If you are feeling suicidal.....

[steve2470]

Last edited Wed Apr 29, 2015, 08:13 AM - Edit history (5)

please please please, call SOMEONE.

ETA: Call a friend. Call a family member. Call your therapist. Call your priest or pastor etc. Don't wait until the pain is unbearable, because, at that point, you might wish to leave this earthly plane. If the pain is unbearable....please read the next sentence.

Better yet, go to your nearest hospital emergency room and talk to a nurse/doctor.

You *might* get "locked up", if the doctor on duty feels you are a very possible suicide risk. This is obviously the last resort, and doctors, in general, do not like to do it. However, you will be ALIVE and will begin to feel better. Better "locked up" than dead, yes ? I only bring up the "locked up" option because, yes, sometimes that does happen. It's best to avoid that scenario by talking to someone NOW, not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW.

There is a good chance you will NOT be locked up. You will be referred to a psychiatrist and counselor/psychologist to get counseling and maybe take meds. If you refuse meds, ok. I think ethical psychiatrists will not twist your arm to take meds but yes, they will monitor you very closely.

1 [phone]
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

[el_bryanto]

1. Always a worthwhile message - thanks for sharing - nt

[steve2470]

70. my pleasure! nt

[KMOD]

2. Off to the greatest page.

This message can not be stressed enough.

[Terra Alta]

3. K&R

Hopefully this will help someone!

[HeiressofBickworth]

4. While this is generally good advice,

please have sympathy for those who would choose a dignified death over an agonizing one by a terminal illness. Incarceration or counseling would not be appropriate for those who are suffering and wish to put an end to it.

[steve2470]

5. yes, of course

It's the last resort, but yes, I do understand that choice. I do have sympathy.

[SheilaT]

18. I interpret the OP, "if you are feeling suicidal"

as referring to those NOT facing an agonizing death from terminal illness. That situation is entirely different. I think the OP is addressing those who are in the throes of despair and depression.

[steve2470]

20. yes, exactly

I wasn't even thinking of someone with a terminal illness, sure to face certain death.

[NuclearDem]

6. Wish I could Rec this a million times.

[steve2470]

66. thanks :) nt

[mopinko]

7. it is highly unlikely that you will be "locked up"

it is extremely difficult to involuntarily commit someone. just saying that you wish to die is not enough. saying that you want to kill someone else, maybe, but not that you wish to take your own life.
people shouldnt worry about that.
they may offer to admit you. and it would probably be a good thing to accept a little time away from your life. likely only a few days.

it is a hard step to take to ask for help. to reach out. it is truly frightening.
you will be asked some hard questions. at first. that is really the worst part. telling someone you dont know things that you may have never said out loud.
the questions are kind of shocking. to hear these things spoken. but by the time you get to the end of the questions, you will realize you are talking to someone who is not shocked by your deep fears.
it gets easier from right there.

just saying it out loud is the hardest but best thing you will ever do.

from there is gets better for most people.

they will probably give you something like xanax to help you calm down. maybe something to help you get some sleep.
decisions about long term meds are for the next day.

it is both letting go of control and gaining control at the same time.

dont be afraid. reach out.

and btw, du has a great mental health support forum. some of the sweetest people in this community. and a wealth of knowledge and experience. a great place to ask questions from folks who have been there.

peace.

[steve2470]

8. excellent post, thank you nt

[sheshe2]

9. I lost my brother to suicide.

May 2001

My sister came to my house and blurted it out. It was the first day of a vacation in over a year for me. It was devastating. I had nightmares for a year.

No note. No goodbye.

Thank you for posting this steve, so very important.

[steve2470]

10. ........

[sheshe2]

13. Thank you so very much, steve.

[steve2470]

15. I hope that nevers happens to you again and...

I hope your brother is in a better place, whatever that is.

[sheshe2]

16. You know something steve...

I believe he is. He was very tormented here. He always was.

