Maurice Sendak was gay.

[hedgehog]

Last edited Wed May 9, 2012, 10:43 AM - Edit history (1)

Somehow, the eulogies I've come across have ignored that or buried it deep, passing over it quickly so no one would notice.

The New York Times gave lavish attention to Mr. Sendak's birth family, but buried the mention of his partner to one line beneath a paragraph describing Mr. Sendak as a solitary individual.

We remember Mr. Sendak because of his art, his gifts to us. But to ignore this aspect of his life is to insult the man.

Maurice Sendak was gay, and he loved a man for many years. We need to treat those facts with respect.



Edit: and Hedgehog can't spell!

struggle4progress can, though!

[xchrom]

1. du rec. nt

[randome]

2. Absolutely right.

[earthside]

3. Fatigue. n/t

[dmallind]

4. Right - and an atheist too, which is not even mentioned once.

[hedgehog]

5. He believed in something I think -

if only that the cosmos weeps for children.

http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Mili-Wilhelm-Grimm/dp/0060543124#reader_0060543124

[jobycom]

8. Atheists always believe in something.

Various Sendak comments: "My gods are Herman Melville, Emily Dickinson, Mozart. I believe in them with all my heart... And I have a little tiny Emily Dickinson so big that I carry in my pocket everywhere. And you just read three poems of Emily. She is so brave. She is so strong. She is such a passionate little woman. I feel better."

"When Mozart is playing in my room, I am in conjunction with something I can't explain... I don't need to. I know that if there's a purpose for life, it was for me to hear Mozart."

(An obvious insider atheist joke would be that atheists believe in something, it is theists who believe in nothing. But I shall resist the joke.)

[dmallind]

19. Yes - metaphors are often used by all English speakers

Unless you think he actually believed these people to be divine in the literal sense?

[jobycom]

36. Yes, exactly, and he knew they were metaphors.

Believers don't always get that. I often talk about gods or creation or other such religious terms: sin, for instance, or Heaven or Hell. But I mean them as metaphors. I imagine when I die and (for some reason as yet to be discovered) people pour over my writings, they'll be able to find something now and then that can be taken out of context to imply a belief in the Supernatural or literal Divine.

We believe in something. But it's not a divinity, or a supernatural reality. It's just this reality, and abstract concepts that are sometimes easier to personify (a god metaphor) than to explain. If I say "Jesus despises Rick Santorum," I don't mean that Jesus is around to despise him, only that what the human Jesus stood for and preached would be antithetical to Rick Santorum's life and actions and thoughts and all that. If I say Rick Santorum will burn for all eternity in the deepest pits of Hell, I don't really believe there is a Hell, I just mean he's the lowest type of human and deserves a fate equal to the worst of all humans. But "Burn in Hell!" is just more gratifying than trying to explain it in abstract terms.

I just get a little ruffled at the implication that we are atheists because of a lack of belief. It fits the old Christian stereotype that we are just angry and bitter at God, so we deny him. That's not the case for most atheists. We believe in plenty. We just don't believe in the personified metaphors that religious people do.

[girl gone mad]

66. Dickison and Mozart.

We've worshiped at the same altar.

[dmallind]

18. Not from his own words

http://www.celebatheists.com/wiki/Maurice_Sendak

[MineralMan]

6. I didn't know that. He had a superb talent for writing

for kids. That's really all I've ever known about him. Thanks.

[Smilo]

7. When i read the title and before reading

.......... I was thinking - so, what does it matter - hope he was loved.

Then I read your article and you are spot on - to ignore someone that was so important to someone while they were alive is sad, mean-spirited and ignorant.

I hope Mr. Sendak and his partner had a beautiful life together. My sincere condolences to said partner.

[jobycom]

9. His partner went first. Interesting story.

From Wikipedia: Sendak mentioned in a September 2008 article in The New York Times that he was gay and had lived with his partner, psychoanalyst Dr. Eugene Glynn, for 50 years before Glynn’s death in May 2007. Revealing that he never told his parents, he said, "All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy. They never, never, never knew."

[hedgehog]

11. That is so sad to know. God bless all the brave people out there

who are changing this!

[Smilo]

15. Thanks for the info.

Thank God our upcoming youth are so more accepting and don't care is someone is gay, bi, straight or whatever.

50 years is a long time to not be able to tell the world you love someone - prejudices are awful.

[aquart]

41. Fifty years? And that wasn't a marriage, North Carolina? FIFTY YEARS?

I am so glad they had each other for so long.

[hedgehog]

10. I share your ambivalence - his sexuality shouldn't be the focus,

but then it shouldn't be hidden away, either.

[zzaapp]

12. RIP

If I had a nickle for every time I watched Little Bear with my kids, I'd be a rich man. They LOVED that show.

