I am afraid of white people.

[fun n serious]

I am half white and half Mexican, my husband is white, my father was white and I have a mostly white family. My 13 year old son is Arab with a Muslim name. My son is not my current husbands bio child but we have been married since my son was 2. My son asked to go to the movies with a friend from school.. the plan was to have the child's father pick up my son and drive them to the theater. I felt instant fear! Was this white man going to take my child into the woods and kill him? Is he a gun tooting red neck? I started to sweat and felt really uncomfortable. I did let my son go eventually but I met the father who was driving the kids, took his name, phone, address and plate number. This is my life.

[NCTraveler]

1. The chance of your fear becoming a reality is slim to none.

This shows that terrorism works. And it's always good to know the people taking your children outside of their home.

[fun n serious]

4. It's a sad thing to feel.

It is what it is..

[NCTraveler]

8. It's not "it is what it is."

It's irrational fear. I'm glad you are being so open about it. Many have held the same or similar irrational fears. There is help out there for these types of fear. If you allow it to fester unchecked it will harm yourself and those you love most.

[brush]

58. Maybe not so irrational for POCs.

Do you not see what trump's doing?

Many Muslims are scared sh_tless.

Many Latinos fear what's going happen to them.

Do I even have to mention what has and continues to happen to innocent African Americans here?

Mosques are being shot up, and incidents of synagogue vandalizations have risen sharply since trump took over.

Precautions have to be taken in this country if you are a POC. Black people have always know this, other POCs are more aware it now.

I don't see her fear as irrational at all.

[Angry Dragon]

2. not a very good way to have to live

[Ron Obvious]

3. Is this a Poe?

If not, I'd suggest disconnecting from the news and going offline for a while. You sound overwrought.

[fun n serious]

6. I know my reality is not yours

This is how I feel, and this is how many people of color feel.

[jmg257]

13. I bet quite a few white people feel similar fear against others. Their reality too I guess.

[fun n serious]

16. I guess so..

Looks like they are in power and trying to take the brown people OUT just for that reason

[jmg257]

18. Could be. Never underestimate fear...power motivator. Of course bigotry would also play a role.

Especially with lack of any other justification.

[fun n serious]

19. I'm not a bigot.

As I said, I am white, my family is white.

[jmg257]

22. Sorry - didn't mean or say you were a bigot.

[Ron Obvious]

14. It's not the reality of anyone I've ever known either

And I've lived in lots of places and known lots of people of colour.

[fun n serious]

17. I am in a big city, born in a big city

NEVER lived rural. NEVER. So.. I know a lot of people of color who feel this way.

[jmg257]

20. Yep - white people too.

[fun n serious]

21. Except white people are in power.

They have the power to hurt people in a bigger way.

[jmg257]

24. All the same if you're the victim though, no? You are talking personal attack, after all.

[fun n serious]

25. No.

It's not the same. As you can see.. white nationalist get a pass from the president for terror attacks and brown people do not. How did Trump respond to the attack on the Canadian mosque? Did he not just remove white nationalist from the terrorist list? Are there not more white terrorist than brown? Believe me, victim complaints are treated much different.

[jmg257]

29. Sheesh - you started out afraid of your kid getting brought into the woods by a big-city redneck.

And of kids from his school being threatening, and because they own rifles.

Now its about trump and Quebec?

I admit to being confused...

So you are saying you fear other white people because there are more white terrorists then brown? (I have no idea if that's true)
Or because white terrorist may not get the attention of the law as they may have otherwise?

[fun n serious]

31. White people usually are confused

The USA is terrorizing Mexico and Mexicans.. The USA is terrorizing refugees and some how you think it's equal fear?

[jmg257]

37. Hey it was your OP. Now its about the USA vs..? Anyway re:personal fear of being victimized? Yep...

Last edited Mon Feb 6, 2017, 08:26 PM - Edit history (1)

White people may be afraid of PoC. PoC may be afraid of white people.
White people may be afraid of white people. PoC may be afraid of PoC.
PoC may be afraid of LE.

All may have fear of being victimized.

So ALL their reality, right?

[Igel]

56. Yup.

That's us white people.

Easily confused.

Unlike, I guess, black and brown people.

(Geesh. Like something out of an alternate-reality Gone with the Wind.)

[LanternWaste]

66. our confusion can be illustrated.

The white demographic overwhelmingly did get Trump elected, so our confusion can be illustrated-- especially when we speak of false equivalencies to better validate our pretenses of a historical and equal oppression, regardless of what you guess about black and brown people.

Alt+facts, indeed.

[Tom Rinaldo]

67. I am white. You have only my empathy, sympathy, and support

Emotional realities are not countered easily by statistics. Flying is easily the "safest" way to travel but evidence of that does little to calm anyone with a fear of flying. Especially when the news is being dominated by reporting on one or more plane wrecks.