[steve2470]

21. God bless his soul...

and yours too. Suicide is a horrible thing to cope with, by a family member. Especially when a child commits suicide.

[treestar]

75. So sorry to hear that, she

[akbacchus_BC]

32. Sheshe, am so sorry for your loss!

[sheshe2]

34. akbacchus...

long time ago, yet...........

Thank you.

[steve2470]

11. ok, I was not a shrink but....

for 20 years, I was a practicing therapist.

In my state, I could not legally "Baker Act" someone (involuntarily commit). I had to call the cops and they had to do it. 100% of the time, when I called the cops, they did it for me. Yes, it was absolutely the last resort and one of my clients hated me for it, until she came to see me again.

Everyone worries about being locked up. Trust me, I know this. As long as someone could promise me that they would not hurt themselves and would cooperate with outpatient treatment, I would not call the cops to Baker Act. 99% of the time, people said yes. No one ever lied to me (or was mistaken), so I'm very lucky.

Call someone. If you are "too far gone", please please please, just trust me, go to the ER. You WILL be glad you did.

Peace.

[Ed Suspicious]

12. I've been having some suicidal ideation lately. It's very low level and as of right now I feel

that I would not act out any self harm, but I have been wondering when it is appropriate to talk to someone. Like I said, I am not currently a danger to myself, but occasionally a suicidal thought will pop into my head and I will sit with it for a few minutes until it moves along. Do you folks have any thoughts on this? It doesn't even seem all that abnormal to me, but I keep hearing that if you think it, get help. What do you think?

[steve2470]

14. yes, please get help asap nt

[Ed Suspicious]

17. Are there any circumstances where someone would admit to having a thought, no matter how fleeting,

where you wouldn't tell them to get help asap?

[steve2470]

19. nope

I think a trained professional needs to interview a person face to face to determine treatment or no treatment. Even a fleeting suicidal thought is evidence of clinical depression or another diagnosis.

I would not chance it. Nope, no way. Way too much at stake.

[Ed Suspicious]

23. O.K. Thank you. I'll schedule something. It can't hurt. I'm trying to decide if I should delete

these posts or leave them for others who might be in a similar situation. If they happen to disappear, know that I appreciate your reply. Take care and thanks for answering a question that's been on my mind.

[steve2470]

24. please leave them, they will help someone else, trust me

I wish you all the best!

[akbacchus_BC]

35. Ed, even if you cannot afford counselling, try to talk

to someone who is a close friend. Talking helps. People in the work place are never helpful unless you can count on someone who really cares about you.

[akbacchus_BC]

46. Ed, you still there?

Talking to people on DU helps even though we are far apart. If you need a bit of assistance financially, am here to help also.

[Ed Suspicious]

83. I'm here and I'm fine. Thank you though for the kindness and the generosity.

I have access to therapists at my college. it's just a matter of making an appointment, which I will do tomorrow.

[StarzGuy]

40. It will become a serious problem if you have a plan on how, where and when you are going to

commit suicide. I know this because I also think about suicide off and on all the time. I had a plan and attempted to carry it out by taking an overdose of sleeping pills. I decided that it wasn't time to die so I went to the emergency room and eventually was admitted to the psych ward. I spent about 10 days there. I got counseling and was assigned a psychiatrist, who prescribed appropriate medications for severe depression. Finding out that the meds didn't accomplish much I decided in consultation with my psychiatrist to be treated with a series of ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy). I had about a dozen ECT sessions. They ended some 4 years ago and I haven't seriously considered suicide since.

I still have severe depression along with a mild case of Dysthymia. Dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh) is a mild but long-term (chronic) form of depression. Symptoms usually last for at least two years, and often for much longer than that. Dysthymia interferes with your ability to function and enjoy life.

I've also been diagnosed with PTSD and a personality disorder which was never clearly defined.

Bottom line it's best to get help now, go to an emergency room if you are about to
carry out a plan for suicide.

