Be a Mom or a Dad. Even if you aren't one.
There was a Facebook post I read recently about the isolation of motherhood. How important it is to seek out circles of other moms to ease the feeling of isolation, and how sometimes you just have to accept the isolation because it's inevitable through the process of parenting that "the buck stops here". Personally, I found it easy to find mother-friends when my child was young, but being forced to take my middle-school child and relocate has been hard on both of us, socially.
When our children are cute and cuddly babies or toddlers, a plethora of neighbors, colleagues and relatives might be interested in seeing them, making them laugh, and maybe even helping a great deal with daily necessary tasks. There will be times when you as the parent will still have the responsibility fall entirely and squarely on your shoulders, in ways that seem impossible -- like when both you and the child are suffering with an awful stomach flu, and it's hard to even know how to cope since one can't actually be in two places at once. Or when you're sleep-deprived but rushing off to the emergency room in the middle of the night because the fever has gotten completely out of control. Maybe there's help around when you need it, or maybe there isn't. But that's okay. It's part of parenting.
But human beings are complicated creatures, and as they get into their teens, what they need is often harder to provide and harder to identify. Social adjustment. Academics. The disappointments of dating. Emotional upheaval. Hormones. Dwindling self-confidence. Not to mention the well-publicized major perils of drugs, drinking, irresponsible or risky sexual behavior. Is it normal teen angst or the sign of real depression? Is it the teething pains of social growth or trouble being the newcomer in a closed town?
I don't know. When things aren't going well, it falls on the Mom to figure it out. To pick out which of the five problems to try to talk over with the child who doesn't want to talk anymore. How I wish the problems were still simple, and that relatives understood that making a connection with an irritable 12-year old is just as valuable as changing diapers. More so, even. One way or another, the diapers get changed. But a bad attitude that appears may not change -- it may just keep growing.
He's not a grownup. The feeling you have that you have nothing in common with him, so why push it? Doesn't matter. He still needs you. There's no substitute for you.
I have some small medical problems. If something happens to me, who will care for him? The answer to that used to be so clear. When he was cute and cuddly, he would have been welcomed with open arms, and he would have trusted and healed. Now, the door would still be open, but they are basically strangers, no bond to build upon. And if something happens to me, he'd need some bond to build on more than ever.
So.. Even if you aren't a mom or a dad, be one. Strive to stay in touch with your niece or your nephew or your best friend's kid -- EVEN IF THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T CARE -- and keep trying to maintain a connection. Maybe they will come to you when they are in trouble. Maybe you will help make them feel confident or less depressed or more ready to take on a challenge. If they run away from home, you might save their life by being a better destination than the street. You might be extremely valuable to the parents in helping them understand what is going on with their own kid, when the kid goes through a rebellious phase. You might be there as a parachute when the kid needs it, especially if fate deals a bad hand. You might build a nice friendship with the young person that will matter to both of you in the decades to come.
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