Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8: A Schlonged Time Ago Edition

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Last edited Sun Dec 27, 2015, 03:27 AM - Edit history (4)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8: A Schlonged Time Ago Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! And it seems like an eternity ago when I posted the first one doesn't it? This is the last Top 10 for 2015 and also the last biweekly edition for a while. Now don't be sad! We'll be back January 6th with a neo Nazi themed neinth edition (pun intended! ) ! But I can't wait to tell you about what we have in store for the new year and an election year at that! For starters Obama's farewell SOTU will get its' own special edition (possibly a bi-weekly one depending on how much conservative idiocy awaits us), as will the DNC and RNC conventions. The biweekly format will be revived once it gets closer to election season. And if there's a Donald Trump presidency I'll be proud to join you in the gulags. Did I say gulags again? I meant happy camps! But I'm doing this edition because conservative idiocy doesn't take a holiday and neither do we! To start with, I love this graphic that surfaced about Jeb!'s campaign going in reverse:



To start with, I called this edition that because Donald Trump (1) not only said those horrific things about Hillary Clinton, he earned a huge honor - he is Politifact's 2015 Liar Of The Year! USA! USA! USA! Jeb! (2) is finding his campaign in the toilet, and it seems there's no miracle baseball comeback to win this one. Next , we go to Madison, Wisconsin where state representative Bob Gannon (3) is actively encouraging "good guy with a gun" style vigilantism. And we all know how well that works don't we? Meanwhile, Media Matters compiles a huge list of all the sexist moments Fox News (4) had during 2015, and well, it's not pretty. While on the subject of sexism and misogyny , the Chicago Board of Education (5) hates pregnant teachers. And just when you think Donald Trump supporters couldn't be more batshit crazy, along comes Theodore Shoebat (6), who wants to usher in a new era of Christian supremacy by raiding America's "demonic" yoga studios. Yes, yoga is now associated with Satan. In science news, Bryan Fischer (7) attempts to explain science and fails hard. Things are getting worse for Pharma-Douche Martin Shkreli (8) as he is getting trolled by his lawyer and his alma matter while doing the good conservative deed of denying that he did those horrible things that we know he did. Speaking of Fox News and sexism, Eric Bolling (9) thinks that Chelsea Clinton timed her second pregnancy as a way of boosting her mom's campaign numbers (uh, no she didn't.). Finally we're going to introduce another brand new feature to the Top 10, and that's "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs". We go to Wisconsin, where an elderly woman claims to have heard a pledge of allegiance to ISIS while a couple was doing the nasty. Well, there wasn't enough information to go in in this story, so people's warped minds took to Twitter and came up with some rather interesting theories as to what the elderly woman actually heard! We'll let you fill in the rest of the blanks! Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!


[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Gee who would have guessed that it was going to be him this week? Ah... don't go! Don't install that app that removes all Donald Trump related news from your news feed because that would mean no more Idiots lists! And we can't have that can we? Ah thank you. Much better isn't it? Because you are going to want to stay around for this story.

Congratulations Donald Trump! You are 2015's Politifact "Liar Of The Year!"

How do you feel about that, Mr. Trump? "I'm not going to celebrate by going to Disneyland. No I'm going to go to Epcot Center, buy the whole building and turn it into my personal billiards room, because I'm a winner. And that is what America needs are winners. We can't have any losers here! Not on my watch! I'm going to keep winning! America is going to keep winning!"

It’s the trope on Trump: He’s authentic, a straight-talker, less scripted than traditional politicians. That’s because Donald Trump doesn’t let facts slow him down. Bending the truth or being unhampered by accuracy is a strategy he has followed for years.
"People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That's why a little hyperbole never hurts," Trump wrote in his 1987 best-seller The Art of the Deal. "People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It's an innocent form of exaggeration — and a very effective form of promotion."
That philosophy guided Trump in luxury real estate and reality television. This year he brought it to the world of presidential politics.
Trump has "perfected the outrageous untruth as a campaign tool," said Michael LaBossiere, a philosophy professor at Florida A&M University who studies theories of knowledge. "He makes a clearly false or even absurdly false claim, which draws the attention of the media. Hehttp://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2015/dec/21/2015-lie-year-donald-trump-campaign-misstatements/ then rides that wave until it comes time to call up another one."
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2015/dec/21/2015-lie-year-donald-trump-campaign-misstatements/