Good luck

[steve2470]

64. excellent post, thank you nt

[SheilaT]

22. It is my understanding, although this may vary from state to state,

that if a person goes to an ER and says they are feeling suicidal, they can be admitted for a short period. It may often be enough to get the person past the crisis.

Several years ago my sister told me that her son had done that at least once, perhaps more. Recently I have learned from my younger son's roommate that he's behaving in ways that indicate suicidal inclinations. I live over a thousand miles away, and I'm frantic with worry. I've been able to talk to my son since learning this, but it's only a small help. I am frantic with worry. The son is an adult, 28 years old, and I understand at least some of what he's going through. But it's not that hard to get trapped into a downward spiral of helplessness and depression.

I have told my son about going to the ER. But I don't know if he'll do that in a crisis. I can't swoop in and rescue him, and I'm terrified of what might happen.

[steve2470]

25. I hope he will go talk to a professional

If he's worried about payment, maybe he can go to the community mental health center. Or a nearby college.

[SheilaT]

31. I told him that. I told him that his father and I can help out financially.

His specific circumstances are also universal. He has been unable to establish a relationship, not since his college romance ended, now five years ago. He, like so many, harbors huge self doubts about his attractiveness and desirability. I'm Mom, and I don't want to be creepy, but if it's true that you can tell a lot about a young man by how he treats his mother, he treats me very well. I visited him last summer -- the first time I'd seen him in nearly four years, and it was a great visit. He spent his days off with me, we did sight-seeing and talked about various things.

But I can't begin to fill the void he feels by not having a meaningful relationship in his life. And I do know how he feels, since it took me forever to establish one myself. I was over thirty before I met his dad, the man I'd be married to for 25 years. In the years before I only had a handful of boyfriends/relationships, and I know exactly how it feels to think no one will ever care. But I can't fix it. I can't fix him. I can only offer him love and emotional support and hope he can get through it.

His roommate, who called me up a few days ago, cares a lot, thinks a great deal of my son, and I'm hoping that will help.

Thank you for reading this.

[steve2470]

67. I wish your son the very best

Let me know if I can be helpful.

[Quackers]

26. K&R

They won't commit you unless you have a plan and the means of carrying it out. trust me. I take 7 different meds for anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

[steve2470]

27. yes, correct, hope you are doing well nt

[Quackers]

28. Thank you

I have good days and bad. I have my wife and daughters and a son on the way. They're my anchor to this world.

[xfundy]

29. I've had years to think about 'checking out.'

I have a strong feeling that when I get old and sick my death will come by my own hand, as there is little but homelessness, hopelessness, and food insecurity for those in that state, thanks to politicians who cruelly continue to blame the poor and old for their conditions.

Not trying to hijack the thread or cast aspersions, it just seems like reality to me, myself.

I have ideation, but no plan or means.

[SheilaT]

33. Being old and sick is quite different.

I absolutely believe that we should have access to avoiding such horrors.

[xfundy]

37. Old and sick are relative terms.

50 is old to some, seeing the world as it is could be classified as 'sickness' to others. Being denied the basic dignity of working to support oneself thanks to politics hits particularly hard. Honestly, I can't see the point of continuing much longer when all the options include trapped in the varying depths of layers of shit with no way to work oneself out of it.

[akbacchus_BC]

30. Good advice, but unfortunately, it does not work for everyone!

I know from first hand and this is the first time I will share this on DU. My son, he will always be my son but he is my son-in-law, took his life on December 2, 2014 and none of us saw that coming.

The thing is, young people these days think they can solve all their problems and never tell their parents how they are feeling. To me, we have to tell our children that no matter how you are feeling, you can talk to your parents. But they don't.

And we feel guilty as you wonder what were the signs, but there were no signs. Which makes it even worst!

Everyday, you try to be normal but you could never be normal because the pain of losing a loved one is so huge.

[SheilaT]

36. So many of us go through life without ever telling anyone

how we really feel about various things.

I cannot begin to know exactly how you feel, but I will offer you a hug of friendship and understanding, as best I can understand.

