The American Family Is a Myth: Why Our National Moral Panic Must Stop

[xchrom]

http://www.alternet.org/culture/american-family-myth-why-our-national-moral-panic-must-stop



In about two months, I turn 34. The other day I remembered that I was supposed to be on baby No. 3 by now. My 22-year-old self thought 24 was a great age to meet a partner, date for two years, get married at 26, play for two more years, have a first baby at 28, a second at 31, and a third at 34, a boy first, and then two girls, spaced evenly apart. I think of this, of how absurd it feels as I sit at a computer in an empty home, with far simpler goals – going on more dates in my 30s than I did in my 20s, for instance. Every other day I shift from wondering whether I even really like children to having my ovaries scream as I see yet another precious baby born to a Facebook friend.

For now, my mother has started borrowing other people’s grandchildren. She shares them with her friends.

In the midst of this, I find myself frowning at a recent New York Times story that declares that marriage is disappearing. More than 40 percent of new mothers are unmarried. And the rate of white single-parent households now equals the rate of black single-parent households in 1965 when Daniel Patrick Moynihan issued an infamous report declaring black communities to be caught in “a tangle of pathology.” To solve the problem of emasculated men and domineering women, he proposed creating pipelines for African-American men to get good jobs, in order to assume their rightful place at the head of black families.

Isabel Sawhill, echoing Moynihan, writes, “The decline in marriage and the growth of childbearing outside of marriage is partly a result of the limited economic prospects of those at the bottom. We should provide more education and job opportunities for unskilled men in particular, but the evidence that these policies will restore stable families is sketchy.”

[chervilant]

1. How many others are

as disgusted by these "sage pronouncements" about what a family is or isn't?

I have a "family" comprised of friends, who are far more supportive, nurturing and loving than my family of origin. I feel so much closer to my "family of choice."

[HockeyMom]

2. "Your choice to NOT have children, trumps my choice

to be a Grandma". My Mom said that to me before I married in 1974. I suppose she was ahead of her time, but then, I am an ONLY child Boomer (by choice) and my parents went against society's norms back in the late 40s.

I have two (number decided before marrying) daughters, 30 and 35. We heard constantly "when are you going to try for a BOY? We wanted "only" two, not 3, 4, etc, just trying for a boy. "I like GIRLS", husband used to say. lol

Both my daughters are married. My younger daughter just had a son. Will she have more? That is totally up to her and her husband. I said to her when she married the same thing my Mom said to me. Actually, being a Only Child is not a bad thing, anyway. Personally, I enjoyed it. Her FIL is ALSO an Only.

My younger daughter is married to a woman. I know they want to have IVF, but that is far more difficult, and expensive. Again, whatever she and her wife decides to do is fine with me.

You cannot live your children's lives for them. Support them in their life choices.

[rock]

3. Our National Moral Panic

is a product of the dumbing down of America. In a nutshell, the politicians have done everything to see that the public is as dumb as can be produced from the educational systems to the news media. The major characteristic that is sought for is the lack of critical thinking. Thus whatever is presented by the media is lapped up with no further thought. An example: if it is declared that marriage is good, divorce is bad, the American public will not not only accept that as the truth but will mind-numbingly repeat it. Yet the slightest analysis will show that that statement is wrong. Notice, first-off that there is no qualification, i.e. what marriages, what divorces? Secondly notice that the nouns are abstractions (marriage not marriages). All designed so you won't ask questions about the finer points or otherwise cause you to think.

On the other hand, xchrom, it sounds like you are perfect willing to apply an effort into applying some critical thinking. Well done!

[marmar]

4. K/R