Postcards for Doug Jones - Please help me make this shorter.

[qwlauren35]

This is 130 words. I'd like to get it down to 100 without messing up the message. Please help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is Lauren and I decided to volunteer writing postcards because this election is so important. On Tuesday, December 12th, we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. In fact, YOU have the opportunity, because this is an election in which your vote will truly matter. Doug Jones is a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama. He’s also a family man, and a church goer, with deep roots in Alabama, who will take his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington… if you vote for him. So please, make a plan to go to the polls, and take a friend. And know that with your vote, you are making a difference for our country.

[nolabear]

1. Try this:

No important words left out, and it punches a bit more.

My name is Lauren. I volunteered to write postcards because this election is so important. On Tuesday, December 12th, we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. In fact, YOU have the opportunity. This is an election in which your vote will truly matter. Doug Jones is a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama. He’s a family man, and a church goer, with deep roots in Alabama. Doug will take his integrity and strong moral values to Washington… IF you vote for him. Please, go to the polls, and take a friend. Know that with your vote, you are making a difference for our country.

And THANK YOU for doing it!

[tblue37]

6. A bit tighter yet:

My name is Lauren. I volunteered to write postcards because this election is so important. On Tuesday, December 12, we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. In fact, YOU have the opportunity, because your vote will truly matter in this election. Doug Jones is a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama, a family man, and a church goer, with deep roots in Alabama. Doug will take his integrity and strong moral values to Washington… IF you vote for him. Please, go to the polls and take a friend. With your vote, you can make a difference for our country.

And THANK YOU for doing it!

[Me.]

2. 68

Tuesday, December 12th, we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. This election is so important.
Your vote will truly matter
He is a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama
A family man, and a church goer, with deep roots in Alabama, he will take his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington.

Signed,
Your Name


I've done postcards, concise helps with the writing and the reading on the other end

[Ms. Toad]

3. Try this - it's 91 words.

On Tuesday, December 12th, we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones, a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama, to the U.S. Senate. Doug is also a family man, and a church goer, with deep roots in Alabama, who will take his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington

This is an election in which every vote truly matters. So please, go to the polls. Take a friend. Your vote will make a difference for our country.

Lauren - a postcard volunteer, because this election is so important!



Put key facts first - Doug Jones is more important than you and your motives.

Spacing matters to readability - leave the blank lines (if you can) to make it more readable.

Underlining key facts also helps.

(Part of what I do is teach students preparing for the bar exam to write concise, clear messages that can be consumed at a rate of 3 words/second

[nolabear]

7. Excellent points. I agree.

[qwlauren35]

11. Hmm...

A part of me disagrees because introducing myself seems so important for establishing rapport. Is it a "message" or a "letter"? On the other hand, it needs to be shorter. I'm going to sleep on this.

[Hortensis]

16. Putting your name on the bottom helps underline

and punch the importance of a message that's been delivered.

That position is also very visible without getting in the way.

[Ms. Toad]

24. If you are someone famous, or that the recipient would know,

then it might make sense to put your name up front. Otherwise, don't make yourself the story.

Your first line will lose the reader - or entice them to read farther. Do they know or care who Lauren is? If not, it shouldn't be the first line.

When I get that phone call that starts, "Hi, I'm Rachel from card services," I immediately hang up.

[qwlauren35]

25. Interesting.

I actually like having the name of who I'm talking to.

Please pardon my asking, are you from the North or the South? I'm not sure if it makes a difference, but I'm curious.

[Ms. Toad]

26. Right smack dab in the middle of the country -

at least in terms of socialization. And in the most recent series of elections, target central for unwanted phone/mail/etc. contacts.

I'd glance at the return address (or the postmark), glance at the name, and toss it in the round file unless I recognized it.

In contrast, if the first line contained information that I was interested in, I might read farther.

I'm not saying don't send the postcards, just that between something that started with an important fact v. the name of someone I had no knowledge of, there is more chance I would continue reading if it started with an important fact.

[qwlauren35]

30. OK

You're swaying me.

There are some other options here for what to write.

I definitely don't want the card thrown away.

[qwlauren35]

36. I went ahead and used yours.

And underlined as you directed.

Made a few minor changes.

In which every vote matters - changed to - where every vote counts.

have the opportunity - changed to - have a chance

I am so glad that everyone helped get the word count down. The post cards I bought skimp on the left side.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

[underthematrix]

4. Here's my attempt to whittle it down.

Hi. I'm Lauren, a postcard volunteer. On Tuesday, December 12th, YOU have the opportunity to elect Alabamian DOUG JONES to the US Senate, a champion for liberty and justice, a family man and church goer. He will bring his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington. So please, make a plan to go to the polls, and take a friend. And know that with your vote, you are making a difference for our country.

[qwlauren35]

13. I think this is my favorite.

76 words. And I will underline.

