That is the bugaboo about faith, isn't it?

Luckily, when I became a Pagan, I was able to embrace the idea that "God" in whatever form that takes, is pretty hands off and that is because we are all connected and are all the eyes and ears and nervous system of God on Earth, so we are expected to handle things, including those that seem pointless. "God" made us. We make?

[weetie]

25. I'm so terribly sorry

Neither the scenario in Cali nor yours can make sense of the indecency of the loss of life too soon. We all try the best we can and in your case you seem to be the rock of Gibraltar. Be strong for those who don't have it in them to weather the storm. And know that many others can take a lesson from your efforts.

[WinkyDink]

26. {{{PCIntern and SIL}}} Blessings to you both.

[magical thyme]

27. peace to you, your brother and your sister in law...

May her passing be gentle.

Rest well tonight, Pcintern.

[SheilaT]

28. Thank you for this post.

I sincerely hope she is not suffering, or at least not very much. I hope this doesn't sound heartless, but at least there has been this time to know the end is approaching.

I do know that even though her death is expected, that when she actually goes it will still be terrible and shocking. Don't forget that you did all you could under the circumstances.

[mountain grammy]

29. It's wonderful you getting to talk to your sister in law every day.

memories you will cherish.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

30. ...

Wish I knew what to say. Powerful post.

[Greybnk48]

31. My deepest sympathies to your SIL and your family.

I'm a mid-sixties survivor of endometrial adeno-carcinoma (7 years this March) and I thank my lucky stars every day. Being told you have cancer is like nothing else--it's horrible. At least I had a good prognosis and I also have a strong family support group. It makes me sick to think how I know she must have felt when she heard the prognosis "dismal." I'm happy to know she has someone like you to care about her and give her support. I don't pray, but my thoughts will be with her and your family.

[A Little Weird]

32. Good point

I can't imagine what the shooting victims' families are going through and I hope never to know.

I'm so sorry about your SIL - she sounds like such a great person (and so do you).

[DeSwiss]

33. Keep the faith.

- There have been people pulled from Death's door before. Namaste.

K&R

[Stryst]

34. I grieve with you

I recently went through a lingering illness death with my mother (emphysema + pneumonia). It's hard, but I promise that it does get better. Eventually.

[bearssoapbox]

35. Good, heartfelt post.

It is good she has you for support.

I hope her passing is peaceful.

Sending good vibes and joining DU support for all involved.

[sinkingfeeling]

36. I'm sorry. I just lost my brother-in-law of 43 years to a sudden recurrence of cancer.

We had about 3 weeks from diagnosis until he died on Good Friday. He was thankfully given those weeks to say his 'good-byes', put his affairs in order, and make known his wishes for after-death.

So many people do not have that opportunity. Car wrecks take way too many, but guns in this country add just as many.

[PCIntern]

37. I'm sorry for you and your family and all those who lose those

"near and dear"...

This is the unfortunate outcome of the natural order of things, as my parents used to say.

[niyad]

38. so sorry to hear this, pcintern. your sil is very lucky to have you. wishing peace and comfort

for you and all your loved ones in this difficult time.

[tavalon]

39. I'm sorry this is happening to your sister and to you and yet, you are right

She has had some time to tie up the loose ends. Make "sense" of her life and have a feeling that your family will be able to go on without her. It is such a gift she has, you have and one, as you said, not given to those who lose family in a way that skips all of that, to their endless sorrow.

As an aside, I just wanted to say that I've always "seen" such a beautiful soul in your posts. Your next to last paragraph is testament to that. Your last paragraph, even more so.

[dballance]

41. Thanks for Posting.

Many years ago I lost my dad to prostate cancer. He did radiation for his tumors but they metastasized much like you describe your SIL's did.

It would be a far better country here in the US if we took all that funding we put into the DOD and put, at least, a good portion of it into the CDC and NIH. My nephew is a doctor. He does research on HIV with grants from the NIH. There are many, many other grants handed thought the NIH. We should be funding them for the health of our citizens rather than funding death machines.

[Hekate]

42. My heart aches for you -- and for the others

Words are failing me now, so all I can do is this

[sellitman]

43. You are a mensch

I hope you and your family starts getting back the good karma you have coming to you.