Sanders Sends Vegan Thugs to Attack Peace-Loving Nazis observed by Andy Borowitz

[Mira]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—Republican front-runner Donald Trump was crying foul on Monday after Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders allegedly dispatched an army of vegan thugs to attack a rally of peace-loving Nazis in Cincinnati.

According to Trump, he had begun to address a group of “orderly and civil Nazis” at a downtown arena when his audience was suddenly set upon by an unruly mob of angry vegans, many menacingly clad in Birkenstocks and sustainable garments.

The Sanders supporters, singing an alarmingly militant version of Simon & Garfunkel’s “America,” marched into the arena and began “intimidating and threatening” the Nazis, Trump said.
“Make no mistake about who is starting the violence at these rallies,” Trump said. “It’s the vegans.”

Carol Foyler, a Nazi from suburban Cincinnati, said that she feared for her life when one of the vegans “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

Harland Dorrinson, a Kentucky Nazi who drove to Ohio to hear Trump speak, said he would never have attended the rally if he had known “there would be troublemaking vegans there.”

“One of them tried to swing an NPR tote bag at my head,” the terrified Nazi said.



www.borowitzreport.com

[arcane1]

1. “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

I love Andy!!!

[Aerows]

9. I was about to quote the same thing.

[sarge43]

14. Same here

Poor dear must have been terrified

[Aerows]

29. I *barely* missed taking out my keyboard.

[SoapBox]

24. That was my favorite!

[KansDem]

26. Mine, too!!

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. LMAO, this requires an image

[Beartracks]

21. Can you please warn before posting such images...

... of raw, naked violence?



============

[valerief]

3. "many menacingly clad in Birkenstocks and sustainable garments."

“One of them tried to swing an NPR tote bag at my head,” the terrified Nazi said.

I loves me my Andy!!!!

[dem in texas]

4. Borowitz is Priceless

Got a good chuckle from this. Andy Borowitz always nails it with his satire.

[central scrutinizer]

5. NPR tote bag?

No self respecting Vegan would be caught dead with a Monsanto apologist tote bag

[Earth_First]

7. Right... nt

[SusanCalvin]

15. ^THIS^

[Enthusiast]

31. PLUS ONE, a huge bunch!

[Jenny_92808]

6. K & R

Hilarious!

[img][/img]

[jpak]

8. Ummm... you mean punk ass vegan thugs - right?

[irisblue]

10. wave tofu at them vegans! n/t

[Aerows]

12. That tofu wiggling

in those little containers...

[KansDem]

27. Make sure it's extra firm tofu!!

Soft tofu is, well, too soft...

[Dont call me Shirley]

11. Everything is spot on except the NPR tote bag needs to read: a FreeSpeechTV, FSTV, tote bag.

[SusanCalvin]

17. Yep. nt

[AlbertCat]

13. “ripped a Trump sign” from her hands and “tried to recycle it.”

[chknltl]

16. I suppose I could'a smacked someone with my Bernie Bear....

...if he wasn't so darn cute n collectable.

[Beartracks]

23. Why does that not say Bearnie? n/t

[SusanCalvin]

18. He doesn't seem up-to-date on what's happened to NPR and PBS.

But, otherwise...

[chade]

19. Freeze, Vegan Police!

[img][/img]

[Ivan Kaputski]

20. "Hands up ...don't boot"

[warrprayer]

22. A thousand recs

And kicks.

There are some here who still don't understand what we are dealing with.

[merrily]

25. The last thing an activist Bernie supporter would be wielding is an

NPR tote bag. It's times like this I miss MannyGoldstein's satire most: He never would have made a mistake like that.

[beam me up scottie]

28. Borowitz is a national treasure.

[herding cats]

30. I don't care who you are, that's funny!

Unless you're a Trump supporter, and if that's the case...Get off DU!!

[arikara]

32. That is hilarious!

K&R!