Police: Mother Left Quadriplegic Son In Woods, Traveled To Md.
Source: CBS Baltimore
A witness told police that as he was walking through the woods he found the victim covered in a blanket lying in leaves with a wheelchair and a bible nearby.
Police say the victim suffers from Cerebral Palsy and is still unable to communicate how he arrived in the woods.
CBS Philly reports that the victim was left in the woods sometime Monday morning by his mother, who then took a bus to Maryland to be with her boyfriend.
Read more: http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2015/04/11/police-mother-left-quadriplegic-son-in-woods-traveled-to-md/
Left in the woods with a blanket and a bible.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)Hekate
(90,978 posts)Where was their safety net?
Warpy
(111,417 posts)although why couldn't she leave him at home instead of in the woods?
Hekate
(90,978 posts)...here, reflexive calls for punishing someone who has harmed a helpless person (or dog or kitten or...take your pick).
It's heinous when a helpless child or adult is harmed, but in a case like this, with a 21 y.o. nonverbal quad I have to ask where was their safety net? And that is a social policy/social justice question of some urgency in this country.
840high
(17,196 posts)hollysmom
(5,946 posts)saying is not doing, Once, I got one brother to help once, and then I got yelled at by his wife and him because he didn't think taking care of him for a day would take more than a few hours. I wanted to give my mother a day off, so I took her to a spa and dinner, many times when my mother was ill or when my mother needed several hours off, I would take care of my father who was in a wheel chair - that included changing his diaper, which he did not enjoy me doing, he would lie sho I wouldn't do it. we left at 11 AM and got back at 7 PM.
so just because some one says they will help, don't count on it,. I also moved in with my mother after her stroke, to take care of her, while holding on to my job and my own house for 5 months. my brothers would visit for a free dinner, but did they actually do any work - nope. useless. My sister did fly up from 1000 miles a way to help for a week here and there, but she had her own business and family. She never told me she would help, she just would come up and do it.
JudyM
(29,294 posts)in a way your brothers (and their wives) weren't. I hope that's a long lasting hugging feeling for you.
Responsibility should be shared among sibs but guys often think it's more their sisters' responsibility --
hollysmom
(5,946 posts)I have all the family stories in my head.
But I also resent my family to some extent - like because I was there for my parents in their old age, I would take them to dinner a lot and I never complained of asked to be repaid for that, I got to have dinner with them when they finally realized I was n adult and could have adult conversations with them. took them on vacation with me after my divorce from a husband that said among other stupid things, that I spent too much time with my parents, his were dead, but I spent a good deal of time with his mother when she was dying, time he did not have for her, I talked to her a hour a day on the phone every day for 3 years while she was afraid and dying. Hubby would always say, you talk to her, I don't know what to say. In the end I would have to drive 45 minutes each way to giver her her medication because she would not take it from anyone else.
The resentment I had was having to move in from my house to take care of my mother after her stroke and I hired a woman to stay with her during the day, but lied to mom about what it cost because she would not pay even half what this woman asked and paid 75 a day from my own account to make up the difference - so I could go to work and make sure she was OK. The woman was wonderful and a great boon to my mother in the last days, drove her everywhere, she even helped Mom sign up for a bowling league of seniors jut before she died. I was part executor, but the rest of the family would not allow me to be repaid from the estate, It has not broken me, but still I resent it, no one gave up as much as I did, no one else paid money not one offered to help so I did not have to give up everything the last year and yet, they begrudged me a small portion of the estate because I lied to my mother and paid this woman willingly. We all inherited a goodly amount, it was not even 1 percent, but it was the dismissal of the request that really bugs me. I should write them out of my will and leave all my money to dogs, ha ha It is not as if they will leave me anything, just because I am the only one without children, it hardly seems fair.
Sorry for the rant. interesting that is has carried on to the grave, everyone was supposed to contribute to the flowers on the grave every holiday, but that stopped after a couple of years,I still put flowers there, as it was a death bed promise to my mother, but no one contributes anymore, I have stopped asking. I told everyone I want to be made into diamonds, so I will not be ignored in death, but desired to be worn, ha ha.