But in other Donald Trump news, Dër Trumpenfüror went after Hillary Clinton's campaign and made some horribly sexist and degrading comments at Mrs. Clinton's expense:

Grand Rapids, Michigan (CNN)Donald Trump attacked Hillary Clinton in vulgar terms Monday night, saying that her bathroom break during the last Democratic debate was just too "disgusting" to talk about and then stating she "got schlonged" by Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential race.

"Even a race to Obama, she was gonna beat Obama. I don't know who would be worse, I don't know, how could it be worse? But she was going to beat -- she was favored to win -- and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost," Trump said.

Earlier, Trump started to criticize Clinton for not returning to the ABC News debate stage on Saturday night in time, but then said he didn't want to talk more about it because it was "disgusting."

"I know where she went, it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it," Trump said. "No, it's too disgusting. Don't say it, it's disgusting, let's not talk, we want to be very, very straight up."

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/21/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-disgusting/index.html

"Everyone else but me is a disgusting loser." - Donald Trump

By the way if you look up schlonged in the Urban Dictionary, you'll find no less than 50 slang terms for penis in the "related" category. Use at your own risk.


[font size="8"]Jeb![/font]


So the Jeb! campaign is in serious trouble. It's a sinking ship at this point. No Jeb!, there's no miracle comeback which can catapult you past Trump at this point. But what does Jeb! himself think of this? Why he doesn't think anything of it. It's just fine and dandy!

This was Jeb! at the beginning of the campaign:

Donald Trump’s surge in the polls has been covered as terrible news for the GOP. But it’s fantastic news for one Republican — Jeb Bush.
The rise of the bombastic celebrity mogul and the saturation media coverage of his controversial comments on illegal immigrants is a godsend for the putative frontrunner, who, in every area except fundraising, has been underperforming so far.
In addition to the fact that Trump poses no threat to actually win the Republican nomination, the purported billionaire helpfully sucks up all the media oxygen so none of Bush's potentially more dangerous rivals can get any attention. Trump also presents a wonderful contrast for Bush — making him look tolerant, professional, and adult. And if Trump stays in the race and remains popular on the right, it will show that yet again, conservative voters simply can't get it together to seriously wield their influence in the presidential primaries.
http://www.vox.com/2015/7/14/8962411/donald-trump-polls-bush

And this was Jeb! in the middle of the campaign when his poll numbers dropped him from being the front runner at 17.6% to a measily 6.4%:

Jeb Bush tells Newsmax TV that he can reverse his low poll numbers and eventually win the Republican presidential nomination.

"The comeback kid is the narrative that the press would love," the former Florida governor told "Newsmax Prime" host J.D. Hayworth in an interview airing Friday. "They love to push you down and then allow you to come back up to push you down again. That's the way it seems to work.

"There's a long way to go and the early states matter," he added. "What you'll see is that I will rise first in places like Iowa, New Hampshire.

Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/jeb-bush-win-republican-nomination/2015/10/30/id/699871/#ixzz3v5CRveqM

And this is Jeb! as he currently stands at the bottom of the barrel at 4.6%:

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush "hated" being the GOP front-runner earlier this year, he says, because of the expectations it set for him and his campaign.

“I hated that," he told John Dickerson on CBS's "Face the Nation" on Sunday. "I feel much better back here.”

Bush entered the 2016 presidential contest as the presumptive Republican front-runner and the clear establishment favorite in no small part because of his ability to raise enormous sums of money. But his close ties to prominent GOP voices — once seen as a strength — has not helped him in an election year defined by “outsider” candidates who have been propelled by a strong anti-politician sentiment across the country.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/20/jeb-bush-says-he-hated-being-the-front-runner/

And this will be Jeb! and the BFEE come RNC time:

Thanks for playing the "I want to be president game", Jeb!. We have some lovely parting gifts for you when you are shown the door!