Not that this relieves your anguish, but my sister-in-law, who has been married to my brother for nearly fifty years, as a teen found an uncle who had hanged himself. I only know this because another family member told me. She herself has never mentioned it to me, but I'm sure it has haunted her ever since.

[akbacchus_BC]

42. Dear Sheila, Thank you so much for your kind words.

You have no idea how devasted I've been since I lost my son. Everything reminds me of him.

I just want to give up but I have to be there for my daughter. They were so much in love and after 7 years, my son did not want to live anymore. I really wished they talked to us, but you know honey, young people these days, think they can solve all their problems by themselves.

It is never easy to lose a loved one and thanks for sharing your story with me. Hope your sister-in-law is still in contact with you.

Hope you are keeping well too.

DU really helps us to reach out to each other in times of grief, happiness, etc.

Best regards

[Lobo27]

39. Thank you for sharing.

Last edited Wed Apr 29, 2015, 05:14 AM - Edit history (1)

I too lost someone very close to me to suicide. To this day it still bothers me that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. There were no signs.

[akbacchus_BC]

43. Thank you for sharing your tragedy with me.

Like you, I never saw anything wrong in my daughter and son relationship. They were always loving to each other, holding hands etc. and then suddenly, my son was coping depression and took his life. It was so shocking for me. The thing is, that void is going to be there until you pass away. It is so sad, please hang in there and we can talk again on here if it helps.

We are leaving on Friday, May 1 to go to Nebraska for my son's memorial service.

[steve2470]

85. so sorry to hear, and sadly enough, your situation is very typical

Many times there are no signs, especially with men over 60. There is an archetypal story I was told, of an elderly man who one day walked into the middle of his cornfield and simply shot himself. No one had any idea, not even his wife.

[steve2470]

68. ..........

[Lobo27]

38. Suicide is so horrible. I wish we could help everyone who was leaning towards it.

Last edited Wed Apr 29, 2015, 05:16 AM - Edit history (1)

Back in 2011, a good friend oh mine, who I had known for more than 20 years committed suicide. We all thought everything was going good with him. A week earlier he had graduated from fireman school. He and his fiancee had gotten a place for them and their children. Very sad day for everyone involved.

It must have been an incredible pain that led him to do what he did. I wish to this day we could have done something.

[xfundy]

41. The pain is unimaginable.

It far surpasses physical pain.

[akbacchus_BC]

44. It is really unimaginable regarding the pain!

You try to think what you could have done to help the situation but alas, nothing and you feel so guilty that you failed the person who was going through so much anxiety!

I do not think you ever recover from a family member taking his/her life. You just try to preserve their memory and go on with your own day to day life.

[xfundy]

49. I'm talking about the pain of depression.

I understand that remaining family has pain, but think how magnified the pain of those who check out is.

I had both kinds of pain at once and the physical pain is minuscule in comparison.

Escaping pain is a human response.

[ErikJ]

45. I think getting a hobby or passion can help

I know a coworker, Liz, ( a recovering drug addict and ex-con) who was in extreme mental turmoil, obsessed about getting custody of her sons to the point I thought she would backslide into her hard drug habit or worse. She talked incessantly about her and her sons court troubles which everybody was getting bored to death with. Me, me, me, me!

Another coworker "Sue" has a few hobbies she is very passionate about (cosplay, superheroes and theater) who seemed so happy and carefree in contrast.
So one day after Liz's whining and obsession, I got fed up and told Liz she needs to get a hobby or passion of some kind like Sue or me (current events and politics, etc) to take her mind off her young sons which seemed to be driving her mad. I tried to help her get interested in the headline news at least asking her if she heard about this or that on a daily basis.

6 mo. or so on she seemed much happier and carefree and then one day told me she stopped obsessing so much about her personal problems and thanked me for telling her to get off herself by getting outside interests.