JudyM
(29,294 posts)None of my business but if I were you, no way based on the facts you've given, would I leave them anything of value in my will. I mean, really. That money could actually help other people (or animals or the environment, or whatever cause is close to your heart). And they disrespected both you and your mom. Especially being that you inherited a chunk of it from your mom and look how ungrateful they've been. If you know it's going somewhere where it'll do some good maybe that would ease your resentment. And it's not mean-spirited, it's just looking at the reality of the situation. ok end of my rant now.
raccoon
(31,131 posts)You could leave your money to some worthy cause. I was going to do that too, several years ago. Changed my will
now and will leave most everything to the sibling who needs it the most.
RobinA
(9,903 posts)And as anyone who cares for a seriously sick family member knows, people just flock to be part of the action. As it stands, there isn't much known about this situation.
I have a really hard time with some of the reaction I've been reading about this (not just here). Calling the woman a monster, etc. Care for a nonverbal quad for 21 years and then talk to me about monsters. I think the woman cracked. Were there better ways of handling things? Probably. But the system is frustrating, difficult to deal with, and many people don't have the resources to hack through the safety net bureacracy to get to the actual safety part.
snooper2
(30,151 posts)Family of quadriplegic with cerebral palsy fought for guardianship before mom abandoned him in Philadelphia woods: police
Nyia Parler allegedly left her 21-year-old son, who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, in the woods for days without food or water, police said.
The family of a 21-year-old Philadelphia quadriplegic fought to get guardianship of him years before his mother allegedly abandoned him in the woods, police said.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)Warpy
(111,417 posts)I'm getting pretty sick of the "hang 'em high" crowd on DU.
With cases like this one, there are always a lot of questions that need to be asked.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)He went to school. School became concerned when he didn't show up and called about him. Mother indicated to her family member and police that the son was with her in MD.
Larry Engels
(387 posts)LisaL
(44,980 posts)Larry Engels
(387 posts)The point is that social services for mothers and their handicapped children are inadequate. If she could have had more help, she might not have resorted to this.
Get it?
jwirr
(39,215 posts)eligible for Social Security Disability regardless of living at home and he would have had a social worker. It is the counties responsibility to monitor the care of their disabled clients and during a screening (2Xs a year) they would have evaluated the need for extra help in the home. This would have taken the stress level of the parent into account.
I had a lot of this kind of help in the last half of the 45 years I took care of my own child. I had someone to help bathe her every day, someone to set with her while I did my shopping and finally someone to look after her if I would have wanted to spend some time with my friend.
I am going to wait and learn more of the details. Did she have a real safety net? Why not?
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)You actually get it.
lark
(23,185 posts)She could have left him at home with food and water, there's many alternatives other than killing him, which seems to be her intention, especially with the lies she gave about where he was. This wasn't sheer desperation, she left him with a bible! This seems planned. She seems like so many other RW so called christian hypocrites who really care for no one but themselves. She didn't leave him to look for a job, she just wanted some nookie so tried to kill her inconvenient son. She is a monster. Compare him to the woman who took her child to a jobs fair because she didn't have any money to pay someone to watch her, she was desperate and doing the best she could. If seeing her boyfriend was so important, and supposing she didn't have the money for 2 people, which is in itself a stretch, why didn't she tell the boyfriend she couldn't come unless he sent her $$ for her son to come too?
Stories like this are why my gay son thinks that ALL Christians are lying hating homophobic hypocrites. Leaving the bible with her son instead of water and food, just heinous, pure heinous.
Hekate
(90,978 posts)left him with food and water???? What was he supposed to do with that? Look at in from across the room?
lark
(23,185 posts)Just because he's quadriplegic doesn't mean he's incapable of any type of moving himself, does it?
Hekate
(90,978 posts)Doctor_J
(36,392 posts)Horrible situation
FLPanhandle
(7,107 posts)Also, enough mental capacity to lie to family members about what she had done.
snooper2
(30,151 posts)Hekate
(90,978 posts)jwirr
(39,215 posts)raccoon
(31,131 posts)from the CBS local site... "Philadelphia Police are investigating after a 21-year-old quadriplegic man was found in a wooded area covered in a blanket on Friday night."..."The 21-year-old victim, whose identity is still unknown, was treated at CHOP and is listed in stable condition.".....bad reporting & copy editor, how can his name be unknown, if the cops know who his mother is? and abandonment at 21?
again WTF
CHOP= Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia. that poor guy.
christx30
(6,241 posts)but known to the police. They could have said, "While the identity of the victim has not been released...". But, yes, just bad writing.
A lot of that going around.
