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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOur Aging Mothers - Call Them Today!
A sizable number of DUers are in the Baby Boomer generation. I was born a year earlier than that, in 1945, but I identify with the boomers. For far too many of us, our parents are gone. My wife and I are very, very fortunate in still having our mothers with us. My mother (father, too) is 90 years old. My wife's mother turns 87 this month. Both of them have their share of health problems, but still retain the qualities that are the reason we love them.
We live near my wife's mother, so we'll be taking her out for a simple dinner at a restaurant near the assisted living facility she's enjoying these days. My wife visits with her each day. My mom lives 2000 miles away, so I won't see her this year, but I'll be on the phone to her this afternoon. I call daily for a half-hour chat with my parents. I call at the same time each day, and they're always there to answer the phone. It's important to them, and to me. We talk about the day's events and about memories of past times. I never know where the conversation will go, but so it has been all of my life. My family talks. We always have.
Far too soon, my parents will be gone, and so will my wife's mother. I keep that in mind when I think I'm too busy to call and have a pleasant chat with her. I'm never too busy, I realize, to do that. At some point, I will no longer be able to do so. So I call.
Whatever your age, if your mother is still alive, call her today. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she has done for you. Tell her you love her. Even better, resolve to call her often. It's impossible to exaggerate how much those calls will mean to her. Ask her how she's doing. Tell her how you're doing. Reminisce a bit about the past with her. Each time you call, you'll make her day, and yours as well.
It's the least we can do, I think. Happy Mother's Day!
malthaussen
(17,195 posts)... she'll be 90 in a couple of days. I'll pass along your good wishes.
Mother's Day, for a variety of reasons, has always been a prohibited topic with her. So I try to make up for that on her birthday.
-- Mal
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)My card to her told her to relax today, but she is more happy to fix my breakfast than not to. We took her out last night and had a great time with my oldest daughter's family. Helping her with planting today!
jwirr
(39,215 posts)nothing to do.
Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)SoapBox
(18,791 posts)MineralMan...
A truly perfect post for this Mother's Day.
My Mom, who lived with my partner and myself for the last 5 years, passed away January 23rd, one week shy of 94, after a fall in our house.
The woman was sharp as a tack and knew the family history better than anyone (anyone still alive) but the body wasn't so good. Macular, osteoporosis, lots of aches and pains...stuff like that.
But she LOVED visiting with relatives, friends and neighbors, going out to eat, getting her hair done, and shopping (Macy's, Target and QVC)...she had a great "fan club" but one of the biggest fans was our dog...he would wait and wait and wait for her to come out for breakfast every day and bark until he got some "toast crust" from her. I think the worst thing she ever said was "damn" once or twice...we had a running joke in the house amongst the 3 of us; if you couldn't find something just look on the floor because you had probably dropped it!
While it was SO much work (cooking, dishes, laundry, showers, pills, pills, pills and eye drops, 3 or 4 doctor appointments each month and more), the second I brought her from Portland, OR to Los Angeles, we would be happy to have her back in an instant...our house doesn't feel the same and we miss her terribly. We are still struggling trying to figure out how to put our lives back in order. And of course, there is still estate stuff to work on, not to mention her room, which is pretty much intact.
Call your mom today (and dad too), if you can...I don't think you'll ever regret it.
We Love You Mom and We Miss You So Much,
S, D and O
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)We have to show them we love them while they're with us.
lark
(23,099 posts)I was born in '52 and lost dad 9 years ago and mom in Oct. This is the hardest Mother's day ever for me, I miss my mom so much. We were very close, and talked almost every day but I keep thinking of all the things I didn't do for and with her that I could have. I am so grateful that she knew how much I loved her and forgave me for my lapses. She was the best person I've known in my entire life, the most caring, the most forgiving. My friends called her an angel. She was so beautiful, until she went on the vent with heart & lung failure, she looked 20 years younger than she was. But the real reason people thought she was an angel was because of her inner beauty, it just shined through her. Oh God, I miss her so much.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I'm sorry for your loss.
riqster
(13,986 posts)My parents are gone, but my wife's are still here. We'll see them both later.
malaise
(268,998 posts)Last edited Sun May 10, 2015, 02:37 PM - Edit history (1)
Record what they have to say as well - it's easy these days and the grands and great grands will love it.
Wish my mom was still alive - she's been gone almost 21 years.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I have so many memories of things she has said in my head. Here's one of my favorites:
When I was about 10 years old, I caught a great big lizard in the back yard. A western alligator lizard. Thinking I'd give my mom, who was just 31 years old at the time, a charge, I took it in the house. Well, the lizard didn't enjoy being handled, and clamped down on the webbing between my thumb and forefinger.
