"62 Million Reasons I'm Not the Same Anymore"

[babylonsister]

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2017/03/15/62-million-reasons-im-not-the-same-anymore/

62 Million Reasons I’m Not the Same Anymore
March 15, 2017 / John Pavlovitz


Some people tell me that I’ve changed; that I’ve become more confrontational and irritable, that I am less tolerant of disagreement now. They say that I seem angrier, that I’m more political. They tell me that I’m not the gentle, loving soul I once was and they regularly click their tongues against the roof of their mouths in judgment, lamenting the person they say I used to be.

I could argue with their assessment, but in the interest of time I’ll just go ahead and concede. In fact, I’ll tell them precisely when the change they sense actually began. It began when 62 million people in this country voted for the man who spoke these words, to be our President:

I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it.

I did try and f*ck her. She was married.I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping.

She wanted to get some furniture. I said, “I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.” I took her out furniture —

I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.

Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the p*ssy. You can do anything.

There were plenty of moments before and since of course, but looking back this was a pivot point—one that changed me irrevocably. It made me feel estranged around people I used to feel at home with and it derailed my hope that decency would prevail. And so in many ways this was the moment of my emancipation from feeling obligated to make nice with them; because despite his woefully malignant words and everything they pointed to about his character, his predatory behavior, his misogyny, his indecency, his infidelity, his disregard for the humanity of women, 62 million adults, many of them professed Christians essentially said “This is my guy.”

And if you were among those who said it, you can justify it or rationalize it away or spin it any way you want—and I’ll politely but unapologetically tell you you’re full of it. You can pile every real or imagined boogeyman in front of me as a reasonable defense, but at the end of the day you elevated the man who said these words and was guilty of this behavior to the highest office in our country, awarding him the greatest power—and that is solely on you. I will not share the blame with my silence.

As for me, I know who I am and what I stand for, and it could never be this. So confrontational or not, irritable or not, less tolerant or not, angrier or not, political or not, this is who I am now. I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t co-sign this, I am still not okay with it—and honestly, I’m not okay with those who are okay with it.

And regardless of how uncomfortable it may make some people, I’m fully comfortable with my holy discontent right now, and so all the tone policing and shame-throwing and wrist-slapping in the world isn’t going to deter me or silence me or move me from this path of most resistance. He said what he said, he was rewarded despite having said it, and I have been fundamentally altered and there’s nothing I can do about it now but speak the words I feel called to speak.

So yes, I suppose I have changed, and there are about 62 million reasons why. I’d have preferred not to have to have witnessed these days at all or to feel this way about so many people I live with or alongside. I’d have preferred that so many of my Christian brothers and sisters didn’t elevate such malevolence. I’d prefer to be the same person I used to be but that’s not going to happen.

We’re both just going to have to get used to it.

[smirkymonkey]

1. K&R

[coco22]

2. Kicked&Recommmended...

[bronxiteforever]

3. Wow. K & R. It's how I feel too.

[Wounded Bear]

4. K & R ......must read...nt

[mountain grammy]

5. K & R

and it wasn't just that he said these words.. this is how he lives his life.. his very privileged life.

[bigbrother05]

6. The interesting part is that so many of them praised him for "telling it like it is"

They feel free to spout insensitive and/or racist things that shouldn't be used in polite company, but are aghast should anyone point that out or criticize any braying pronouncement from the sitting administration.

When they voted for tRump, they gave up any claim on civil discourse.

[brer cat]

7. Amen.

I am the same way...angry, more confrontational, and with zero tolerance for the idiots who voted for him. No excuses will move me to accept or understand these willfully ignorant voters.

[hatrack]

8. This, X 1,000

[Kimchijeon]

9. K&R

[Orrex]

10. Something else that galls me about the "I moved on her" bit

My small community, with its $26K average household income, is in love with Trump, and they sing his praises on the community FB page while still howling about Killary and Barry HUSSEIN Obummer. They "God bless" each other left and right while expressing open contempt for immigrants and refugees.