Chan790
(20,176 posts)he's a non-verbal quadriplegic; she probably has a medical power-of-attorney and legal guardianship or conservatorship for him so that she can manage his medical, financial and legal affairs...so yes, she can be charged with abandonment. In the eyes of the law he is not self-sufficient or mens rea and she holds his legal guardianship so it's treated the same as if he were a minor.
(As an aside, Britney Spears is also subject to this kind of a legal conservatorship due to never being found mens rea by the Superior Court of the state of LA subsequent to her father being given legal and financial guardianship during her involuntary psychiatric commitment.)
My 68 year old neighbor D has guardianship for his 45 year old daughter (L) following a traumatic brain injury...she met a nice man (B)...who is also has a (less severe) traumatic brain injury...in occupational therapy and fell in love; she had to ask her father for permission to get married because she doesn't have legal authority over her own affairs and he's her legal guardian.
If D got on a plane tomorrow and left them home alone together, he'd be arrested upon his return because L is under his guardianship and B is a ward of the state (he has an assigned caseworker from CT Dept. of Social Services who checks on him regularly) meaning B is not an acceptable caretaker in the eyes of the law.
BumRushDaShow
(129,892 posts)I had to see what "woods" they were talking about here in Philly (Cobb's Creek park). The local CBS TV station (linked to from the Baltimore CBS station site) said he was being treated at Children's Hospital ("CHoP" one of the best in the world). The weather this week was warm (upper 60s, low-70s) this past Monday and then the temps plunged to where we were having highs barely in the 40s or low 50s, with a misty chilly rain from late Tuesday through the rest of the week until today (Saturday).
This is just so sad.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)He can't take care of himself, whether he was left in the woods or in the park.
BumRushDaShow
(129,892 posts)The radio report that I heard at the top of the hour said they were also going to investigate which agency had responsibility for his case. As an FYI, this city has the largest municipal park system in the world (Fairmount Park, of which Cobbs Creek park is a part) and since I live here, I was curious where in SW Philly he had been abandoned, and saying "in woods" is meaningless.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)But at first I was expecting a 10 year old not an adult. I can't imagine charges for this.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)Judi Lynn
(160,656 posts)Police to Arrest Mom of Quadriplegic Man With Cerebral Palsy Abandoned in Cobbs Creek Park
By Alison Burdo and David Chang
Updated 14 minutes ago
- Video -
Philadelphia Police plan to arrest a woman after she allegedly left her quadriplegic son with cerebral palsy alone in the woods for over five days with nothing but a blanket and a Bible.
The 41-year-old mother is accused of leaving her 21-year-old son in a wooded area along Cobbs Creek Parkway near Catharine Street around 11 a.m. Monday before traveling to Montgomery County, Maryland to visit her boyfriend.
After several days of cold temperatures and rain, the victim was found 100-feet into the woods around 9 p.m. Friday, according to Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker. Investigators say the victim likely would have died if not for the man who spotted him while passing by.
"They found [him] about 100 yards off the roadway here, laying in leaves. He's got a blanket over him and a Bible on his chest," Walker said. "He has a wheelchair about 10 feet from his body."
Read more: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Quadriplegic-Cerebral-Palsy-Abandoned-Woods-Philly-Cobbs-Creek-Park.html#ixzz3X3OHJ94i
Thank you, tabasco, for posting this story. Hope someone can bring help to this young man's life.
maindawg
(1,151 posts)Please try to understand. This is mental illness.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)This way nobody is ever responsible for anything.
maindawg
(1,151 posts)my friend.
go Browns!
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)lark
(23,185 posts)If so, then her actions are a little less horrible. However, if she is so bad off that she doesn't get that she was murdering her son so she could spend time with her boyfriend, she needs to be institutionalized and her son needs to be in someone or some agency's care.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)caring for a handicapped son, with almost no support. Is there no father? Or is this yet another one of those miraculous births with no input of any kind, not even a sperm, from a man?
And where are the social services? Why are there no good support services in these cases? Why do the parents, or in this case the one parent, left to fend almost entirely on their own?
I don't condone in any way what this woman did. Abandoning her son like that is very difficult to understand, but maybe she felt there was no way out. She'd been dealing with this situation by herself for all these years, and she just couldn't take it any more. What's needed is not punishment for her, but a truly robust system that provides support and relief for the primary care givers.
