Mueller Rents Giant Warehouse to Store Evidence Against Trump...Borowitz Report

[madokie]

Satire from The Borowitz Report


By Andy Borowitz

September 18, 2017


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Robert Mueller is renting a massive warehouse facility in suburban Virginia to accommodate the approximately forty cubic tons of evidence against Donald Trump that the independent counsel’s investigation is generating on a daily basis.

Employing over two thousand workers in a warehouse the size of seven football fields, the Mueller investigation has become the fastest-growing sector of the U.S. economy, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Working twelve-hour shifts, the members of Mueller’s evidence-storage team rarely leave the warehouse, where the punishing task of filing mountains of evidence against Trump proceeds around the clock.

“It’s like a city all its own,” one warehouse worker said. “There are people working in the Michael Flynn section who’ve never met the people working in the Paul Manafort section.”

While the warehouse workers are well paid, there have been issues with burnout. “The team in charge of filing all of Donald Trump, Jr.,’s different explanations of his meeting with the Russians had to take time off,” one worker said.

As gargantuan as the storage space appears to be, an aide to Mueller said that the investigation would soon be seeking a second, even larger warehouse. “We need a place to put all the Jared stuff,” the aide said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mueller-rents-giant-warehouse-to-store-evidence-against-trump?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20091817%20Experimental&CNDID=49553061&spMailingID=11946645&spUserID=MTkwMzY3ODcxNjc1S0&spJobID=1241522576&spReportId=MTI0MTUyMjU3NgS2

[Throck]

1. What's a cubic ton?

As opposed to spherical pounds?

What's a henweigh?

[DetlefK]

3. IIRC, cubic ton is a measure of volume, not weight.

1 cubic ton is 1 cubic meter, because 1 cubic meter of water weighs 1 ton.

[mdbl]

2. ROFL!

I think it's a joke, right?

[DetlefK]

4. Andy Borowitz is one of the best investigative reporters. He won't joke about this.

[mdbl]

5. Well, if you turned every piece of evidence into a box,

you would need all that space I"m sure.

[SergeStorms]

6. Always look for telltale signs....

of political satire. Especially the one at the top of the page on the original article. Borowitz is one of the country's top satirists, and it's always difficult to tell if his satire is truth, especially when writing about the Trump administration. They supply just so damned much material, it's staggering!

[njhoneybadger]

7. Nope, tRumps Bagdad Bob Brigade says not one shred of evidence has been found

[democratisphere]

8. drumpf is creating jobs.

MAGA