I’m having an abortion this weekend [EDITED]

[one_voice]

Last edited Sat Aug 2, 2014, 11:46 PM - Edit history (1)

When I went looking for other women's stories, they were all about the aftermath. What about the week before?

I’m pregnant. I just found out. I’m having an abortion on Saturday at 10 a.m.

Those are three text messages I sent to my closest friends, in that order, last weekend, a few hours after I went to the Rite Aid near my boyfriend’s apartment to buy an at-home pregnancy test. I’d walked to the pharmacy in a pair of awkwardly fitting denim cutoffs and the shirt I slept in the night before, with the singular goal of ruling out pregnancy as an explanation for why my period still hadn’t shown up a week after it was supposed to. I had all my usual pre-period symptoms — cramps, sore breasts, insatiable hunger — but no period. I assumed the lateness had something to do with my horrific and sporadic eating habits, as I subsist mostly on Hot Cheetos and red licorice. That probably seems delusional; it probably seems less so when I mention I’ve had a copper IUD for a year.

So, no, it didn’t seem outrageous to think my period was just reconfiguring itself, as it has many times in the past. What did seem outrageous, though, were the two blue lines that showed up on the first pregnancy test I took when I got home — the ones that indicated I was pregnant, making my heart start pounding so loud I really could hear it in my ears, just like in the movies. I left the bathroom with the test in my hand and went to go show my boyfriend, who held me while I cried and shook and tried to catch my breath. I took the second test to be sure, then sent those first two text messages to my sister and my friends. I sent the third one after I went to Planned Parenthood to book an appointment I hoped I’d never have to make.

*snip*

Despite all the support I’ve received, I have walked around furious for the past week at the thought of those anonymous people who would tell me I’m wrong not to stay pregnant. I’ve tried to analyze my rage in an effort to cope with it, and I’m sure it has something to do with my ardent conviction that women deserve the right to choose what happens to their bodies. Usually, my rage compels me toward something productive. But I don’t have time for that at the moment, because I’m having an abortion on Saturday at 10 a.m.

So being angry hasn’t done much for me this week. I’m still pregnant and don’t want to be. My IUD still doesn’t work and needs to be removed from my uterus, and I still don’t know what my next form of birth control will be, or if I’ll ever feel comfortable trusting any contraceptive again. I hope this experience will make me a better activist, but I can’t foresee if it will just yet.

Right now I don’t feel like an activist at all, just a woman who’s having an abortion. I’m a woman fortunate enough to have so much love and support I don’t know how to process it all. That’s rare and special, but still it feels like no one can help me much at the moment. This weekend the people who love me will sit in the waiting room while I walk into my abortion by myself. I don’t know what comes next, how or if this will change who I am. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. I can’t know that now. It isn’t Saturday yet.

http://www.salon.com/2014/08/01/im_having_an_abortion_this_weekend/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Just reading through this thread, some have mistaken this story as my own. I should have made it clear it's not my story (about me). I thought this woman very brave for telling such a personal story. Sorry for the confusion.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Great article. Great, heartbreaking read. K&R n/t

[oldandhappy]

2. Sending hugs.

I cannot imagine all you are experiencing. I support your decisions and can feel some of the anger. You have been responsible and that was not enough to protect you. I am sorry. Lots. Please take care of yourself. I am glad you have support and love. I will be remembering you Saturday at 10 am.

[MFM008]

3. a difficult decision

I was faced with the same decision 31 years ago when I was 24, a friend of mine even offered to pay for it when she got hers. I couldnt do it. My sister did, she had at least 2. Thankfully my son has become my friend and the thing I live for. Every case is different. I was lucky I had help, my parents were reluctant at first. I feel for you. Best of luck to you.

[littlemissmartypants]

4. Kicking. Thank you. nt

[vlyons]

5. I hope the abortion brings you a great sense of relief

as if a ton of bricks were lifted from your shoulders. I hope the knowledge that the responsibility of parenting, for which you are unprepared and don't want at this time in your life, is not something that will be forced upon you against your will. The world does not need any more unwanted children. We have enough of those already. Thank you for being responsible.

[Fla Dem]

50. Very sincere and heartfelt response. But....

Just so you know, that was and article that was posted. I don't believe it was the poster themselves that went thru the ordeal.

[BrotherIvan]

6. She is very brave and I hope all goes well for her

The fact that she may be stalked or harassed is extremely frightening. When more women talk about their experiences, it will take out the stigma. Women should be able to make the best choice for their lives with no interference.

[KauaiK]

8. She is very brave and smart

for doing what is best for herself right now. I wish her only the best.....

