I feel so disgusted with myself...

[cynatnite]

My mom might have about a month or so to live. In order to pay for her funeral expenses, mainly direct cremation, I'm looking at having to sell her stuff.

When it was giving a few things to family and all that, I didn't feel like this. But when it comes to her furniture and other valuable items, I'm trying to figure out what to sell them for and how much I could get.

I feel horrible. I'm sick inside. I feel like I'm one of those awful people who only cares about money and not about these things I know Mom cared enough about to buy and keep. I'm worried about paying for Mom's final expenses, but I feel disgusted with myself about selling her things, especially while she's alive.

I really don't want to do this, but I have to have the money to pay for this.

[dameatball]

1. Things are only things. Maybe keep a few that were treasured and sell the rest.

Your mom probably had a few favorites, but perhaps you don't know which ones they were. If you do, that's even better.

My mom (long passed) told me, it is not what you give your kids, it is what memories you leave them.

[Wellstone ruled]

2. Understand your

situation. If this helps,there are millions in your same shoes. Been down that road more than once. Sad to say,selling ones possessions to cover expenses . First of all,house hold goods are subject to location time of day and weather when it comes of some type of Auction or Estate Sale. Time to tap that best friend to be by your side and just do it.

[Leghorn21]

3. No no NO "disgust" allowed here, nite. NONE. You're "one of those people" who is simply

trying to make ends meet. PERIOD.

Circumstances are not going to allow you to move along her dear things to their new homes slowly or thoughtfully, which would totally be preferable!!! - but they’re moving on now instead of later, is all.

This is a tough situation, nite - please draw on family friends and DU as you move forward.

Best wishes to you, and please keep us posted

[saidsimplesimon]

4. No, No don't blame yourself

Cremation should not cost more than $1000. If she had no objections, her body could also be donated to a medical school. She can not take her worldly goods with her. There is no shame involved. imo

My thoughts are with you as I have also lost both my parents. My mother wanted cremation, my father a burial in the family graveyard. I honoured both their wishes.

[Laurian]

5. I have made a point of downsizing and making it

known that I really don’t value any “things” that I might leave behind. Family pictures being the exception.

I have read that there are warehouses of valuable furniture and antiques left behind by people whose heirs really don’t want them.

So while they may have been important to your mother, I see no disrespect in using these items to provide for her final needs. As a matter of fact, I think it’s totally appropriate.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

6. As someone else said things are only things. You're only doing what must be done. As for selling

the stuff, you may want to contact companies that buy estates. We did that when my mom went into extended care before passing.

[MiniMe]

7. Is your mom in her home?

That would make a difference to me as I wouldn't want to sell the stuff if she was staying there. It does get a bit easier. At this point in your life, you probably have a house full of things, and don't really need the furniture or possessions. Keep what is meaningful, sell the rest. I gave a lot of my mom's stuff away and really didn't sell the stuff. Other than some jewelry, most of her stuff wasn't worth much other than the house. Furniture, unless it is antique really isn't worth what they paid for it on the market. I had to get everything appraised when Mom died, and I was really shocked at how little the furniture and possessions were worth.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it sucks!

[CatMor]

8. It is something that must be done ....

please don't punish yourself. I'm sure your mother would understand why it's being done. The most important thing is she's not alone, she has you looking after her.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. Don't be!

It's just stuff. After my mother passed away we had to get rid of a whole houseful of stuff because my dad moved into a senior apartment - so there was only so much that he could keep. Then when he died a few years later we could keep only some items that qualified as heirlooms. All the stuff I have from both parents is some small items and a couple of pieces of furniture that had been in the family for a long time, a lot of photographs, and a lot of memories. At first I felt bad about not keeping more of the stuff that I know my parents really liked, but there was just no way to keep everything they'd collected for almost 70 years. You do what you have to do. It's more important to take care of your mom's final arrangements and if it's necessary to sell things to do that, please don't feel guilty about it. It's just stuff.

[Cousin Dupree]

10. Please don't beat yourself up. So many others have been in this position and everyone does the

best they can under the circumstances. Do what you need to do and make the best of the remaining time with your mom. It’ll all get sorted out.

[cynatnite]

11. Thanks, everyone!

Between this and taking care of Mom it's just gotten a bit emotional for me. It's really overwhelming, too.

I don't feel nearly as bad as I did. I was going back and forth over Mom's TV with a cousin. She hasn't texted me back and I think I pissed her off. Plus, Mom had a fall this morning and I had to buy a bed alarm for her.

After she's in bed, a long hot bath is in order.

[Phoenix61]

12. Glad you are feeling better.

It's hard to make those decisions, especially in the midst of dealing with the day to day care of an elderly parent. You are doing so much for your mom in keeping her in her home.

[gratuitous]

13. Okay everyone, you know what we'd do if cynatnite was here in front of us

[VOX]

14. Had to do this myself a few years ago, and it's not easy.

Just try to tackle one step at a time, and plug away. I found that was an easier approach than to try to solve everything at once. The passage of time will help, too.

Hang in there--

[handmade34]

15. hugs for you

my father died last year... please don't feel guilty or negative in any way... many of us have gone through this and stuff is just stuff… relax and spend some precious moments with your mother

[LAS14]

16. Lots of good advice here. Listen to these folks and don't take on any guilt. nt

[hibbing]

17. No advice besides try not to beat yourself up

Many have offer4ed advice. My folks left some furniture, nothing worth much value. We kept items we liked or that had some meaning and sold or gave away the rest.

Peace

[LuckyCharms]

18. I understand. I've been through it.

I had to auction off my mom's stuff before she died. The money was just a small part of the reason. The main reason was that I just had to disposition it somehow. I had no use for it, my siblings refused to barely acknowledge my mom during her end of life care, so they couldn't care less about her things.

I got $600 whole dollars for my mom's things. It was depressing.

My advice is to remember that her things are not her...they are just things. Also, the passing of your mom is one of the most difficult things you will go through. Remember that you are doing the best you can. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to be close to perfect. As long as you try your best, and make reasonable decisions, you can be proud and you will have no reason to beat yourself up.

You're doing good, and your mom knows that.