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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWalmart To Texas Wingnuts: We’re Not Building Secret Tunnels So China Can Come Kill You
by Evan Hurst
May 06 9:15 am 2015
High priest of the nutjob conspiracy theorists Alex Jones has utterly lost control of his congregation. He has tried to assure the Operation Jade Helm 15 truthers that a string of Walmart closings around the country have absolutely nothing to do with the TOTALLY REAL Jade Helm conspiracy, which is that a completely routine military exercise is actually a secret plot whereby President Obama may invade and conquer Texas, maybe as a way to give it to ISIS as a peace gift, or something, who can even know what Obama has up his sleeve? But the loons just wont listen to Alex Jones, so Walmart has had to jump in and issue perhaps the most awesome press statement in the history of Walmart:
Wal-Mart issued a statement Monday to TPM dismissing rumors that tunnels were being built by the U.S. military beneath closed stores in an attempt to launch a takeover of Texas.
Theres no truth to the rumors, Wal-Mart spokesperson Lorenzo Lopez told TPM via email.
Theorists have suggested that five Wal-Mart retail locations were shuttered abruptly because of Jade Helm 15. They have suggested that the closed stores, one of which is located in Texas, will serve as food distribution centers and will be used to house the headquarters of invading troops from China, here to disarm Americans one by one.
Read more at http://wonkette.com/584773/walmart-to-wingnuts-were-not-building-secret-tunnels-so-china-can-come-kill-you#9LSKPO0KYbh2VyiH.99
This just gets nuttier and nuttier.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)speaks volumes about the huge number of blithering morans there are in this country. How do these fly-eating gomers manage to wipe their asses without IKEA-like directions on each sheet of TP?
Cirque du So-What
(25,938 posts)They're so stupid they couldn't pour piss out of a pointy-toed cowboy boot if directions were written on the heel.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)Cirque du So-What
(25,938 posts)LBJ was famous for turning a pithy phrase or two - and an occasional salty one.
NoJusticeNoPeace
(5,018 posts)gays legally, etc.
ACA about to be destroyed.
Real real bad summer
NoJusticeNoPeace
(5,018 posts)951-Riverside
(7,234 posts)octoberlib
(14,971 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)when they stated they were closing the stores for 6 months due to plumbing issues - but there are a number of reasons that aren't unhinged to be suspicious of that stated claim.
Are they to be used as supply depots during the Jade Helm 15 exercises? It's possible, and that isn't absolutely insane, because they are strategically located in the areas where the exercises are occurring. Did they close them down due to the fact that many places were organizing to form a union? That's also possible and not batshit crazy.
Could it be a combination of the two? That's also a non-nuts option.
Creating a bunch of underground tunnels so that the FEMA wagon and China can come for the population? Uh, that's not just around the bend crazy, that's epically insane.
octoberlib
(14,971 posts)Probably union busting but I have to give the Texans props because it's quite an accomplishment to come up with a crazier conspiracy theory than Alex Jones.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)I buy the union busting explanation.
sarisataka
(18,654 posts)The military used tunnels to launch clandestine activities
earthside
(6,960 posts)So ...
Who to believe, Walmart or the Jade Helm 15 truthers?
I'd say this one is a toss-up.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)ck4829
(35,076 posts)All grocery stores, convenience stores, farmers markets, etc. are all closed! Take that, federal government.
gratuitous
(82,849 posts)That is not a good combination, but it didn't happen by accident.
lpbk2713
(42,757 posts)I'm convinced.
lame54
(35,290 posts)to punish and intimidate the employees for daring to ask for a decent wage
so childish
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)If China wanted to damage the U.S., all they'd have to do is call in their loans. Boom, takeover of America done.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)all their cheap shit or even the good Chinese-made products.
They aren't dumb.
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)It's the "China is preparing for a U.S. invasion" people that are.
sufrommich
(22,871 posts)hifiguy
(33,688 posts)Katashi_itto
(10,175 posts)Oh, by the way for the Humor impaired. This is Humor.