Don't forget to unplug the phone when you call. . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!!

[skip fox]

Donald ("What are all these papers doing on my desk?&quot Trump is saying: "Listen, Henry, I've got it all figured out. Russian and Iran warn me about bombing Syria for the gas attack, so I double down. . . . Not only do I ignore their warnings, but now I tell them I'll bomb a dozen Syrian airbases or more if Assad even uses any more barrel bombs, . . . then if he does, I'll blast the hell out of him, . . . and if Russian or Iran or anyone else objects, I'll warn them about a full-scale nuclear exchange. . . . It can't lose, Henry, you'll see."

[milestogo]

1. Oligarchs pretending to work.

[randome]

2. "Hello? Who is this? What are you wearing? Say 'Big Mac' in a sultry tone."

"Oh. Mike, it's for you."
[hr][font color="blue"][center]"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen, Anthem (1992)[/center][/font][hr]

[monmouth4]

3. Is Pence reading a Bible??..n/t

[mia]

4. What's this Diet Coke doing on my desk?

“I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.”

[luvMIdog]

5. Yes there's a giant zit forming on my lower right cheek. Send something over

[Johonny]

6. (Trump) Hello, Is this Angela Merkel.

(Angela) Yes, who may I ask is calling.

(Trump) This Donald...Donald Trump.

(Angela) The idiot in charge of America.

(Trump) Yes, the idio...president.

(Angela) Go on.

(Trump) I just called to ask if your refrigerator is running.

(Angela) All our refrigerators are examples of fine German engineering, never has one not worked.

(Trump)Then you better let him out. (hangs up)

(gallery) (fake laughter so obvious anyone but Trump would know its not real) That's incredibly amusing Mr. President.

(Trump) Oh this is so great. Who do we call next? Let's call Putin and ask if he has Prince Albert in a can...

[skip fox]

7. Donald Trump is saying:

"Well, Ivanka, we've already decided a coronation would be best and would install me in the public imagination as a new king, but we're still working out the details. . . . So , let me just ask you: . . . what kind of robes would go best with a golden throne and golden, jewel studded scepter?"

[uponit7771]

8. Invanka, yeah its me... Get someone up here to read all this shit for me, I don't know these words

[ProudLib72]

9. Big uh oh!

Li'l Donnie: Hello, Mrs Pence, yes this is Donald. I'm calling to let you know that your husband is, as we speak, looking at pictures of women's ankles. Don't worry, though. I have Bannon monitoring him so he doesn't get too carried away.

Pence: Aww, you're such a tattle tale! I told you not to let Mother know.

[lpbk2713]

10. "Do you realize how important I am?"

"We are the telephone company. We don't care; we don't have to."