I asked about Trump's bragging re: sexual assault and barging in on naked children, and the Trump community was quickly dismissive:

"He's a powerful man who's used to getting his way."
"I like him because he says what he thinks."
"She'd be lucky if he even looked at her."
"It's his pageant, he can do what he wants."
etc.

Then a week or so later there was a big story about a sex offender being arrested for failing to register his new address. Not to diminish that person's crime, but these same Trump zealots who were lining up to fellate President Sex Offender were suddenly climbing over each other for the chance to castrate this private sex offender in the public square.


It's funny what people can embrace once they've swigged the Kool-Aid.

[matt819]

11. And a brief note to those 62 million

45 doesn't care about you. Paul Ryan doesn't care about you. Republicans don't care about you. All the good stuff that you have benefited from over the past 7 decades has been the result of Democrats and Democratic leadership, with Republicans signing on grudgingly.

45 made $150 million in 2005. If you're making $50,000 a year, it will take you 3,000 years to make $150 million. Just sayin'.

There's a reason your dear leader is appointing only billionaires and CEOs to his cabinet. He respects only money. You don't have any. You're a loser. Sad. Unlike Paul Ryan, 45 may not actually want you to die, but if you do, he won't care.

[SammyWinstonJack]

23. +1000000!

Yeah, they'll never get it. Willfully ignorant and proudly so.

[not fooled]

39. Spot on

Well said.

How 62 million people could be so stupid as to think that this rich asshole cared about them--it's mystifying.

[CrispyQ]

12. I had some issues reconciling people's vote for W - trying to keep politics out of relationships.

But this is beyond the pale. Seriously, this man is compromised on so many levels, in so many ways, it's frightening. For everything they accused Clinton of, he is 100 times worse. But I fear that like him, his followers don't admit when they are wrong, so they will stick by him as he takes us all down.

I remind myself that it took 2 years to get Nixon & already there is so much more here, so be patient. I hope I am right that there is a major contingent working in the background - CI, military, government officials - waiting for the right moment to take him out of office.

[Martin Eden]

26. W in 2000 was one thing: W in 2004 was quite another.

He and Cheney were already proven war criminals by that time.

[LisaM]

30. My issues in 2000 were more with the GOP, to some lesser extent for the voters.

What galled me the most was the fact that they stole an election in broad daylight, and literally did not care. The people who voted for him didn't care. He ignored security warnings and 9/11 happened, and they did not care. He started wars and they lionized him for it.

I realized in 2000 how much this divide existed, and it turned me into a much angrier person. It affected my health, especially my mental health.

This is the same thing to me, only this time there is a little less lipstick on the pig.

[SunSeeker]

13. Yep, it crossed a line. I can't make nice with someone who votes for fascists. nt

[Lucky Luciano]

14. Seriously. This alone should have absolutely disqualified him...

...not to mention the many other abhorrent things about him.

[rivegauche]

15. I could not agree with this more.

At age 57 I've finally lost my illusion that "we" are good people. 62 million, and millions of WOMEN, were ok with this. I can never get over that, I can never forgive it. I'm beyond angry, way beyond disgusted.. at this point I am not caring at all what happens to this country. If that unspeakably vile fuckpig is 62 million American's idea of Presidential, well. .. fuck them. Fuck America. Let it burn.

[LaydeeBug]

16. kick...I'll be kicking this a lot, I think. nt

[joanbarnes]

17. My sentiments EXACTLY, sister.

[treestar]

18. K&R

It is just so disgusting that they did not draw the line. Vote for McCain or Dubya, etc. is one thing, but here they should have drawn the line.

[LuckyLib]

19. Yes, indeed. The woman-hating demonstrated by this buffoon is amazing. That it reflected

the attitudes of so man men AND women in this country was truly sad.

[gademocrat7]

20. K&R!

[hamsterjill]

21. Well written piece.

Utterly, completely and accurately describes how so many of us feel.

Thanks for posting.

[Permanut]

22. Another K&R

[maxsolomon]

24. My 80 year old father is one of those 62 million

and I can barely speak with him anymore. I avoid doing so because I don't want to start ranting like I did when I was a teenager.

