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Top 10 Conservative Idiots Minis #1: Brief Stuff: The Horrors Of 7-11 Edition
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Minis #1: Brief Stuff: The Horrors Of 7-11 Edition
Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! You didn’t really think I was going to leave you hanging for two weeks, was I? I mean come on! What kind of host would that make me? Not a very good one if you ask me! There wasn't a lot of idiocy this week so for this "Minis" edition we've got 3 items to touch on that wouldn't necessarily fit a proper Top 10. With this edition you're getting a taste - just a taste of what next week's full version will bring. So I saw Iron Maiden last week and man was that an absolutely incredible show.. The show was awesome, the Iron Maiden Trooper Ale they were selling was amazing, the t-shirt I got was amazing (even though I had to wait a long time in line for one!). It was jam packed at the Forum and I don’t think there was a single person sitting down the entire time. Well except for one douche in my section who made everyone else move out of his way and was being a dick. I mean come on when you’re in a stadium full of 20,000 screaming fans who are standing up, you stand up! Especially if you’re, I don’t know, 25 rows back! It’s not like you were in the front row or the handicap section! I have a bad back, and *I* could stand for that whole 3 hour set! But we can’t let that ruin an otherwise amazing show, can we? But the reason I’m doing this brief stuff edition is that there’s a few things we got to talk about even though it’s our week off. So John Oliver runs Youtube exclusives during his weeks off, and we’re going to do the same here. I promise you though, we will return on May 1st with a completely brand new edition of the Wheel O’Corruption.
So for this Idiots Exclusive we’re going to talk about three things that I am paying an awful lot of attention to. The first is that Donald Trump (1) gave a speech about the horrors of 7-11, and I can’t let that one slide for a week. The second is that we’re going to do not one, but two TTCI story updates. In the second slot, we are going to talk about “music bullshit”. Gov. McCrory has a sad about the music acts that are cancelling their tours in North Carolina, plus one who’s actually going through with playing a show. And the third slot we’re going to talk about Curt Shilling, it seems the former Red Sox “Bloody Sock” pitcher is a colossal dick. And we’ll explain why. Plus we have what might be the most Florida story ever, and a Top 10 Update. Sorry no more Boaty McBoatface. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!
[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]
So Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving. So last week after the “How’s Joe Paterno” thing doing, you know how the US treasury is replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill? Well there’s this:
(CNN)Donald Trump thinks anti-slavery icon Harriet Tubman is "fantastic" -- but he says the move to have her replace seventh president Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill is "pure political correctness."
"Well, Andrew Jackson had a great history, and I think it's very rough when you take somebody off the bill," Trump said during a town hall on the "Today" show on NBC Thursday morning. "I think Harriet Tubman is fantastic, but I would love to leave Andrew Jackson or see if we can maybe come up with another denomination."
Trump suggested -- as Ben Carson also has -- that Tubman be put on the $2 bill, which is no longer printed.
Harriet Tubman will be face of the $20
The business mogul heaped praise on Jackson, whose presence on the $20 bill was criticized due to his history as a slave-owner and his dismal record on Native American and racial issues, epitomized by the Jackson administration's infamous "Trail of Tears" policy that forcibly relocated the Cherokee people to devastating effect.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/21/politics/donald-trump-tubman-bill-political-correctness/
"Well, Andrew Jackson had a great history, and I think it's very rough when you take somebody off the bill," Trump said during a town hall on the "Today" show on NBC Thursday morning. "I think Harriet Tubman is fantastic, but I would love to leave Andrew Jackson or see if we can maybe come up with another denomination."
Trump suggested -- as Ben Carson also has -- that Tubman be put on the $2 bill, which is no longer printed.
Harriet Tubman will be face of the $20
The business mogul heaped praise on Jackson, whose presence on the $20 bill was criticized due to his history as a slave-owner and his dismal record on Native American and racial issues, epitomized by the Jackson administration's infamous "Trail of Tears" policy that forcibly relocated the Cherokee people to devastating effect.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/21/politics/donald-trump-tubman-bill-political-correctness/
“I love money, I have the best money. Nobody has better money than I do! I mean who wouldn’t want an actual slave driver on the $20 bill like Andrew Jackson? See he tried to make America great again, and I aim to do the same!”
