This made me laugh
I grabbed this from the WaPo comments section and thought it was funny
A Day in the Life of Cletus, Typical Republican:
8:00am Rise and Shine! Checks under bed for terrorists.
8:30am Breakfast (Guns, God, Grits, & Gravy)
9:00am Killed by Radical Islamic Terrorists (forgot to check pantry; got better)
10:00am AM Radio talky-box worship hour in the barn
11:00am Defends home and family from marauding horde of black girls in military-themed outfits (Berets, sashes with combat medals) and boxes of “cookies” (no charges filed. Stand your Ground!)
12:00pm Lunch (Just Grits & Gravy, still kind of full from breakfast)
1:00pm Killed by an “Illegal” (got better)
2:00pm Boss gives self large performance bonus; feel immediate economic benefit!
2:30pm Snack (Gravy)
3:00pm Send requested funds to Nigeria in anticipation of Huuuuuge returns.
3:30pm Killed by Radical Islamic Terrorists hiding behind mailbox (got better)
4:00pm Fretting and obsessing about the genital configuration and romantic, sexual, and reproductive practices of strangers.
7:00pm Dinner (Chik-Fil-A; take that, oddly irresistible perverts!)
9:00pm Roger Aisles Retirement Mourning Party
10:00pm Killed by marauding “Illegal” (Note to self; check *behind* as well as *under* recliner!; got better)
11:30pm Defends home from invasion by daughter returning from night out. (Thank God son is okay! No charges filed. Honest mistake!)