Personal note. I have a son with Asperger's, so I have a small inkling of what it might be like to have a child who will never get better, who will never be independent, who will never not need around the clock care. I cannot begin to imagine how I'd be if I'd had such a child.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)Orrex
(63,261 posts)I can't help wondering how you'd fare after 21 years of giving round-the-clock care to someone.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)Orrex
(63,261 posts)I can't help wondering how you'd fare after 21 years of giving round-the-clock care to someone.
onenote
(42,821 posts)How did she manage to get a boyfriend?
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Maybe she was developing a mental problem.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454
So those who are assuming that the woman snapped from stress are also jumping to a conclusion.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)to say the answer to this is obviously leaving him in the woods is cruel and uncalled for.
No one is suggesting that. Everyone is saying something else needed to be done, and done a long time ago.
snooper2
(30,151 posts)Looks like they knew she had no fucks given-
Family of quadriplegic with cerebral palsy fought for guardianship before mom abandoned him in Philadelphia woods: police
The family of a 21-year-old Philadelphia quadriplegic fought to get guardianship of him years before his mother allegedly abandoned him in the woods, police said.
Relatives of the unidentified man, who has cerebral palsy and is nonverbal, tried to obtain legal guardianship in the last few years, a police spokeswoman told the Daily News. The family members believed to be two of his aunts are at his side as he recovers at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454
jwirr
(39,215 posts)asking is why and what happened after 21 years of good care to end like this. We are also asking what kind of support system she had. It seems like you are not very up on what long term care giving is like.
Selfish? After 21 years of sacrifice - she is selfish. I do not buy that.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)Initial reports suggest otherwise, but even still... Excuses nothing even if that were the case.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)for the time this young man was alone in the woods. The mother didn't leave her son with the father, she left him alone in the woods, possibly even intending he'd die there.
I find this story, and all of the others that are similar, such as when a mother drowns all her children, to be heartbreaking and sad. I'm pretty sure I would never do any such things, but I've never been the sole caretaker for a severely disable child, nor had truly debilitating postpartum depression.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)That suggests interested parties were at least interested in his well being, and she blocked that interest.
Laffy Kat
(16,391 posts)With a Bible no less. Must be a Christian. Yes, I need to cool off some before posting.
dolphinsandtuna
(231 posts)as far as I know. When there were briefly some laws about it being legal to leave kids at hospitals, not just babies were left. The law changed fast.
Your scenario would presumably result in his getting medical care, but she'd get tossed in jail, which she had some chance of escaping with the woods situation. Maybe after twenty years she just couldn't take it any more.
Laffy Kat
(16,391 posts)Would it be against the law to dump a vulnerable (i.e. dementia) parent in a hospital waiting room? Although I guess abandonment is abandonment.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)So why didn't she simply leave him with his aunt? Her other child (who is 16) was apparently left with an aunt.
Why not the 21 year old?
jwirr
(39,215 posts)could have been the case on both sides.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)worker in such a case. No one called the cops.
onenote
(42,821 posts)How exactly? Do you think she expected him to live? Do you think after her weekend of nookie-nookie in Maryland she'd be able to find him?
The one thing you've got right -- she cared more about her own weekend of pleasure than the safety of her child.
maindawg
(1,151 posts)Its the version of stress dis order that occurs when ,thanks to Ron Reagon, the care of a dis abled person is left to the immediate family. That Immediate family being then burdened to the point of ,wait for it....current true matic stress dis order!.
Yes kids, We now dont even have to wait for the stress disorder to germinate into a psyco
See, Reagon was so fucking great that he said unto the world, he said, 'Fuck the mentally Ill fucking people. He did not have a fuck to give. And the selfish asshole er I mean silent majority crept into the voting booths like the slime from youtr video that Frank Zappa so saliently bespoke. And the mentally ill were sent home.
Send em back home, or whatever. Thats how Ron R invented ,'homeless people.'
The single greatest invention for fascist corporate assholes since , concentrationcamps. Who remembers , 'con-cen-tration camps.
I mean , i like camping. Who does not like to go camping?
Its so American.
Camping.
Imagine if I could concentrate my camping experience!
Really camp.........
jwirr
(39,215 posts)asses off to get our children who are developmentally disabled (not mentally ill) out of the institutions. See the ARC magazine for the story. We brought them home to our own communities and created special schools, foster homes, etc. for them. They would have to run away to be homeless. This young man was taken care of at home but there are many alternatives to the institutions. Better alternatives.