[akbacchus_BC]

47. Erik, maybe am reading you wrong, but how

can you get a hobby or a passion if you are unemployed? Would really love to know!

[ErikJ]

48. Volunteering?

Another "co-worker" friend of Liz's, who's a transgender ex-con (shoplifting), volunteered as an "intern" and actually came in almost every day on her own. She was also on some kind of govt aid I think about $400 a mo plus free rent. Her only problem was that her passion was shopping for clothes and would go out on a shopping spree when she got her monthly check. lol. But she seemed to pay all her IOU's too. She is using her volunteering to try to get other jobs. She hasnt been in in 2 weeks so maybe she found something. I havent heard.

[xfundy]

50. A hobby?!?

Man, this is beyond comprehension. If someone finds their life too painful to carry out, a hobby is going to 'cure' them.

What part of "too much pain to fucking continue living" do you not understand?

[ErikJ]

56. Yes, might sound trivial but outside passions can work.

Of course it cant help to try to develop a hobby or passion when in deep depression. But its more of a lifestyle habit to take your mind off existential problems of living. Which makes living better.
Liz told me her situation with her kids had actually improved BECAUSE she was now less obsessed with trying to get them back! Because she had developed some outside interests.
I was very deeply depressed once after a breakup and I found great relief in running and walking up to the top of a small mountain and listening to accoustic jazz guitarist CDs (Earl Klugh) which I found very beautiful and soothing like a lullaby almost.
I also have a LOT of intellectual outside interests though. History, science, world news, politics, economics, photography, travel etc etc.
I kind of know how you feel though. In deep depression you tend to lose interest in those temporarily. But a lot of exercise and writing can prevent and/or cure depression, ...with a little time.

[jeff47]

76. It's a crutch.

When you have something else to focus on, it can help to keep the demons at bay for a little while. Your brain is busy.

That little break can be extremely helpful.

My depression was at the "I should kill myself. Eh, too much effort" stage before I got help.

[SheilaT]

79. Having some sort of interest outside of yourself

can be hugely helpful in very many ways. Even though I myself have never had clinical depression, I think I have a clue that it's incredibly hard to focus on anything else when you are severely depressed.

And hobbies don't need to cost anything. Volunteering opportunities can be wonderful. Or helping with a neighborhood clean-up.

I don't think ErikJ is suggesting that a hobby can cure anything, but it's the moving of the focus of all of one's attention that can help.

[Duppers]

81. there are many reasons for and many facets of suicide

I feel your reply is too simplistic and that you cannot understand the many causes of suicide.

Too often telling a depressed person you should just blah blah blah only serves to make them feel more inadequate. I know because I've had that has happen to me. I've never bored people with my problems, however. But do know that truly depressed persons need an outlet and professional help.

I realize you're just trying to help, so thx for that.

[xfundy]

51. This thread exemplifies why survivors rarely get it.

To minimize the hurt suicidal actors feel in favor of survivors' grief is amazingly self aggrandizing.

Look, I've been there, on the verge, and my reasons for not doing it have nothing to do with anyone's puling afterwards. Suicide is not something anyone necessarily WANTS to do, rather, it's a reaction to things they can't affect that effect their lives and make them unlivable.

[steve2470]

58. I get it

I've been suicidal, so yea, I do get it. I'm fine now. I've never known suicide first hand, but yea, I do get it.

At the risk of being maudlin and simplistic, I want everyone to live and be happy, somehow. I want people to get help from someone qualified and slowly make their life better and bearable, if at all humanly possible.

[Dragonfli]

52. Last time I was honest about such feelings I was locked up

I prefer to keep such thoughts to myself when they present, I know damn well what will happen if I tell my councilor.

The last time was thirty years ago and they made things much worse for me as the loss of freedom and forced drugs made my depression much more severe. I am intelligent enough that I said the right things at the right time to get out.

These days I am struggling with a rational decision to avoid homelessness as I am too physically sick to endure homelessness like I did back when I was a kid.

