10% of conflicts are due to a difference of opinion and 90%

[Bonobo]

are due to the wrong tone of voice.



I saw this on FB and I think this is a worthy discussion to have.

[cyberswede]

1. Tone of voice is difficult to determine on the internet.

But easy to read into something one already disagrees with.

[Bonobo]

4. I agree with this 100%. Text is an absolutely awful vehicle for conveying tone and so often misread

based on preconceptions.

[mahina]

2. Manner is all. I'll buy the 90-10, more or less.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. Any fool can write a slogan on facebook.

Looks like you found one.

[Eleanors38]

32. You have a fair bumper-sticker one yourself.

[Starry Messenger]

5. Anyone's difference of opinion becomes the "wrong tone" if someone doesn't like the opinion.

[Bonobo]

7. I don't think that's true at all.

There are plenty of cases in which people respectfully disagree without it being a hot conflict.

It happens when respect is shown through the language employed. The reverse is also true. Even general agreement ends in conflict when poor tone is used.

[Starry Messenger]

8. Respectfully no, that is not true at all.

There are things like bigotry, which are not respectful, despite the "civil" tone it might be couched in. The language employed might seem neutral, but the sentiments are offensive.

Also, opposing bigotry will always seem offensive in tone to the bigot.

[Bonobo]

9. Yes, for sure what I said is not true in all cases.

You brought up one in which is may not be true. But in most cases, respectful tones can soothe over reasonable disagreements as your well-written and respectful post lends evidence to

[libodem]

6. Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it

The tone can really make a difference on how a message is received.

I found this on Facebook and needed an excuse to use it.

. [img][/img]

[Sissyk]

16. I am so stealing that!

I LOVE that and strive to live that way.

Thank you, libodem!

[etherealtruth]

10. While there is truth in this ....

... an even larger problem is conflating the two concepts

[pipoman]

11. I see disagreement/conflict

Most often online when one person wishes to disregard facts for myth and have no argument to counter the facts presented. ..they then resort to nastiness and ad hom...

In person tone can play a role, body language, distraction, and other factors play a much bigger role in how a message is received.

That said, i fly past 50 like graphics per day on my newsfeed. Without a source and methodology these quips are usually inane.

[seabeyond]

12. 100% of the misunderstanding when someone on the net decides to tell you what your tone is. nt

[DanTex]

14. This post was alerted on, believe it or not.

On Thu Jul 17, 2014, 03:30 AM an alert was sent on the following post:

100% of the misunderstanding when someone on the net decides to tell you what your tone is. nt
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5246513

REASON FOR ALERT

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

ALERTER'S COMMENTS

Possible trolling. This poster has had a recent history of problematic posts, btw. Just so you know.

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Thu Jul 17, 2014, 03:37 AM, and the Jury voted 0-7 to LEAVE IT.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Alerter you must be joking.
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Not sure why this post was alerted. Nothing wrong here; vote to Leave.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: This kind of alert makes me wish it were possible to alert on the alerter.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Really?
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Congrats -- this is the 1st time I have not needed to look any further into an alert.
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given

Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

[seabeyond]

15. Wow. Thanks. I imagine whomever has tried getting a hide on many of my posts last couple days using

That alert message. What an interesting way to get a hide on a poster to get them kicked off again. Thanks for sharing this dan. I appreciate. Interesting.

[ProfessorGAC]

24. The Jury Did Well

That was a ludicrous alert.

[Wounded Bear]

13. And 75% of Internet statistics are made up on the spot...

[Gravitycollapse]

17. This reads like it belongs on the wall of a cubicle in some dystopic nightmare.

[Sissyk]

18. I think it is a good discussion to have.

However, I think sometimes it's our own fault. We get used to reading a certain tone from a member, especially in a community like this where "everyone knows everyone". If that member changes their tone, for whatever reasons they do so, we still may read the old tone in their new voice. We must be willing to adapt with them.

Just my thoughts.