[underthematrix]

15. Aww thank you

[nycbos]

5. Are you from Alabama

[qwlauren35]

12. Nope.

[nycbos]

14. Folks in AL probably would resent a card from someone not from the state.

[sarah FAILIN]

19. we will take all the help we can get

If you think it needs to be a local post mark, send them to me ready to go and I will stick them in our post office

[nycbos]

20. I am not the person writing them but that is a good idea.

I just read this "Amid Roy Moore Scandal, the Last Thing Alabama Democrats Want Is Help"

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/last-thing-alabama-democrats-want-help-n820411

[qwlauren35]

23. I think I'll be okay.

I read the article carefully, and one thing they do need is a "Get Out the Vote" campaign with registered Democrats. That's who we are targeting. Only Democrats are getting these postcards.

But, I will consider the postmark issue.

[qwlauren35]

31. You're from Alabama - You're my ace in the hole.

If you say to not put a greeting - "Hi my name is Lauren", then I won't.

Let me know.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sarah FAILIN]

33. I liked post #3

That had your name at the end like a regular letter. I also suggest adding some color but not too much and make it easy to read. Different colors besides just one are eye catching and make you want to check it out instead of assuming it is junk mail.

[Beearewhyain]

8. Gave it a shot, got it down to 104

Hi, I'm Lauren. I am writing you this postcard because the upcoming election is so important. On December 12th we have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones. Truthfully, it is YOU who have the opportunity because this election will be very close. Doug Jones is a champion of Justice for Alabamians and has deep roots with his church and our community. You have an opportunity to send a man of integrity and strong values to Washington and all it takes is your vote. I implore you to go to the polls proud in the knowledge you are sending the best man to represent you.

[NewJeffCT]

9. Can other people get involved

in this postcard writing campaign? I'd like to help - where do I go?

[qwlauren35]

10. Yes.

I've gone through all kinds of hurdles to get involved because my post-office doesn't sell postcards any more. But here's what you do.

First, text the word HELLO to 484-275-2299. They will take it from there.

The election is very near, so if you have a place to buy postcards, try to get them soon.

[NewJeffCT]

18. I live in Connecticut

so, most postcards would likely be locally themed. I'll see if I can find some generic ones, though.

[qwlauren35]

21. I went to Zazzle and had some specially made.

The back side says "Don't Forget to Vote" "Tuesday, December 12th" with a flag on it. If I had known about this two weeks ago, I would have ordered them sooner.

You have to get generic, white cards, put something bold/pretty/fun/colorful on the back. Maybe with magic markers.

I *think* FedEx/Kinko's might have blank postcards. I'm going to go by there now and take a look.

[qwlauren35]

22. Kinko's will cut card stock for you.

It was expensive, but it will get me started. I put a catchy slogan on the backside:

Please Vote
Responsibly!
Vote DEMOCRAT!

Staples or Office Depot can probably help out as well.

For USPS, postcards should be between 5.0 x 3.5 in and 6.0 x 4.25 in.

[sarah FAILIN]

34. I would like regional cards better mysel

Sort of a "from my home to yours" sort of thing. People here like that because it's neighborly.

[Kirk Lover]

17. 116 WORDS

I'm Lauren and I'm volunteering to write postcards because this election is THAT important! On Tuesday December 12th, we'll have the opportunity to elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. IT IS YOU that has this opportunity because this election your vote truly does matter. Doug Jones is a long-time champion for liberty and justice in Alabama. He’s also a family man, a church goer with deep roots in Alabama, who will take his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington…but only if you vote for him. So please, PLAN to go to the polls and take a friend. And know that with your vote, YOU are making a difference for our country.

[renate]

27. it's probably too late, but

On Tuesday, December 12th, we can elect Doug Jones to the US Senate. Doug is a family man, a church-goer, and a long-time champion for liberty and justice, with deep roots in Alabama. He will take his record of integrity and strong moral values to Washington--if you vote for him. So please, plan now to go to the polls, and take a friend. With your vote, you will make a difference for our country.

Thank you so much for what you're doing, Lauren!

[qwlauren35]

28. I am really struggling with this.

I really want to introduce myself, but you are the third or fourth person who says not to. Could I ask you why? And if you got a postcard without an introduction, how would you respond?

[renate]

29. it's only to make it shorter, that's all

You only have a few seconds to get their attention as they're flipping through their other mail for the day. That's why I took out the few other words I suggested taking out, too. It was all good--you write a good postcard!--but I just thought it would be best to make the message as short and sweet as possible.

[qwlauren35]

32. I appreciate your effort.

Yours is my top choice for a "no salutation" message.

[grantcart]

35. The most important variable on whether or not it will be read is:

Use long hand to address the name and address both the sender and recipient.

It increases the likelihood of it being read by a factor 5-7.

Thanks for doing this.