Apology To DU'ers I Offended.

[snowshadow]

In a recent comment I made to a post about the cop who killed the young man in the back eight times I was referencing to what might be said to the cop if he goes to prison and mentioned the “B” word. I was wrong in saying that. Out of the seven jury decisions only one offered constructive criticism and I quote here “can't let our anger get away from us”, exactly. There was also one spiteful individual who directed it specifically to me, which I won't quote. I never made a personal attack to anyone on the DU but only referenced it the cop.

[RiffRandell]

1. Thank you for apologizing and realizing your mistake.

Good on you. There are long time posters that would never do what you just did. I hope you are sincere...sounds like it. We all make mistakes...live and learn.

[pintobean]

2. +1

But, with me, I'm never in the wrong; it's always stacked juries when I get a post hidden.

[RiffRandell]

3. Yes, I've noticed that as well.

It's never our fault!

I know I always Mom brag but our kids take more responsibility for mistakes they have made than some adults here.

Must be our shitty parenting!

[In_The_Wind]

36. ...

[jeff47]

4. Tip: When you actually apologize for something

you don't attack other people.

[pintobean]

5. Really? You're taking issue

with the mention of an anonymous juror taking a cheap shot at him/her?

[jeff47]

9. If you're actually contrite about doing something wrong

You're not going to deflect with claims about cheap shots. You're going to own up for what you did without trying to make others look bad.

ETA: Because tearing down others is used as an attempt to minimize what you did. "Sorry, I said awful things about John....but Suzy said nasty things too!!"

[pintobean]

11. It's a better apology than most here

But, in typical DU fashion, some have to pick it apart and explain how to properly apologize. I've never apologized for a hidden post, so the OP is doing better than me. Most people don't apologize after a hide. It's easy to see why not.

[snowshadow]

17. Thanks pintobean

[jeff47]

25. Better than awful != good. (nt)

[pintobean]

30. Link to one of your super awesome apologies

so we can see how it's done.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

32. While I never agree with anything you say ever, i did like this one

[jeff47]

38. :eyes:

Your inability to read the second-to-last sentence is not my concern. If the OP stopped before that sentence, they would have avoided minimizing their apology by deflecting to the bad acts of someone else.

If your kindergartner says "I'm sorry I stole Suzy's crayon, but Billy took Mike's paper!!!", they are trying to deflect from their bad acts to the acts of another.

Or if a cop says "I'm sorry I shot that guy in the back, but Slager killed a guy!", he is also trying to deflect.

In this case, the OP is apologizing, and then deflecting to the actions of a juror. For added bonus points, they "declined to repeat" what the juror said, letting imagination run wild about how awful the juror was. That makes the deflection even more effective.

[pintobean]

39. I can read it. I don't care.

Maybe you can post what the juror said.

I can't help but wonder why you're making such a big deal out of it. You've made a much bigger deflection out of it that the OP could have supposedly hoped.

[jeff47]

40. Really? I forced you to reply repeatedly?

Behold my amazing powers! I can make some write over and over and over and over and over again about a subject they don't care about!!

Next, let's talk at length about pork belly futures.

[pintobean]

41. You've replied to a bunch of people

all over the thread, all about the same thing. You seem to be demanding that everyone see this your way. No one appears to though. How sad for you.

[B2G]

43. Guess we know who that juror is that she was referring to. LMAO!

[snowshadow]

16. Who Did I Tear Down?

That was a comparison of constructive criticism and one that was mean spirited directed towards me and really uncalled for. Which by the way I would never quote. That would be cheap.

[jeff47]

27. Are you unable to read your last two sentences?

There was also one spiteful individual who directed it specifically to me, which I won't quote.

Is "spiteful" a term of praise?

I never made a personal attack to anyone on the DU but only referenced it the cop.

...except for the previous sentence.

[treestar]

26. Well the cheap shot person can own up to what they did

It's a separate case.

You're taking the position that making a mistake gives people a justified chance to be snarky at them. No wonder people are so quick to look for a mistake. Is there some emotional satisfaction in that and getting the chance to be a jerk back?

[jeff47]

28. Not at all. I'm taking the position that when you apologize

you do not attempt to excuse your behavior by talking about other people's bad behavior. The latter just serves to be an excuse or to minimize what you have done.

[pipi_k]

35. I don't see

the OP doing either of those things

What I do see is him (or her) saying that if you're going to be on a jury, it doesn't give you license to anonymously attack another poster here.


The OP is not trying to excuse or justify his behavior.

[jeff47]

37. So you can't read the second to last sentence.

What I do see is him (or her) saying that if you're going to be on a jury, it doesn't give you license to anonymously attack another poster here.

In other words, deflecting from his actions by talking about what someone else did that was wrong.

The OP is not trying to excuse or justify his behavior.

You'll note the word "justify" does not appear anywhere in my posts.

The "excuse" involved is "I'm sorry I did ____, but this other person did ______!". The only reason for the "but..." is to deflect from what you did.

[pipi_k]

42. Again

He did not try to deflect from his behavior. He apologized and stated that whatever he said was not directed at a DU member, while the juror who got nasty with him directed his nasty remark at a DU member

There was also one spiteful individual who directed it specifically to me, which I won't quote. I never made a personal attack to anyone on the DU but only referenced it the cop.

The "excuse" involved is "I'm sorry I did ____, but this other person did ______!". The only reason for the "but..." is to deflect from what you did.

