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bucolic_frolic
(43,176 posts)He did me wrong, I forgive, you won't, I'm better without you, you're a snail and a creep, I needed to move on ... where does it end? Therapy as drama.
It's a world without rules and amorphous social norms and mores now ... sadly ... only solution is communication up front that explores, uncovers, and protects ... as a society we're not having that conversation yet ... I don't think it's a message that resonates when consumers are expected to assume the submissive position for capitalists and their producers. Tough to be sub at the department store while dominant at the bar.
Hope she figures it all out. She's selling something to consumers too; the profession has little interest in giving people the tools to look out for themselves, except after 18 months at $175 a week.
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,002 posts)She states the key point right up front at the 50 second mark. This is supported by scientific studies that I've read about many years before. (Some links below)
Forgiveness has nothing to do with person being forgiven! They don't even have to know. It has to be sincere. It's about release. You can still prosecute someone in a court of law and seek the maximum penalty, if that would serve justice and deter, even after forgiving someone. It's not about forgetting.
You don't have to pay for therapy to do forgiveness. It actually reduces the need for therapy.
He did me wrong, I forgive, you won't, I'm better without you, you're a snail and a creep, I needed to move on ... where does it end? Therapy as drama.
It's a world without rules and amorphous social norms and mores now ... sadly ... only solution is communication up front that explores, uncovers, and protects ... as a society we're not having that conversation yet ... I don't think it's a message that resonates when consumers are expected to assume the submissive position for capitalists and their producers. Tough to be sub at the department store while dominant at the bar.
It's not about relativity.
It is not about drama.
Forgiveness is about less ego, not more.
It's not about lack of rules, duh. You can sue a person to get your money back even after you forgive them.
It has nothing, NOTHING, to do with submissiveness. Duh. Warriors who forgive are stronger warriors who can fight harder and more focused. An angry warrior is a defeated warrior. A person who forgives and who needs to fight a battle has a lighter load and is more agile because they have thrown away their burden.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner.aspx
Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health
Research shows how to get there
... Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders, as well as with fewer physical health symptoms and lower mortality rates. In fact, researchers have amassed enough evidence of the benefits of forgiveness to fill a book; Toussaint, Worthington and David R. Williams, PhD, edited a 2015 book, "Forgiveness and Health," that detailed the physical and psychological benefits.
... While stress relief is important, Enright believes there are other important mechanisms by which forgiveness works its magic. One of those, he suggests, is "toxic" anger. "There's nothing wrong with healthy anger, but when anger is very deep and long lasting, it can do a number on us systemically," he says. "When you get rid of anger, your muscles relax, you're less anxious, you have more energy, your immune system can strengthen."
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264443222_The_psychology_of_forgiveness
2001. Tons of references even back then.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5320019/
Understanding the Relationship Between State Forgiveness and Psychological Wellbeing: A Qualitative Study
https://internationalforgiveness.com/research.htm
A large list of peer-reviewed empirical studies.
yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)Bernardo de La Paz
(49,002 posts)yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)I could never forgive Donald J. Trump for what he has done to this country and our US government. He has messed it up big time.. so how do Americans deal with that, except to makes sure there is enough evidence to impeach him and make sure he pays for his high crimes and misdemeanors.
But there will always be Hatred for this guy, who "acts like a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood.."
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,002 posts)It is not tRump's fault that he was born into a racist family or one that cut corners all the time, beginning with his grampa who ran a brothel (who knows, maybe he made life a bed of roses for the sex-workers but I doubt it). There are 101 reasons tRump is the way he is, and not all of them are under his control.
But it is ultimately his fault that he did not follow a better path, even if he had impediments like bad examples. There is no shortage of good examples in this wondrous world. So, forgive him for his birth and childhood but prosecute him for his adulthood. Even forgive him for being such an asshole adult since he got such a rotten start but work to bring the full weight of retribution down on him because he needs to be made an example of other people won't think his path is a good one.
Hating him hurts the hater. Hate is toxic to the hater.
Follow Musashi and prosecute tRump and resist and persist and roll back tRump. But do it as Musashi would, with calmness and determination and no anger.
Anger is natural, but the person angered can let it go and be more effective.
yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)Buddhist upbringing but I have come to love the political arena which is why I am here. but the Republicans have so twisted the spirit of our US GOVERNMENT that it can no longer function as any kind of ruling Body.
Our own President has become a co-conspirator and has obstructed Justice,. and I pray (Though not religiously) that Robert Mueller will come riding in on a White Horse and execute Justice on this PRESIDENT in a way no one has seen before!
I keep thinking of that british Film...V for Vendetta
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)And forgiveness is the exact opposite.
It's sometimes necessary to forgive somebody every day, despite continuing transgressions. There may be compelling reasons that the person does cruel things - for example, biologically driven mental illness.
Thanks for sharing this important message, Yui.
yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)Forgive Donald Trump, I know I can't and my hatred for him and the GOP grows everyday when they fuck up everything in their path!
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)But we have to do whatever we can to prevent self-poisoning on that anger.
yuiyoshida
(41,831 posts)unforgivable.. No one forgave Hitler, Or any other despot dictator! Trump really believes he is KING OF AMERICA...AND tries to prove everyday he doesn't need Congress to do his bidding, he can just walk over all Americans and screw them Royally.
OxQQme
(2,550 posts)The original reason for it's happening, on a beach in San Francisco, was to physically remove the remains of a relationship gone sour.
Get rid of the bad shiite from your past by torching it to music (and probably some trash can punch)
Up in smoke.
Let it go.
Gone.
Move on.
A personal mentor said to me, "If you stay here kicking sand on their tent, they're the ones in control."