Yes, I know I have to get over it. I'm just too unhappy to face it.

[barbtries]

25. that happens to me too.

my own son asks me to stop with the negative propaganda. i could not love him more but i say hide what you don't want to look at. you should be paying attention though. you're the young one and your children are even younger than you are.

[elmac]

27. 62 Million suffering from a Fox fake news lobotomy nt

[Fast Walker 52]

45. FoxNews induced dementia is a thing, and it is a pandemic in rural areas

[Ligyron]

28. Happy to make the 80th rec.

Kick, kick, kick

[Leith]

29. That's Just ONE of the Unforgivable Things That orange boy Has Done

His blatant lies, the promises he never had any intention of fulfilling, the insults, the cheating, how he hides his foreign entanglements, being a Putin toady, the vulgarity, the staff he surrounds himself with, the list goes on and on.

[kytngirl]

31. John Pavlovitz read my mind.

Last edited Wed Mar 15, 2017, 02:34 PM - Edit history (1)

I couldn't believe he has written verbatim exactly how I feel. How I feel at work, how I feel at church, how I feel about living in this great country. Everything has changed.

I am a woman of color. I belong to a predominately white southern baptist church of about 2,000 active members. I've been a member for over 10 years. I'd grown to love my church and have made life-long friends. I was warmly embraced and never made to feel different, even when I would be at functions with over 200 people and I was the lone chocolate chip in the cookie.

I'd attended black baptist churches all of my life until I join my current church. I took a 9-month Bible study course there and knew that was where I needed to be in order for me to grow spiritually. Until I joined that church I didn't even know what "evangelical" meant. It was never used in the black churches I grew up in or attended later in life. I now know that when I hear the the word evangelical, for the most part it means "white" Christian. Still I was content.

Then #45 happened. I went to church the Sunday after the election and the congregation was just electric. You could feel their happiness and joy at #45 being elected president. I sat there and wept. I looked around at those faces and said to myself, "How could you?" I've not been back since.

I will eventually go back I suppose. They are the same people now as they were after the election. I'm the one who changed, not them. They have called me (it wasn't hard not to notice when I wasn't there). They have emailed and texted me. They have sent me letters and cards. They have sent me gifts of books and CDs - trying to "lift my spirit". They don't know what's wrong or what has happened. All they know is that they don't see me anymore. I tell each and everyone of them the same thing when they inquire. "Nobody said anything to hurt me. I just cannot handle this church right now."

I did email my pastor and asked him to help me understand how he could preach Jesus Sunday and Sunday and then people (him too probably) vote for someone with no moral compass, a white supremacist, someone as far from Jesus as you could get. I told him that hearts were exposed by their votes. He responded (IMO) rather huffy and said that he wouldn't answer my question because he'd never walked in my shoes. Huh? Whatever. Then he went on to say that members told him they couldn't bring themselves to vote for HRC. Okay, but HRC wasn't part of my question. Needless to say of all the members who have contacted me to say they miss me, love me and are praying for me, my pastor is not among them.

[byronius]

33. Some of the nicest, warmest, kindest people thought Adolf would rebuild Germany.

Human psychology is bizarre. A lot of people take their deepest primate feelings and not only pretend they don't exist but search endlessly for reasons to support things they shouldn't because they're not looking at the Deep Stuff driving them.

[babylonsister]

34. Hello and

welcome to DU. Thanks kindly for sharing your story and yes, the hypocrisy out there is smacking us all upside the head. I have friends and brothers who voted for him; I will never understand the attraction after all the hateful, sexist, bigoted things he's said. His actions have been equally bad imo; seems as if he's intent on bring our whole country down as long as he can line the pockets of his friends and himself. What is appealing about that to me/us? To them? Beats me.

