Rep. Louie Gohmert: I’m no prophet but Netanyahu could be the next King David

[Judi Lynn]

Source: Raw Story

Rep. Louie Gohmert: I’m no prophet but Netanyahu could be the next King David
By Eric W. Dolan
Monday, January 20, 2014 12:53 EST

Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX) said Sunday that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu will be remembered as a historic leader, on par with King Solomon and other biblical rulers.

“I told [Netanyahu], and some people think this is crazy and meddling — apparently from the reaction some of y’all actually know who I am — but I told the prime minister, I said, ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009′ — we met a couple of times since then, but anyway — ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009 and I want to reiterate it, I think, I’m not a prophet, I know the Old Testament, I know history, I think you’ve got a chance to be one of Israel’s great leaders,’” he said at the South Carolina Tea Party Convention in Myrtle Beach.

“And Michele (Bachmann) said, ‘He is one of Israel’s great leaders!’”

“I said, ‘I am talking about all time. The big ones. Going back to David, to Solomon, up through Josiah, Hezekiah until the end, on up through Ben Gurion,’” Gohmert continued. “All of the greatest leaders of Israel had one thing in common: They called upon the nation of Israel to honor the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and that has not happened in many decades.”





Read more: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/20/rep-louie-gohmert-im-no-prophet-but-netanyahu-could-be-the-next-king-david/

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[shenmue]

1. What the hell?

He got one thing right. He certainly is not a prophet.

[warrant46]

34. It's the New Revised Bible according to Louie Gohmert

Where will he sell it ?

[Behind the Aegis]

2. There is only one proper response.

[Heather MC]

14. +1 These people

Need to start living life in the real world and not in that Fairytale they call a Bible.

It is creepy how they keep trying to apply biblical characters to real life people

[Brigid]

50. Anybody who would hold David or Solomon up as a role model . . .

Needs to read their stories in the Old Testament more closely.

[Heather MC]

55. Are you saying....

You take issue with a man who would send another into battle on the front lines just to insure he dies, so he can take the Dead man's widow as his wife? How could anyone not exalt that man to higher status than just being human?

WOW! I was not familar with Solomon's story so I read up on it Quickly. Apparently he got in trouble with god for allowing his many wives to worship their own Gods. So Solomon's god said as punishment for this he was going to tear apart the Jewish nation after Solomon died. seesh overkill much?

[The Stranger]

3. Don't laugh for too long - this person holds power, yet is need of a mental inquest proceeding.

This is dangerous and sobering.

[davidthegnome]

4. Really?

David AND Solomon? That's like comparing George Bush to Gandhi. Fucking twit.

[pkdu]

5. And I'm no Jim Henson, but I think we may be looking at the next Muppet. Nt

[dipsydoodle]

29. Classic

[JustAnotherGen]

6. I found a few of his marbles

rolling around on my office floor - just in case he notices he's lost them.

[diabeticman]

7. Is he one of those Second comers who believe that IF they just get that temple rebuilt in Isreal

Jesus will return?

[jmowreader]

17. There's a long list of things they need to do to get Jesus to come back

They're breeding a solid-red calf. They're working on converting the Jews, Muslims etc., to Christianity.

Here's the problem: Assume Jesus came back. He'd fulfill the parable of the sheep and the goats and ship all the Christians-in-name-only straight to Hell. The Bible is very clear about this: not everyone who says "Lord, Lord" will get into Heaven. Only the people who are worthy of going to Heaven will go there.

Chick Theology is a bit different: you can be a Mafia don, kill five hundred people, deal drugs, be a pimp, beat your wife, run protection rackets and in general be a complete piece of shit, but if you yell out "Lord, I believe!" the instant before your cement shoes hit the water, you go straight to Heaven. (I think there really is a Chick tract with that theme...there's one where some asshole sergeant sends his one Christian subordinate on a suicide mission specifically to get him killed, yells out "I believe in Jesus" the instant before he dies in battle and goes to heaven anyway, so obviously deathbed conversions are no problem for Jack's god. Jack's god may be as big a prick as Jack is.)