[bluedigger]

13. If Mr. Sendak chose not to emphasize his orientation in life, why should we?

It was not ignored, but treated in a matter of fact way in proportion to his impact on our common culture as a whole, just as he lived it. Isn't that an appropriate way to honor his memory? I thought acceptance and equality that was what the fight for human rights was all about.

[hedgehog]

14. Context is everything - some day (soon?) it wouldn't matter.

Today, i think it matters.

[fascisthunter]

17. because being gay in america is still a sin or an abnormality by too many

and until that changes, folks who are/were gay will be noted so that others realize there are more gays in the World than what the bigots want us all to believe. THAT will normalize homosexuality in society, but pretending all is even is a recipe for more exclusion and ignorance.

[closeupready]

23. We don't need a reason.

nt

[AngryAmish]

16. When I die lots of people will talk about the relationship I have with my wife.

It is the backbone of my life. If he was with a partner for 50 years that is a big part of his life.

[malaise]

20. Lovely thread

Rec

[kenny blankenship]

46. It has really brought out the closet-keepers

Keep that door CLOSED! Seal it up tight, along with the coffin!

We don't want to know!

[BoWanZi]

21. Why does this have to be made an issue? If he was gay, that is great but so what?

I never remembered him being a activist for gay rights or protesting/ speaking of it. When the grand majority of people die, no one really talks about their sexual gender or orientation. Why should this be any different?

Just because he was a famous and well respected author does not mean we need to parade his private life around posthumously . If he wanted his sexual orientation to be an issue, he would have done it himself.

It doesn't sound like his partner desired the limelight so maybe out of respect, people are letting it stay relatively private.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

[closeupready]

24. Easy for you to say. Tunnel vision, much?

nt

[AlbertCat]

27. does not mean we need to parade his private life around posthumously

So... we should just assume and/or pretend he was straight. Shhhhhh.... don't mention "teh gay"! After all, people might boycott his children's books!


Alrighty then!

[BoWanZi]

31. You TOTALLY missed my point

I NEVER said pretend he was straight or assume that he was. Why does it have to be one way or another?

My point is that if Maurice didn't want it made an issue, why do we have to make it one? I don't care that he was gay or not. I'm just happy that he hopefully had a lovely partner and a very happy and healthy relationship with him.

I am just one who doesn't shake the beehive just to make a point that there are bees in it. Not everything needs to be made an issue of.

Just look at it this way, when other people die who happen to be not gay, are their sexual orientations made into an agenda?

Its just unnecessary to make his private life an agenda.

[AlbertCat]

35. I NEVER said pretend he was straight... Why does it have to be one way or another?

Because in the REAL WORLD.... you're straight by default.

And people talk about other's hetero life all the time.... dead or alive.



Join us in the real world!

[BoWanZi]

37. We are to respect what Maurice wanted in life and death, it sounds like he wanted his orientation...

...downplayed posthumously. Who are we to judge what he wanted?

[sufrommich]

42. He's dead,he's not reading DU and cursing

us because someone's talking about him being gay.

[fishwax]

34. "When the grand majority of people die, no one really talks abt their sexual gender or orientation"

Last edited Wed May 9, 2012, 03:23 PM - Edit history (1)

But they do, by prominently mentioning their marriage(s) and the relationships that stem from them, which are a significant (and often extensive) part of most obituaries. Many stories Sendak, on the other hand, have not even mentioned the fact that he was in a committed relationship for 50 years that ended only with his partner's death five years ago. I haven't read many that made more than passing mention of it. That strikes me as unusual.

This is a double standard that extends to other aspects of life for members of the gay community--for instance, it is not at all uncommon for people in an office setting to display pictorial evidence of their heterosexual relationships (wedding pictures, vacation pictures, etc.) or for a straight man (for example) to talk freely and unthinkingly about what he and his wife/girlfriend/what-have-you did over the weekend.

But if a gay man puts up pictures of his husband and their kids or talks about what he and the hubby did on vacation he can (in most states) be fired, and such behavior is likely to be referred to by a certain segment of straights who "don't mind people being gay as long as they don't make a big deal out of it" as "shoving it in our faces."

On edit: changed "one" to "many" in the penultimate sentence of the first paragraph because there have been a few that did.

[BoWanZi]

40. I guess things were different for me in the office I used to work at

In my old job, being gay was something that was a total non-issue. Our manager/director was openly gay. He *did* have pictures of him and his partner on his desk. He did talk about what he and his partner did during the weekend or vacation. Two of my other direct co-workers were openly gay and one had pictures of her partner on her desk.

So for me, being around gay or straight was a non-issue. Our company even provided healthcare for partners.

I guess my previous work environment was so open about sexual orientation that we just didn't give it a second thought. It was just "normal" and not something to be made into an agenda.

So when I see people trying to make a point about "teh gay" in regards to Maurice, it strikes me as selfish since it apparently wasn't what Maurice wanted.