And then there’s this:
Washington (CNN)Donald Trump, who has made his advocacy for New York City after the 9/11 attacks central to his candidacy, accidentally referred to it on Monday as 7/11 -- the ubiquitous convenience store.
"I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart," he said at the outset of his remarks on Buffalo on Monday evening. "Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action." The businessman did not correct himself.
Trump is poised to win a lion's share of the delegates in New York's primary on Tuesday, and he has held up the city's response to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks as a defining "New York value."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/18/politics/donald-trump-9-11-7-11-mix-buffalo/
"I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart," he said at the outset of his remarks on Buffalo on Monday evening. "Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action." The businessman did not correct himself.
Trump is poised to win a lion's share of the delegates in New York's primary on Tuesday, and he has held up the city's response to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks as a defining "New York value."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/18/politics/donald-trump-9-11-7-11-mix-buffalo/
Is… Donald Trump describing the horrors of 9/11/2001 or is he describing the horrors of what happens to your colon after you eat one of those disgusting $2 “awesomeness guaranteed” chicken sandwiches at 7-11? Because I honestly feel like without the proper context that this could go either way.
But one other Trump item I want to talk about is the guy standing behind him after he won the New York Primaries, and that’s former NY gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. Who has some extremely Trump-esque policies:
But Trump made a more subtle incendiary statement by choosing to deliver his victory speech while standing next to 2010 New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. Paladino, a real estate developer who rode the tea party wave to a surprising victory in that year’s Republican primary before he was trounced by Democrat Andrew Cuomo in the general contest, is mostly remembered for a series of ridiculous and offensive things he said and did (during and before his campaign), including:
— Saying he’d transform some New York prisons into dormitories for welfare recipients, where they could work in state-sponsored jobs, get employment training and take lessons in “personal hygiene.”
“Instead of handing out the welfare checks, we’ll teach people how to earn their check. We’ll teach them personal hygiene… the personal things they don’t get when they come from dysfunctional homes,” he said.
— Forwarding emails containing racial messages about President Obama, birther claims, pornography, and bestiality. When confronted about his emails, Paladino blamed Democrats.
— Saying he’d transform some New York prisons into dormitories for welfare recipients, where they could work in state-sponsored jobs, get employment training and take lessons in “personal hygiene.”
“Instead of handing out the welfare checks, we’ll teach people how to earn their check. We’ll teach them personal hygiene… the personal things they don’t get when they come from dysfunctional homes,” he said.
— Forwarding emails containing racial messages about President Obama, birther claims, pornography, and bestiality. When confronted about his emails, Paladino blamed Democrats.
[font size="8"]Music Bullshit [/font]
First off we have to talk about the passing of Prince. One of the best. This has just been an absolutely shitty year for music. You have Lemmy, Glenn Frey, Scott Weiland, David Bowie, and now Prince. I mean in addition to loving the metal, I also love the funk. George Clinton, Bootsy Collins, Prince, Cee Lo Green, even newer bands like Anderson Paak & The Free Nationals. I could play that kind of music all day. And you know what? Even in 2016, funk music that was recorded 30, even 40 years ago is still relevant. I mean come on Purple Rain, am I right? Couldn’t you put that album on and listen to it on repeat for hours on end? It’s really sad that Prince is no longer with us. So with that in mind here’s an excellent performance of him playing with Cee Lo Green on the Gnarls Barkley song “Crazy”. The best way to experience Prince is his live material where he just shredded:
Next week, we are going to pay a much more proper tribute to Prince - by pointing out all the idiocy and conspiracy theories surrounding his death, Idiots style! Now with that out of the way, let’s trash talk some folks, particularly that of someone who deserves it. Like Pat Boone. You know, that guy whose CDs your grandparents call “oldies”. So SNL did a parody of the movie God’s Not Dead 2 (which I trash in Idiots #23). And well Pat Boone won’t have any of it. Here’s the sketch in question:
And here’s Pat Boone’s statement:
LOS ANGELES – Pat Boone says last weekend's “Saturday Night Live” parody skit about “God’s Not Dead 2” is offensive to Christians, Jews and homosexuals, and thinks the long-running show is feeding cynicism in America.