[font size="8"]Bob Gannon[/font]


Good guys with guns. It's the NRA's favorite weapon of choice in any debate on gun control and gun rights. They bring it up nearly every single time there's a gun attack. And it's the reason why humanity will end soon - there will be too many good guys with guns as you may recall in Idiots #3 that the FBI reported that the largest gun sale in American history was reported this year on Black Friday. And it's true. Gun manufacturers, gun dealers, and the NRA shouldn't be hating on Obama. They should be thanking him for having their best sales on record, of any year, ever! Because every time there's a shooting, gun nut conspiracy theorists turn out in droves to say that the Obama administration is going to take your guns away. But there's one state representative in Wisconsin who is actively encouraging "Good Guy With A Gun" style vigilantism and that's Bob Gannon.

A Wisconsin Republican state senator has been accused of inciting a “vigilante uprising” after he called on law-abiding gun owners to “clean our society of scum bags”
Rep. Bob Gannon (R) responded to a recent shooting at East Towne Mall in Madison by saying that the incident could have been stopped if more people were carrying guns. During the incident over the weekend, a teen was shot in the leg and suffered non-life threatening injuries.
“Wisconsin does not have a death penalty law, but with significant practice and careful aim, law-abiding citizens can help clean our society of these scumbags,” Gannon said in a statement on Monday. “Criminals no longer have any fear of our courts or our prisons, so it’s time that the citizens of this fine state stand up and fight back.”
Gannon argued that a “gang banger in the mall with a gun is going to think twice if there could be a law abiding (concealed carry weapon) holder standing behind them fully prepared to shoot center mass, as this is how you’re trained to eliminate the threat these creeps pose to you, your family, and all law-abiding citizens unwillingly dragged into their public crime spree.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/vigilante-uprising-gop-lawmaker-calls-on-gun-owners-to-clean-our-society-of-scum-bags/

Yes because more guns are actively the solution to America's gun woes. You don't throw a molotov cocktail into an already burning building, do you? OK bad analogy, but still...


[font size="8"]Fox News[/font]


While Donald Trump was named Politifact's "Liar Of The Year", Fox News got destroyed by Media Matters as being the most sexist network on television!

So thanks to Media Matters, I'm just going to sit back and post a few of the more cringe worthy comments made by the hosts and guests.

Eric Bolling: "I'm Just Laughing" At The Idea That "Anything A Guy Can Do, A Woman Can Do Better." On the February 25 edition of Fox News' The Five, co-host Eric Bolling dismissed his fellow co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle's statement that "anything that a guy can do, a woman can do better" by laughing and saying, "I'm just laughing at the anything a guy can do, a woman can better. I won't even get myself in trouble for answering".

Fox Guest: "The Most [Parents] Can Do Is Just Drill Into Your Daughter 'You're Vulnerable, You're Weak.'" On the March 24 edition of Fox News' Hannity, guest Gavin McInnes stated that "women are more vulnerable" than men and argued that parents should "drill into your daughter, 'you're vulnerable, you're weak'".

Keith Ablow: Gender Equality Means Men Can Hit Women. On the July 8 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends, Keith Ablow responded to a publicly-released surveillance video of a then-Florida State University quarterback punching a female student, by saying that men not being able to hit women might be an "antiquated notion" because of co-ed sports and a culture that tries to "dispense with the idea of gender differences." Ablow went on to justify his stance arguing, "listen, if you're saying that it's just fine to flip a girl onto her back in a wrestling match, and pin her to the ground and take some joy in that -- well then I guess if you're in a bar and she slaps you, you punch her in the face".

http://mediamatters.org/research/2015/12/22/fox-news-10-most-cringe-worthy-sexist-moments-o/207537

Ugh. I was just wondering - with such assholish comments like that, how is Keith Ablow still licensed to practice psychiatry? This guy is both a psychopath and a sociopath.


