I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid

[NewJeffCT]

Found this on Facebook -

[TexasProgresive]

1. You need a doctor, Jeff for a bad case of a pundcitis.

Thanks, I bet pinboyniner is smiling down at us.

[Cirque du So-What]

2. I'm stealing that

Gonna flesh it out with 15 minutes of filler and inflict in upon all my friends.

[DFW]

3. We had a far worse one we used to tell as kids

One day a guy noticed that he was having an odd flatulence. Every time he farted, it made a sound like "Honda." It got progressively worse, and he went to all sorts of G-I doctors, all of whom were stumped. Finally one said to try a Chinese herb doctor in town who was supposed to be an expert at diagnosing odd ailments.

Desperate, the guy visited the Chinese doctor, who nodded when hearing of the poor man's ailment. He took a look inside the man's mouth to be sure and nodded at what he saw. He said, "You have tooth abscess." Astonished, the man went to a dentist, who confirmed the diagnosis, drained the tooth abscess, and the flatulence stopped immediately. The grateful man went back to the Chinese doctor and asked him how he knew what to look for where all the others did not.

The man smiled knowingly, and told him: "Abscess make the fart go Honda."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. And there's one about the piano tuner:

Opper Nockity was a superb piano tuner. He had spent more than 30 years honing his craft and had a reputation as the best piano tuner in the city. One day he got a call from a man who had just bought a new grand piano; he requested Nockity to come and tune it. The tuner spent more than 3 hours tuning the grand piano to perfection, collected his fee and left.

A couple of days later, the customer called him back and complained that the piano was still out of tune, and demanded that he come back and re-tune it. To which the tuner replied, "I'm sorry, but Opper Nockity only tunes once."

[Wounded Bear]

4. Must be getting old, that one took a few minutes...

[TomSlick]

6. Here's mine:

Last edited Sun Nov 18, 2018, 10:54 PM - Edit history (1)

A tea connoisseur goes to high tea at the Ritz-Carlton. The tea is simply amazing. He tells the waiter "this is surely the best tea in the world." The waiter replies, "Our tea is very good but it is widely known the best tea in the world is served by the cafe in Mercy, Australia.

Being a tea connoisseur, he simply must have the best tea in the world, so he books a flight to Adelaide and drives hours to Mercy. The cafe is a dump. He orders the tea and sure enough, it is simply amazing - nothing like it in the world. He asks the waiter the secret but gets no answer.

The tea connoisseur orders another and when the waiter is not looking, he peeks into the kitchen and sees the cook dunking a Koala in the tea pot.

When the waiter returns with the tea, he reports what he has seen and asks if the Kola hair is filtered from the tea. The waiter responds: "The Koala tea of Mercy is not strained."

[3catwoman3]

7. Im guessing that is supposed to be Koala?

[TomSlick]

8. Yes, I will amend.

Thanks.