“I think a general antipathy toward Christianity…they think it's fair game, like Bill Maher, to just attack and ridicule and literally make fun in light of almost any kind of genuine faith,” Boone told FOX411. “But in this case it’s particularly scurrilous and irresponsible because they presented ‘God’s Not Dead 2’ as if we were dealing with homosexuality or in some way with Christian Judaism conflict and the film has nothing to do with any of that. They made it up totally because they literally wanted to back us (Christians) into a corner on the subject of homosexuality, and of course the film had nothing whatsoever to do with it.”
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/04/20/pat-boone-snl-parody-gods-not-dead-2-offensive-to-christians-jews-and/
“I think a general antipathy toward Christianity…they think it's fair game, like Bill Maher, to just attack and ridicule and literally make fun in light of almost any kind of genuine faith,” Boone told FOX411. “But in this case it’s particularly scurrilous and irresponsible because they presented ‘God’s Not Dead 2’ as if we were dealing with homosexuality or in some way with Christian Judaism conflict and the film has nothing to do with any of that. They made it up totally because they literally wanted to back us (Christians) into a corner on the subject of homosexuality, and of course the film had nothing whatsoever to do with it.”
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/04/20/pat-boone-snl-parody-gods-not-dead-2-offensive-to-christians-jews-and/
Wait – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? I never thought I would see the day when a prolific Christian like Pat Boone would be defending the LGBT community! Of course the exact opposite of that is douchebag governor Pat McCrory:
Facing backlash over the state's sweeping anti-LGBT law, North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory's (R) re-election campaign on Tuesday criticized musicians who have cancelled their shows in the state to protest the law, accusing them of channeling "selective outrage."
Ricky Diaz, a spokesman for McCrory's gubernatorial campaign, wrote in a statement obtained by The Carolina Mercury that "it is the height of hypocrisy for these Hollywood elitists to deny their service to customers over a political disagreement."
"The reality is that while these and other groups unfairly target North Carolina, they often tour and play shows in the 29 other states with similar levels of anti-discrimination protections as North Carolina," Diaz continued. "If you are writing on the selective outrage expressed by these bands in canceling their North Carolina shows, you should also ask if they plan on canceling the shows they’re playing in these states."
The campaign then offered a list of groups that have cancelled show in North Carolina, including Pearl Jam, Boston, and Bruce Springsteen, and called them out for performing in states with similar "non-discrimination laws." Diaz also noted that some of the groups boycotting the state have performed in Singapore and Russia, both of which have harsh laws regarding LGBT rights.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/pat-mccrory-musicians-anti-lgbt-law
Ricky Diaz, a spokesman for McCrory's gubernatorial campaign, wrote in a statement obtained by The Carolina Mercury that "it is the height of hypocrisy for these Hollywood elitists to deny their service to customers over a political disagreement."
"The reality is that while these and other groups unfairly target North Carolina, they often tour and play shows in the 29 other states with similar levels of anti-discrimination protections as North Carolina," Diaz continued. "If you are writing on the selective outrage expressed by these bands in canceling their North Carolina shows, you should also ask if they plan on canceling the shows they’re playing in these states."
The campaign then offered a list of groups that have cancelled show in North Carolina, including Pearl Jam, Boston, and Bruce Springsteen, and called them out for performing in states with similar "non-discrimination laws." Diaz also noted that some of the groups boycotting the state have performed in Singapore and Russia, both of which have harsh laws regarding LGBT rights.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/pat-mccrory-musicians-anti-lgbt-law
Cue the sad Hulk music:
And where’s Casey Kasem at? Can we get Don on the phone? Ah, Casey there you are! Can you read this for us?