[font size="8"]Chicago Board Of Education [/font]


So the next time one of your conservative mouth-breathing friends stops the conversation and says "we're not doing enough to protect our children" or "we're doing it 'for the babies', please show them this story and once again smack them across the face and say "you're wrong". Because here is another sign that the higher ups in charge just don't give a fuck about babies or children.

In a lawsuit filed against the Chicago Board of Education late last year, the Department of Justice (DOJ) claimed the principal of Chicago’s Scammon Elementary School fired, threatened to fire, and evaluated poorly the performances of pregnant teachers, with the Board consenting to as many as six of the resulting firings. The Chicago Public Schools (CPS) system had previously denied charges of specific targeting of pregnant teachers, insisting the reasoning behind the women’s terminations was “legitimate, job-related and consistent with business necessity.”

However, with Wednesday’s ruling, the school board is required to not only provide monetary compensation to the women, but must also adhere to new discrimination-monitoring guidelines including submitting quarterly reports to the DOJ detailing any complaints of pregnancy discrimination, harassment and retaliation made by school employees. The board also agreed to review its non-discrimination policy and organize training sessions to educate school employees about pregnancy discrimination.

In response to the news, Feminist Majority Foundation President Eleanor Smeal said, “Pregnancy discrimination has been outlawed on the federal level for decades. It’s long overdue that Chicago administrators adhere to the law and to basic human rights standards for women.”

In a statement Wednesday, head of the DOJ’s Civil Rights Division, Vanita Gupta, lauded the court’s decision to side with the women as “an important step toward ensuring that no woman loses her job, faces discipline or endures threats because of her pregnancy.” Added Gupta, “Our settlement establishes critical measures to provide a workplace environment free from sex-based discrimination.”

http://feminist.org/blog/index.php/2015/12/18/chicago-teachers-awarded-280000-in-damages-for-pregnancy-firing/

George Carlin was right - "when you're pre born you're fine, when you're pre school, you're fucked!". I hope that $280K is per person because this kind of discrimination is criminal. Nothing further to add except...


[font size="8"]Theodore Shoebat[/font]


So we've gone over the fact that Donald Trump's supporters have ushered in a new era of white supremacy several times over. But this next entry takes Trump's idea of no Muslims in the United States and amplifies it 100 fold, this is without a doubt, batshit crazy. While we're making fun of Donald Trump, his supporters are actively fantasizing about how they can bring about the next Holocaust. And it starts with America's yoga studios, which supporter Theodore Shoebat, says are "demonic" and that we need a "Christian supremacist society". We also need to "execute Muslims who didn't convert". He is also the son of notorious "terrorism" expert Walid Shoebat who was often compared to ISIS for saying that the LGBT community and Muslims would need to be executed if they didn't convert. You really can't make this stuff up folks, and this is the type of shit we will have to put up with should Donald Trump ever see the presidency.

An anti-gay extremist who has pledged his support for Donald Trump denied that he was anything like Islamic State militants — and to prove it, he called for armed raids of yoga studios to “Christianize the land.”
Theodore Shoebat, a right-wing video blogger who appeared in an anti-LGBT film with Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee, fantasized in a recent post about the wrathful judgment he would unleash on the world’s Hindus should he somehow be declared dictator, reported Right Wing Watch.
Shoebat, the son of fraudulent “terror expert” Walid Shoebat, complained that he is often compared to ISIS because he calls for the killing of gays and others who refuse to convert to Christianity.
He wished earlier this month for a Trump administration that would execute Muslims who didn’t convert.
“We need a Christian supremacist society or else these things are going to continue to happen,” Shoebat said of a Muslim judge sworn in on the Koran instead of a Bible. “God willing, if Donald Trump wins, and I think he will win, he will put a cap on things like this.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/trump-loving-conservative-calls-for-armed-raids-of-demonic-yoga-studios-to-christianize-the-land/

Oh be afraid. Be very afraid. Imagine this guy times a hundred million if Donald Trump ever got elected president. And let's not forget that he appeared in a anti-LGBT documentary with Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee denouncing America's LGBT population. This is truly frightening shit.