[shraby]

9. I think you're out of line. It's her decision and she appears to know

what she wants and doesn't want. No one and I mean NO ONE has the right to judge anyone else in this life.
Maybe more people if they don't have something constructive to say might better say nothing at all.

[msanthrope]

25. Waaaaaay out of line. nt

[Agschmid]

33. Yup.

Wtf was that post?

[kylie5432]

73. We judge people all the time

An abortion is a serious decision and while it should remain legal, we have to respect those who believe it is wrong. But it is a choice and one that should remain the woman's. I did have a friend who went through veterinary school in the 90's and became pregnant during that time. After the fact, she did have a tough time with her decision and engaged in some self destructive behaviors. She is now married with three kids and doing fine.

Just don't expect your feelings to not be there and honestly, it's not a badge of honor that you are having an abortion, it's a choice. And someone won't be born because of it.

[REP]

81. Yup. I judge people who post crap about 'regretting abortion' to be complete idiots

Guess what. I don't have to respect people who think abortion is wrong any more than I have to respect people who think it's okay to be homophobic. I don't know why stupid people think I to respect their stupid opinions on anything is beyond me.

'Someone won't be born' because of abortion also because: didn't have sex that night; blastocyst failed to implant; birth control worked; didn't have PIV sex ... The horror! The horror! The horror!

You know how I felt after my abortion? Relieved and hungry. How I feel about it now? So so so glad I had it done.

Badge of honor? For very minimally invasive surgery? Do they give awards for medical procedures where you're from, because I've never heard of such a bizarre thing.

[REP]

10. Really? My grandmother lived to be 96; didn't regret her two abortions.

Thanks to the two illegal abortions my mother survived, I'm here. I don't ever recall her regretting the abortions - only that she had to risk her life to get them. She had nothing but contempt for those who thought a woman should regret an abortion. So do I.

Oh, I don't regret my abortion either, but I'm only 49. I've got years to continue to not give a shit.

[Luminous Animal]

15. +1

[kylie5432]

74. That's fine but some people do

I'm not saying she regretted her decision, but she had feelings afterwards. All women will react differently. She knows now that abortion was the best decision for her but it didn't come without a bit of emotional baggage for a while.

[REP]

80. Are you trying to speak for me, my mother or grandmother??

If so, that is beyond presumptious and that the stupidest damn thng I've heard this week. No, you don't get to decide what women you don't know thought about their abortions; they do. My grandmother, if she were alive and a member here, might be banned for her response to your nonsense about her.

As for "emotional baggage," you may want to check your own. The vast majority of women who have abortions feel relief. I can back that up with peer-reviewed studies. What do you have, besides feels?

[get the red out]

76. Great post

Thanks!

[Reter]

83. Abortion is a very private and personal thing

Not sure why you know your grandmother had two.

[DURHAM D]

86. Oh look here...

an attempt at female shaming on a progressive board.

It isn't private - I had one in 1967. Do you feel dirty now?

[REP]

89. And an attempt to shame a woman dead more than twenty years!

My grandmother was born in 1895 and had her abortions in the 1920s. She wasn't ashamed and it obviously wasn't a secret. She was adamantly pro-choice her entire life.

[DURHAM D]

90. Did you see this?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025329541

[REP]

92. OFFS.

Doesn't know when he's beat, does he.

[DURHAM D]

93. Well, he now has some more mansplainers in there

assuring him that he is entitled to his entitlement.

[REP]

94. Well, of course

Some take the idea of any abortion VERY personally, thinking it literally means they should not exist.

Well, some of them aren't entirely wrong ... but that has nothing to do with abortion.

[Lars39]

87. Grandma probably told her so that she would know there are options

to having 15 kids or dying in childbirth with the 8th.

[REP]

91. My grandmother, born in 1895, had only three children - and a college education

Knowing about birth control and abortion was just part of growing up; I was alive for the Roe v Wade fight and I heard many tales of why the ruling was such a blessing for women.

[REP]

88. You say it's private, then want to know why my grandmother had two abortions

Isn't it obvious why? She had two unwanted pregnancies. She was married, and birth control was limited in the 1920s.

[onecaliberal]

11. Oh no you didn't

[REP]

12. Of course he did. Mansplaining abortion is what some do best!

[BrotherIvan]

14. My mouth is still hanging open!

I think this ratfucker needs to be shown the door. That post was deplorable.

[onecaliberal]

16. Wow

The intestinal fortitude of a man who would pass judgement on women for daring to think she can make desisions that are best for her own damn life.