[rivegauche]

37. What a betrayal.

I'm white so I won't claim to understand your reality, but as a woman, I also feel betrayed by my gender. It's like all the illusions have been ripped away, isn't it? I really appreciated your post even though I'm an atheist. You felt at home and secure in a place where all of a sudden, you realized the people in your home were total strangers you could not trust. This is the worst feeling, and for me there is no going back. If millions of American women were ok with the pussy-grabber then, I am done. I turn my back on the so-called sisterhood.

[byronius]

32. Yes.

[Initech]

35. I might have to enroll in Rageaholics Anonymous if this keeps up.

[TNNurse]

36. It was just one of the deal breakers for anyone who actually thinks.

The impression of the reporter waving his arms around,

comparing anything he has done to military service and that he knows more than "the generals",

saying he could shoot someone in the street and not lose votes.....

As far as I am concerned anyone of those "incidents" made him unelectable.....I just cannot understand.

And I am sure there are more.

[IronLionZion]

38. Germany didn't start with the camps

They started with normal people accepting the unacceptable, defending the indefensible, and demonizing their fellow people as the enemy.

I still can't believe Trump wasn't stopped after mocking the disabled reporter.

I never expected such an irredeemable bastard to make it thought his party's primaries, let alone win the majority of electoral votes.

Just a few thousand more votes in PA and Michigan and we could have stopped him and put Hillary in the white house.

Just a few thousand more votes in PA and Wisconsin, maybe Missouri, we could have a Senate majority to neuter him.

[LiberalLovinLug]

40. We can't let those quotes and other recorded incidents die on the vine

They should be pronounced back to the GOP reps as well as every Trump voter every chance possible. Artists and musicians should be making works about it.

A thought just crossed my mind as i wrote that: I wonder what the Christian right that is always slamming rap lyrics for being too violent and misogynist and vulgar would react if a prominent rapper released a song where he just used Trumps own words as his lyrics? That would be a statement. If there's any rappers reading this....eh.....eh?

[woofless]

41. Shake it!

[Squinch]

42. This exactly.

[florida08]

43. amen sister

This is righteous anger. This was done because these people wanted a degenerate thug to come in and punish both republicans and democrats. The TPP was a BFD. That's why Trump is in there.

[Solly Mack]

44. K&R

[linnknee]

46. I'M WITH YOU

I get a lot of - calm down he's our president now. I can't accept that. He is not my president now, never will be my president, and it still makes my brain hurt that ANYONE VOTED FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT. The imbecile is FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and reads speeches like a 10 year old learning to read. No policies, can even discuss a policy that little Paulie wrote because he does not understand health care, foreign affairs, economic theories, basic government. He does not read. Best of all he gets HIS POLICIES, IDEAS AND REAL REAL REAL NEWS FROM FAUX.

Many days I take an anti-nausea pill to feel better.

And then of course, if we ever got rid of the imbecile, we would have the little bible toting munchkin PENCE who comes with his own horror show.

[duhneece]

47. I pray that THIS time, I send this to my son's ex father in law

Without a doubt, one of the kindest men I've ever met in my 66 years is this man, A Cruz, voted for the Republicans' choice for POTUS.
His daughter, the mother of my grandson, was married to my son 15 years ago for two years. They divorced 13 years ago.

After their divorce, my son went to prison, and this man insisted and actually took my grandson to see my son regularly. For four years.

When my son was out for two years, stable and living with my daughter who was named 'Law Enforcement Officer of the Year' for 2016, by the Sheriff Office in Lubbock TX, Cruz strongly suggested that grandson live with them...and he has been for 6 months now.

I just spent two nights at the Cruz's home. After feeding me AND my daughter (grandson's aunt), we came back with homemade quilts.

Thank goddess that my son's former wife supported Obama, loud and clear, as does my 14 year old grandson, but her father remains a staunch R's choice for POTUS supporter....

So hard to understand...so hard.

He was the Navy recruiter for parts of the West main guy. I want to mention remarks about POW's and the mocking of the disabled and remind him (he never actually forgets) that my late husband lost both legs in Viet Nam ...

I've had a really hard time over the past few years...my daughter has had to shut me up (and take me to the other room momentarily) to keep the peace when we all went to her, my son and grandson's house over Christmas.