The odds that the father of one of your sons friends would physically attempt to harm your son are quite remote. But those odds were even more remote a year ago. The odds that any train station will get blown up by a bomb while any one of us is there are extremely remote, yet we are all constantly being told to remain vigilant of our surroundings at all times, we are often told; "if you see something, say something". I can understand why you are feeling hyper vigilant against possible hate crimes now. How can you not be, regardless of the odds?

Always know though that by far the overwhelming majority of the people who surround us all every day will rush to our aid in a time of crisis, rather than seek to inflict any harm on us or those we love. That is true across races, across nationalities, across religions and genders etc. We all have our prejudices, but almost all of us recognize the common humanity we share in the presence of suffering. There are exceptions to that of course - but we can't let ourselves be captive to those exceptions. I am not in you shoes so I will never be dismissive of your fears.

It so angers me that those who now hold leadership roles in our national government are not leading the fight against hate, but furthering it instead.

[LanternWaste]

65. No doubt, one may feel it important to draw the equivalency

No doubt, one may feel it important to draw the equivalency, regardless of its source or accuracy. I'd allege the same as you if my bias compelled me to do as much.

[jmg257]

69. We hear about it all the time - the fear white people have...esp. of "others".

The notion is nothing new.

[Ron Obvious]

27. People are generally much nicer than we expect

I live in a big, liberal city and I'm a cyclist -- a pariah in many parts of the country. When I went on a coast to coast solo ride a few years ago, I was genuinely concerned about encounters in the depths of the country, especially on lonely roads. I even considered taking a gun along and I've never owned one in my life.

What I found, without exception, was genuinely nice, helpful and supportive people, as is usually the case with people who are much more dependant on one another than we city folk are.

I felt quite ashamed of my initial apprehension.

But, yes, I am indeed a middle-aged white male if you want to pigeonhole my experience.

[etherealtruth]

26. You know people that have been fortunate or very isolated

The OPs fears are being echoed all around the country

[Ron Obvious]

30. The fears may be

The FBI crime statistics do not show those fears to be realistic.

[etherealtruth]

34. are you seriously asserting that bigotry, racism and xenophobia are tracked by the FBI?

Hate crimes are being reported as on the rise ... dating back to the Primaries and tRump's campaign.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/05/09/donald_trump_and_the_rise_of_anti_muslim_hate_crimes.html

http://kjzz.org/content/402302/young-and-muslim-how-election-donald-trump-has-impacted-muslims-arizona

https://www.splcenter.org/20161129/ten-days-after-harassment-and-intimidation-aftermath-election

Prior to trumps immigration ban ... hate crimes appeared to level off but are reportedly rising again.

[Ron Obvious]

38. No, I'm only looking at the actual murder rates.

Are you suggesting there are massive crimewaves that the FBI is covering up?

[etherealtruth]

48. No and you know I am not

The crime statistics all indicate a rise in "hate" crimes associated with the rise of trump.

The OPs fears are intense ... the OPs child(ren) is at greater risk of being the victim of a hate crime than they were 5 years ago ... 3 years ago. It is little comfort when one's risk to be the victim of a hate crime rises, to know that you (or your children) will probably not be killed in the commission of the crime.

The hate speech from the right is enraging and fear inspiring and the poo-pooing of the risk from some on the left is just as maddening (and poses its own dangers)

[Skidmore]

5. Our families are somewhat similar

and I feel the same fear.

[fun n serious]

10. It's a terrible feeling.

I am worried about my sons every move.
Earlier this year a white classmate threatened to hurt him. This classmate has pictures on his facebook of himself and other kids sporting rifles. I contact the school, the principle said the kid was a PATRIOT exercising his 1st and 2nd amendment rights. I wonder what would have happened if the child's name was Mohahmed or Trayvon?

[obnoxiousdrunk]

7. Is this

fun or serious. ? Can't be both.

[fun n serious]

11. Please do not mock my feelings

This is a real fear

[True Dough]

9. Did you ever see

the video below? This fellow of Mexican heritage interrupts an anti-immigrant protest by a bunch of white men. I'm not recommending this as the ideal way to respond in the face of bigotry, but letting it be known that it's wrong is important, whether verbally or in writing to the media or to your Congressman. Your rights are important. You don't have to put yourself in danger, but don't let them be trampled on. You have the support of many Americans!

[fun n serious]

12. Thank you

[redwitch]

15. I'm so sorry!

It is awful to feel so vulnerable! Try to remember that most people would never hurt any child.

[Warpy]

23. It's prudent to meet any adult you're entrusting your child to

and that is irrespective of color, nationality, creed, or who's got the funniest name.

It's prudent to snatch them back from anyone who self identifies as a Trumper, and that is irrespective of color, creed, nationality, or who might have a funny name.

You might want to adjust your prejudice accordingly.

