Vicious, Feral House Republicans Run Loose Across D.C. Following Resignation Of Caretaker

[Zorro]

According to law enforcement personnel and dozens of distraught eyewitnesses, packs of savage, ferocious House Republicans are currently running loose through the nation’s capital, causing mayhem and bloodshed on a mass scale following the departure of their longtime caretaker, John Boehner.

The crazed and vicious GOP representatives, who are said to be howling wildly and wearing the tattered remains of business attire, reportedly worked themselves into a frenzy after Boehner failed to attend to them earlier today and subsequently broke free from the House chamber. Sources confirmed that the elected officials have since carved a trail of chaos and destruction through the city, attacking civilians along the National Mall, running amok through Metro tunnels, overturning cars, and storming numerous federal office buildings.

Hundreds are believed dead.

“At this time, we can confirm that we have captured Representatives Steve King, Mark Meadows, and Don Young, but the other 243 escaped congressmen remain at large and should be considered extremely dangerous,” said D.C. police chief Cathy Lanier amid piles of wreckage and large pools of blood in the Capitol rotunda, explaining that the carnage began on the House floor when an agitated member of the Freedom Caucus picked up an American flag stand and drove it through the heart of Rep. Dave Reichert (R-WA), who had voted earlier this week in favor of a compromise budget deal. “We understand the pandemonium erupted immediately after the caretaker’s resignation became effective, causing the horde of frenzied representatives to rip the House chamber’s door off its hinges and pour down the Capitol steps and out into the city.”

http://www.theonion.com/article/vicious-feral-house-republicans-run-loose-across-d-51762

[Marie Marie]

1. Feral Republicans on the loose?

Now I'm really scared - this is horrifying. Won't somebody please think of the children?