[font size="8"]Bryan Fischer[/font]


This next entry has me absolutely speechless. I've heard a lot of religious people say a lot of incredibly ridiculously stupid things over the years, but this one might be an Oscar winner in the category of "Batshit Crazy Science Deniers". We go to everyone's favorite gay hating Colorado faction, the American Family Association (motto: Doing The Lord's Work Of Denying Science And Hating Gays Since 1978!). Bryan Fischer is a man who should not be attempting to explain science under any circumstances. This is an epic fail on just about every single level. Not even a thousand Ralph Wiggums or 100,000 acid trips could come up for this explanation as to how the dinosaurs lived. I mean just........ wow. I have no words. I'm no biology major, but even I know that this is scientifically impossible. I will instead let the fail speak for itself:

On his radio program today, Bryan Fisher laid out his theory about where dinosaurs came from, explaining that they were simply lizards that grew very large because they lived for 1,000 years.

As Fischer explained, prior to Noah's flood, the average human lifespan was 912 years, so logically the lifespans of animals and reptiles and the like were also much longer during this period. And since reptiles continue to grow until they die, Fischer said, it stands to reason that a lizard that lived for 1,000 years would eventually grow to be the size of a dinosaur.

Asserting that there is "no reason to doubt" the Bible when it says that Methuselah lived for 969 years, Fischer declared that if some salamanders today can live for hundreds of years and grow to be several feet in length, then obviously lizards before the flood could live for a thousand years and grow even larger.

"I'm thinking that could be the explanation for dinosaurs," he said. "They were just like reptiles that just like grew for a 1,000 years, kept growing, kept growing, kept growing."

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bryan-fischer-says-dinosaurs-were-just-giant-1000-year-old-lizards#sthash.53IPVtUM.dpuf

Standing O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[font size="8"]Martin Shkreli[/font]


So... fresh off his arrest and subsequent bail, overnight billionaire turned fraudster criminal, poster boy for American greed, and president of the Gordon Gekko Fan Club, Martin Shkreli has fallen on hard times. Cue the world's tiniest violin.



We can't be too sorry for Shkreli committing pharmaceutical fraud here. But it seems that when he fell, he fell hard. So much that he's getting trolled by his lawyer who wants to take him and his family on a 2 week paid New Year's vacation to Cancun, at Shkreli's expense:



Kind of makes you wonder if Shkreli's lawyer himself is under criminal investigation. But hey when you've got it, flaunt it, right? I know I would! Meanwhile, Shkreli's alma matter is wondering what to make of his $1 million donation of his ill-gotten gains:

The pharma bro’s old school might be giving back his drug money.

Hunter College High School is debating what to do with a $1 million donation from former student Martin Shkreli, the reviled pharmaceuticals executive who is now entangled in legal turmoil, the New York Times reported Saturday.

Shkreli, 32, gifted the giant sum to the elite Manhattan school in March, making it the biggest individual donation in its history. The eventual Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO did not even graduate from Hunter — he left early with bad grades, only to earn a diploma elsewhere — but said he still felt an affinity for the school.

“I really cleaned up in the business world. I have to give thanks,” he told the Daily News at the time.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/martin-shkreli-old-school-debates-donation-article-1.2471832

Yeah... he cleaned up by robbing people and hospitals stupid, which he denies like a good greedy conservative:

In his first interview since bailing himself out on federal fraud charges, pharmaceutical warlord Martin Shkreli told the Wall Street Journal that he was only a big dumb butthead on the internet as a grand social experiment, which given the outcome, seems like it ended up being a very bad experiment.

Further, Shkreli alleges that the feds only came after him because he became a world famous troll in almost record time. Speaking to the WSJ’s Rob Copeland:

“What do you do when you have the attention of millions of people? It seemed to me like it would be fun to experiment with,” Mr. Shkreli said in the interview. He said he was arrested “because of a social experiment and teasing people over the Internet,” adding, “that seems like a real injustice.”

“Quite frankly, it was not something I expected, and definitely not something I deserve given the facts,” he said.

