"When girls say 'No,' they don't really mean 'no." So I was sitting with a group of

[1monster]

seven or eight high school junior and senior boys today when one of them came out with that gem.

I immediately piped up with, "That kind of thinking will get you five to ten or ten to twenty. When a girl says "No," you'd better act like she means "no" even if you don't believe it. If she doen't mean "no," she will let you know."

"Oh we were only joking, ma'am."

"Don't even joke about it because it is not funny!" I mentioned the Rolling Stone article about the Unversity of Virginia in the latest issue and told them to be careful that they didn't do something now that they would come to regret later.

I don't know if I made any real impression or not, but I hope I at least gave them something to think about.

Part of the problem of the rape culture is that boys really seem to believe that "girls don't really mean "no."

[SharonAnn]

1. Good for you. They need to hear that or they might come to believe that "No!" doesn't mean "No!"

[Wella]

2. The biggest audience for internet porn is boys in this age group

I imagine that is one possible place where they could have picked this up.

[JHB]

7. The attitude existed long before internet porn

It has a much more mundane origin: because they really, really WANT it to be true.

[mazzarro]

3. Wondering if girls in such a group do speak up and strenously object to statements like that?

If not, then the absence of very strong disapproval and counter statements from girls or boys in such group may be contributing to the boys' misconceptions that perpetuate this stupid comment and ultimately rape behaviors.
I think you did great in the effort to dispel the stupidity and give them something to think about - for those who care to be thoughtful.

[1monster]

4. There were no girls present. That may be why the boys felt comfortable discussing this.

They seemed to forget I was there or didn't think an adult would notice what they were saying...

[GummyBearz]

5. I agree with your OP fully

I agree with you fully. However, I have encountered one major problem in my life time.

I had a long term girlfriend who was into the semi-role playing thing where she would say "no", but that was part of her fantasy and she really wanted me to continue. I could never do it.... when she said no I would stop instantly, get up, and go as limp as a cooked spaghetti noodle.

Then she would ask why I stopped, and say she wanted me to hold her down and continue, etc.... I just couldn't. Its like ingrained in my head that no means no, without question. Not to mention if she was a total psycho she could easily use such an encounter as a reason to accuse me of rape...

Anyway, that relationship eventually ended

[Brickbat]

6. The problem seems to be that the two of you didn't have mutual fantasies that meshed well.

I don't see how that's "a problem" with regard to the OP.

[GummyBearz]

8. Its slightly related

It was just a problem I encountered in my life time, where "no" actually meant "yes". I think it relates to the OP because it could totally wreck the whole "no means no" thing.

Imagine an 18 year old whose first few girlfriends do this... then he meets a girl who actually does mean "no"... then bad things happen.

Again, that is totally hypothetical, and to me "no" actually means "no" every time.