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Glennon Doyle
June 20, 2015 ·
Kay. At two am child 3 shook me awake from a dead sleep to report with terror that: MOMMY! I JUST OPENED MY EYES AND IT WAS ALL DARK AND I WAS ALONE IN MY BED!! Once again, I explained that this was not a description of some shocking, unique horror but THE NORMAL PROCESS OF SLEEPING. Thats just SLEEPING, I said to my girl as she stared at me with a face that asked: "what is this sleeping of which you speak???? Is this something people DO?"
At nine am I sat across the kitchen table, bleary eyed, listening to child 1 present a serious case for why he should get PAID by ME for, basically, breathing. Just breathing is what I gathered from him. Existing. Something about human rights. I dont even know. I dont know. What I do know is that I was so freaking tired from child 3s Breaking Sleeping News that I just picked up my coffee and said: I need you to stop talking. Just stop talking. Now, please.
At 10 am I took child 2 to the store to get Craig a fathers day gift. There was a bird in a cage at the store. Child 2 spent ninety seconds with this bird. Upon leaving the store, child 2 looked at me and said, Mom, instead of buying me a horse, Id like you to buy me a bird. I stared at child 2 and eventually said, WHAT THE? I am not buying you a horse, or a bird, or even a popsicle. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, child? Get in the car. It has been one full hour and Child 2 has not stopped talking about this bird. Apparently, I have ruined her life because- and I quote: You say you value family, mom. That bird was my family.
I do not know. I just do not know.
Listen to me. Every time I go to speak somewhere- tired, worn out, wild eyed mamas raise their tired hands and say to me, Glennon, I feel like Im losing it at home. I feel CRAZY.
LISTEN TO ME. For obvious reasons, I am no parenting expert. But I know a helluva lot about crazy. And I want you to trust me on this one. I want you to write this down and put it on your fridge for me:
ITS NOT YOU. ITS THEM.
ITS THEM.
Listen: I spent time in a mental hospital and I am here to report that everyone, every single one of the beautiful folks I lived in there with was more reasonable than the small people I live with now. All of them.
YOU ARE GOOD AND NORMAL AND REASONABLE. ITS THEM. The crazy is not in your head. Its IN YOUR HOUSE. We have to wait them out. We just have to smile and wait them out. We have fought too hard for our sanity to lose it now.
Repeat after me: Its not me. Its THEM.
I love you. 8 hours till bedtime. Godspeed.
G
http://momastery.com/blog/2015/09/02/its-not-you-its-them/
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)that is too funny, in a sad sorta way
tblue37
(65,340 posts)pnwmom
(108,977 posts)Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)Link added.
Warpy
(111,255 posts)but it's so damned hot in the southwest that I didn't get to sleep until 4 AM and was awakened at 8 AM by a very large flatbed truck carrying various earth moving equipment stopping in front of my house, unloading the equipment, and raising holy hell with it down the street. It is now 3 PM and they finally decamped, meaning I could get out of the driveway now if I wasn't too tired and weird to drive.
And it's hot, oh gawd, it's hot. It'll probably be another 11 hours until it cools down enough for me to sleep and the assholes will likely be back tomorrow morning. FML.
(I was a sleepwalker when I was little. My mother's favorite story said I walked into their bedroom in the middle of the night and announced I had absolutely no intention of playing golf. Then I went back to bed. I was four)
annabanana
(52,791 posts)Corvo Bianco
(1,148 posts)I actually had a THERAPY SESSION because I resented my mother for not getting me a kitten. I hope yours forgets this bird a little easier!
And as long as you want to admit that your kids are changing your brain, my boss recently got so wrapped up in her 4-year-old's crisis-of-the-moment (husband had just put the toys away) that she joined in on the crying parade--"Why do you have to be so mean! " What a treat for her husband
lostnfound
(16,179 posts)Did Child 1 go on a 1200 mile Ferris Bueller trip across the country without permission and without a license but with your car?
No?
Why do I ask?
I dunno, just curious I guess.
Peace. And thank you. It's going on my fridge.
MuseRider
(34,109 posts)I only had 2. 3 would have tipped me right over the edge. They made me a drinker, that I can say. Not a serious drinker but someone who went from never drinking to someone who had to have a glass of wine every night just to forget. LOL, ya gotta love them.
malaise
(268,993 posts)Thanks for this Grits