“Pat McCrory, you’re a fucking asshole. You know you could have um… not signed that bill and avoided all of the backlash. But instead… you fucked up. You cannot blame anyone, and you keep insisting on blaming everyone for your colossal fuck up. It’s not selective outrage. It’s not “the left”. No, it’s you, you dirty rotten scumbag.”. And that message was dedicated to the one girl in Raleigh who got her cat… stuck in a tree. I’m Casey Kasem.
But… an actual transwoman on the other hand, actually is planning on going through with a planned show in North Carolina, and that’s Laura Jane Grace of Against Me!
North Carolina has come under fire for its recently-passed Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, otherwise known as HB2 or the so-called “bathroom law.” The legislation requires North Carolinians to use the bathroom of the gender they were assigned at birth, which advocacy groups have protested as an attack on LGBT rights. Various members of the entertainment industry have joined the protests, including Bruce Springsteen and Ringo Starr, who recently canceled concerts in North Carolina, and porn company xHamster, which shamed some of its hypocritical patrons.
There is one musical act that intends to play in North Carolina as scheduled, though. Against Me! frontwoman Laura Jane Grace is refusing to stay out of North Carolina despite the law, announcing plans to play in Durham next month but with a protest in tow. In a BuzzFeed interview, Grace says the band will perform on May 15, but she plans to work with local activists to create “an event around the show as a form of protest to say that despite whatever stupid laws they enact, trans people are not going to be scared. They are not going to go away.” Grace also put out a call on Twitter for activist groups to help her “table the show.”
http://www.avclub.com/article/laura-jane-grace-explains-why-against-me-wont-canc-235322
There is one musical act that intends to play in North Carolina as scheduled, though. Against Me! frontwoman Laura Jane Grace is refusing to stay out of North Carolina despite the law, announcing plans to play in Durham next month but with a protest in tow. In a BuzzFeed interview, Grace says the band will perform on May 15, but she plans to work with local activists to create “an event around the show as a form of protest to say that despite whatever stupid laws they enact, trans people are not going to be scared. They are not going to go away.” Grace also put out a call on Twitter for activist groups to help her “table the show.”
http://www.avclub.com/article/laura-jane-grace-explains-why-against-me-wont-canc-235322
Pass the butter, I think I hear fundie heads exploding!
[font size="8"]Curt Shilling [/font]
Curt Shilling. He may be the Red Sox’ savior, but even Boston fans think he’s a raging douchebag. I mean come on, you can stop pretending (rhymes with "pairfloyds"
). We all know what the “bloody sock” was the end result of. Well this week, after Tweeting this last year, it seems that he can’t stop Tweeting raging right wing bullshit. You might remember this Tweet from last year right?
Well this week ESPN finally shit canned him:
Curt Schilling, a former All-Star pitcher and one of the highest-profile baseball analysts on ESPN, was fired from the network Wednesday, a day after he drew intense criticism for promoting offensive commentary on social media.
Schilling, who had worked for the network since 2010 and most recently offered analysis on “Monday Night Baseball,” was dismissed after sharing a Facebook post this week that appeared to respond to the North Carolina law that bars transgender people from using bathrooms and locker rooms that do not correspond with their birth genders.
The post showed an overweight man wearing a wig and women’s clothing with parts of the T-shirt cut out to expose his breasts. It says: “LET HIM IN! to the restroom with your daughter or else you’re a narrow-minded, judgmental, unloving racist bigot who needs to die.”
To that, Schilling added: “A man is a man no matter what they call themselves. I don’t care what they are, who they sleep with, men’s room was designed for the penis, women’s not so much. Now you need laws telling us differently? Pathetic.”
“ESPN is an inclusive company,” ESPN said in a statement. “Curt Schilling has been advised that his conduct was unacceptable and his employment with ESPN has been terminated.
www.nytimes.com/2016/04/21/sports/baseball/curt-schilling-is-fired-by-espn.html
Schilling, who had worked for the network since 2010 and most recently offered analysis on “Monday Night Baseball,” was dismissed after sharing a Facebook post this week that appeared to respond to the North Carolina law that bars transgender people from using bathrooms and locker rooms that do not correspond with their birth genders.
