United Airlines confirms that beatings will continue until volunteering improves (satire)
United Airlines have confirmed that they are no longer troubled by overbooked flights in what they have renamed ‘Club Class’.
Instead, a spokesman told us this morning that tickets for the airline will double as a raffle entry for the 2017 Hunger Games, with lucky passengers being asked to fight for available seats.
Speaking over footage of a passenger screaming as he was punched in the face for asking for the service he’d paid for, a spokesman for United confirmed that the airline would shortly be rebranding as an adventure destination for danger-seekers.
A spokesman for United said that they were mystified by the response to the video of a bloodied passenger being by dragged off by staff, and stressed that offering $400, then $800, and then violently assaulting someone at random is perfectly normal in the airline business.
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http://newsthump.com/2017/04/11/united-airlines-confirms-that-beatings-will-continue-until-volunteering-improves/