I would also like to tell you where to go but I won't. I am the immediate family of a severely disabled girl who I took care of for 45 years. It was good care because I loved her and the county gave me the kind of help I needed.
You are mixing up the problems of two different groups.
maindawg
(1,151 posts)Sometimes I can be a real jerk. I am sorry. I have a habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt and in this case I assumed that the woman was overwhelmed. I spent 4 years working with severely handicapped children. So I understand what its like.
I was wrong, this woman is a terrible person, and you are right to be offended by my knee jerk reaction. I hope you have an easier time these days.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)catchnrelease
(1,946 posts)One of the comments below the linked article says that the woman's extended family has been trying to get guardianship of the young man. No links were given, it just says that 'other stories reported that.....', so no definite proof of this so far.
840high
(17,196 posts)be more forgiving if she hadn't gone to see her boyfriend.
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)And then you might understand. She has probably had a very tough life caring for him and most states and people provide little help.
840high
(17,196 posts)Depaysement
(1,835 posts)But I would bet it isn't that simple.
She did a horrible thing, but it is still a very tough life.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)You don't do that. That can't even be characterized as a mercy killing. She left him to die no better than dropping someone off in the middle of the desert. Characterization of his medical condition suggests he couldn't have fended off a pissed off chipmunk. He was going to die of thirst, or the first feeble scavenger that discovered him and started gnawing.
There's no combination of unfortunate circumstances or lack of help that can justify leaving someone to a fate like that. That was actually LESS humane than just killing him outright. Random chance that anyone discovered him at all.
Could have left him at the library or something at least. She left him to die. Horribly. Intentionally denied him any possibility that anyone could try to help him.
Maybe family was willing to help. Maybe not. Maybe the state was able to help, maybe not. Even if not, that was attempted murder of the most heinous sort I can imagine.
treestar
(82,383 posts)So there will have to be more investigation to get proof regarding her state of mind.
Then after reading it was five days - that is very strong evidence she never intended to go back for him. And telling other people he was with her in Maryland.
Then how was she going to explain his death to others? Say he wandered out there by himself?
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)But her burden was probably very heavy and the help was probably very light. I am sure it is easy to snap after 21 years.
Historic NY
(37,458 posts)some fucking shoes, no. Would you treat a dog that way?
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)But she took care of her son for 21 years. That was probably very difficult under the circumstances.
I don't condone her actions in the least. But I sympathize with how hard her life must have become.
Telcontar
(660 posts)Fuck her difficult life. A pillow over the head could be explained as a caregiver snapping. This? This is just depraved.
onenote
(42,821 posts)She had a teenage son --16. Do you think he's never learned how to help care for his brother? She couldn't leave the older boy with him to watch him? The older boy attended a school -- I suspect he's attended some form of school for much of her life -- in other words, she wasn't at his side 24/7 with no life. She managed to get a boyfriend (I'm betting it wasn't the first in all those years).
She was selfish. Period. And she should spend time in jail.
McCamy Taylor
(19,240 posts)AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)If not for random chance, 'we' would never have known.
LisaL
(44,980 posts)""She indicated to both family members and police officers the child was with her down with her boyfriend in Maryland," said Lt. Walker."
http://abc13.com/news/police-mom-abandoned-quadriplegic-son-in-woods-for-days/651312/
treestar
(82,383 posts)We don't even know for sure there was no help available.
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)Telcontar
(660 posts)FLPanhandle
(7,107 posts)I reject any accusation of failure directed to me or a group due to the behavior of an individual.
Chan790
(20,176 posts)That's what this mother is. Even a modicum of sympathy that I am seeing for this woman nauseates me...I hope the young man in question is protected & well cared for and I hope his mother spends the rest of her life in a cage.
She deserves none of your sympathies. This story horrifies me.
Frances
(8,547 posts)Of course, what this woman did was very wrong. Of course.
But with an attitude like yours, I wonder how long you'd last as a caregiver. It's a lot harder than you think. Especially day after day, week after week, year after year.
I have a friend who's cared for a paraplegic child for over 30 years. It has taken a toll on her. She had to have her hip replaced, the one that she used when she helped her son from his bed to his potty. It was OK when he was first hit by a drunk driver while walking home from school. (Some of his brain was left on the street after the accident.) But he is big boned and now nearly 40.
She is also on meds to help deal with anxiety about his present condition and what will happen to him after she dies.
No one is stepping up to say they will manage his care when she is gone.