[etherealtruth]

28. We sound like we may have somewhat similar families ...

... My ancestors hailed from the Scottish Highlands and Ireland ... I can trace my ancestors to this continent back to the 1700s ... however, I married an immigrant that is Muslim. All I can say is I feel your pain and share many of your fears.

I am going to guess that I am older than you and I have recently become a grandmother .... my son-in-law's parents are immigrants from Central America.

I don't know what we can do .... the bigotry is very real

[Dreamer Tatum]

33. So, basically, your life is reduced to getting to know who has your kid.

Wow. Imagine, needing to know something about a person who has your kid.

I mean, if there were no white people, there would be no need to get to know anyone who takes your kid for a while. White people have made it damn near impossible to not care who has your kids.

Goddamned white people.

[fun n serious]

39. He's 13 not 5

I took EXTRA steps because the people were white than I would have if they were Mexican or black. I have very few white friends. The white friends I do have are very liberal, mostly gay. No one in my immediate family is a conservative or republican.

[Dreamer Tatum]

41. This is now Cool Story Bro territory nt

[fun n serious]

44. I'm sorry if it bothers you

I know I am not alone. This is how many of us feel. My white husband is uncomfortable too. I hate that he feels so ashamed to be white.

[lunasun]

57. You are not alone . I fear not only for my children and partner but myself . They have been

given the signal it's ok to be uncivil and mean and declare what is a real American and what is a threat. To me perceived allowed violence could be the next step in their sick heads.
Maybe something Limbaugh said today got them particularly agitated about black people or the next day Muslims or the next day Mexicans

Defend oneself a white naive will say
Yeah. And my word against some old Teabagger man or worse a crazy hater armed women?, now who those (around here) mostly white repug cops gonna believe???
It's certainly not new at all to experience racists and thier usual nasty crap but now they have the green light to step it up IMO
There have already been stepped up racial issues at the schools starting ....
..the day after the election.

[Egnever]

53. Sorry but that sounds like bigotry to me

And if we switched the colors around in your post I think that would be glaringly obvious.

That said you can't help how you feel. I would suggest seeing a counselor though as those fears sound pretty irrational.

[etherealtruth]

42. Hopefully you or your loved one's will never be in a situation where they are a target ...

... or organized irrational hate, bigotry and threat of violence.

It is unfortunate you are offended by the OPs fears rather than feel and express empathy and compassion.

[Dreamer Tatum]

50. They were. Bo and Luke Duke showed up in the General Lee once

And stole my kid right out from under me. Took them to a NASCAR event, made them eat American cheese, gave him a handgun, and tattooed an American flag on his back.

Awful.

[pangaia]

35. I have no idea why so many here are criticizing you.

I am white and have not had to experience that same fear.
BUT, I do know enough 'POC' who DO live with that fear every day.

Including my BIL.

Some handle it better than others...and some worse than others...

[fun n serious]

45. I was just starting to feel comfortable

after Bush and his yellow, green. orange threat warnings and now this..

[nolabels]

36. I am white and I am afraid of white people

Being a Heinz 57 type of caucasian I never had to buy into all that Nationality B.S. If you see it for what it is and understand why people use it as a crutch then it all seems so much simpler.

As far as " white man going to take my child into the woods and kill him" might sound extreme. Then again experiencing some of those kinds of bigoted people in those southeast red states there are those weird possibilities

[fun n serious]

40. i admit it is extreme.

I blame the climate

[fun n serious]

47. Yes,

Part of it is because we have a circle of friends we socialize with regularly and these folks were new to our circle

[nolabels]

51. I don't know if inbred or learned but people in the grouping...

seem to gravitate to that rally cry when available. Definitely, it's fear related having to do with the 'other'. There is no doubt it could be unlearned somewhat if the precipitants are willing but mostly no, they are not. It's kind of scary really if you have someone that is related to you that this type of thought process that's been deeply embedded into there. There is one answer at least though. You just stay away from that type of subject in the conversation and everything mostly works out okay. Hopefully, they live far away so you don't have to see them that often

[wordpix]

43. I always checked out my son's friends and parents before letting him go

And I did not have the same fear of his being part Muslim/Mexican.

I always called up the parents, too, if he wanted to go to someone's home, for a conversation.

Call me overly protective but it worked b/c I was looking out for an innocent child.

[hunter]

46. White people used to call me queerbait and beat the hell out of me in middle and high school.

Seriously, four decades later and I still sometimes catch myself flinching whenever I encounter all-white groups of young men.

I grew up in a community that was 99 44/100 white and kept that way by design, even after housing discrimination was outlawed. "Driving While Black" and other forms of harassment were a favorite sport of the local police. Real estate agents wouldn't show non-white people homes in "better" neighborhoods.

I'm sure that makes me a racist of some kind (I won't dignify the term "reverse" racism...) but I know exactly where my feelings come from.

