Fill in the blank: You know you are drunk when _______________ !

[Floyd R. Turbo]

you put food in the microwave and enter your PIN number!

[MFM008]

1. Your dizzy

Laying in bed....

[Floyd R. Turbo]

3. The spins! 🤪

[Cirque du So-What]

2. YKYADW...

...the host's coat closet seems like a perfectly reasonable place to spend the night.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

4. Cheers!

[CatMor]

5. You can't remember any stupid thing you said OR did...

to make a total ass of yourself.

[Major Nikon]

6. your phone doesn't charge

[SummerSnow]

7. when you wake up in the bathtub fully dressed and dry

[kedrys]

8. ...you're lying on the floor and you have to hold on.

(tip o' the hat to Dean Martin for that one)

[jberryhill]

9. You take out a home equity loan to pay a porn star

[Rollo]

43. Good one!

But I think he's just a sleazy Trump lawyer, not drunk...

[dchill]

10. Drunk or JASM.

(Just Another Senior Moment.)

[brewens]

11. You wake up in a dumpster! I was working an outdoor concert one summer night.

We were packing up and an ambulance comes through and goes right over to the dumpsters. One of the cleanup crew found the guy. He got too drunk and his "buddies" did what anyone would do and threw him in a dumpster! Poor bastard actually came around in the ambulance.

[Evergreen Emerald]

12. My lips go numb.

Seriously. I don't know why, but when my lips feel like they are asleep, and alcohol is running out of my mouth, cause I don't know that my mouth is not closed--I know I am drunk.

[rickford66]

13. When you say .. "Here, hold my beer."

[samnsara]

14. i barf

[Doc_Technical]

15. Praying to the God of porcelain,

his name is RALPH.

[GreydeeThos]

31. RALPH drives a BUICK

[GeorgeHayduke]

39. Talkin' on the big white telephone. nt

[Flaleftist]

16. you order a pizza from Domino's. nt

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

18. Or you get a bag of sliders from White Castle

or some equally fine eating establishment.

[safeinOhio]

17. For me, it's when I look down

and see I'm in handcuffs.

[Ptah]

19. I'm ten feet tall, and bulletproof!

[7wo7rees]

20. ...you get naked for no good reason.

[Runningdawg]

21. You've lost your shoes and are convinced a drag queen is wearing them.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

22. You wake up in the morning, buck naked, on someone's front lawn.

And only one part of you is "alert." (This is actually how you know you were drunk.)

This supposedly happened to someone at my college, who forever after had the nickname "Sundial."

[SwissTony]

30. But at least he knew what time it was!! n/t

[LuckyCharms]

23. You throw up in your date's mouth. n/t

[SCantiGOP]

24. You try to wipe something off your back

and it turns out to be the floor.

[Archae]

25. Guys I knew used to say they would "Go home on autopilot."

For me it was feeling like the flu only exponentially worse.

[The_Casual_Observer]

26. You start to listen to that totally sober voice in your head

But you can't do what it tells you to do

[democratisphere]

27. you lay down and the damn room starts spinning!

[Aristus]

28. ...it's Friday night!

Most of the time, anyway...

[Sneederbunk]

29. You tune in to watch a Trump campaign speech.

[DFW]

32. N/A

I don't drink alcohol. I need another blank to fill in.

[red dog 1]

33. You know you're getting old when_______?

[DFW]

36. ....when you'd rather not be reminded how old you are. n/t

[Sancho]

41. You know you are high when ___________ .

[Mopar151]

50. The cat made an excellent point.

I don't care if they call the lap leader rule the "lucky dog", the dog does'nt get the concept!

[Freddie]

52. Me neither

Too many memories of these things in college, mostly the barfing. I’d rather be stone cold sober than barf.

[red dog 1]

34. you sit on the toilet and try to put your seat belt on!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

35. If you're that drunk you probably need a seat belt for that particular seat.

[edbermac]

37. Richard Pryor to Johnny Carson one time.

There's a clip somewhere of him saying he quit drinking because he got tired of waking up on the freeway driving 90.

[Marie Marie]

38. You lift the lid and pee in the hamper and when your wife expresses her horror,

you say: What? I lifted the seat. Actually happened with my sister and brother-in-law.

[GeorgeHayduke]

40. You post anything on the internet.

Or call your ex.

These cases, however, are my observations of what my drunk friends tell me they regret doing the day after. While they're sitting at the bar. At noon.

[yonder]

42. the judge asks you the next morning:

"Were you drunk, Mr. Blank"? and a hazy Mr. Blank says "It depends on your definition of drunk" and the judge asks the prosecutor to read the police report: "When asked to exit the vehicle, Mr. Blank was observed falling out of the vehicle, onto the ground and unable to sustain an upright, bi-pedal standing position." The judge asks again, "Were you drunk, Mr. Blank"? After a moment, a not quite contrite, but still drunk and hazy Mr. Blank mumbles "Is it too late to ask for an attorney"?

39 years ago Mr. Blank learned:
Do not drive after winning the softball tournament.
Do not ever ask the judge for his definition of the reason you are appearing before him.
Do not ever, ever, ever present yourself to the magistrate without an attorney.

[dembotoz]

44. Sadly I have had a 2nd drink

[madamesilverspurs]

45. When your map of Los Angeles

doesn't explain what you're doing in Norfolk VA.


.

[diva77]

46. you're yawning in technicolor.

[hlthe2b]

47. you wake up with kitty litter in your face...

yeah, it happened to a roommate of mine...

[VOX]

48. The power of speech has departed, and yet you're calling friends to tell them how much you love them

"I-I-I jush wanna tell you, man, and thish ish no bullshhhit now, I-I-I rrreally luff you, brotherrr, an' you know I-I'm bing honesht..." *burp*

[Rabrrrrrr]

49. You accept Donald's recommendation to a cabinet position or, well, anything.

Or, you know you are drunk when you are willing to put on an 1800s style gingham dress to go to a job interview at google with the intent of seducing whoever is interviewing you so that you can convince them to give you the secrets to Area 51 in order that, having that knowledge, the gorgeous babe at the Burger King drive through that works Tuesday and Thursday nights will finally feel you're important enough to go with you to the Sadie Hawkins dance and give you a smoking awesome blowjob under the bleachers while your English teacher, Mr. Sanboro, watches you.

[Binkie The Clown]

51. I got drunk in the barracks in boot camp 1964.

The drill sergeant had us out on the field marching at 5:00 AM the next morning. I've never gotten drunk since.