Replace Them All, Dammit!
Boy, did we screw up in November. I say "we" because we're all responsible for elections. Even if we voted individually for the better candidate, we didn't convince enough people in three crucial states to do the same. If we could go back in time, I'm sure we'd replace all of those Republicans we elected with Democrats. Why all? Here's an example of why it's better to just replace them all.
Like most houses, my house has smoke detectors in just about every room, the bathroom excepted. It's an old house, built back in the mid-1950s, so they're all battery operated. Over the past week, one of those smoke detectors started chirping, as if to say, "Get me a new battery, you moron, so you'll know if the house is burning down."
I don't mind replacing smoke detector batteries, but I never seem to do it until the chirping starts, just like everyone else does. So, I went out and bought some overpriced 9v alkaline batteries. I bought four of them, just in case. But here's the problem:
It's almost impossible to tell which smoke detector is chirping. That high-pitched sound is hard to locate, especially when it's so brief and infrequent. By the time you react to the chirp, it's another five minutes before it goes off again. Both my wife and I tried to tell where the last chirp came from. "I think it's the one in the hall." "Well, I think it was the one at the top of the basement stairs." "It didn't sound like that one to me." "Maybe it's the one in the kitchen." So, I replaced the battery for the one in the kitchen, and called it good.
Not so fast, MineralMan! Five minutes later, another chirp sounded, and we went through the same process of trying to figure out which one went off. Well in the course of an hour I had installed all four of the overpriced batteries I had bought. But, then...."Chirp!" Our dogs don't like that sound, so they start barking every time it happens.
Off to the nearest Walgreens to buy more overpriced batteries. This time, I counted all of the smoke detectors, including the one I discovered in the basement bedroom we use to store "original shipping containers" for a broad range of products we have bought over the past 12 years. You never know when you'll have to send something back...
When I got back, I went around and replaced the batteries in every remaining damned smoke detector in the house, including the one in the basement bedroom we never use, except to store boxes we will never use because the products that came in them all work just fine. Finally, I silenced the chirping once and for all. Well...until the next time the batteries get old and the chirping starts again.
So, folks, here's what I recommend. In the next election, why don't we save time and hassle and just replace all of the chirping Republican assholes? Why don't we get everyone who might possibly vote for a Democrat to go to the freaking polls and vote for the Democrats on their ballots? Let's not do it halfway and then have to do it again and again. Let's drag every last Democrat out and vote out all of the damned Republicans. How does that sound?