[LeftyMom]

17. Long overdue! nt

[Squinch]

20. 20K posts on DU, spreading this kind of RW crap. But, doncha know, as long as he's

polite, he is welcomed to spew that kind of RW crap. Skinner says so!

Let's hear it for manners! Because they are what REALLY count when discussing reproductive rights!

[DURHAM D]

22. Amen.

Just be polite while espousing rightwing hate toward women and you will be allowed to have the run of the place

and we are supposed to "educate" them

I don't want to talk to them let alone responsible for educating them.

I have a list of DUers titled: "I am so damn glad they are not my neighbors, relatives, co-workers".

[Squinch]

23. As if someone as self-righteous and ignorant as that COULD be educated. But such nice manners, huh?

[BlancheSplanchnik]

57. bet he practices his nice manners in front of the Women's Clinic

Holding a sign.

I'd like to show him a sign with pics of what happens when women can't get safe abortions.

Anti-abortion pukes do not care about women. A dead one is fine, as long as the imaginary Gerber babies are birthed.

And then, fuck the both of them.

[Squinch]

59. Yes, but he knows all about it. Because he has heard things from other people. Which means he

is now able to tell those who have experienced it first hand how wrong they are in their opinions.

[Gormy Cuss]

45. There's something in the TOS about that, isn't there?

Don't be a wingnut (right-wing or extreme-fringe).

Democratic Underground is an online community for politically liberal people who understand the importance of working within the system to elect more Democrats and fewer Republicans to all levels of political office. Teabaggers, Neo-cons, Dittoheads, Paulites, Freepers, Birthers, and right-wingers in general are not welcome here. Neither are certain extreme-fringe left-wingers, including advocates of violent political/social change, hard-line communists, terrorist-apologists, America-haters, kooks, crackpots, LaRouchies, and the like.

Oh wait. No mention of anti-women, anti-choice rhetoric so it must be A-OK.

[DURHAM D]

48. Wow.

Who wrote that?

[Squinch]

60. None whatsoever! So we'll just keep working on our deportment. Maybe if it gets good enough

our reproductive rights will count enough to be in the TOS.

I'm balancing a book on my head RIGHT NOW!

[DURHAM D]

62. Me too but I am also defrosting the refrigerator

and making an angel food cake from scratch at the same time. I know my place.

[Gormy Cuss]

63. I get the vapors every time I think about it. n/t

[DURHAM D]

85. He is back.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025329541

[Squinch]

96. Friggin' right wing troll.

[TBF]

26. It is ridiculous - esp. given that the dem platform is pro-choice

it would be really nice if the administrators of this site would consider bringing this site in line with what the democratic party believes.

[Squinch]

27. It would, wouldn't it?

[DURHAM D]

28. I assume they made a corporate decision. $$$$$

[TBF]

29. Sadly that must be the case -

I have found both Skinner and EarlG to be sympathetic to women's issues in the little contact I've had with them (serving on MIRT a couple of times). Granted that is very minimal contact but it does seem at odds with the official position here which allows the anti-choice folks.

Very disheartening especially given the official party platform.

[CreekDog]

39. The hood, I mean the mask slips again

Skip said nicer things about government shutdowns, Cliven Bundy and Ron Paul (big surprise) than he said about abortion.

[vlyons]

40. I don't mind polite RW crazy talk

If only a lot more of it were actually polite! I strongly support free speech, especially when it is polite.

[TBF]

69. Except for RW crazy talk being against the TOS

of this site. But apparently now the juries define what constitutes "RW crazy talk" and therein lies the problem.

[PeaceNikki]

42. mmm hmm

But it's perfectly OK to be against reproductive freedom here. Women are second class citizens, you see.

[JTFrog]

24. Indeed.

Running around DU with your pants on the ground and leaving your right wing hateful ass blowing in the wind should attract attention from the admins. But as noted elsewhere in this thread, admin are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay behind in their mending fences letter to the women of DU.

[DURHAM D]

30. Not holding my breath.

[PeaceNikki]

44. I'm actually pleasantly shocked that the jury hid it.

Preferably those against choice would be handled in the same manner as those against marriage equality but it's a long standing dispute I have with the admins.

[DURHAM D]

52. Hi skip.

Back to do some more mansplainin?

[BrotherIvan]

54. So you too are spreading right wing anti-choice crap? You signed up just to do that?

An abortion is a personal decision and should be left to the woman without people trying to make her feel guilty. I know a few women who thought they had "killed their baby" after having an abortion when they were young. But then, when they had children, they changed their minds about how they felt. They said that having a child is life-changing, and they were very happy they waited until they were ready to raise it. It was better for her as a mother and infinitely better for her child.