And you are misrepresenting what the OP said. He never SAID

He said: "The "excuse" involved is "I'm sorry I did ____, but this other person did ______!". The only reason for the "but..." is to deflect from what you did.

He NEVER said, "but this other person did______".

He did say that he wasn't referring to a DU member BUT a police officer. And that's the only context in which the word "but" was used. Not to excuse what he said.


Here is exactly what he wrote:

There was also one spiteful individual who directed it specifically to me, which I won't quote. I never made a personal attack to anyone on the DU but only referenced it the cop.

Does he have the right to call someone "spiteful" who took advantage of the anonymity of the juror system to BE spiteful and nasty? Damned right he does.

[RiffRandell]

7. Good point, and I would be interested in the jury results.

Jurors can also be nasty, but understand what you are saying.

To the OP: Do you mind sharing the jury results? If not no big deal as I won't lose any sleep over it, but you can alert on jurors in case you were unaware of that.

[snowshadow]

19. Not pursuing this any further.

It seems when you make an apology people all of a sudden are psychoanalysts. Your sincere, your not sincere. It's true, your damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[Kali]

44. here, (I don't see anything alert-worthy, nor even particularly nasty - considering the hidden post)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=6483434
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=profile&uid=248983
Author: snowshadow
Subject = Hope The Courts Find Him Guilty,

Alerter comments: Condoning prison rape is disgusting. Add to that the B word being used.

Juror #1 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: I do NOT do rape jokes.
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: prison rape not civil
Juror #3 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Don't use rape as your punchline!
Juror #4 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: I know most of us share the idea that he should be locked up for life - but not the cruel purposes you propose.

Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Please no prison rape fantasies.
Juror #6 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: can't let our anger get away from us
Juror #7 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: yeah, it's pretty repulsive.

[kath]

45. Thanks, Kali. NONE of the jurors' comments were out of line, and the vote to hide was 7-0.

And for those who didn't bother to track down snowshadow's hidden post and click on it to reveal, here it is:

Hope The Courts Find Him Guilty,
Then he get life in prison without parole. So the other lifers could make this cop their little bitch.

[RiffRandell]

47. Thanks, just saw this as I've been busy all day getting my house

back in order after spring break.

I don't see anything nasty either.

[demmiblue]

10. Passive-aggressiveness can run rampant here.

AEB the op, as well as the first two posters.

[kath]

6. I don't think the problem was necessarily the "B word", and face it, you weren't referencing "what

Might be SAID (emphasis mine) to the cop if he goes to prison". You were saying what you hoped would be DONE to the cop, i.e. PRISON RAPE. Jokes about any kind of rape (or wishing rape on someone) are not acceptable here (or at least they shouldn't be. Some do occasionally get away with it.)

[freshwest]

8. True, gotta take a look at what the true intent is. Sometimes it shocks the one who says it.

If called out on it. At least one hopes so.

[seabeyond]

12. yet, chosing the b word to imply his prison rape, he was easily saying, like a woman. you know, a B

ya. i am not impressed with the apology either, nor recognition of why it is so offensive.

[snowshadow]

14. Sorry You Weren't Impressed

Can't please everyone. Even though it was a sincere apology. I can't believe that you didn't find it offensive. It really was!

[seabeyond]

15. i at least recognize that when you decided to suggest the man be prison raped, you chose to

to identify the then victim as a woman to be raped, choosing the b word. and that you can even interpret my comment as not being offended (fuck that, pissed) at what you said, then that is even more evidence of lack of sincerity on your part.

[snowshadow]

13. Wasn't Making A Joke.

Rape is not laughing matter, if it's either to a woman or a man or a cop.

[kath]

18. So you didn't mean that you hoped the cop would be raped in prison? Really????

So what did you mean?

[treestar]

29. It's a very DU thing

and it was good the OP was educated to agree with it.

But out there in the wider culture, it's unfortunately quite a common saying. People say it almost without thinking as a way of venting their disgust regarding a person who did a heinous act and is going to prison.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

20. Shoveling, meet stop.

Stop, meet shoveling.

[REP]

22. Nail meet hammer

On point as per usual.

[Marie Marie]

21. Apology graciously accepted.

[Skittles]

23. those spiteful jury remarks - those are the fucking COWARDS

oh yes

[Omaha Steve]

24. I apologize a lot

I didn't even see it.

Have a nice day.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

33. Our sense of fair play and decency is what sets us apart from you know who...

I have an apology cut and paste ready at all times:

"sorrry about that, I am an asshole sometimes, most of the time, actually"

[madokie]

31. We all make mistakes, sometimes its simply taken out of context as yours was.

it takes an awesome, in my opinion, person to ask for forgiveness. You are forgiven

[kath]

46. What, exactly, was taken out of context? This person was advocating prison rape, but even here s/he

Dances around it, acts all innocent and refuses to acknowledge that that was what s/he was doing.

And there was nothing out-of-line in the jurors' comments, who KNEW the post was about prison rape, and who voted 7-0 to hide.

[tblue]

34. What do people want from you? Blood?

Not sure why anyone would beat up on your apology and throw it back in your face like that. I guess you need to be punished some more.

DU can be really unforgiving, even to the point of bullying people if they step out of line. It can be righteous and very hurtful at the same time.

You learned something and you apologized. It's more than a lot of people do. Some of us can relate and appreciate that. Forget it and move on, snowshadow. I believe you never meant any harm and you've tried to make things better. And don't we all have better things to do than flog this poor dead horse???

[gratuitous]

48. Apology to DU'ers I have not offended

I'll get to you, I promise.