Martin Shkreli saying that he was arrested not because he committed a number of extreme financial crimes but because he was instead a highly visible punchable schmuck might sound like denial of the strongest degree but in a sense he may not be that wrong.

http://gawker.com/martin-shkreli-i-was-only-pretending-to-be-horrible-1749106256

Oh I was just pretending to be horrible and rob people stupid. I was only pretending to commit pharmaceutical fraud. But I did and cleaned up. NO!!!!


[font size="8"]Eric Bolling [/font]


Allow me to mimic J.K. Simmon's drum instructing character in the Oscar nominated flick "Whiplash" for a minute. Scroll back to #4. Read the article from Media Matters about Fox News and sexism. Read it again. And again. And again. Memorize it if you have to. No that's not good enough! Read it again! And again! Louder, faster! You have to feel the sexism in this article! No not that way! Again!

Thank you! Because this next story only further proves the point that Media Matters was trying to make about Fox News and sexism. Fox & Friends. That show you watch in the morning when you want to feel smarter about your job and to argue with Janice in Accounting, because she clearly doesn't give a fuck (apologies to John Oliver). And Eric Bolling clearly isn't helping the situation with Fox News, sexism, and misogyny. And no, Eric, Chelsea Clinton did not "time her pregnancy" to coincide with her mom's campaign. That is fucking stupid. And you'd have to be a fool and an Infowars follower to believe stupid crap like this:

In case you missed it yesterday, Chelsea Clinton is having another baby next summer. Here's how Eric Bolling and Dana Perino noted it:
Perino noted that the Clinton campaign is casting its candidate as a “tough grandma,” so news that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant again helps push that narrative.
“Is that timed out?” Bolling asked. “Did they do the math?”
“I would never suggest such a thing,” Perino said, despite having just suggested that very thing.
Bolling noted that the Democratic National Committee “timed those debates for NFL weekends and ‘Star Wars,’ so who knows? They’re good at timing on the left.”
“They have that down,” Perino replied, again saying the very thing she said she would never suggest.
http://crooksandliars.com/2015/12/eric-bolling-did-chelsea-clinton-time

Hey Eric... the key to comedy is timing. And no, neither the debates or Chelsea's pregnancy were timed for the campaign or the elections or Star Wars. It's just a coincidence. Oh and as to the topic of Fox News and sexism?




[font size="8"]Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs[/font]


We are almost done for 2015. A huge thank you to everyone who reads and recommends these so far and I promise we'll come back bigger and better than ever in January. But before we go, we're going to play a new game here in the Top 10. We're calling this feature "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs". So between the mass shootings, a terrorism scare in San Bernardino (which proved to be completely false according to the FBI), an actual terrorist attack in Paris, and loads of conservative idiocy between Donald Trump, ISIS, and America's Islamic population, this is exactly what it could lead to. Let's go back to Wisconsin for this insane story.

An 82-year-old woman called Brown Deer Police Sunday night requesting police because she heard someone chanting, "ISIS is good, ISIS is great" while having sex.
The incident took place in the 4400 block of Dean Road.
Police advised the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again.
When asked about the incident, Brown Deer Police Chief Kass replied, "maybe taking see something, say something a little too far?"
http://www.cbs58.com/story/30802530/police-woman-chants-isis-is-good-isis-is-great-during-sex

While this story definitely falls under the "needs more information" category, it set off a firestorm on Twitter which people posting some interesting theories as to what the woman actually heard. I particularly like this one:

They might have been role-playing as Egyptian gods. Isis is probably *very* good!

Or:

These neighbors should scheme the things they'll shout from now on. "We're smoking weed! Living together unmarried!"

And even prompted a response from the police chief investigating this story which I firmly believe is to be the cause:

@BrownDeerWIPD @CBS58 maybe taking see something say something a little too far?

But what exactly did happen really? We may never know without enough information, but let your warped minds fill in the blanks! We'll even give you a template!

2015.12.26
Your Name
Your Favorite Blog

A(n) adjective number year old Wisconsin woman called Color Animal Name Police Department to complain about a noise coming from her neighbors' apartment.