Medicaid does pay for a caregiver during the day, but she has responsibility for him for all but 8 hours on weekdays. She has to find caregivers and it is not easy to find reliable, stable people to do this work. They don't get paid much. She is responsible for doctor and dentist appointments. It's difficult to find medical people to take care of someone so disabled. It's very hard to get him to his appointments because he can sit up but cannot stand up.
I am not sure how many of us could do what my friend does.
A number of years ago my friend put her son in a facility for a weekend of respite care. But the caretakers did not feed him properly (he has to have a sip of water after every bite). A bit of food got in his lungs causing bacterial pneumonia. My friend had to use her personal sick leave to be with him in the hospital day and night.
Her parents, brother, husband, and husband's parents are dead.
Ask yourself: Could you do what my friend has done for over 30 years?
dolphinsandtuna
(231 posts)It's clear that the people condemning this woman have never cared for anyone completely handicapped in their lives, let alone for 21 years.
Calista241
(5,586 posts)Blame the whole thing on a momentary lapse.
Chan790
(20,176 posts)So, yes, I have care-taking experience and medical training to do that job.
I did it for 3 years. In theory, I could probably have done it for 27 more.
When my parents start to go, I'll probably have to do it again.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)warning point in your description of your friend. Have your friend work with social services to learn what can be done for him after she is gone. This is a very serious problem and if there are plans it can help take some of the stress off her.
Her child sounds like my little lady - has a feeding tube. Took care of her for 45 years and it was total care.
onenote
(42,821 posts)Sounds like this woman had a life outside of taking care of her child. He attended a school. He had a 16 year old brother. I'm willing to bet she'd had other boyfriends over the years.
I'm not forgiving her. Not one bit.
YOHABLO
(7,358 posts)to care for him. The mother needs to be in jail. I understand her situation, and god knows we need more support in caring for our sick and handicapped citizens. No one knows how hard it is to care for someone until it hits home. I have a sister who is mentally handicapped and she has about driven my whole family into madness themselves. Especially my mom and dad who are 82 years old. The services that the state and county provide, since we're not rich enough for private institutional help, are terrible. There are so many stories, I could go on. But my heart goes out to this young man and his siblings.
pansypoo53219
(21,005 posts)she did live to 18, when most die around 10. heavy toll on both.
romanic
(2,841 posts)The so-called "mother" was completely irresponsible to leave her handicapped son in the wilderness just so she can visit her man. I don't think it was stress of anything that caused her to just dump her son out to fend for himself; pure selfishness and a lack of care is what did it. She could have easily taken her son to another family member to take care of him or even the hospital that knows him well, but she did neither and now she's gonna pay for it. Hope it was worth it, "mother".
dolphinsandtuna
(231 posts)Write that after you've spent twenty-one years of your life 24/7 taking care of a quadriplegic. Hell, write that after one year.
romanic
(2,841 posts)that are entirely dependent on their parents and caregivers 24/7 due to physical and/or mental disabilities. I've seen the stress and the amount of time and money they go through taking care of them from birth to their current adult ages; and I know damn well not one of them would just dump them in the woods or in the streets just so they can play "house" with some man in another state.
in your world it is "easy" to find family members willing to take on the care for nonverbal quadraplegics?
To me it is a symptom of our truly nasty times that so many people think this woman should be "locked up in a cage." Absolutely no understanding of what this woman went through caring for this individual and why that experience might lead to some bad judgement calls. Very bad judgement calls. No mercy for a woman who cared for a totally helpless individual for 21 years? There is no hope for a better society at the present time.
romanic
(2,841 posts)and has experience with taking care of the 21 year old, then yes it's "easy". Hell like I said in my previous post, the hospital could have taken him in since they've known him for years.
And no I don't have mercy for a woman who would stick her handicapped son out in the middle of nowhere with just a dinky blanket and a bible. That's neglect plain and simple. Your empathy should be saved for the poor man who was left out with absolutely no way of fending for himself and was found laying in leaves. He is the victim, not the so-called mother.
Historic NY
(37,458 posts)some fucking mother.
leftyladyfrommo
(18,874 posts)You don't dump a completely helpless person in the woods.
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)With the media as judge and jury. We know we must always believe them.
onenote
(42,821 posts)Depaysement
(1,835 posts)My point is that the police and media aren't always the most trusted sources.