[sakabatou]

22. There's the trouble of Jesus himself

There's a lot of things he doesn't fit when it comes to the messiah.

[jmowreader]

44. Something someone here tries...

I don't remember who it was, but this person said they liked to ask fundies this question: what will you do if you get to Heaven and meet Jesus, and you don't like him?

Since the Jesus of the Bible is so radically different from the Jesus they like to beat people over the head with (he probably would eat with gays and lesbians just as he ate with prostitutes), they probably wouldn't like him.

[sakabatou]

54. That's an interesting question

[eggplant]

36. Well, they're red on the inside so they're at least halfway.

[TwilightGardener]

8. I still want to know what he and Bachman were doing in Egypt recently.

Because they are just fucking loony and shouldn't have any dealings with any other country, ever.

[jmowreader]

18. Checking for extradition treaties

[rurallib]

9. I am no Frank L. Baum

But Louie could be the next empty headed scare crow.

[Cleita]

10. Considering King David was a bloodthirsty warrior king, he

could be right.

[polichick]

26. Beat me to it! :)

[jsr]

49. +1

[onehandle]

11. He needs to declare for 2016 now.

I would love to see him in the Kooky Klown Kar.

[Spirochete]

12. Of course you're not a prophet, Louie

Prophets are known for often being right. You're 0-for your whole fucking life in that department...

[jmowreader]

45. I must know...

If Louie Gohmert were to come up to you and say, "Hi, I'm Louie Gohmert," what would you do to make him prove it?

[Spirochete]

47. If he said it

without slobbering on himself, I wouldn't believe him.

[Deep13]

13. I completely agree...he's no prophet. nt

[Kelvin Mace]

15. I am no prophet...

of "profit" for that matter, but Gohmert will be the word we use to describe the "stupidest person on the planet".

[Autumn]

16. I'm not a prophet either, but I'm smart enough to know that

Gohmert is a fucking idiotic twit.

[sakabatou]

21. +1

[MisterP]

19. you mean a Jewish Palestinian, Louie?

[sakabatou]

20. *headdesk*

[muriel_volestrangler]

23. That's world class brown-nosing - as good as anything North Korea can produce

and they have to threaten people with death before they talked such adoring bollocks.

[madrchsod]

24. i thought he was a christian?

didn't realize he was jewish....

[Gothmog]

28. The Jews do not claim Louie

We do not want him and I doubt that a Jew could get elected in Tyler Texas

[cosmicone]

25. I once conversed with Moses, Jesus and King Solomon

It was a group session of schizophrenics.

[Gothmog]

27. Juanita Jean could not resist commenting on Louie's latest act of stupidity

http://www.juanitajean.com/2014/01/20/yeah-who-begat-hezekiah/

If you were to sit down and make a list of anyplace you’d be willing to go, I’ll bet my best pair of pink boots that the South Carolina Tea Party Convention in Myrtle Beach would be last place. Yeah, even below Charades Night at Dick Cheney’s House.

But, you missed a treat. Louie Gohmert spoke at the South Carolina Tea Party Convention in Myrtle Beach. He got himself filled with the Holy Spirit and went on a tour of Exodus, Chronicles, Isaiah, and Leviticus through all the begets and stonings, to arrive at praise deemed high enough for Benjamin Netanyahu.

Louie believes Netanyahu will be as prized as King Soloman and King David, who, you know, kinda wrote the book on this kinging stuff.

And Louie was so damn eloquent about it …

“I told [Netanyahu], and some people think this is crazy and meddling — apparently from the reaction some of y’all actually know who I am — but I told the prime minister, I said, ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009′ — we met a couple of times since then, but anyway — ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009 and I want to reiterate it, I think, I’m not a prophet, I know the Old Testament, I know history, I think you’ve got a chance to be one of Israel’s great leaders.’”

“I said, ‘I am talking about all time. The big ones. Going back to David, to Solomon, up through Josiah, Hezekiah until the end, on up through Ben Gurion …”

As a side note, Louie does know that King David had 8 consorts, right? I mean, there goes that whole sanctity of marriage thing right there.

I am certain that Netanyahu was high flattered to be called so lofty by a crazy old man from the Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas, who can’t hardly talk English, which is kinda sad since English is the only language he speaks.