The woman claims that she heard a adjective couple pledging allegiance to ISIS while having adjective sex. The elderly woman says that she heard her neighbors screaming Funny pledge to ISIS. The incident took place at the number block of funny street name.

Name Of Fake Government Agency was contacted by Same Color Same Animal Name Police Department but no information or confirmation was able to be gathered at this time.

Police Chief Funny Name said that the woman should contact the Same Color Same Animal Name Police Department should she hear the pledge of same funny pledge to ISIS.

Chief Funny Name can be reached at the Twitter handle Funny Twitter handle.

***COMMENTS SECTION***

Insert comments here.

And that was "Top 10 Conservative Idiots Mad Libs".

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]The End Of The War On Christmas For 2015[/font]

Yes another year is over and that means another four long months of conservative idiocy surrounding the "War on Christmas" is over. That means that if Bill O'Reilly sees his shadow today, we can expect FIVE more months of War On Christmas insanity next year. And guess what? Christmas is still here! Retailers are reporting their highest profits ever, so we can keep the insanity going next August, and you know the War On Christmas is starting earlier and earlier every year as indicated by when Costco puts out their Christmas decorations. So how many conservatives actually shopped at the stores where they said "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" again? Did we kill the mood for you again? But thanks again to Non Sequitur, who nails it again. Love this comic!



That's it for Top 10 Conservative Idiots for 2015! See you next year!

[niyad]

1. thank you for continuing this list--very disheartening that you have so many from which

to choose each week!

see you next year indeed.

[Initech]

14. Like I said it's an election year and it's going to be a long one.

[Paper Roses]

2. Welcome back. Have missed the Top 10! n/t

[BlueJazz]

3. Absolutely wonderful. Great job. I would say more but I need to kill the lizards that are hanging..

...around my porch. Don't need no dinosaurs to dig up my lawn!

[JackInGreen]

4. You just made my morning

I missed this!

[Liberal Jesus Freak]

5. Thank you.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Thank you. "Idiots" brought me to lurk at DU back in 2003. I later joined and was so disappointed when Earl G had to give up the weekly "Idiots". I enjoy and look forward to this as much as I do SCE's Sunday LOL cats. Two things that definitely make DU NOT suck during primary season

[Initech]

8. It's going to be a long year! I say bring it!

[lovemydog]

6. Here's my madlibs:

2015.12.26
from 'Skewed Opinions' Blogspot

A tripping 40 year old Wisconsin woman called Green Harold Police Department to complain about a noise coming from her neighbors' apartment. The woman claims that she heard a rowdy couple pledging allegiance to ISIS while having wild sex. The elderly woman says that she heard her neighbors screaming 'Jihad to the jackals who make blueberry ice cream!' The incident took place at the 34th block of Doofus Place.

The Department of Rolling Pin Safety was contacted by Green Harold Police Department but no information or confirmation was able to be gathered at this time. Police Chief Wiggums said that the woman should contact the Green Harold Police Department should she hear the pledge of 'Jihad to the jackals who make blueberry ice cream!' Chief Wiggums can be reached at the Twitter handle #donutsrule.

Love you Initech. Love the Top Ten. Happy holidays!

[Initech]

9. Ha ha... Cheif Wiggum!

[Brother Buzz]

7. Recommended on the subject line alone

[Initech]

11. Expect a lot of Star Wars references for a while!

[dembotoz]

10. sigh both rep gannon and brown deer wi are within 20 minutes of where i live--- i r so proud

gannon is in such a safe district that maybe a vigilante uprising would be good cause the gop would be such a target rich environment

[Suich]

12. I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Thanks, Initech!

[AwakeAtLast]

13. Fabulous job!

Loving the Top 10, it's what brought me to DU eleven years ago.

You really need to be added to the payroll, fantastic writing! Don't know how you keep up with it all.

[Initech]

16. Yeah I wish I got paid for this!

[flying rabbit]

15. You definitely do a DU tradition a great service!

[Initech]

18. Thanks! Bring on the elections!

[Phentex]

17. Bravo!