I also have many friends who thought about their abortions as "killing a baby" because of the propaganda of anti-choicers who put up posters of developed babies faked with blood. When they found out the truth, that it was in fact a fetus, a clump of cells, and it isn't a baby until it is born, they felt better. Women are lied to so they "regret" their abortions and undue shame is heaped upon them. They even lie and say that women will have depression, suicidal thoughts, infertility and breast cancer. It is all lies. Even the Bible says a child is not considered alive until it takes its first breath, so anti-choicers don't even follow their own religion.

The woman, and only the woman gets to make the choice. No one should tell her "she will regret it." She should be given true, factual scientific information about an abortion, which is a much safer surgical procedure than giving birth. They also should know that they will be fertile and free to have a child (or not) when they are ready. In most cases, pregnancy is not rare. This is not her "one and only" chance. I have never heard of a single person who was having trouble getting pregnant and sought fertility treatments who then had an abortion.

The Democratic Party is pro-choice. This is a Democratic website and members should not have to deal with false anti-choice lies. Having an abortion is a medical procedure and is legal in this country. Any person who tries to subvert a woman's RIGHT to choose should be shown the door.

[BrotherIvan]

55. Sorry, I guess I posted just as the troll was getting her pizza

Well, I spent a lot of time screaming it in my head, so I'll leave it up.

[one_voice]

56. Awful! I think some people..

forget what site they're actually posting on.

[BrotherIvan]

58. I don't think they forget at all

From our resident forced-birther to the above MRA member, this site is full of vacationing wingers. Anti-choice propaganda should be shut down immediately just like any other rw bullshit. It's pretty clear as it is in line with the Democratic Party.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

61. Jury Results.

On Fri Aug 1, 2014, 11:26 PM you sent an alert on the following post:

I imagine at some point she'll regret killing (what would have been) her baby.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5325534

REASON FOR ALERT

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

YOUR COMMENTS

I thought Du was pro-choice. Let's see. This is something that FreeRepublic would put on the greatest page. Undiluted RW talking points, as hurtful & insensitive as it can get. No place on DU.

JURY RESULTS

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this alert at Fri Aug 1, 2014, 11:33 PM, and voted 5-2 to HIDE IT.

Juror #1 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Although I'm very pro-choice, I struggled with this a bit. It is an opinion and statement of personal experience (his/her sister feels guilty) but "she'll regret killing....her baby" is more than a bit insensitive. Hide it.
Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: I'm pro-choice and I do not agree with the poster's opinion but it is just that...an opinion. No need to delete it.
Juror #3 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Right-wing bullshit.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #6 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: This type of shit is really out of line. It can't be hidden soon enough.
Juror #7 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: I have to agree that this is an insensitive and hurtful comment. The poster is entitled to his opinion, but this is OTT.

[BrotherIvan]

67. I'm glad it was hidden

But eventually we have to stop being so forgiving of right wing propaganda. That's how they win. I don't respect a person's opinion if it is factually wrong or demonstrably harmful. Anti-choice propaganda is definitely both.

[SammyWinstonJack]

78. +1!

[Luminous Animal]

13. Great article. Every form of birth control that I took failed me. And that sucked but the choice I

made didn't. I got pregnant on the pill. I got pregnant with an IUD. When I had that removed, got pregnant on the today sponge.

I have one child.

And yes, my experiences did make me a better activist.

[Le Taz Hot]

34. Not posting on DU much anymore

but I had to chime in . . . you mentioned the sponge. I was using it as birth control back in the 80's and one morning after a night of lovemaking found it next to me when I woke up the next morning. Talk about your, "Oh shit!" moments. Luckily, it turned I didn't get pregnant but talk about your heart being in your throat. The only thing I could figure is that the "loop" that you use to remove it must have gotten wrapped around, well, you can figure out the rest. Neither one of us felt anything but that maybe had to do with the Nectar of the Gods that we had both consumed earlier. Never used that particular form of birth control again.

[REP]

47. It turns out the failure rate on the Sponge is much higher than originally advertised

At the time, it was one of the few things available to women who couldn't take The Pill that was available OTC. Unfortunately, one size does not fit all, especially women who had never given birth and/or have smaller anatomy/etc.

[StevieM]

84. I am surprised that you got pregnant with an IUD. I had heard that it was super-effective. (eom)

[laundry_queen]

95. I have heard of several people

but mostly only with the older type...I think the newer types have hormones that release from them that decrease the failure rate.

