Readings from the Republican Bible

[FrodosNewPet]

"Brothers and sisters, our lesson today is entitled, 'What is our obligation to the poor and feeble?'. Please open your bibles to the Book Of Gop, Chapter 11, verses 13 and 14".

"And Republican Jesus looked upon the gathered multitudes and said, 'Bling bling, cha ching, cha ching! More money, more money, cash is King! Get paid, get laid, all the poor fools are going to get slayed'"

[DetlefK]

1. Have you heard of the "Conservative Bible Project?" 100% not kidding.

http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible_Project

They want to to re-translate the Bible to modern english to reveal its original meaning: Conservatives are great, liberals are *ack-pfui*.



And they can do this because they understand that the Old Testament was written during the babylonian exile by jewish scholars who retconned and re-edited the many religious stories of the people of Israel into one comprehensive book?
(e.g. inserting camels into a story at a time when there were no camels yet in Palestine.)

And they can do this because they understand that the New Testament was edited and re-edited over and over again and the Council of Nicaea was held to determine what gets to be in the Bible and what gets thrown out?
(Sadly, we'll have to wait for the Director's Cut to see the chapter with Jesus and the dragon.)

And they can do this because they are scholars of Aramaic, Ancient Hebrew, Ancient Greek, Latin and medieval English?

[FrodosNewPet]

2. The Conservative Bible

Now with even more of the misogyny and exclusionary blood lust that people crave!

[lame54]

3. "Step right up for your loaves and fishes...

Only 5 shekels each."