So much the better to alarm her with, I thought, so I showed her the lizard, which had my hand in a death grip.
"That's a very nice lizard, Richard," she said. "When it lets go, go wash up for lunch."
Unshakable, she is. She never lost a beat.
Too good
Like you I have loads of memories at my fingertips.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)When I visit, I still am. It confused my wife at first, but she's used to it now, after almost 25 years.
Another favorite memory comes from the time I shot a fat sparrow with my brand new BB gun. I took that in to show my mother, too. She took a look at it. She took it from me. Later, it showed up on my plate at suppertime, nicely cooked. I learned an important lesson.
malaise
(268,998 posts)Bet you never shot another bird or animal unless it was for food
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)However, that sparrow was very tasty, if stingy with quantity of meat. My mother never said a word about it, either. She just dressed the bird and sauteed it lightly. I remember the look on my father's face, too. A wry smile. My sister, on the other hand, made a disgusted face, but dug into her chicken just fine.
malaise
(268,998 posts)Moms are the greatest - my mom's greatest lesson was to teach us how to help others without expecting praise or thank you and never to boast about good deeds
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)Helping others should be second-nature. Smart Mom!
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)I've already called mine and am now looking for some sort of home food delivery service. My parents live in the middle of nowhere Missouri (I'm in the DC area) and my father is currently rehabbing for an amputation to his foot (he's also the driver in the family). Trying to get good (i.e. healthy) food delivered out there is proving to be a challenge (I can send dry goods from Wal-Mart and Amazon but fresh foods are proving a challenge).
My mom mentioned she wanted me to send her bananas. I'd like to make that happen but damned if I've found a way yet. Anyway, I'll keep looking. If anyone has any tips for what type of agencies to look into for aging parents, I'd appreciate it.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)they can do this for her if you pay the bill. We did that with my sister one year. They did the shopping and delivered it to her.
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)Unfortunately moms not a church goer. I did call the grocery store the next town over and they do deliveries but not to my moms town.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)tularetom
(23,664 posts)She was an independent strong willed woman who didn't suffer fools gladly.
She taught us to think for ourselves and not take anybody's word for anything. It led to some conflict as we got older and didn't always take her word for things, but I'd have to say that skeptical thinking is the greatest gift we ever got from her.
I'm sorry I didn't thank her for that as often as I could have.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)Sometimes, we tend to forget that. Comes with the territory, I guess.
cal04
(41,505 posts)I was born in 54. You remind me of my dad, who until his mom passed at 93, called his mom everyday.
He is gone now and I live with my 88 year old mom. I know it's hard sometimes for everyone since she's in the beginning stages of dementia, but I tell my three sisters, one day she won't be here with us, so you have to just let it go and be glad she's here with us!
Thank you and please wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day!
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)but she remembers everything from the old days. We try to remember that she doesn't always remember that she's told us a particular story before. It doesn't hurt us to listen to it again. Learning to be patient is easier when I think about how often we're impatient, too. I've learned to smile and ask the same questions I asked the last time she told the same story. It's all new to her again.
Her memory issues aren't terrible, and she's a lovely person, so it's pretty easy.
Bobbie Jo
(14,341 posts)Thank you for this post.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)My father, as well. At 90, every day is important, so I call every day. I realize that one day, I'll no longer be able to.
Keep the memories alive!
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)my parents every day. I hate that I can't go see them today but I had a stroke and can't get up the steps at their house yet. I know my stroke has upset them greatly and my dad is in bad shape and as of two weeks ago can no longer drive. I've got to figure out a way to see them and have to work harder at walking.
I'm so fortunate to have both parents who are 88 years old. I miss seeing them.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)You've reminded me just how lucky I am.
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)I'm getting discouraged.
MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)Hug and kiss them while you can.
Happy Mothers' Day DU!
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I'm trying to fully realize what I've got before it's gone. Time passes so quickly.
MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)It was very frightening to me when they started to go down hill. Began to realize I was going to lose them fairly soon. (Denial is a great defense, but eventually butts up against reality.) Sadly, I was not with either one at the end. I almost made it to see daddy, but he passed an hour before I arrived.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I'm trying to prepare, but I think that's not going to help much.
MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)As my parents approach 80, just the thought of losing them makes my heart heavy.
Celebrated mother's day, yesterday .... so my mom could go with my brother and his family today
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)I mean, I was only born less than 20 years ago. I called her anyways
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)Scurrilous
(38,687 posts)Just uncorked the 2nd bottle of wine (at her behest).