Let Me Set You Straight About Rape
Some of you know me from the writing I did about George Will. I stated how I had not gone to the police because of people who think like him. It constantly takes me aback to see some people's reactions to rape.
I remember discussing the George Will incident with my ex. I told him about how one person chirped up to ask what a girl could have done to prevent a rape and where was her responsibility in it. I stood speechless as my ex told me the girl had a point. The conversation turned to drinking (which the girl had been doing) and I said how consent could not be given if someone has been drinking. My ex countered saying that back in the 80's the only way to get laid was to get someone drunk. My stomach churned as I stood there saying, "You realize you plied me with alcohol the night we first slept together?" It was only then that I realized the first time I had been raped was in my late teens. A fact I had not realized for 20+ years. I did not have all of the facts to know that I was raped. I did not have these facts when I continued sleeping with him years later. I did not have those facts when I got pregnant by him or even when I married him. I did not realize I was living with a rapist when I decided to have a second child with him.
The only thing I knew, until that day, was that my ex had lost his virginity to me that night. I remember he kept filling my glass and telling me to keep up with him. I remember reviving from a blackout long enough to realize I was naked in bed with him and he was cuddling into me saying, "I love you". My reply? "I know". "No, I really love you." "I know." The next day I asked him if we had slept together and he kept dodging the question but finally answered.
Let me set you straight about rape. I don't care who you are - my ex, Brock, or just some joe off the street, if you don't get a no then that is not a yes. AND getting someone to drink a lot, for the sake of taking them to bed, is as bad as using a roofie. You are just finding an alternate way to get past a woman's resistance and it. is. rape. And getting someone to drink or slipping them a roofie is as bad as finding a girl who is drunk and taking advantage of her. It is ALL rape. Notice I did not say it is kind of rape or maybe it is rape. You may think of yourself as a good person but you are a rapist. A rapist is not a good person. They are a predator. They take away your confidence. They invade dark corners of your mind. They make you doubt your ability to judge someone. Mental foundations begin to crumble. They demolish most of what you thought you knew.
But, you say, who wants to stop in the middle of making out to ask if the person wants to go forward? The pragmatist in me wants to say those who do not want to go to jail. The human part of me says someone who cares for other human beings. Someone who wants to make sure the other person is into it as much as they are because that is truly the definition of sexy.
Let me be clear, if you do not get a resoundingly SOBER yes, then it is a no. If someone says "no" or "maybe", it is not an objection to overcome. Move on because if you have to coerce a yes then it is NOT truly a yes. And if they say no but you continue on, and they say nothing, that does not mean the no changed to a yes. That means you are a sexual predator and deserve jail time.
YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW. Do you understand this? Is it clear to you? It is not some harmless fun. You are ruining at least one person's life. We are way past the caveman days where you strike a girl over the head and drag her back to your house. We have laws. You should have a conscience. People are human beings and should be respected. They are not here for your personal enjoyment and to hell with the law. Again, when you do not get a yes, you are breaking the law. You are a criminal. Stop it. Stop breaking the law. Stop using people for your pleasure. We are not objects to satisfy your primal urges.
Yes means yes. No means no. Silence does not make consent.
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