Inkfreak
(1,695 posts)Don't give 2 shits about the excuses. I do have experience in this area. She can go fuck herself.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)LisaL
(44,980 posts)Quantess
(27,630 posts)The woman obviously shows extremely poor judgment. How about arranging a place for him to live, instead?
LisaL
(44,980 posts)Quantess
(27,630 posts)Has the US slipped THAT far, that a severely disabled young adult has no group home to move to, paid for by SSI?
jwirr
(39,215 posts)Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)Quantess
(27,630 posts)Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)crim son
(27,465 posts)I feel about this woman the same way I feel about suicidal people who decide to take a bunch of people out with them when they go. There's more wrong with this woman than being terribly overworked and yes, she could have done just about anything rather than what she chose to do.
A freaking bible. How helpful.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)The young man is 21 years old, not a minor anymore.
Obviously, I am in agreement that the woman's actions were wrong! Duh. I'm not taking her side at all.
There were other options, am I correct? He would have SSI to pay for care arrangements. Why didn't she transition him out of her care, if she was so sick of caring for him?
Sheldon Cooper
(3,724 posts)In PA, you can't just snap your fingers and get someone into a group home. There are never enough beds to cover need, and thus there is a lengthy process for evaluating needs and establishing priorities for services.
Many things could work against his placement into a group home. His overall medical status (cerebral palsy notwithstanding), AND the relatively young age of his mother (40s) AND, assuming she is in decent physical condition and still able to provide attendant care to him, AND, assuming they have a stable living situation, i.e., not on the verge of eviction, AND, they have family members willing to help (as has been alleged), he may not be very high on the list of those with most need.
And SSI really doesn't pay for squat, although if he actually did get into an attendant care residential setting, the care provider would take damn near all of his monthly check (which is only around $700-$800 if it's standard SSI).
Things are seldom as simple as they seem. I had been feeling sorry for the mother, thinking that sometimes people just reach the end of their rope and, as sad as it is, maybe she just snapped. But, I saw online that, the day after she abandoned her son, she posted pics of herself with her boyfriend, under the caption 'so happy' or something like that. It made me less sympathetic.
asharpwone
(27 posts)I worked in this field for over 10 years in a "liberal" New England state, and the conditions and priorities were and still are what you described very well.
In my area, of five towns we often had over a dozen adults with severe disabilities still living with parents who were over 70. Only two or three of them got a suitable "placement", (group home or nursing facility), in a good year.
Sheldon Cooper
(3,724 posts)is going to be kept at the family home. That's an oversimplification of course, but basically, you don't normally get into a group home until your parents are dead or so disabled that they can no longer provide for your basic needs. I have clients who are still living with their 80-something parents. Granted, the clients are able to care for their own basic needs, so there is no heavy lifting or diaper changes, etc. involved. But still...
Group home beds for someone as involved as a quadriplegic with CP are extremely limited and crazy expensive, and a person who has any other option at all will be expected to go with that option for as long as possible.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)because this was a planned action that she needs to answer for. Now I am assuming that he will get help.
Let's see. A group home for people who are quadriplegic and cognitively impaired. Yes, the Philadelphia area is just crawling with this sort of facility. Not. Why do people think that group home beds grow on trees? They do not. And the sicker you are the fewer trees that grow the kind of beds you need. Then there's the home care push, which would have people be cared for at home - mostly by family members with little to no training and often without the ability to take on advanced medical care.
I know no details in this case, nor do I know the available resources, as I work in mental health. Available help for the mentally ill is dismal as is support for their families, but at least when they, all to frequently, turn up dead in the woods they've walked there themselves.
A little compassion and mercy is warranted here. And hell, I came up with that all by myself, I'm a non-theist.
snooper2
(30,151 posts)also, apparently his aunts were trying to get guardianship and she fought it-
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/family-abandoned-quadriplegic-fought-guardianship-article-1.2183454
http://static3.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2183450.1428944628!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_400/abandoned14n-4-web.jpg
romanic
(2,841 posts).
JudyM
(29,294 posts)Or was it a way to get people to sympathize with her if he was found?
She can't be that much of a religious purist if she's overnighting with a guy.
I will say that the motivation of a romantic/sexual relationship on high heat can keep people from thinking clearly. Absolutely not an excuse, just puzzling over her motivation.
raccoon
(31,131 posts)here who think this woman's a terrible monster and have probably never been caregivers themselves.
How noble thee art to cry for the poor mommy and forget the boy lying in the woods for five days.