[Behind the Aegis]

20. Some good points.

"Tone" can be very difficult to ascertain in written form. I have seen a number of sarcastic posts misread. Sometimes, it is just the lens which someone uses when they read certain topics or writers. Then there are things like the "taterguy rule." If you don't know "taterguy" then you don't what is happening (which refers to something which used to happen in the lounge). Sometimes people forget this site is not their living room and everyone who posts here isn't going to get "inside" jokes or comments, or even understand certain dynamics. Yes, there are trolls here, some long timers, and they enjoy creating division and animosity, but sometimes it is just a matter of not being clear.

[Sissyk]

22. How dare you say that to me???!!!???

lol!!

Yes, exactly. I have that problem myself. In my head, it sounds whole and complete, but then I may be ask questions concerning what I meant. I need to strive to be clear to the reader.

[nilesobek]

19. It must be truly an art form

to express tone in text communications. I guess that's why we have so many good writers around.

Sometimes without the sarcasm moniker I can't tell what people mean and the tone can be confused.

If you were approached aggressively by a poster, but in total agreement with that poster, that might be an example.

[JTFrog]

21. Jesus christ dude.

Your one trick pony is exhausted and needs to be put to rest.

[CBGLuthier]

23. Liked it better when it was, "You can Catch more Flies with Honey than Vinegar"

[libodem]

25. I believe that still stands true

If you state your case well, in a pleasant manner, people will listen.They may not agree and you may not flip them, but they aren't necessarily going to become your sworn enemy.
When you yell accusations, your intended mark, is going to be defensive at best and offensive at the worst.

I saw some of the most offensive gritty DU mail this weekend I've ever seen.. l logged out for awhile and wondered if I'd ever come back. I blame both sides for amping up the outrage for blood sport. My hide list is full again.

My head is full of imaginary letters to Skinner in ATA.

[CBGLuthier]

26. It is still true although I have to admit to failing my own advice too often.

Anger, even righteous anger, can be so damned corrosive.

[libodem]

27. I get bitter and sarcastic

The personal cynicism is corrosive. I have to work on myself to loosen up and not just be a bitch about everything, somedays.

Sometimes I'm angry but usually it comes down to frustration at people being 'wrong' on the internet.

[MineralMan]

28. I'm not at all sure those percentages are accurate.

It's a nice slogan, though. All too often, the perception of "tone" in posts in forums like these is incorrect. Perception of tone is more of a factor than the actual tone, I believe.

I prefer looking at a large body of posts before forming an opinion of a particular DUer. Without that, it's often impossible to tell what a poster is actually saying, even when the post is simple and declarative. But, taken with a large assortment of posts from a poster, a more accurate measurement of tone is possible.

It's interesting to see posts from a poster who is very familiar, but in the context of that poster's other writings.

[lumberjack_jeff]

31. If someone's post is unclear, it's better to ask for clarification.

With only a couple of exceptions, I don't infer tone or subtext that isn't there. To do otherwise is presumptuous, and without a really large body of consistent interactions to draw from, fallible.

[MineralMan]

33. Always a good idea, of course.

Sadly, such questions often remain unanswered, I've found. Perhaps some DUers have me on ignore. I don't know.

[Eleanors38]

34. "large body of posts" I apply to issues more than individuals.

There are certain issues -- race and feminism -- which I avoid in DU's GD. The issues often arise as part of other discussions, and I may contribute, but I have little interest in what passes for discussion when the topic is "straight up." And, yes, it's the confrontational tone, not the confrontation.

[lumberjack_jeff]

29. That's why I like written language.

If I'm doing it right, and what I wrote pissed you off, it's because I meant it to.

[geek tragedy]

30. the problem with Internet quotes is that it's hard

to verify their authenticity.

--Abraham Lincoln

[Eleanors38]

35. I wonder if that FB quote references in-person conversation

or that on the 'tubes. It can apply to both, but I am struck by the large number of people who, even in company, never seem to let up on the texting, email, blogging. Do they object to the "old" personal tone, and have they developed a "new" tone? Does the new hand-held tone empower them far more than what they can muster in person? If we were all at some grand old-school bloc(k) party, would the masters of the keyboard shrink off to the corner somewhere?