I am making assumptions about what Maurice wanted but it just sounds like he didn't want his sex choices being made into an issue.

[fishwax]

44. that's great and all, but you do realize that's not exactly the rule, right?

I've also been fortunate to work in environments where being gay was a total non issue. Alas, I've also worked in places where my co-workers have had to conceal that part of their lives because of possible repercussions for them and/or their partners. Because in most states, there are no legal protections against being fired for being gay. And, my point still remains about a large number of people who think things like displaying pictures of heterosexual partners or conversations about activities with said partners (or prominent discussions of said partners in obituaries) are perfectly normal, but that doing the same with a same-sex partner would be making an issue of sexuality.

So when I see people trying to make a point about "teh gay" in regards to Maurice, it strikes me as selfish since it apparently wasn't what Maurice wanted.

I am making assumptions about what Maurice wanted but it just sounds like he didn't want his sex choices being made into an issue.

"sex choices"? Really?

That aside, I'm not sure on what you base your assumptions about what Maurice wanted. He did conceal his 50-year committed relationship for decades, apparently because (a) he didn't want to make his parents sad and (b) he knew it could hurt his career as a children's book author. Both of those reasons are devastatingly sad, but also quite real, and speak to the price that so many people pay (or risk paying) simply because of who they are. He talked about his relationship freely in the last few years, though, including donating a million dollars to the hospital where his partner of 50 years worked.

[BoWanZi]

52. Errr! Sex choices! Bad "choice" of words, I should know better than that

Sorry for that line, that was not intended. Old stupid habits die hard. A much better word would have been preferences.

I guess I was privileged to work in an higher eduction field for many years (until about 2 1/2 years ago) and took for granted a lot of the environmental factors and was rather insulated from the real world.

[closeupready]

22. I sure hope so.

It would be a tragedy if he had died without having had a same-sex romantic relationship.

K&R

[Mosby]

25. terry gross replayed parts of several interviews yesterday

She did with him through the years.

Worth the listen.
http://www.npr.org/2012/05/08/152248901/fresh-air-remembers-author-maurice-sendak

[progressoid]

32. Thanks for the link.

Listening now.

[bigtree]

60. nice little interview . . . to the point of life and death

listened to this on the way to work today. Very touching. Mr. Sendak spoke of his disbelief in god or an afterlife, yet, expressed hope and belief that he'd see his beloved partner of 50 years again.

[G_j]

26. (2010) "Maurice Sendak Donates a Million in Memory of his Partner"

http://www.datalounge.com/cgi-bin/iowa/ajax.html?t=9466099#page:showThread,9466099

<snip>
Says Mr. Sendak: "Me, I'm just an easygoing charity-giver… if it's money and you have it, it's easy to give but Eugene, he put his life and career on the line for people who matter."

Mr. Sendak is referring to his life partner, Eugene D. Glynn, who died in 2007 after working for 30 years as a psychiatrist at Jewish Board of Family & Children's Services, an $180 million mental health and social services agency in New York. In Dr. Glynn's honor, Mr. Sendak is giving $1 million to the organization where he worked for general operating support and to name one of the agency's 15 state-licensed clinics for Dr. Glynn.

MAURICE SENDAK "We consider ourselves a safety net for some of the most vulnerable people in New York, many of whom do not have insurance or are not eligible for government assistance" says Thom Hamill, the charity's director of development and philanthropy. "The gift will help ensure that JBFCS is able to continue providing life-altering and sometimes life-saving treatment to countless New Yorkers."

Dr. Glynn was a psychiatrist, helping to serve the agency's 175 programs and 65,000 people a year at more than 100 locations in five boroughs and Westchester, working in the agency's Youth Counseling League and as a scholar in residence. He was also as a consulting psychiatrist at Gay Men's Health Crisis at the height of the HIV epidemic.

..more..

[klook]

67. Wow, a great role model in so many ways

Thanks for this information.

[cali]

28. it was a great obit and

I think it emphasized those things that Mr. Sendak would have wanted emphasized. I honestly don't have the impression that people are trying to hide or bury it. Mr. Sendak was notoriously reluctant to discuss his personal life or being gay.

[oberliner]

29. "All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy"

“I just didn’t think it was anybody’s business,” Mr. Sendak added. He lived with Eugene Glynn, a psychoanalyst, for 50 years before Dr. Glynn’s death in May 2007. He never told his parents: “All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy. They never, never, never knew.”

Children protect their parents, Mr. Sendak said. It was like the time he had a heart attack at 39. His mother was dying from cancer in the hospital, and he decided to keep the news to himself, something he now regrets.