[Squinch]

97. Scary, isn't it?

[Retrograde]

18. I'm lucky to never have had to make the decision

I don't know what I would have decided if I found myself pregnant at certain points in my life. It's not a decision made lightly, and it's one I can't make for anyone else.

[Rozlee]

72. I lucked out too. There were times in my life when more pregnancies would have been disastrous.

My mother had a therapeutic abortion when she had active tuberculosis and she was always philosophical about it. She lived in a poor, ethnic society where women struggled with large families and always urged me to take contraceptives. She wanted me to have a life beyond the drudgery of endless child-bearing.

[SunSeeker]

19. That reminds me, I need to donate to Planned Parenthood. nt

[FSogol]

31. +1. Exactly. n/t

[calimary]

64. Amen! Me too!

[Luminous Animal]

21. Kick.

[DirkGently]

32. KNR. n/t

[Generic Brad]

35. My heart goes out to the author

She deserves support and understanding, not harsh judgement by people who consider themselves proxies of their God.

[pipi_k]

36. My only thought is...

I'm glad she has the choice.

[Aristus]

37. Thank goodness for Planned Parenthood.

[one_voice]

70. Yes indeed.

[RockaFowler]

38. Really heartbreaking

This is why the people on the other side must stop with the shaming. Women who go through this are not doing it willy-nilly. Some women can't afford a child. Some women are in horrible situations. And an abortion is sometimes the only way out. I'm crying right now reading this story.

[eggplant]

41. Time to donate again.

http://www.fundabortionnow.org/

Planned Parenthood is great, but there are times where someone needs help *today*.

[MsTanja]

46. Your anger is justified

toward people who presume to know you and your life better than you do, and who presume that as a woman you are not capable of making a well reasoned, rational decision. None of their rhetoric is true and is dehumanizing.

That being said, it is time to reframe the debate. People who claim the title "pro-life" are really all about forced birth. While some do actually care about what happens to the child once it is born, they are few and far between and most care more about removing options from women's healthcare to justify a twisted sense of morality.

People who claim the title of "pro-choice" should change their designation to "pro-access." There is no choice where there is no access. Access to healthcare (and yes, contraception and pregnancy *are* healthcare issues) is being denied on so many levels that it is no longer about the ability to choose. It is not a choice if your option is to take 2-3 unpaid days off work, find childcare while you travel to another state, sleep in your car because you can't afford a motel, possibly go through a completely unnecessary mandatory waiting period, and have listen for a potential fetal heartbeat when you have considered all the options and have put thought into your decision and know this is the best decision for you.

And I'm not sure where you live, but in Ohio HB 351 is in the works to make it illegal for insurance companies to cover any abortion with the exception of ectopic pregnancy and will make several forms of birth control such as the IUD ineligible for insurance coverage as well. I'm sorry the IUD didn't work for you - it does for many though, and after the initial cost is one of the safest, most effective forms of contraception available. This would become inaccessible for many women if this bill passes.

So it isn't about choice anymore, it's about access and that access needs to be restored.

[StevieM]

79. Republicans believe that life begins at conception--and ends at birth.

Welcome to DU!!

[valerief]

49. The toughest part of an abortion is fending off anti-choicers. nt

[ehrnst]

65. Courage - this is courage. I am grateful to her for this honesty. (nt)

[Helen Borg]

66. Hugs

[TNNurse]

68. You are in my thoughts.

In college, I and others donated money so a classmate could go out of state to have an abortion. It was 1968 0r 69, one of our professors drove her.

[MissDeeds]

71. Powerful article

I appreciate that the author was brave enough to share this so others might understand the personal turmoil. Gripping and enlightening... Thanks to you, one_voice, for bringing her story to DU.

K&R

[Hulk]

75. My most sincere wishes of strength and compassion go to you.

I'm not an advocate for abortion. But I am a strong advocate for the individual woman to make that choice. I am nearly at the end of my sixties, and my wife is decades younger than me, and able to conceive. If she were to get pregnant, it would be a discussion we would have to have as well. I know I don't want some bible-thumping numbskull yelling at me and my wife at that very stressful time in our lives.

I wish you all the best of strength and stamina with this. Do what YOU believe is the right thing to do. Don't let others tell you what to do, as I feel you won't.

[MrMickeysMom]

77. Privacy...

That is what it is about. No one should interfere with this decision. Some of us here know this far better than others, don't we?

[Kath1]

82. I made the same decision.

Panicked at age 20, sure I was pregnant. This was 1978. Turned out I wasn't pregnant but I had already made the decision in my heart and mind that I would have an abortion ASAP.

I hope all went as well as possible for you today.

Peace.........