The post showed an overweight man wearing a wig and women’s clothing with parts of the T-shirt cut out to expose his breasts. It says: “LET HIM IN! to the restroom with your daughter or else you’re a narrow-minded, judgmental, unloving racist bigot who needs to die.”
To that, Schilling added: “A man is a man no matter what they call themselves. I don’t care what they are, who they sleep with, men’s room was designed for the penis, women’s not so much. Now you need laws telling us differently? Pathetic.”
“ESPN is an inclusive company,” ESPN said in a statement. “Curt Schilling has been advised that his conduct was unacceptable and his employment with ESPN has been terminated.
www.nytimes.com/2016/04/21/sports/baseball/curt-schilling-is-fired-by-espn.html
[font size="8"]The Most Florida Story Ever [/font]
It’s hypothetical situation time! Florida Man is so batshit crazy that he has his own Twitter feed and his own Reddit forum. In the state of Florida, you have an 8 year old son. His birthday party is coming up. What do you get him? Well as you can imagine it is Florida. You know, as Homer Simpson called it, America’s wang. And speaking of that, what better Florida way to celebrate an 8 year old birthday party than with strippers?
An unidentified Florida mom is accused of hiring a stripper for her 8-year-old son's birthday after video of the party surfaced on YouTube, according to the New York Post.
Details on the incident are scant. Online sources say the video was recorded in Tampa but so far there is no formal investigation. Authorities in Tampa said they were aware of the video but because the date and location of the party are still uncertain they haven't acted.
Viewers online weren't so forgiving. The video, which shows a woman in light pink undergarments dancing provocatively in front of the boy, has left some commenters disgusted. Screengrabs showing the boy spanking the woman and throwing money at her still exist online but the original YouTube video has been taken down.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-florida-mom-stripper-8-year-old-20160404-story.html
Details on the incident are scant. Online sources say the video was recorded in Tampa but so far there is no formal investigation. Authorities in Tampa said they were aware of the video but because the date and location of the party are still uncertain they haven't acted.
Viewers online weren't so forgiving. The video, which shows a woman in light pink undergarments dancing provocatively in front of the boy, has left some commenters disgusted. Screengrabs showing the boy spanking the woman and throwing money at her still exist online but the original YouTube video has been taken down.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-florida-mom-stripper-8-year-old-20160404-story.html
And now here’s Dakota! Dakota to the stage… You can make it rain for little 8 year old Dylan’s birthday party! And give him a birthday lap dance why don’t you?
[font size="8"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="8"]No More Boaty McBoatface [/font]
Sorry folks but the British Government has spoken. Back in Idiots #21, I talked about the British government allowing people to name a $300 million research vessel, and people called it “Boaty McBoatface”. Well, this week the British government put the kibosh on that deal:
The British government has been accused of “riding roughshod over democracy” after it suggested it would not endorse naming a £200 million ($283 million) polar research vessel Boaty McBoatface. The unseemly title was the winner of an online poll launched by the National Environment Research Council (NERC) to name its new polar research ship. The choice has to be endorsed by ministers.
Appearing to pour cold water on the plans, Science Minister Jo Johnson told BBC Radio Five Live on Monday: “There is a process now for us to review all of the public’s choices. Many of them were imaginative, some were more suitable than others.”
http://www.newsweek.com/british-minister-cold-water-boaty-mcboatface-448897
Appearing to pour cold water on the plans, Science Minister Jo Johnson told BBC Radio Five Live on Monday: “There is a process now for us to review all of the public’s choices. Many of them were imaginative, some were more suitable than others.”
http://www.newsweek.com/british-minister-cold-water-boaty-mcboatface-448897
By the way Stephen Colbert had a great rebuttal to the British government this week:
But still:
See you next week!
Ed note: I know the Top 10 is taking a week off, but part of the reason why I wanted to do this ½ list is to promote the new Top 10 Twitter feed! You can follow us at @DU_InitechTop10. There’s nothing yet but I can promise you will see the usual Top 10 style come to Twitter with lots of random jokes and crazy stories we are known for! See you back with a brand new list on May 1st!
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Delish as always!
