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(17,984 posts)
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 02:05 PM Oct 2017

Breaking: Strange, Depressed Orange Man Spotted on Roof of WH

This is a developing story...

Reports are coming in about an orange hued man standing perilously close to the edge of the WH roof. The man is apparently repeating the same word over and over "MAGA", as he stares at the ground below. Police who have been called to the scene have sent in a professional psychologist to try and talk the man down, but so far it has not helped. The man is insisting he will only speak with Hannity from Fox News network. Police are afraid that the extra long tie the man is wearing will catch the wind that is beginning to pick up, and that he will be pulled over the edge. Several WH aides have tried luring the man off the roof with buckets of KFC, pizza from Pizza Hut, and charred steaks slathered in ketchup. So far, the only response has been a slight pause in the man's repetition of "MAGA" to say the words "Diet Coke". Evangelicals from across the country have showed up, promising to lay hands on the man's body should he decide to jump....

A woman has just emerged from the WH. It is unclear what she is saying. It appears she is speaking English but with a very heavy eastern European accent. It seems she is shouting insults at the man, encouraging him to jump. Yes, the woman is definitely trying to bully the man into jumping from the roof....

Firefighters have arrived on the scene. They seem to be wandering aimlessly. The fire chief is saying something about budget cuts and not being able to afford a safety net....


Throughout the day yesterday a small crowd was gathered in front of the WH to watch the strange man on the roof. This afternoon, Hillary Clinton made an appearance and the crowd swelled to over 20,000. She autographed some copies of her new book and told everyone not to worry about the strange man on the roof: "This is just him being histrionic," she said. Hillary Clinton stayed for half an hour then left. The majority of the crowd dispersed soon afterward.

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Breaking: Strange, Depressed Orange Man Spotted on Roof of WH (Original Post) ProudLib72 Oct 2017 OP
Jump motherfucker! smirkymonkey Oct 2017 #1
You beat me to the punch. :) jrthin Oct 2017 #2
Id say this... Docreed2003 Oct 2017 #3
A little secret of the trade, they all jump underpants Oct 2017 #4
It must be the same guy C_U_L8R Oct 2017 #5
Who is that guy to his right with is arm around him? ProudLib72 Oct 2017 #8
OMG- tell me that's photoshopped. Please. Vinca Oct 2017 #9
When darkness fell, excitement kissed the crowd and made them wild Buns_of_Fire Oct 2017 #6
UPDATE! ProudLib72 Oct 2017 #7
LOL, good story. KY_EnviroGuy Oct 2017 #10
Dotard could never hit a golf ball that high ProudLib72 Oct 2017 #11
Thanks for your stories - helps lighten our cold and gloomy day! KY_EnviroGuy Oct 2017 #12
Bump for new update ProudLib72 Oct 2017 #13


(17,984 posts)
8. Who is that guy to his right with is arm around him?
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 05:32 PM
Oct 2017

"Don't worry, Dotard. Everyone sharts themselves once in a while."

Though not on a public golf course!


(17,291 posts)
6. When darkness fell, excitement kissed the crowd and made them wild
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 03:22 PM
Oct 2017
In an atmosphere of freaky holiday
When the spotlight hit the man,
The crowds began to cheer...

Finish it as you wish. I'm already in enough trouble with Paul Simon.


(17,984 posts)
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 05:30 PM
Oct 2017

Robert Mueller has appeared on the scene. He was witnessed having what looked like a very serious discussion with the police chief. We could not listen in, but he kept motioning toward a document he held in his hand. The police chief has let Mueller enter the WH. We can see Mueller crossing the roof to where the orange hued man is sitting on the ledge. They seem to be having words. Mueller has just handed the man the document. Now the man is standing up....


(14,519 posts)
10. LOL, good story.
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 05:48 PM
Oct 2017

I see you have dreams like the rest of us on DU! Are you in contract talks with the Onion?

Only reason I can imagine Dotard being on that roof would be to recover a golf ball.


(17,984 posts)
11. Dotard could never hit a golf ball that high
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 05:56 PM
Oct 2017

I heard that when he visits his golf courses, they switch out the regular holes for ones made from KFC buckets and place them at intervals of 100 yards. 18 holes for him is the equivalent of five or six normal holes, but by the end he is so exhausted he has to take a nap. My neighbors' two year old has a plastic driver that I imagine looks quite similar to Dotard's.


(14,519 posts)
12. Thanks for your stories - helps lighten our cold and gloomy day!
Sat Oct 28, 2017, 06:13 PM
Oct 2017

I can imagine him breaking every rule in the book, every game. Damned easy when you own the place and the secret service will never tell.

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