Caregiving the "New Normal" for boomers.

[Brigid]

As Joan Lunden found out the hard way. Talk to aging parents about these issues now!

http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/09/living/baby-boomer-caregivers/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

[Bonhomme Richard]

1. Maybe it's me but growing up the normal was......

that most elderly were cared for by their children when possible. It seems all my friends had a grandparent living with their family, including my own. When my mother in law could no longer fend for herself we had her move in with us even though she lived 4 states away. She stayed with us until she passed away. we simply considered it returning the favor. An upside was that the kids really enjoyed interacting with her just as I have fond memories of my Grandmother.
I think the new normal is assuming that an elderly parent would just go into a nursing home. That used to be the last resort.
Then again, that's me.

[southernyankeebelle]

2. That is the way I grew up. My mother-in-law lived next door to us and she was in her

mid 80s. She was a free spirit kind of person after my father-in-law died. She kind of went to her youth stage. It was rough for awhile. She went out drinking with neighbor guys and I swear I didn't even recognize this woman. Well finally she was getting to a point when she couldn't take care of herself. We wanted her to move in with us and she did. But all she talked about was going home. So we made a deal with her that she would stay with us during the day and we would take her home at night. It worked for awhile but when dementia starts taking over well then things change. One morning my husband stopped to pick her up for the day. Somehow she managed to fall and broke her hip. That was it. She ended up in the nursing home because she wouldn't try to do the therapy they wanted her to do. She would keep tell us she wanted to come home and she said she was working with them. They told us she didn't try at all. We would tell her when you start walking we will take you home. She was ready to die. She knew what was going on because she had been a nurse. We tried our best but she was ready and nothing we could do or say was going to change her mind.

[cbdo2007]

3. I've had my problems with my parents over the years....but I'll be happy to take care of them

when they get older. They took care of me when I was born so why wouldn't I?!?!

I've seen both sides of this coin with my parents.....one set had my grandpa live with them and one set put my grandma into a nursing home for their final years. Sure it was gross sometimes and a big hassle and stuff....but it was a million times more rewarding for the whole family to get to spend an extra 2 years with my previously estranged grandpa and have him staying and interacting with family. In fact it probably prolonged his wife an extra year at least because of it.

[WorkBoots]

4. This is why

long-term care insurance is so important (if you can afford it).

[klook]

5. Managing an aging parent's care at home is great

...as long as it's feasible. When they get to the point of needing hands-on care and supervision 24/7 it can become a dangerous situation for the parent and an exhausting grind for the caregiver(s) -- typically a daughter or daughter-in-law.

Fortunately there are good assisted living homes in many areas... much better environments than the traditional skilled nursing facilities or "nursing homes" so many of us know and dread. Unfortunately, these places can get pretty expensive, which is why long-term care insurance is worth considering.

There are also some interesting alternative ideas coming along, such as the Green House Movement. that may make life more fulfilling for elders who need on-site medical care.

Most of us love the idea of having aging parents and grandparents at home, and many are able to pull it off for a while. But let's face it, the percentage of people who die peacefully in their sleep after a graceful decline is very small.