Louie is no prophet and there will be no Book of Louie added to the Old or New Testament.

[The Second Stone]

30. And Louie Gohmert may be the stupidest person in the US Congress

this century.

[regnaD kciN]

52. No, the second stupidest...

Maybe you missed the quote from Michelle Bachmann in that article?

[1000words]

31. More like : "King Ding Dong"

[Brigid]

32. Hey Gohmert!

Comparing anyone to King David is not necessarily a compliment. Might wanna read 1 and 2 Samuel again -- slowly and carefully. Half the time he behaved more like Tony Soprano than a leader determined to do what was right. And Solomon was pretty much like any other dissolute Near Eastern monarch of the day.

[notemason]

33. Convention

Somehow I can picture Louie and the Tea Party cats riding the go-karts at Myrtle.

[bluesbassman]

35. Well I'm no brewmaster, but I know what a six pack looks like when it's short a few bottles.

[magical thyme]

37. this presents a real dilemma....

Normally, I'd respond to such an assertion by suggesting that the incompetent non-prophet better, "Keep the day job."

In this case, though, I'm stumped as to how to respond. Beyond

[Lil Missy]

38. I'm no expert, but Goober may be a few McNuggets short of a Happy Meal

[Rozlee]

39. Have you seen a picture of the statue of David in Florence, dumbass?

He doesn't look like no Netanyahu to me.

[Gothmog]

40. The Urban Dictionary has a definition of a Ghomert

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gohmert

Gohmert

verb: to say something that is obviously and patently untrue to the point of stupidity, then when called upon to provide concrete evidence of the assertion, to flounder about angrily while shouting about the integrity of the questioner.
The Congressman Gohmerted for 5 minutes when called upon by Anderson Cooper to provide evidence that terror babies are being sneaked across the border.
by Harkonnen'sSuppuratingPustule August 13, 2010

[QuestForSense]

41. No, he's not a prophet. He's still an idiot.

[bravenak]

42. Louie Gomert reminds me of King Candy for Wreck it Ralph.

Such an idiot.

[Baalzamon]

43. Every time this guy

Opens his mouth he one ups himself over the last crazy thing he barfed up. It think it is really Palin in a Gomert suit.

[Tom Ripley]

46. So, whose wife is Bibi the Yahoo fucking?

[classof56]

48. Knows his Old Testament history, huh?

He forgot a few kings starting with the first one, Saul, who was about as whacked out as Gohmert, obsessed with killing David, finally fell on his own sword. Then there's Ahab, hubby to Jezebel, a pair to draw to. Ahab was known as the worst king of Israel evah. Then the kingdoms split, and along came Rehoboam and Jeroboam and a bunch of other kings who ranged from bad to extra bad. Couple of good ones here and there, but according to my study, after Jerusalem's fall to Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar appointed Zedekiah the last king of Israel and promptly proceeded to utterly demolish the city. Not sure why Gohmert would convey kingly status to Ben Gurion, but hey--he knows his history, so he's probably got a good reason.

Either that or he's a flaming brainless idiot. My money's on that.

[regnaD kciN]

53. Actually, Ahab was AFTER the split...

...but, otherwise, that's a pretty good summary.

[regnaD kciN]

51. I don't know how religious Netanyahu is...

...but, if he is observant, I'm sure he must have just loved hearing Gohmert refer to what Jews simply consider the "Bible" (the Torah, the Prophets, and the Writings) as the "Old Testament" (as in "now superseded by the New Testament and Christianity&quot .

[DeSwiss]

56. And in that day the LORD sent the Prophet Louie-Louie.....

... from tribe of the Gohmerts (a cadet tribe of misfits and ne'er-do-wells which were never written about and only spoken of in whispers), and he saith unto The Tea-Patriots at Myrtle Beach that there would one day be a yahoo so great that he would lead Israel as their King.

- And that he would be -- One. Of. The. Big. Ones.

K&R

[yurbud]

57. I thought this was the Onion. We should make that a verb, like "that righty Onioned us again."

whenever they do something that out-satires satire.