A gay artist in New York is not exactly uncommon, but Mr. Sendak said that the idea of a gay man writing children books would have hurt his career when he was in his 20s and 30s.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/10/arts/design/10sendak.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1336580449-crFLMpJAnCvamXKacWbG7w

[brooklynite]

30. Maybe they're showing respect by ignoring something that's not relevant...

He was a gifted artist and author. He should be respected on that basis alone. His sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity and relationship status are meaningless unless you can point to something in them that significantly influenced his work, and as far as I know, none of them did. As for his companion, how many obits for heterosexual authors say anything other than "survived by" and then the name?

[BillStein]

43. and how many....

straight artists have several paragraphs describing their long term marriage and the support their spouse gave him/her?

[fishwax]

48. I would guess most

"As for his companion, how many obits for heterosexual authors say anything other than "survived by" and then the name?"

[brooklynite]

53. From the current NY Times obits...

His death was confirmed by his wife, Lydia.

Besides his wife (who changed her name to Judy) and his son Steve, a record producer, Mr. Lindsey’s survivors include two other sons, Trevor and David; three daughters, Bonney Dunn, Deborah Morris and Judy Grant; and a sister, Janet.

Mr. Stewart’s wife, the former Sara Abramowitz, died in 1990. His longtime companion, Anne-Marie Schmitt, died in 2006. Besides his son Sande, he is survived by two other sons, Barry and David; two grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren.

Mr. Weiss, whose marriage to Caro Niederer ended in divorce, is survived by two sisters, Salome Weiss and Kathrin Havolli-Weiss; a son, Oskar Weiss; and a daughter, Charlotte Weiss.

Mr. Weiss, whose marriage to Caro Niederer ended in divorce, is survived by two sisters, Salome Weiss and Kathrin Havolli-Weiss; a son, Oskar Weiss; and a daughter, Charlotte Weiss.

Mr. Jackson’s survivors include his wife, Carmen, and nine children.

[fishwax]

54. are those heterosexual authors?

I'm not going to invest a lot of time in scouring author's obits today, but I know when Dr. Seuss died there were several paragraphs about his first wife and another about her death and his marriage to his second wife.

[cali]

57. uh, you do get that Dr. Glynn is dead and couldn't confirm

Mr. Sendak's, death, right? In addition, Mr Sendak had no children.


what you posted has nothing whatsoever to do with Mr. Sendak.

[brooklynite]

61. It has to do with, in the opinion of the OP, obits that aren't respectful...

...for not going into detail about the person's spouse or companion.

[Maven]

33. Thank you. We're still getting "straightwashed" even after all these years.

[closeupready]

45. "Straightwashed". I love that. Thanks!

I'm going to start using that, with your permission.

[Maven]

64. Go right ahead! I can't claim the credit

Not sure when I heard it but it's been used by others before.

[LeftyMom]

50. It's sad.

I keep thinking by now people will know better.

[dembotoz]

38. colbert ran a nice piece on him last night

[RebelOne]

39. So what?

I do not care what anyone's sexual or religious orientation is. It is none of my business.

[LeftyMom]

47. People's relationships are part of the story of their lives.

Especially a relationship that lasted half a century, which is a rare and beautiful thing.

Not making room for that part of his life in telling his story implies that it's a thing to be hidden, a shameful thing. Lying by omission is disrespectful. A lot of people on this thread are missing that and really need to examine their own straight privilege on this one.

[cali]

49. He was notoriously reticent about

his personal life. And the obit referred to in the OP was lovely.

[LeftyMom]

51. Concealing his relationship in telling the story of his life posthumously closets him.

It's disrespectful.

[cali]

55. they didn't conceal it. it was right there.

did you want it in the first line? the first paragraph? Did you even read it?

[LeftyMom]

56. Would you want your fifty year marriage to be a neglected afterthought in the story of your life?

[cali]

58. I'm me. Not anyone else.

And if I was a famous artist or writer I would expect that the bulk of any obituary would focus on my work.

I think it's disrespectful of people to use Mr. Sendak in this way- to try and make a point. He was an intensely private man and I think it's clear what he preferred. I defer to him.

And sad.

Did you even read the obit?

[LeftyMom]

59. Now you know what he wanted?

The guy made a million dollar donation in the name of his deceased partner. He clearly wasn't hiding the relationship or it's importance.

There's a huge difference between being private and being closeted.

[cali]

63. actually, I think

that anyone who is familiar with his life, knows. It wasn't fucking hidden. It was in every obit of him that I read that he was in a 50 year long committed relationship with Dr. Glynn.

It wasn't fucking closeted by anyone. duh.

[Taverner]

62. Gay AND an Atheist

Double Whammy in the United States of Bigotry

[Bosso 63]

65. He created a world that my son loved.

I read Where the Wild Things Are every night to my son for YEARS.
My son has autism and is also named Max.
Maurice Sendak created a world that brought him joy and made me feel connected to my Max. His books will always be special to both of us.

I don't think I need to know anything else.

[RainDog]

68. k&r n/t