One of the best decisions I ever made was quitting high school for college. The violence against me stopped, just like that.

My wife is Mexican American. One of my grandfathers, in the old white California tradition, would call her a "Mexican girl." He was okay with dating Mexican girls, but men in his family didn't marry them. He boycotted our wedding. He did, to his credit, get over it. The odd thing is he was considered a fairly progressive and liberal guy for his time, he really did have friends and respected coworkers who were not white, who were not heterosexual, who were not men, who were not some acceptable flavor of Christian.

Our kids grew up in cosmopolitan places. Their friends represent a rainbow of humanity, and I'm proud of that. We raised them in an environment where that was normal.

I've lived most of my adult life in places where I'm not a majority white guy. That doesn't mean I'm without white privilege. I do my best to recognize that.

[fun n serious]

49. Yes,

even the well intended people have some form of bias. My father was white, met my Mexican mother is Los Angeles CA. I never knew how my fathers family felt about my mom since I was not raised in the same town as my fathers family. I live in Portland OR now and still have people telling me to SPEAK ENGLISH when I am talking in Spanish with my mom in public.

[Squinch]

52. Do you lock the car doors when you are in a white neighborhood? Do you cross the street

so as not to have to walk too close to a white person on the sidewalk because you are afraid they will do something to you? Do you assume that white men are going to hurt you simply because they are white?

Somehow, this seems familiar.... hmmmm....

And yes, it is always a good idea to know something about the person you are handing your child over to.

[lunasun]

59. Actually if I am in a all white area I DO avoid walking close to white people. Not because I am

afraid of them . But whites have in the past let me know they are afraid of me and I don't want any crazy trouble but this is not a new habit.
I know you can't understand but even holding a door open at a store for some older white people and following behind them just get them all purse clutching and crazy and certainly no thanks just a nasty wtf are you doing look
I know you think this is reverse racism and thinking that imo is understandable since whites are always accused of racism, but it also is an easy out to not walk in another's shoes for even a second

[JI7]

55. this really isn't something to fear

Maybe if he was gOing to some trump rally.

But this is the father of his friend.

And I'm not white either.

[Afromania]

60. for those that are discounting her fear. I have a story

When I was a kid my friends and I collected baseball cards. Now I don't know if anybody is going to remember this but in the 80's and 90's folks thought they would pay for their next house or college or retirement. Anyway, there was a card shop the next town over and being 10 or 11 at the time. We were ready to roam as kids just getting their sea legs are want to do. It was summer so roaming was in high season.

We'd decided to visit the baseball card shop that afternoon and were leaving from the house of guy that lived closest to the town border. As we were heading out his mother asked where we were going and upon being told became deadly serious. She didn't tell us not to go but she did insist that we were back by 5PM. It was the middle of summer and sundown was well after 8pm so it was a strange request but we all said fine because she wasn't going to let us go otherwise. I asked my my friend what was up with having to be back at 5 and he promptly told me that she was afraid that we might be harassed, or worse for being in town at the wrong time of day while being black.

See, the town over was, and still is 90+% White where as our town was mixed race, albeit geographically divided. You know, that whole side of the tracks sort of deal. This was before some of my other run in's with race as a kid so I was baffled why anybody would be interested in doing anything like that now. I mean in our elementary school there were exactly 3 white kids and they were fairly popular, but I digress. Long story short is that her fear isn't a new fear. It's not something manufactured as a result of one centralized shock event. It's an old fear, one steeped in ideologies acted upon, and executed countless times in countless places across hundreds of years. A fear that has been crystallized at the core experience of being a black, or brown person in the United States. It's a fear that isn't unfounded and is one that is passed down from generation to generation. Each generation is a little less bigoted than the last. Eventually it will burn it's self to the embers and extinguish. Then of course we'll find some new way to divide ourselves.

For the OP, I'm not going to be ok because that would be presumptuous and the atmosphere right now is toxic as hell.

[JI7]

61. that's still different than thinking the dad of your kid's friend is going to take the kid and shoot

him to death.

[Afromania]

62. That it is

but my point is the fear she has is long standing one, nothing new and it's going to disappear very slowly. Infact all honesty her children and her grandchildren will have the same sort of fears she has with their kids. Based on the OP's description of her background it's something that she may have been aware of but wasn't pervasive; I could be wrong but that's how I read it. Now with things the way the reality of this thing has grown to include anybody with a background that the "Alt-Right" doesn't like. While it includes white people who aren't aligned with black and brown peoples. Their primary hate target is still painted squarely on the backs of folks like me.

[MichMary]

63. In your area

has there been a rash of children being abducted and shot in the woods?

[snooper2]

64. I know what you mean, it's like- I Can Do Whatever I'm WHITE!

Have you seen this!

[linuxman]

68. Bravo.

I love a good parody.