Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement

[hue]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/insecure-frustrated-bully-with-something-to-prove,33427/

(Onion)

RALEIGH, NC—Calling it his lifelong dream, local man Brendan Lockhart, an insecure and perpetually frustrated bully who believes he has something to prove to the world, told reporters Thursday that he is seriously considering a career in law enforcement.

Lockhart, a recent high-school graduate who sources confirmed is plagued by resentment, self-doubt, unexpected fits of rage, and has always had a penchant for tormenting those who are smaller and weaker than him, explained that he feels he is well suited to serve as a police officer.

“I’ve always wanted to be a cop,” said Lockhart, whose paranoia and inferiority complex constantly haunt him, leading him to lash out at others in order to convince them he is in control. “I know it’s a tough line of work, but I think I’ve got what it takes to earn my shield and get out there and keep the peace.”
“This is the job I was born to do,” continued the man whose main goal in life is to prove to others that he is strong, confident, and not afraid.

Friends and family confirmed that Lockhart, an unpredictable, petty individual who frequently loses his temper when he feels he is being threatened or disrespected, has in recent months been inquiring into joining the ranks of the Raleigh Police Department. In this role, the man with a massive chip on his shoulder and no visible sense of empathy would be tasked with peacefully resolving disputes and evenhandedly administering justice to members of the community over whom he would have official power.

[MADem]

1. I realize this is total satire, but I've thought for a long time that if they raised the "allowable"

IQ for the police (if you're too smart they won't take you because they fear you will get bored with the work), they'd have fewer problems, better and more moral leadership, and a more thoughtful approach to the communities they serve.

[Th1onein]

2. Can't always tell that these things are the Onion these days.

This could be written about Georgie Porgie. What happened to Trayvon Martin was what God had planned anyway, and Georgie wouldn't change a thing about it, doncha know?

[JayhawkSD]

3. redundancy in terms

Bullies are always frustrated and insecure; otherwise they would have no need to be bullies. They are also, inevitably, cowards.