I just don't want to freeze to death in a Buffalo Winter. There must be better ways to cash out.

Your advice is probably good for others, but I am capable of making my own decisions and homelessness is only months away.

[xfundy]

54. [phone]

The reality of what we will face if/when we lose everything is worth anything to avoid. There is no magic place available when we are supposed to "just enjoy being alive.' I'm continually amazed at those who claim it's suddenly lollipops and roses if we somehow step back in at the last minute. Reality is still there and still sucks.

Life goes on for those who can afford it. Those of us who may choose to avoid suffering can sometimes do something about it. I admit that sometimes I get somewhat optimistic thinking it can't be that bad, but it is.

[steve2470]

65. best wishes to you! nt

[gwheezie]

53. thank for this thread

I've been a psych nurse for decades in a variety of jobs. I work in Virginia. If you already have a therapist or psychiatrist work out a plan of what you should do if you are in crisis. Otherwise going to a crisis center or an ER is a good 1st step. When I did intake I rarely recommended hospitalization if someone had not made an attempt,was not commanded by voices to hurt themselves and did not have a plan but I could get you in to see someone in a day or 2. Even if you are admitted its not like the old days where they keep you a long time. My goal is to get you stabilized and get you home. Hospitalization is only a 1st step and its important to get you going into outpatient therapy to do the work to get you healthy. Even if you have fleeting death wishes and think well its not so bad,get some help. You don't have to feel that way. Your life has meaning.

[xfundy]

55. What if your home was taken from you?

Or you are otherwise homeless? What kind of positive outcome are you going to have? No voices here, just cognizant of reality that helps no one in need.

[gwheezie]

69. most of the people I see are homeless

Mental illness and homelessness can be a cycle. If you have a serious chronic mental illness you are already marginalized and underserved on top of not having the reserves needed to cope with the stresses of being homeless. Depression is crushing when you have the resources because getting out of bed seems impossible. So when you don't have the resources someone telling you you have to take 3 buses and be somewhere at 8am and sit all day to get your meds can be overwhelming. Or if voices are telling you the case manager wants to kill you. Or your mania prevents you from sleeping for 3 days. All these symptoms of untreated mental illness make it harder to do the things you need to do to find and keep housing. Or jump through the hoops to get disability. People need support.

[steve2470]

71. I am really glad you came to this thread

You add good information. Maybe other mental health professionals will chime in.

[steve2470]

57. excellent post, thank you! nt

[DiverDave]

59. Your children are more likely to commit

suicide if you do.

The planning for a second attempt was stopped by this info.

I will NOT be the cause (or any kind of contributing factor) for my children to kill themselves.
I wont leave them that legacy.

[steve2470]

60. thank you for this info, hope you are well nt

[DiverDave]

61. Yes, better

I left a very sick relationship with my children's mother and things are VASTLY better.
I still send as much money as I can, I just wish she wasn't a beneficiary of it.
But I will support my kids.

Thanks, it means a lot.

[ScreamingMeemie]

72. Three generations on my husband's side...

His grandfather, his father, and my husband.

I admit I live in fear for our son. The cycle needed to be broken, which is why I removed him from that environment and way of living.

[steve2470]

77. since you are acutely aware of this, I think your son will be ok

I'm sure you're doing your best to teach and model to him good emotional health. That's it in a nutshell: when you hurt, you reach out for help. Much much easier said than done, especially for we men of a certain generation.

[woo me with science]

62. I find this a good page:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

[steve2470]

63. good page, thanks! nt

[ScreamingMeemie]

73. I used to tell my husband to call me/tell me no matter what...

given his father and his grandfather, it was a fear of mine.

That fear became a reality in 2007.

afsp.org

[calimary]

74. Not just a good thread. A potentially LIFE-SAVING thread.

Excellent contribution, steve2470!

[steve2470]

78. thanks :) nt

[steve2470]

80. very last bump nt

[smirkymonkey]

82. K&R!

[Liberal_in_LA]

84. kick